I bumped into a guy I grew up with the other day. We went for lunch, and shot the breeze, and,of course, the conversation eventually turned to our respective love lives. He confided in me that he was having performance issues. He didn't know why, but attributed it to work stress. I asked to see his new girlfriend, and the minute I laid eyes on her, I knew exactly what was causing the E.D. His girlfriend was a short, chubby girl, probably no more than a 6. She wasn't repulsive by any means--she just wasn't anything that would inspire any man to go animal and ravage her. My friend, on the other hand, was a decent looking guy with a good job--he was always a tech guy and got into a good school with a very bright future--no model, but someone whom you'd expect to at least pull a good looking girl. I asked him point blank if he was attracted to her, and he listed off a bunch of attributes about her, none of which were physical or spoke of that lust that people in new relationships have for each other. It was clear as hell that he'd fallen for the trap that 95% of people fall for:he'd settled.

My lunch with my old friend got me thinking hard about men compromising. I realised that compromise was such an everyday occurrence that you wouldn't notice it if you weren't really looking. In fact, the world is built around a very,very tiny minority of people roping everyone else into settling for what they offer. Heck, the 80/20 rule is relevant to this: 20% of men get the women during their best years, and the rest have to settle for whatever remains when the wall hits. Interestingly enough, the women who rode the CC compromise even more, because they don't get the alpha of their dreams, and instead have to settle for a beta who feels lucky to have her. The women settle for the men by a process of gradual addition of pluses--he has a well-paying job, he's stable, he's a "good" guy. The guy on the other hand settles because in his mind he's found an amazing, spirited,independent and strong woman who "knows what she wants". Both parties settle. The difference is that the woman knows she's settling, while the guy is oblivious until he gets smacked by infidelity and divorce rape.

We have been so lulled by the daily compromises we make because it is in our nature as men to give of ourselves. We sacrifice and we toll to not only keep ourselves happy but everyone around us as well. Men search for approval to the extent of completely disregarding what it is that makes them happy. And it's the little things,too, that wear down your resolve. It starts with letting someone have a small insignificant win, and builds and builds until you find yourself having completely given into their frame. This is especially dangerous when dealing with women because they are masters at chipping away frame. The minute things she gets you to do for her--things that are slight inconveniences-- build up and build up until you've found that you have completely given into her frame and subsumed your will to hers. And that's when she leaves you.

LTRs are especially dangerous. As a man who has been in one for the past three years, I can tell you that you're constantly being pelted with little tests of varying magnitude. It ranges from her arbitrarily changing where you two are supposed to meet to her stating outright that you should pay for the dates that you go on because you're the man. If you still believe in all the blue pill nonsense about chivalry and whatnot, you'll find yourself rationalising why it's not so bad. After all, relationships are about compromise,right?

If you take a step back, you'll find that this is all a fair bit of manipulation. None of the compromises that women or the world ever ask of you are to your benefit--none. It's all designed to ensure that people get more from you whilst still paying the same price. Compromise is steeped in the just world fallacy. Men often think that if they give of themselves this one time, then there will come a point where they will be rewarded for their selflessness and get what they deserve. A woman will always put her convenience and comfort before yours, and will constantly try to swing you around to this way of thinking. And this is all blanketed by the veil of it being the adult thing to do. Grown ups compromise,right? Sure they do--but only when it's necessary and sensible. There is a world of difference between settling for the job you can get right now to pay the bills and somehow making it your career and waking up in forty years to wonder what happened to your life.

Compromise is couched in fear and complacency. Most people are afraid to go after what they truly want, and so constantly come up with mental hurdles to stop themselves. If you never attempt anything spectacular, then you never have to worry about failure. Mediocrity isn't that bad,is it? There's nothing wrong with marrying someone you're not really attracted to so long as they get you,is there? Damn straight there is. Who benefits from you compromising--you or the other person? The answer should tell you what you need to do.

The fact is that compromise is only a few steps away from losing. Stick to your guns and go after what you want. You'll thank yourself in forty years.