Happy Friday, Guys!

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What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

A gun actually does something when it's triggered.

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So I was talking to a feminist the other day...

The trial is next week

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A woman just asked me what 'mansplaining' is.

I think it's a trap. We've been staring at each other in silence for nearly an hour now.

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Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel?

She was trying to blow the horn

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How do you break a blondes nose?

Put a dildo under a glass table.

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A man is at his wife's funeral

"My condolences. I can't imagine how terrible it must've been to lose a wife."

"That's okay, I'm used to it. This is the fourth time I got married and my wife died. My first wife died after eating a poisonous mushroom."

"How about your second wife?"

"She ate a poisonous mushroom."

"And your third wife?"

"Also a poisonous mushroom."

"I bet your fourth wife also died after eating a poisonous mushroom."

"Nah, she was shot in the head."

"Why?"

"Because the bitch refused to eat the fucking mushroom."

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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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A blonde was sitting in the first class cabin on a plane...*

... though she only had an economy ticket. The stewardess tried to persuade her to return back to economy. The blonde replied: "I'm blonde, I'm fabulous and I'm going to London in style."

After much persuasion, the blonde still refused to move. The stewardess had no choice but to call upon the captain to tell her to move back to her seat.

The stewardess entered the cockpit, explained the situation and the captain nodded his head. He went to the blonde and whispered in her ear. The blonde immediately moved back to economy.

The stewardess, amazed, asked the captain what he said to the blonde. The captain replied: "simple, i told her first class isn't going to London"

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HUSBANDS FOR SALE

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Zimbabwe , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

• You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
• There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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