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The quiet storm after the calm (self.marriedredpill)

BobbyPeru が 投稿

You were correct about the battle commencing - professorBluePill. After having sex three times on Saturday and having a great Sunday, It was back on today. Lots of shit tests. I handled them by mostly STFU and just leaving. ** I did mix in a little AM also. Ex:She was giving me shit test the whole drive over to a relatives. At one point, she said, "oh here is the point of the evening where you start becoming overly critical of me ". I STFU. Just before we knocked on the door she gave me a similar comment, and I said to her, " I agree, and I'm glad you've honed your mind reading and future prediction skills so well." Followed up with a little chuckle.

** On the way home she actually apologized for one of the many shit test comments - The apology was a direct result of the AM based on her wording. But then five minutes later the shit testing continued, and I mostly just STFU. At one point she actually asked me why I was being so quiet. I just chuckled and said "I'm just driving." When we got home, I told her I had to go to Walgreens and run a couple errands. It actually felt great and empowering to get out, and they were legit errands.

** I came back and hour or so later and just started cleaning the upstairs and doing a bunch of other errands for another hour.

The only thing I said to her before she went to sleep was "you called me a name, and that was unacceptable ." (She called me crazy after one of my AM's. She quickly tried to do damage control and said she was just joking, but there was no smile on her face and I could tell the AM Got to her. Her frame was cracking for a change. **EDIT: Next time the plan is to just STFU

** I basically just said, that's all I have to say about the situation when she tried to blow it up into a full-blown argument. I grabbed the pillow and told her I was going to chill upstairs for a while. In retrospect it probably was bad timing making me look a little butt hurt. She tried to argue as I headed upstairs about how I was playing games all day and acting "weird." I just looked at her and smiled and said "I'm all good baby. I don't know what you're talking about." and here I am chilling on the couch EDIT: I ended up going back down to my bed an hour later to sleep because that's my fucking bed

** I found it ironic that she said I was playing games. Mostly I just STFU and or left the situation until Icould get a better mood/perspective. She's not used to me reacting calmly and STFU. She is a very strong woman and I've come to realize that she is actually a master of STFU and gas lighting. That's why I stopped bringing my issues to her - because I realized that all she does is turn it into a shit test by turning it back at me and telling me how my feelings are invalid and my thoughts are wrong. STFU avoids all that.

Overall I feel pretty content and given the quantity of shit tests I took today I think I did pretty well overall, but I definitely could've handled it better, at the end particularly. I never once raised my voice.

**I'm open to suggestions.

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[–]mrp_1844 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

She tried to argue as I headed upstairs about how I was playing games all day and acting "weird."

Your on the mark. The flak is heaviest when you're right over the target

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your on the mark. The flak is heaviest when you're right over the target

Thanks. I sensed that on an intuitive level, but I couldn't put it into words.

[–]PineleroMarried 6ポイント7ポイント  (3子コメント)

Her saying that you are playing games is an overt acknowledgement that she is aware of your change in demeanor from being in her frame as her loyal BP boy to being your own man. Giving birth is a painful process.

[–]jeeohnjones 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

or "I see you are no longer playing my game"

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That was pretty much my exact thought

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Giving birth is a painful process.

Fuck, you're telling me. But, it's probably way easier than the long term consequences of staying BP.

[–]UEMcGillMarried- MRP MODERATOR 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

She is a very strong woman and I've come to realize that she is actually a master of STFU and gas lighting. That's why I stopped bringing my issues to her - because I realized that all she does is turn it into a shit test by turning it back at me and telling me how my feelings are invalid and my thoughts are wrong. STFU avoids all that.

That's because women can't handle when we talk about our FeeFee's with them. She was figuratively telling you "You're a faggot and need to man up!" because women don't communicate overtly. She was saying "Oh god if he can't handle his shit, how in the world can I handle it?"

At one point, she said, "oh here is the point of the evening where you start becoming overly critical of me "

This may have been a failed comfort test. Remember, shit tests are about you, comfort tests are about her. Either way she's feeling the pressure of her new role in the world. The real question is were you? Have you been critical in the past with out leadership? A good leader guides, a bad leader just criticizes.

and here I am chilling on the couch where I'll probably sleep.

And after all that hard work you now look officially butt hurt. An alpha man always sleeps in his bed.

Shit tests are a good thing in some ways. It's a sign she wants you to be strong. So take it as progress. Women who have given up all hope will be indifferent or even openly disdainful.

I told her I had to go to Walgreens and run a couple errands. It actually felt great and empowering to get out, and they were legit errands.

All the errands I make are legit. Because I don't fear her or fear her feelings. I'll look my wife straight in the face and tell her "I went to wander around Best Buy because I had an itch for a new toy" or "I need to go to the range, because all this money in my pocket needs to turn into noise."

If you can't justify your actions to yourself, how can you justify them to her? Let go of the fear and you'll move a lot faster. All these words she's saying to you are giving you a message, "Lead me and I will follow!" She just wants you to be sure of yourself before she does.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

At one point, she said, "oh here is the point of the evening where you start becoming overly critical of me " This may have been a failed comfort test

You may be right. She was going through a lot of emotions with another family matter - she was really butt hurt, and it could have been transferring over. Thanks for the insight.

All the errands I make are legit. Because I don't fear her or fear her feelings.

Love it! I'm working on the oneitis fear - just uncovered that this morning.

[–]PersaeusMarried - MRP Approved 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

"I need to go to the range, because all this money in my pocket needs to turn into noise."

Stolen

[–]ScurvemuchMRP APPROVED 4ポイント5ポイント  (16子コメント)

So many wrong.

The whole " glad you're a good mind reader" thing is not a/a or am. It's just a shitty response.

Try something like looking at her - hand on chin and start commenting on her like she is a piece of art work. Use words like " artists line work" or whatever.

The whole not sleeping in your own bed thing -- that's just whiny female feelz behavior.

You're still very butt hurt by her and are trying to come off nonchalant. I get it. Stop trying so hard to be cool.

Smirk. Laugh. Frown. Stfu. For now.

Glad you're trying tho

The whole " I'm just driving thing" - you deered. " man no talk when drive-man focus on round thing in front" in your most cromagnon voice. But Jesus don't deer.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (15子コメント)

The whole not sleeping in your own bed thing -- that's just whiny female feelz behavior.

Yeah I knew that was a mistake right away. I'm glad I just said I was going to chill for a while upstairs, because that gave me plausible deniability, and I came back down an hour later. She was still awake. She repeated the your playing games thing. I asked how I was playing games laughingly (I know probably should STFU), and she said "by not talking." I said "so by not talking I'm playing games? Isn't that the opposite of playing games since I'm not partaking." And I broke out into a REAL laugh hearing it come out of my mouth. I mean, I started cracking up. That's about all I said. Maybe too much?

The whole " I'm just driving thing" - you deered. "

I keep seeing this term, and I'm not sure exactly what it means, but I think I get what you are saying based on your suggested response.

So, now it is the next morning, and she started talking "normally" again. She was talking about how her new shoes beat her up, and I replied "maybe you need for me to beat something else up to make your feet feel better." She laughed.

The whole " glad you're a good mind reader" thing is not a/a or am. It's just a shitty response.

I do need a lot of work on my AM and AA.

A new day. She's flying out of town until Friday, but I'll talk to her on FaceTime every night. I guess I should just focus on leadership and a good attitude, but continue to STFU? when shit tested???

[–]rocknrollchuck 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

DEER - Defend, Explain, Excuse, Rationalize

[–]FireTemperedMRP APPROVED 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Congrats man on trying so hard to get out of your wife's frame. You are going to need to hone your skills. Pay attention here, Scurve and Stoney are telling you straight. You might just go with saying less, and STFU, for now, at least you don't lose ground that way.

[–]stonepimpletilistsHARD CORE NAVY RED 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

because that gave me plausible deniability

Dude, even when you DEER your failure at getting out of her frame, you cant help but frame it as her being the judge.

Seriously stop being a faggot, you keep telling me you don't suck dick, but I can't tell because your mouth is full.

You need no excuse, rationale, or plan to navigate her feelings and words. none. Sack up, do lie down, and if she prods, tell her to shut the fuck up, then stare at her smiling, happy as the wind. While she takes that time to process WTF, kiss her on teh forehead and go to sleep

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dude, even when you DEER your failure at getting out of her frame, you cant help but frame it as her being the judge.

You're right - it occurred to me on the drive to the airport this morning that I'm still deep in oneitis. I like your solution, especially the kiss on the forehead - that's gold.

[–]ScurvemuchMRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (10子コメント)

For you - for now - yes because you're fucking up your responses.

DEER- did you read nmmng yet ? Defend explain evade deny any action feeling or statement. You deered her feelings. Not even your own.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (9子コメント)

DEER- did you read nmmng yet ? Defend explain evade deny any action feeling or statement. You deered her feelings. Not even your own

I'm reading nmmng right now. OK, so I stick to STFU... but this is just during shit tests, right? My confusion at this point is, do I just be me while she's not shit testing - I tend to talk a lot... but maybe just tone down the talking?

[–]ScurvemuchMRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (8子コメント)

Are you talking a lot because you have new and valuable and exciting information ? Are YOU excited about information you are relating - or are you taking to fill the silence or something like- to explain what you're doing and why you are doing it?

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (7子コメント)

Are you talking a lot because you have new and valuable and exciting information ? Are YOU excited about information you are relating

I'm excited about the info I'm relating, but I've come to realize that a lot of it is boring to her or there is another reason she's doesn't say much.... A lot of times I get either no response or an "uh huh" or a grunt. Yeah, for real. Occasionally, she'll get more involved. I used to get pissed and call her out on it, but I've learned to just STFU. When I used to call her out on it, she said it was because she was so tired from the long hours she works.

[–]ScurvemuchMRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

Uhuh

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Grunt

[–]PersaeusMarried - MRP Approved 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You will find that as your SMV rises and you up the dread level, things you say magically become more interesting.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You will find that as your SMV rises and you up the dread level, things you say magically become more interesting.

I have noticed that when I'm on my game and working on dread for sure. When other chicks start talking to me in public, I suddenly become the most interesting man in the world. haha About time you showed up on this thread.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Here's what I noticed a couple months ago on vacation. It was the first vacation I ever planned for us from start to finish with a little input from her.

Whenever I said something, she would just not respond, and then just say something totally unrelated. So, I started doing the exact same thing. This went on for like 2 straight days LOL I suppose if I'm replying to her subjects, that keeps me in her frame - so that might be why she does that - I'm not sure. I never knew how advanced she was until I started unplugging.

**Now, 2 months later, I would have handled that situation differently. I'm not sure how (haven't put much thought into it), but I'm thinking just using her tactic is still in her frame. I'm not sure I'm on the upside of a learning curve.

[–]ScurvemuchMRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You have to be on the upside. You're not near the top. Tangent still positive

[–]BobbyPeru[S] [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Yeah, there should be a period between Sure and I'm in that sentence. I'm well aware I'm climbing uphill.

[–]nodoxsavefreespeech 2ポイント3ポイント  (9子コメント)

That sounds like fucking hell.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

It is, but I've accepted it's part of the process. I became a BP bitch over the years, and the road back is tough... But I believe it will be worth it in the end. It's not like this every day - today was worse because I STFU way better than I ever have.

[–]nodoxsavefreespeech 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Rock on, man. Keep up the good fight.

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Appreciate the encouragement

[–]WillWorkForLTC 2ポイント3ポイント  (5子コメント)

Every woman has borderline personality, because every woman is at least borderline insane, unless she's a lesbian or something. In that case she's just angry AF.

[–]MarriedBiShorty 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

False, am borderline and half Les.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

One of the personal sayings I invented a long time ago is:

"Never, EVER say "never." And NEVER say "every" or "always"

[–]WillWorkForLTC 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Another saying

Taking everything seriously undermines the subtle humor of things.

[–]redearththeory 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I said to her, " I agree, and I'm glad you've honed your mind reading and future prediction skills so well." Followed up with a little chuckle.

Nice. Next time perhaps suggest she should buy a lottery ticket since she predicts the future so well. If she argues back, spend a couple minutes sarcastically accusing her of being financially irresponsible since she's not betting on horses regularly.

I found it ironic that she said I was playing games.

She criticizes and attacks to try to regain control.

She is a very strong woman and I've come to realize that she is actually a master of STFU and gas lighting.

Mine used to do this but has now stopped. I realized she was making things up years before I understood the term "gaslighting".

That's why I stopped bringing my issues to her - because I realized that all she does is turn it into a shit test by turning it back at me and telling me how my feelings are invalid and my thoughts are wrong.

Any support you seek from her will be greeted with disgust (standard female response to male weakness) and used to attack you. I've totally stopped discussing anything I find difficult or important with my wife. If I'm focused on attracting her and leading our family, I have no need to discuss any of my problems with her.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

She tried to argue as I headed upstairs about how I was playing games all day and acting "weird." I just looked at her and smiled and said "I'm all good baby. I don't know what you're talking about."

You are playing a different game than the typical supplication game and the hamster senses a disturbance in the mound. Let it spin!

[–]PersaeusMarried - MRP Approved 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

The only thing I said to her before she went to sleep was "you called me a name, and that was unacceptable ." (She called me crazy after one of my AM's. She quickly tried to do damage control and said she was just joking, but there was no smile on her face and I could tell the AM Got to her. Her frame was cracking for a change.

You shit tested yourself here bro. Don't ever bring up some shit like "you hurt my feelz"; and second don't ever bring up anything that did not happen 10 seconds ago. That is how bitches roll....."you did this earlier, yesterday, 14 years ago". The fact that you bring it up shows her you care to much.

FUCKING STOP IT

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You shit tested yourself here bro.

Yeah, I knew it was a bad move as soon as I started saying it - just didn't feel right. So, at least I'm started to develop a little RP intuition. I just need to follow it better. I have been able to stop myself mid sentence several times lately though, so it's progress - I just trailed off (was that a niner?). I've learned a shit ton in just the last couple days from posting my experience on here and getting called out.

[–]mabdenMarried 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

She called me crazy

"That's right baby, crazy in love with you." Given with a smile and a look that says you will fuck her nine ways to Sunday (by every imaginable method.)

[–]BobbyPeru[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

She called me crazy "That's right baby, crazy in love with you." Given with a smile and a look that says you will fuck her nine ways to Sunday (by every imaginable method.

I was pretty far from a great response like that, in the moment. But, that gives me ideas for the next time. I realize I need to start integrating more humor with sexual undertones.