Arrggg so frustrated

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 09:59 AM

Tgere's only 2 ppl i've told about this thing with codeine n a uk forum. The uk forum banned me for promotion of drug use which has filled me with shame as im not like that. Never even smoked a cigerrette. I'm not a druggie (sorry dont mean to offend anyone but im not).

Before i was banned someone said i was tedious which hurt mw so i took 10 69 mg codeine tabs the day after tried to OD on paracetamol n ibobrufen. Didn't work i woke up shivering n feeling weak n sick. Today one of the 2 friends texts me saying please stop talking about codeine as it's boring. Charming. Was there not a nicer way of asking me instead of being so blint???

The other friend hardly replies to my texts n sent me a text a week ago saying je's buried 4 of his friends n he's only 25. What the?

I know i get obsessive n can go on abit but am i really an unlovable person? I'm constantly rejected by friends. On the outside looking in.

I cant imagine my life without codeine n being happy, calm etc.

looking4oldme · 10-27-2012, 11:40 AM

Hi there,
Was it a recovery forum you were banned from? Are you using codiene? Sorry for my questions I guess I am having a bit of a hard time understanding your post.

I cant speak for your friends, but if the answer was yes to my questions above then I think it has nothing to do with you being unlovable as you've said. I would think that they themselves are recovering addicts (if its a recovery forum) and as an addict myself, if I had a friend that still used my drug of choice and wanted to talk to me about it, alot as youve said, then it would most likley turn me off towards them a great deal. Because for me being in recovery is about changing my thought patterns learning how to stop constantly thinking about my DOC, and If I had a friend who obviously had a problem, instead of enabling them and chatting with them about something I am struggling with, I would also cut ties, for MY recovery and because to be blunt, Its really ****** to watch a friend kill themself.

To the friend that said hes buried 4 friends and is only 25.. I understand exactly what he is saying, Hes saying he doesnt want to bury a friend again, it has put him through alot.. and it seems to me that hes looking at you as the next friend he may have to bury. ..That is of course if the answers to my questions are yes.

So to me it doesnt seem you are unlovable at all, to me it seems they you are very loveable.. Your friends just are not going to love you to death.

I hope I helped in some way.. and I wish you the very best.

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 02:59 PM

Thanks for your reply. No these 2 friends are not addicts. One i know in real life, the other has been an internet friend for 10 years. They're the only 2 I told about codeine. And the forum was a kind of recovery from codeine. I wanted support but they wanted me to say i was an adduct which i wouldn't but for awhile i agreed with them to please them. And because i said i don't think i am one of them was blunt - said i was tedious. I didn't mean to be tedious i was anxious about things so may have gone on.
Anyway it hurt so i had 10 60 mg codeine as i didnt want to think about it. Then they banned me n said i was promoting drugs misuse. I didn't mean to do that. I befriend this girl n then told her where to get codeine from. I don't know why i did this as i wanted to help her but she ended up no longer emailing me which I understand.

**Dee74** · 10-27-2012, 03:05 PM

Did you get my private message (PM) eveleivibe?

D

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 03:57 PM

No ill look now.

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 04:02 PM

Sorry where do i check message please im partially sighted so cant find everything straight away. Sorry to be a pain xxx

**Dee74** · 10-27-2012, 04:05 PM

no worries

if you haven't opened it, you should see something flashing in the top right hand corner of the page...click on the 'private messages' link.

D

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 04:43 PM

Thanks Dee.

I've a great plan at mo, I'm taking as much as possible n make most of them until they're gone then I'm going to just quit

xxx

**Dee74** · 10-27-2012, 05:07 PM

by taking as much as possible do you mean the max recommended dose?

If it's over that to deal with the pain, or your need, I really recommend you see a Dr for help with this eveleivibe - it's a tough road from everything I've read here.

If you don't want to see your old Doc, what about a new one?
You can also make sure then that all that paracetamol hasn't messed you round.

D

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 06:03 PM

My doctor took my 30s away n gave me 8s n when i tried them i ended up extremely tired n a horrible crawling feeling as well as depressed n lack of motivation. At the time i was having up to 14 30mg a day so he expected me to go from 240mg to 64mg. so going to use the rest of the 60mg s n otc ones n try it on my own see what happens. Part of me really doesnt want to give them up cause life is better on them but im going to have to do it

eveleivibe · 10-27-2012, 06:08 PM

Ps doc did a blood test awhile back n also i had a letter to see them about MRI scan. I just phoned them to ask what the results were as im scared of telling them i never stuck to the prescribed 8s n got a load of 60 mg. so i phoned n they said its a disc protrusion n trapped nerve. So as its not that painful i really dont see the point in seeing them xxx