Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

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Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby hasmat » Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:33 am

Solitude vs. Loneliness

Thought I'd write a short article on my beliefs on the topic of solitude vs loneliness. I hope many men out there will read this and find comfort in it's words and use it to strengthen themselves. No I'm not telling men to run off and abandon their friends and family, what I'm trying to do is comfort those who are just taking the red pill. I think some of hardest things with taking the red pill is dealing with lust (which I can't help you with here) and the fear of loneliness


It's all in the mind
"Solitude is strength; to depend on the presence of the crowd is weakness. The man who needs a mob to nerve him is much more alone than he imagines." Paul Brunton

"Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude." Arthur Schopenhauer

What is the difference between solitude and loneliness? Imagine in your head two men, living alone out in the woods, one is experiencing solitude, the other loneliness, now can you tell me what is the difference between the two men are? Their physical and external environments are exactly the same, their physical selves are exactly the same, the only difference is in their mindset.

A person who is experiencing loneliness feels that way because he gains personal validation and defines himself through interactions with others. A person who is alone is someone who is by himself and is still worried about what others think. His self-esteem, happiness and self worth is derived from external factors. All happiness that is dependent on external forces or other people is temporary and illusionary and will only lead in disappointment.

A person who is experiencing solitude feels that way because he gains personal validation and defines himself through his own set of personal beliefs and values. He enjoys his own company, he has learned to appreciate the joy of being yourself, by yourself. His self-esteem, happiness and self worth is derived from internal factors e.g. if he values such things as honor and judges himself to be dishonorable he will change himself for his own benefit and to be at be at peace with himself rather then doing so to please others.


Made to feel broken
"He is his own best friend, and takes delight in privacy whereas the man of no virtue or ability is his own worst enemy and is afraid of solitude." - Aristotle

“Love is a serious mental disease.” - Plato

How did men get this way? easy, men were made to feel broken or incomplete when in reality they were perfectly fine to begin with.

The media has instilled in men the belief that love and hence a relationship with a woman is the greatest thing one can achieve, his own physical and emotional wellbeing are sacrificed in the struggle to find love. It is very rare today to find a movie that does not have a romantic subplot, in fact the overwhelming majority of movies are about finding love. This constant media propaganda has created a generation of men who feel worthless because no woman has loved them.

How many times have he heard men say "you complete me" to their significant other. Such a statement shows that this man has become reliant/addicted to this woman, women love such comments because they are made to feel important, just like how an expensive engagement ring is used to display how much she feels she is "worth".

Men today are made to feel broken, like "losers", incomplete or pathetic because the values of society has changed, while men haven't. Men today still hold such things as virtue, honor, loyalty, skill, intelligence and courage in high regard. Society and women do not view such things as important, what matters to them is materialism, consumerism and instant gratification or pleasure, my proof comes from how many women admire Paris Hilton. So the end result is good, descent men torturing themselves asking "what's wrong with me?" when in reality they should be asking "what is wrong with them?"


One step at a time
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” - Epictetus

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” - Thucydides

"Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature." - Albert Einstein

Changing your perception does not happen instantly, it takes time and a alot of courage. But that is something men should learn to appreciate, time is a man's ally and a woman's enemy, men often start out life less happy but gain happiness as they age, for women it is the opposite.

Why is this? Because as a man ages, the things that use to worry him, now no longer seem important, he has a better understanding things, a greater appreciation of life and is alot wiser, most men really do age like wine. Women, however, have built their entire outlook of life on external forces, their happiness is derived from how much attention they recieve, how much material goods they have and how physically attractice they are. Ironically all three things are inter-linked, as she ages, less people pay attention to her because her looks start to fade and hence less free gifts are thrown her way, all that is left is a bitter personality and a horrible sense of entitlement. Guess what I'm trying to say is the future for men is always getting brighter

Learning to enjoy solitude takes courage, it's hard to change your outlook when you have been taught to think differently your whole life but here are a few steps that may help.

1. Appreciate what you have: Remember that the world owes you nothing, hence everything you have, everything you own, your security, the fact that you are alive is something to be appreciated. Never forget that the grass is not always greener on the other side, for every single person who wishes to be married, there are legions of married men who wish they weren't. Freedom and solitude are two things that many single men never appreciate until it is taken away from them.

2. Enjoy yourself: Yes the world can be horrible, but it can also be a wonderful place. There are so many things this world has to offer and so many things single men can look forward too. There are so many locations to travel, food to taste, wines to drink, cigars to smoke, motorcycles or cars to ride, hobbies to pursue, the list is endless. Find what you like to do and do it.

3. Look after yourself: This links directly with point no. 2, men have been taught their whole lives to sacrifice themselves for others, and although such a thought is very noble, remember that in todays world nobody cares about the welfare of men. In fact the person who cares about you the most is yourself. So work/study hard, invest, save, eat right and exercise. Find that perfect balance between work and play.

4. Be happy with yourself: This is perhaps one of the hardest steps for some men to take. Learn to be happy with who you are, do not rely of others (especially women) for your own self-esteem. Remember that all men have faults and flaws but every man has strengths and virtues. Do not judge yourself against others or rely on the judgement of others (unless it is constructive criticism). You have your beliefs and as long as you see yourself matching with those beliefs then be happy with who you are. And if you need to change, do so for your own benefit, to please yourself, not for the sake of others.


Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this. Feel free to add your own advice on the topic
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You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power - he's free again.

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Re: Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby Casino Zane » Thu May 08, 2014 12:11 am

Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this. Feel free to add your own advice on the topic


Absolutely.

Frankly,my observation of society is that it thrives on pain and separation and insecurity and self-loathing and conflict and turmoil and negativity. It seeks to control everything about you, down to the very thoughts that you think about yourself. This is how it seeks to motivate you to stay in line, to conform - by not caring for and thinking negatively about yourself, you will never be content and will always push for MORE, and MORE, and MORE, and MORE, like a vicious cycle, thus resulting in the continuation of society. It strives to tell you what's good, what's bad, what's attractive, what's ugly, what's superior, and what's inferior, and it strives to lump you into one of the above categories by getting you to lump yourself in one of the categories. It does not care about the individual members just as long as it survives. A cold, cold system indeed.

You have to possess the mental fortitude to snap out of this line of thinking and construct your own values and ways of perceiving and labeling the world around you. As mentioned in the OP, this will take courage. Making the conscious decision to be an individual will take a massive amount of guts, but again, as stated in the OP, it will lead to your subsequent freedom. This is the point of life, my friends - to be FREE! To shed yourself of societal constraints that lead to thinking illogically, and evaluate the world in a way that YOU want to.

Now, many of the thoughts in this piece cannot be echoed nearly enough to men of all ages and backgrounds. It would appear to me that the sense of loneliness stems from insecurity, which in turn stems from low self-worth, which stems from your lack of being proud of yourself.

In my opinion, the first step to being able to experience the wonders of solitude essentially involves making a promise to yourself to take care of and focus on yourself FOR yourself. This is key. This means you'll have to do a great bit of introspecting. You need to evaluate what will make you proud of yourself. What will make YOU proud of YOURSELF won't make me proud of myself, and vice versa. You have to do this for YOU. What do you want out of YOUR life?

For me, personally, it involves essentially uttering the word "excellence" to myself multiple times a day. It serves as a reminder to do my best in every aspect of my life, so that at the end of the day, I'll be able to make myself proud, and thus free, and thus be able to enjoy my solitude.

Whether it means working out harder, eating better, dressing better, treating people how I'd like to be treated, focusing more, improving my personality, trying more things, learning more things, WHATEVER - the whole point of my choosing to restate the word "excellence" to myself over and over again in my head is get the ABSOLUTE MOST out of life. The average human lives approximately 28,000 days. Why not strive to live life to the fullest?

Doing all of these things has resulted in my acquiring a superior mental frame. For instance, "I'm a BOSS!" or "I'm the motherfuckin' man and I don't need anyone to make me happy but myself!" I always strive to improve myself. And yet, I am strangely content with where I am in life and even when I am by myself, it is peaceful because I'm proud of myself and who I have become.

Are you proud of yourself? And if you are not, are you strong enough to change your life?
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Re: Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby mongolking » Thu May 08, 2014 12:42 am

“Love is a serious mental disease.” - Plato


Although I have quietly come to exactly this conclusion, I never would have believed that an authority like Plato would have said it so baldly. Good for him.

There was a good reason the universities taught the old philosophers back when all their students were men.
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A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.
-Arthur Schopenhauer
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Re: Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby williemolson » Sun May 18, 2014 11:10 am

Outstanding post. I'm dealing with this now. My significant other of more than 35 years died on March 30th. She was my best friend, and demonstrated in word and deed that she loved me, as I loved her. The first few days after her death took me to a very, very dark place. However, what I am now re-discovering is the ability to entertain myself, the value of freedom and unstructured days. You see, despite knowing my significant other for more than 35 years, we never married, and, until 2007, maintained our own living spaces. There were times over the past several years that I yearned to have my own residential space again. I now do. I am also an only child, so the seeds of self-empowerment and introspection were already there.

This is why I love the MRA forums and the internet. Pre-internet, it would have been more difficult to frame the vocabulary to describe my current emotional evolution. Now, the shared wisdom of men and brothers from all over the world is at my fingertips.

Great job OP.
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Re: Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby ZionDweller » Tue Jun 17, 2014 6:37 pm

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Re: Solitude vs. Loneliness (by Spidey)

Postby ubermensch » Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:09 pm

It's true. And I know this from being on both sides of the aforementioned "states of mind".
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