While of course there’s a huge degree of privilege in her essay, entitled “I’m A Feminist And I Don’t Think Women Should Have To Work,” there’s also a kernel of truth: that many women, unlike Block, don’t feel valued for their contributions to home and family, whether or not they also work outside the home. Rather, I suspect many, like Peterson, feel that the utopian version of “having it all” has morphed into “doing it all,” with nary a “thank you” in return. As Block puts it, “We value jobs that in the past, have been traditionally male and make it seem as if doing those jobs (preferably in the ruthless way men traditionally do them) is to be praised, while choosing things that are traditionally female is to be dismissed. We have it all backwards.”

One of the other problems we’re facing as a society is that women are choosing to take on a deliberate overload, whether to assuage guilt or because they don’t want to be seen the way we’ve too often viewed Hillary Clinton: as someone only interested in pantsuits and policy, never keen on baking cookies. This is a false dichotomy Clinton played into herself, much to the chagrin of stay-at-home moms.

In real life, women and men care about both the professional and personal realms, but it’s often women who race to outdo each other in who can be not only “do it all,” but having it looking perfect, something “Odd Mom Out” creator Jill Kargman satirized perfectly in her novel “Momzillas.” As Jessica Grose wrote in a Lenny Letter essay on maternal guilt, “instead of acknowledging that kids can thrive with various kinds of caregivers, we seem to have decided that the ideal mother is some unholy hybrid of Marissa Mayer and a Mormon mommy blogger. The culture is telling women: you need to be leaning in as far as you can at work and creating a Pinterest-perfect family tableau at home, replete with foraged-pinecone centerpieces and smiling tots happily eating their homemade quinoa cakes.”

Do I have the answer to how women like Peterson can earn their partner’s respect and ease their workload? No, but I do think it’s important to talk about what our practical expectations are around money and work before we marry or partner with someone else. That’s why I was pleased to see single 22-year-old graduate student Martina Paillant, who only dates men with credit scores of 700 or higher (out of 850), profiled in the New York Post. Paillant said that she asks by the fourth date about the man’s credit score, so she can rule out guys who don’t meet her standards. “I was raised in a family of professionals who keep their finances in check and taught me how to handle my money. I have no student loans and I can already take care of myself financially. I need a man who can take care of himself, too,” said Paillant, whose own credit score tops 800.

Imagine if all of us had similarly specific standards around what we want from a mate, and wouldn’t take anything less. I say that even though, had my current boyfriend had such standards, he never would have given me the time of day, given that I’m currently inching my credit score upward from the low-600s. What’s admirable about Paillant is that it’s unlikely she will ever find herself in a situation like Peterson, feeling trapped in a situation where she loves her partner but resents their lackadaisical approach to money and work. We all need to get clear on what those minimum requirements are, both for ourselves and how we divide our time, and our partners. There’s no single right way; some may opt to have roommates to save money, or live in a cheaper area of the country to lower their cost of living, in order to have more time to do the things they want, while others might work 80 hour weeks to live in the heart of a big city. Any of those options are fine, except when one half of a couple resents the other half, which isn’t a recipe for happiness on anyone’s part.

Block is able to proudly proclaim, “Staying at home is my honor and my delight, not my burden,” because her partner also honors her, and doesn’t resent being the one to head out the door every morning. That solution won’t work for all relationships, but everyone deserves to feel valued and honored for what they do contribute to bettering both party’s lives.