She had called me up that night and couldn't hide her excitement about having a new guy. I felt that she didn't respect me so I threatened to expose her and told her to breakup with him. And she did. She then told me never to contact her again.

I'm very sorry and regret it alot…

That was an incredibly creepy thing to do.

But if it makes you feel better, the societal censure against Blackmail is merely another product of human irrationality and majoritarian morality: if blackmailers are evil, gossipers deserve the death penalty. The gossiper does not give you any recourse whatsoever before spreading your darkest secrets; the blackmailer gives you the option of buying his silence instead. If you are willing to pay his price—whatever it may be—then clearly you find it preferable to having your dark secrets divulged. In that sense, the blackmailer is the unsung hero of all dark secret dealing denizens of our world.

But you blackmailed her and feel like a “bad” man; you could have been a “good” man, if only you had realized that doing so would have been a gigantic waste of your time.

Finding out that your ex replaced you after eight hours came as a shock, and therein lies the error: there was absolutely no reason why it should have. It should have made you laugh.

You see, as funny as it sounds, about half of all men in “committed” relationships find themselves living with a prospective replacement in their shadow. That’s what their lovers say in surveys such as this one and that one ; but you are probably more interested in the fact that 2 out of 10 say that the backup would instantly drop everything to be with them, should they ask him to (presumably in less than 8 hours).

Interestingly, 1 in 4 of these lucky guys has already met his prospective replacement, and the same number love a woman who, in turn, loves them just as much as she does their replacement; 1.2 out of 10 are loved less than the backup.

Now, half the survey’s participants show that they love and value their partner so little as to flirt so easily with idea of replacing them; men are interchangeable, replaceable, expendable. But, this number fails to capture those with similar feelings who lack the opportunity or will to express them. How high does that number go? No idea.

So, the next time you have a friend who keeps talking your hear off about the love of his life, soothe your boredom by remembering these facts…and laugh.

But not today. Today I wanted to tell you that if you close your eyes—and stretch out your arms—to hold on as tightly as you can to your relationship because, in that moment, more than anything else you are afraid of losing her…

…you are being foolish. This is not a fairy-tale we are talking about; and in real life, the nature of the human ape does not care for romantic sensibilities. You will be taking an enormous risk (in emotional or financial terms) for someone who has very good odds of having your replacement lined up for the ride already, if only at the back of her mind.

Among many other reasons, this is why it is silly for a man to cry after a break-up. This is why you do not make excuses, or say such useless things as “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I am sorry it didn’t work out”; this is why you do not waste the hours it would take to figure out what you could have done better. But most importantly, this is why you do not creepily blackmail her: because the fact that she has left is a minor inconvenience, at worst.

So what should you do? Too late to do anything now, you messed up already. Focus on the next chance you get.Break up like a boss. No crying, no excuses, no begging. Just smile, wish her the best and proceed to forget her immediately. Fill up the time you would spend with her with other enjoyable activities: go dancing, sky-diving, meet new people, finish up that book, drink, play the guitar and if you are the criminal sort (and remember, blackmail is a crime), make an appointment with your favorite high end escort.

Of course, maybe being so incredibly carefree after a break up will make her cry a lot. Ego is a powerful thing, so that happens. My friends call it: collateral damage of risk management. Regardless, she will replace you very soon. But if you decide to be the good guy and entertain your ex, you are sacrificing your own happiness for hers, given a good chance that the replacement is getting ready to rumble anyway. And why shouldn’t you prioritize your own happiness? Life is short, and it’s not the end of your life yet, just the beginning of yours without her.

Besides, I doubt you’ll care much. The first time you make it happen, it is magical. There is no other feeling like it. It is intoxicating. Akin to a sensation of raw power, freedom and independence as you realize, for the first time, that you are strong enough not to flinch after losing her. Most men will unfortunately die without the experience. They are too afraid of being alone, like little boys crying out for their mama. But if you do not run, you will absolutely adore the results. And perhaps, when it’s all said and done, in the fullness of time, you too will be as euphoric as I am at the prospect of being alive; in love with the feeling of being here, with you, on that space rock…tonight.