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What's your beef with incels? (self.TheBluePill)

UglyIncelThrowaway が 投稿

As an incel, I just don't understand why you hate us. We never did anything to you. I don't know why feminists have such an issue with men who weren't blessed with good looks.

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[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 6ポイント7ポイント  (16子コメント)

Hint: It's not because you guys may not be attractive. It's because some dickbags who identify as incels say ridiculously terrible things that are rightfully terrifying, and because some people who identify as incels speak high of Elliot Rodger. Not all incels are bad people, but the bad people who are incels are absolutely horrifically terrible human beings who create their own misery.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (15子コメント)

I agree. However, if you look at /r/incels, it's mostly guys supporting each other. It sucks not being born with good looks. I took the test on this site called "prettyscale", which is where they take a photo from your webcam and rate you based on facial symmetry. I got a 39%. So as soon as I found out that I was ugly, I knew that I was an incel, and it wasn't just my shyness why I'm 27 and never been in a relationship.

But you gotta realize, that whenever you go throughout life without emotional intimacy, it can lead to some very bad mental health issues. That's why Elliot Roger, and other incels are crazy.

Also, the bitterness towards women is justified. Imagine being ugly as shit, unable to get a woman. Meanwhile, your female counterpart can do a lot better than you can. For example, a 4/10 woman can get tons of dick, where as a 4/10 man can't get as much vag, if any.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 3ポイント4ポイント  (14子コメント)

It sucks not being born with good looks.

It does, and it sucks that sometimes people are treated poorly due to their looks. However, there are still worse things, and it's not like only the most beautiful people in the world are capable of having relationships.

I took the test on this site called "prettyscale", which is where they take a photo from your webcam and rate you based on facial symmetry. I got a 39%.

My facial symmetry is not great, as far as I can tell, and people have still called me attractive in the past (and tbh, unless someone is into extremely skinny guys, they probably were not talking about my body). Facial symmetry isn't the end all be all. (FWIW, I gave it a shot just to see and I got 53%. TBH I think that site is kinda silly, especially since I have been dating the same girl for the last two years. You learn to stop second guessing yourself as you gain confidence).

So as soon as I found out that I was ugly, I knew that I was an incel, and it wasn't just my shyness why I'm 27 and never been in a relationship.

Are you sure it's that? Have you approached women enough to know that? It sounds more like a self-esteem issue than a shyness or looks issue. Being scared of rejection sucks, but it seems like the case with you. I was a bit of an ugly duckling back in high school (which I graduated from 3 years ago). I was never the most confident or most attractive guy in the room, but when it comes to forming relationships, as long as there is some attraction there (and it seems like you are closer to average than not), you have something to work with.

I get that a lack of emotional intimacy was difficult, and I felt bad about that in my life at one point, but at the same time, the only way to do anything about it is to go out there and build relationships with people, be it friendly or romantic. Hell, I have friends who are not great with girls, but just by putting themselves out there, they are able to at least make connections with people.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

Have you approached women enough to know that?

I'm not attractive enough to approach women. Unattractive men approaching women is creepy to most women.

I also do have friends, just no girlfriend. I do have a few female friends, but they're either taken or "just don't see me that way".

Also, about your score, you scored 53%. That means you're slightly above average. THAT'S why you're dating.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 2ポイント3ポイント  (5子コメント)

Tried online dating, or meeting people through mutual interests? I met my current girlfriend through a mutual friend, for example. Funny thing is I didn't expect to talk with her, then our mutual friend was being shitty so I texted her about it. Relationships can start from any type of interaction, but since it doesn't seem like you are trying to interact with women, of course it's harder to build relationships. Even with appearance, you can always mess around with your style, change your haircut, and the like should you think you can improve your look.

Unattractive men approaching women is creepy to most women

I don't think so necessarily. Approaching women as a man, you can be creepy if you are ignoring signs that they are not interested to even talk, or if you are too pushy. It's not about looks so much as how you act. If you carry yourself as confident and happy, it rubs off and maybe you can start talking. If you don't come off as confident or come off as nervous, it quickly deteriorates.

Also, about your score, you scored 53%. That means you're slightly above average. THAT'S why you're dating.

Meh, dude, I struggled for a long time, even if that specific test considered me slightly above average. Also, looks are not objective. Some girls would think I am hideous, and I know that. Either I would be too skinny, or my nose is too big, or my facial features are a bit too pronounced, or I am socially awkward. However, some people are into guys who are a bit awkward, or really skinny, or even guys with huge noses. Attraction isn't some binary thing. It's very multifaceted.

For example, my friends consider some girls really attractive that I consider really meh. Some of the girls I have pointed out as attractive, they would see as meh. It has nothing to do with some quantifiable number and everything to do with taste.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

Tried online dating, or meeting people through mutual interests?

Yes, online dating, but failed. Mutual friends/interest is how I meet my friends, male and female. However, whenever I start becoming friends with a woman, I'll eventually ask her if I'm the type she'd ever date, and she always tells me "I just see you as a friend."

But you kinda sound like me. I'm a dude who is scrawny as fuck. I'm just now starting to put on more weight.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

I am like, 5'10 and weigh 115 lbs. My frame hasn't really been an issue for me, but I also probably look 30 lbs heavier because I wear clothes that flatter my frame.

Anyway, online dating can be difficult, but think of it as practice rather than a means to an end. As far as your approach now, the best way to go about is to be up front about how you feel if you feel something, rather than asking obtusely if she would be into you.

Look, I know dating isn't easy, but there are things you can do to make it easier for yourself. Trust me, I understand how you feel. I don't want to accuse you of anything, but the process of dating is an involved one, and it also is something I plainly dislike.

Edit: Also, if you didn't catch my other comment, I am on the autism spectrum and have a history of depression, I am not some shining example of the guy who is the best at dating, and despite that, I am able to do well for myself.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

the best way to go about is to be up front about how you feel if you feel something, rather than asking obtusely if she would be into you.

Because being upfront can scare away, and ruin a platonic friendship. Asking the way I ask can preserve the friendship, and be able to see where I stand.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'll use an analogy, just to get it across.

Being obtuse about asking a girl out is like asking the waiter at a restaurant to order your meal for you. You can't get what you want if you have to rely on someone else to interpret your direct thoughts. Even if you ask, it probably is a non-issue. Living in fear of destroying a relationship is a sign that you do need to work on how you approach romantic relationships because it signals that you don't believe in yourself, either as a romantic partner nor as someone who can keep a relationship in good shape without living in fear of ruining it. If you don't believe in your ability to maintain a relationship no matter what arises, whoever you are asking out sure as hell won't either. Of course, if they aren't attracted to you, they aren't attracted to you, but if you look even remotely average, there are people who will be attracted.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

the best way to go about is to be up front about how you feel if you feel something, rather than asking obtusely if she would be into you.

I don't really understand, sorry. I honestly see no issue with saying "Hey, would you ever date me?" It's basically saying "I'm not saying I have feelings for you, so don't think I'm creepy. But I'd like to know where I stand." - If they say yes, then you can tell them how you feel, if they say no, then you can just play it off as "Oh, well I was just curious." And things are fine.

Also, you're 5'10", I'm only 5'6", and same stature. Yeah, I'm for sure incel. I try to repress my women hating thoughts, but it's hard.

[–]Bolt_Master_Ampharos -1ポイント0ポイント  (6子コメント)

Ugh. I am by no means a TRPer; I'm actually a feminist progressive, you can check my post history.

But I've heard all of these talking points millions of times, they don't help. Confidence is incredibly hard to maintain for some people. All it takes is one rejection to completely lose all hope. Some people just have unfortunate personality traits; for example, I have the very annoying trait of talking forever about boring subjects. Add this to an awful lisp, and I am a person no amount of confidence will help.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't doubt your word.

I mean, I agree that confidence can be difficult to maintain. I had shit-tier self-esteem for years myself. Rejection used to be the death of me, and it really sucked. I do agree that some people have unfortunate personality traits. For example, I like to annoy the shit out of people I am close with, to the point that they occasionally snap at me. I also ruin every romantic moment with a joke or something silly because I can't take anything seriously. However, it is possible to compensate for negative traits by adjusting for them and being aware of them.

I am on the Autism spectrum as well. I would go on and on about the most random shit, and I was very socially awkward on top of that. Neither thing is good for dating, and it's not like I am a male model. I am a stick figure college kid. For me, I had to make a conscious effort to fix those things, and through practice, and being aware of my actions, I eventually had more positive interactions and did build some confidence. I struggle sometimes with it still, but it's something you can compensate for through intentional thoughts and actions. And for something like a lisp, best to just not take it seriously. Sometimes flaws aren't as easily hidden, but if you just roll with it, it looks far better for you than being self-conscious.

Having had a history of depression as well, I know how hard this stuff is, but it's just life. Sometimes life sucks, but it is much much better to be alive and be a positive influence on the people around you than it is to either feel sorry about yourself or not even be alive because you found a permanent solution to a fairly temporary problem. Maybe I am a bit callous, but it's something that I wanted to get out there.

[–]Bolt_Master_Ampharos 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Maybe I am a bit callous

Honestly, I think you're going too easy on me. I'll try to use your advice to the best of my ability.

I really appreciate the time you take to help people like me.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerKing of the Chadettes 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I mean, here is my take on it. If I can compensate for the fact that I have a history of autism, social anxiety, and depression, I am sure you will be fine. There was a time when I was literally terrified of talking to girls (of course, in adolescence, but that is still a time of development for a lot of people, and I lagged badly socially). I like to do what I can to help people, but tbh, sometimes it is frustrating when they are making excuses. Thankfully that isn't you in any capacity, from what I can tell, which is much better than a lot of people I have dealt with.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Thank you! The reason I am incel, is not only because of my looks, but also.

  • I have a stutter.

  • I get obsessed with things (like recently, I became obsessed with Pokemon Go, and that's all I talk about)

  • I can't concentrate so I have horrible listening skills.

I have autism mixed with ADD. So my looks ontop of my personality makes it hard for me to be loved.

[–]Bolt_Master_Ampharos 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well, I don't advocate for the concept of an "incel". I probably could find some woman desperate enough to fuck me. I don't even care about sex, it's the lack of human companionship that hurts me the most.

[–]UglyIncelThrowaway[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah. Now that I think of it, I don't really think I'm truely an incel as well. I've had extremely unattractive women hit on me, so I could have fucked them.

However, I want to find a woman that's attractive to me that is also attracted to me, and that we share common interest with. That, I cannot find. So I wouldn't really call myself an incel, I guess. More of a "foreveralone." But not foreveralone either because I have platonic friend. I guess "forever romanceless"