Fire up the butter, lads. This is getting juicier than ten peaches stapled together.

For anyone new to the long, sordid tale of our regular whipping boy, /u/propshaft has been a staple of /r/ShitRConservativeSays since its inception. With his raucous brand of "comedy" (which only he finds funny) and his long-winded fabrications about slapping around libtards in the wild (which are so incredibly fake even a four year old wouldn't believe them) he's made a name for himself among the various regulars and passers-by as "that cultural oddity in Depends from Iowa who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up." A celebrity in his own right, his genius is paralleled only by his absolute inability to stop putting spaces between the end of his sentences and the punctuation that should normally follow (i.e., "Since when do Mexicans qualify as people !" and "Why should I ever stop being a stupid asshole ?"

So who is this fascinating creature, and why should we care? Isn't he just the stereotype of /r/Conservative that we're all here to laugh at? What makes him different than your drunk relatives on facebook regularly posting shitty memes from pages like "FUCK HILLARY" and "DIAL 1 FOR AMERICA" and "Chepo Team"? Well shit dude just sit back and let me get to that part.

For a long time, basically since SRCS started making fun of them, /r/Conservative has pretended to be a place free of racism (LOL). A place that encourages enlightened discussion (LOL) and free speech (FUCKING LOL). A place where Conservatives (HAHAHA I CAN'T) can come together and politely (LOLOLOLOLOL) discuss trending topics of the day that may be of use to Conservative thought (LIKE HOW THOSE FAGGOTS CAN HAVE PARADES AND I CAN'T).

The very existence of propshaft is the exact opposite of those tenets, and his posts go against just about every rule that they have. So why is he still around? THAT, MY FRIENDS IS THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION.

The other main geriatric with a mod spot over at /r/Conservative is /u/Clatsop, a tired old coward who used to despise everything that Donald Trump stood for and now spends his days bending over backwards to defend every stupid thing that Donald Trump says. As it turns out, Clatsy and poopshaft know each other quite well, and while Clatsop maintains some composure (as undignified as his spineless new tact may be) poopshaft has come to represent the bitter, angry little black hole of repressed rage that he's felt since Cruz was sent back to Canada crying into his collection of unsold "Make America PC Again" hats.

Once upon a time, propshaft was banned for an incredibly racist comment. It was really a thing of beauty, and a banner day for SRCS, because for once a regular of theirs just straight up typed out what everyone at arcon was thinking, but was too afraid to say. In a rare moment of clarity, the mods (mostly /u/chabanais) decided ENUFF WUZ ENUFF and that shit wouldn't fly. And as we all know, a ban from /r/Conservative is PERMANENT. There is absolutely no coming back after you've had the audacity to say that climate change is real, or that social conservatism is killing the GOP, or that chabanais' memes are ridiculous. PERMANENT FUCKING BAN.

...but, soft, what light through yonder window breaks? 'tis the east, and /u/propshaft is the sun. Calling someone a "nigger whore" is only enough to get you three months in the clink apparently, because, wouldn't you know it, he was right back in there right when Clatsop's Cruz-o-mania was cranking into full throttle.

The reasons for this are obvious. Clatsop needed backup to break the "one post per hour" rule, and what better backup than some depressed piece of shit who would do anything to be allowed back in to the only forum on earth that would tolerate him? For propshaft, the "conservative" (LOL AGAIN) part of reddit is the only escape he has from the bleak loneliness of his twilight years and the darkening shadow slowly closing in on him.

So, in exchange for posting nothing but hit pieces on Trump and journalistic blowjobs for Cruz, propshaft was allowed back into the safe space as long as he could "play nice" (read: be racist, but only the subtle kind of racist)

And that brings us to [CURRENT YEAR]. The reason why this whole propshaft hullabaloo is so god damned gut-wrenchingly hilarious is that he was just pretending to hate Trump and love Cruz so he could be allowed to shitpost without fear of another ban. Now, though, he's gone off the deep end - full alt-right, full-throated Trump support, full-on "fuck you i'll punch you and ride off on my motorcycle" propshaft as we've never seen him before.

Invigorated by his immunity, he's shown his real colors.

So I ask, again, will /u/Clatsop disavow? Will /u/chabanais? It remains to be seen.

This is IFMP, signing off from the cuck shed. Good night, and good luck.