Trump's Doctor Is The Scientist From Independence Day (ft. Brent Spiner)

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  • Brent Spiner

  • Actor
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  • Phil Rosenthal

  • Writer/Director
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  • Nate Dern

  • Writer
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  • Funny Or Die

  • Uploader
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  • Brianne Trosie

  • Producer
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  • Matt Sweeney

  • Director of Photography
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  • Evan Watkins

  • Editor
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  • Funny Or Die Politics

  • Channel

Brent Spiner: I don't have much time.
Brent Spiner: I'm Dr. Bornstein. I've been
Donald Trump's doctor for 35 years,
Brent Spiner: and additionally I have
extensive experience researching
Brent Spiner: extraterrestrial
life at Area 51.
Brent Spiner: I'm recording this video,
because there's something they
don't want you to know.
Brent Spiner: Trump's not from here,
Brent Spiner: and I don't mean not from America,
I mean not from this planet, okay?
[ nervously giggles ]
Brent Spiner: When I wrote that ridiculously
glowing letter in just 5 minutes,
Brent Spiner: I thought you'd see through it
for the obvious farce that it was.
Brent Spiner: Donald's lab tests were
not astonishingly excellent,
Brent Spiner: they were astonishing,
because his bloodwork revealed he
isn't a carbon based lifeform.
Brent Spiner: [ stammering ]
I wrote that his strength and
stamina are extraordinary,
Brent Spiner: but that's because Earth's oxygen
rich atmosphere strengthens
Brent Spiner: his alien endoskeleton!
Brent Spiner: I did a chest exam, and to be honest,
I was not expecting to find a heart.
Brent Spiner: And you know what?
Brent Spiner: I didn't!
Brent Spiner: Instead of a heart,
he has 4 sphincters...
Brent Spiner: which coincidentally is
the same number of times
Brent Spiner: he's filed for bankruptcy.
[ giggling ]
Brent Spiner: I wrote, If elected, Mr. Trump,
I can state unequivocally,
Brent Spiner: will be the healthiest individual
ever elected to the presidency.
Brent Spiner: Hello!
Brent Spiner: How did nobody notice that
I wrote individual and not human?
Brent Spiner: There's no 70-year-old
human who could be
Brent Spiner: healthier than, say,
Brent Spiner: JFK when he was
elected at the age of 43.
Brent Spiner: But you know
who is healthier?
Brent Spiner: An ageless, hive-minded
alien species
Brent Spiner: intent on harvesting
a planet's resources,
Brent Spiner: and driving the native
population to extinction.
Brent Spiner: [ dramatic ♪ ♪ ]
Trust me, I have seen this before.
Brent Spiner: We need to
do something.
Brent Spiner: I don't know...
Brent Spiner: We need a wall,
Brent Spiner: a big wall,
Brent Spiner: a big beautiful space wall so
that he and his kind can never get in.
Brent Spiner: This, thing, will lay this planet,
and all of us to waste.
Brent Spiner: There may still be time,
but we have to hurry.
Brent Spiner: He talks about nukes.
Brent Spiner: He'll use them on our
allies, on us...
[ buzzing ]
Brent Spiner: [ screaming, gun firing ]
It's the end of...
Brent Spiner: human civilization.
Don't you understand?
Brent Spiner: For gods sakes--
[ yelling ]
ALIEN:
You're fired.
Brent Spiner: DOCTOR:
Release me.
[ screeching ]