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My [24M] girlfriend [23F] of 4 months embarrassed me in front of my friend [24M] and now won't talk to meRelationships (self.relationships)

throwaway49u423n89yu が 投稿

Dear r/relationships,

I'm a huge star wars fan as is my friend Ben (fake name). Ben and I were kind of social outcasts growing, Ben was a bigger kid and would get teased for it and I was just socially clueless and never really fit in. For a long time, Ben was my only friend and we bonded over our love of star wars. I've grown out of my childhood awkwardness and really bloomed in college, but I still really freaking love star wars.

Ben hasn't been as successful, he still lives at home, never quite lost the weight and is not very successful with girls. For a while he was doing better on a self improvement kick, but he also started reading theredpill and his views towards women got pretty toxic.

I met my girlfriend (Padme, also fake name) a few months ago on tinder and we've actually gotten pretty serious. She's getting a PhD in marine biology, plays pathfinder with me and loves Sci fi.

Ben and Padme actually don't get along as well as I'd hoped, he ended up arguing with one of her friends at a bar crawl we all went to and Padme has been really cool to him since. For his part Ben said he thinks she's too much of a 'social justice warrior' but kind of stays out of it.

So Padme organized a star wars movie marathon today for friends and invited me to come. She has been super excited about dressing as her favorite star wars character and not gonna lie, seeing her dressed up as Leia was something I looked forward too. In spite of the drama with her friend, Padme said it was OK to bring Ben. He's still my best friend and frankly he's kind of socially isolated so I thought it'd be good for him.

We show up around 7 and one of Padme's friends let's us in because she was finishing up baking. Padme runs up and hugs me and shes... not dressed as Leia or any star wars character. Instead she's wearing a red wig, a black sort of bodysuit and has a belt with a lightsaber. I'm a little shocked but whatever. Ben is standing next to me and bursts out laughing at her and says "dude, why is your girlfriend dressed up as black widow?"

Everyone starts laughing and Padme starts looking pissed. Ben starts in on teasing Padme for getting her costume so wrong and she just starts to walk away. I try to follow her and explain that it's just odd not to wear a star wars costume and she just goes totally quiet and tells me to leave.

 Now she won't respond to any of my texts, Ben is telling me she's just faking being a nerd and I really don't give a crap if she doesn't like star wars I just want my girlfriend back. How do I fix this?

Tl;dr: girlfriend wore wrong costume to her own party, friend teased her and now she won't talk to me

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[–]starsinaparsec 87ポイント88ポイント  (1子コメント)

So, you feel like your cute, pathfinder playing, future marine biologist girlfriend threw a star wars party, and you let your fat, chauvinist loser friend insult her publicly in her own home at her own party? She baked and dressed up, and you laughed at her? You need to ditch that friend and get a better attitude, because you just lost a chick that was WAY too good for you. I hope you felt cool showing her that you knew more about Star Wars than she did.

[–]Toraden 36ポイント37ポイント  (0子コメント)

I hope you felt cool showing her that you knew more about Star Wars than she did.

And he doesn't, she was dressed up as Mara Jade, so not only has he insulted her, he's also proven he's a star wars scrub...

[–]RealRealGood 140ポイント141ポイント  (1子コメント)

You mean your friend embarrassed your girlfriend in front of you, right? Ben seems like a shit.

Also was it possible that your girlfriend was dressed up as Mara Jade instead? You said she said she was dressing up as "her favorite Star Wars character," which might not be Leia. Red hair, black bodysuit, lightsaber--sounds like Mara Jade to me. Which would explain a lot, and make you and Ben look like Fake Geek Guys.

[–]AnorhiDemarche 78ポイント79ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like how many people are pointing our that was probs just going as Mara Jade. I think so as well.

So, with that in mind, lets have a redo from her point of view.

she is excited for the party. Dresses up as her favorite character (Mara Jade, who is awesome) and then her boyfriend comes with this ben guy (little sucky, but she's cool with him coming) and the first thing ben says is "lololo ur dressed up as black widow! faker!"
Well, this guy being sucky is no surprise. she walks off, confident that she can explain to people that ben's an idiot and she's Mara Jade, not black widow. but her boyfriend stops her.
He says that it's weird for her to not do a star wars costume.
Seriously? He's got so little faith in her and so much in ben that he believe ben's right without even asking her who she's dressed as!

Dumpsville, baby. applause for your the girlfriend.

If you want her back, op. Tell her you're sorry. that you're an idiot for not assuming she knows just as much abotu start wars as ben for whatever reason you did so, and that her mara jade costume was rocking. that's your best chance. Not 100%, but you best chance.

[–]135791357 63ポイント64ポイント  (2子コメント)

You think she embarrassed you? More like Ben embarrassed himself by being a douche. It wasn't a contest of who the biggest Star Wars fan is.

You need to stand up for your gf.

[–]brad_stoise 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

sounds like he doesn't have a gf anymore

[–]squirrel_statue 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

I sure hope so. she deserves so much better.

[–][deleted] 57ポイント58ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're her boyfriend. As soon as you saw that she wasn't taking the joke well, you should have stood up for her. Instead you piled on. All you can do now is apologize.

[–]sour_lemons 50ポイント51ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dude you fucked up. A little friendly teasing between friends is fine, but if your gf is clearly becoming upset over Ben laughing at her, then you should've told Ben to quit it and tell your gf how cute she looks in her costume. Go apologize and make it up to her.

[–]trixablanca 34ポイント35ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is the funniest thread I've seen in a long time. Your (ex) girlfriend sounds really fucking awesome.

So, you're a massive Star Wars geek...and the thought didn't even cross your mind that you may not have been familiar with the character she was dressing up as? The Star Wars universe is HUGE. Time to quit pretending you're the supreme authority on everything nerdy and VERY sincerely apologize to Mara Jade Skywalker.

Oh, and your friend sounds like a humongous asshole. What kind of person goes to a party and openly makes fun of the hostess for what they're wearing? How can you be friends with/ defend someone so disrespectful?

[–]Seraphinx 102ポイント103ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah sounds an awful lot like she's Mara Jade and you're the fake geeks that don't know about anything beyond the films...

[–]dbt0 32ポイント33ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't throw around the word dipshit lightly, but Ben sure sounds like one. You owe Padme a huge apology. And any time your friend insults your girlfriend tell him to shut the fuck up, he's being an ass.

[–]flyrobotfly 25ポイント26ポイント  (0子コメント)

In what way did she embarrass you? You're acting like an idiot.

[–]AnorhiDemarche 52ポイント53ポイント  (1子コメント)

.... are you sure she wasn't Mara Jade?

[–]brad_stoise 27ポイント28ポイント  (0子コメント)

You can't expect neanderthals like OP and his friend to know Mara Jade

[–]Evereth 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

Okay, so. Let's pretend that Mara Jade wasn't a thing. Even still, your girlfriend threw a party. Baked. Got everything ready. Put on a fun costume, perhaps cobbling something together with what she had handy. Wanted to host a great time for her friends around a big event.

And you insist on bringing your buddy, who has "toxic" attitudes towards women and who you know your girlfriend has politely distanced herself from. She agrees because she sounds like a nice person who doesn't want to exclude anyone. He proceeds to mock her in her own home, after all the work she put in, at a party at which he knows he is, at best, a tolerated guest.

...and instead of telling that guy to shut the fuck up because your girlfriend looks awesome and he's being a dipshit, you actually justify his mocking. You treated your girlfriend like a child. You allowed her to be belittled and disrespected for literally no reason other than putting together a nice event for her friends.

"It's weird to not wear a Star Wars costume?" Really? Who the fuck cares other than Ben, who has such an axe to grind with women that he gets his validation by asserting how much more of an ~~ authority ~~ he is about Star Wars than she is?

The fact that she actually likely had a Mara Jade costume is just the twist ending. The fact of the matter is that the company you keep reflects on you, doubly so when you're not willing to stand up to those friends when they're being shitty to your SO.

Apologize profusely. If she takes you back, count yourself lucky, start showing some respect to her, and tell Ben he's not welcome to hang out with the two of you again.

[–]Ghastlycitrus 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

She didn't do shit. You should have told your friend off. Sadly, you can really bond with someone, but they can be toxic as fuck and not really a friend.

[–]ResultofanOrgasm 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like a Mara Jade costume.

[–]scarletfire48 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you hadn't posted your age I would have guessed low teens based on content

[–]kirbygay 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your friend is mean

[–]brad_stoise 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yea you fucked up not your friend or her. Your friend Ben is a total douche though. You should of stuck up for your girl.

[–]Thr0waway_Joe 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

How did she embarrass you? If anything you embarrassed her.

[–]malackey 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're a big fan, but didn't recognize Mara Jade? FAIL.

Please turn in your lightsaber, then report to the Wookiee Gauntlet, to have your limbs ceremonially pulled off. And never call this amazing girl ever again.

[–]LeftMySoulAtHome 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

I wouldn't say she embarrassed you in front of Ben so much as I would say Ben embarrassed her in front of the whole party. (She probably embarrassed herself a bit as well.)

I am not sure why she would have thrown a party around a franchise she isn't knowledgeable about, unless that reason was to try and share in one of your passions. Instead of standing there while Ben ridiculed her in front of you and mixed company, you should have shut that shit down and pulled her aside privately to ask about the costume.

Unrelated to your girlfriend, you should reevaluate your friendship with Ben. He seems toxic and cruel. I am not sure what he positively adds to your life.

This was answered before it was revealed that she was dressed as Mara Jade. I'm not a Star Wars fan, so I wouldn't have known anyway.

So, with the new knowledge in hand, I would definitely say that lady geeks have a hard enough time with gatekeepers like Ben. I don't think I'd be able to forgive OP, were it me.

[–]JediMasterVII[🍰] 40ポイント41ポイント  (0子コメント)

The girlfriend was 100% dressing as Mara Jade Skywalker.

[–]GuyWithATopHat 31ポイント32ポイント  (0子コメント)

Two words. Mara jade.

[–]AnorhiDemarche 8ポイント9ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't know why you're getting downvoted for this now.

Guys, not everyone knows star wars. This person made the comment before anyone had mentioned mara jade. They gave advice based on what they were told.

Please, don't downvote for that. It's not cool.

[–]LeftMySoulAtHome 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thanks. Star Wars is not one of my interests, so I wouldn't have known anyway. But those guys are supposedly huge SW fans, or enough to think they can call out others on what is wrong or right. So, with the new knowledge in hand, I would definitely say that lady geeks have a hard enough time with gatekeepers like Ben. I don't think I'd be able to forgive OP, were it me.

Again, thanks for pointing out that I answered far before that fact had been pointed out. I appreciate it.

[–]AnorhiDemarche 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

No worries.
I hope it actually helps curb some of the downvotes. I know its only karma but.. it's annoying when you lose some due to people not using their heads.

[–]cloudstryfe 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think your gf overreacted. Send her a message saying that you'd like to talk, explain your side, ask her to explain her side.

[–]ThatGuyMiles -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I love how many people are trying to jump on the Star Wars bandwagon. Fuck if you don't like something or you just never really cared it's ok to keep that opinion. I would be more annoyed that your girlfriend is not authentic... It's ok to be upset with your friend because he embarrassed your girlfriend. However your girlfriend is trying to put on some facade and can't even get it right, there are going to be people in the world that will call her out on her shit.