上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]YGYarder 3086ポイント3087ポイント  (277子コメント)

I lie. Most definitely. I don't need to tell the truth to people when they ask why I can't answer the phone. I'm taking a massive shit. That's why.

[–]MinistryOfSpeling 1017ポイント1018ポイント  (186子コメント)

I hardly ever lie because I don't give a shit if you believe me or if you know I'm taking a massive shit. But then every once in a while I'll catch myself lying about some stupid inconsequential bullshit, and I'll be like, "I have no idea why I just said that."

[–]Elsie-pop 399ポイント400ポイント  (161子コメント)

I've started catching myself mid sentence and correcting myself immediately with that. It was a very scary bad habit to have to need to stop

[–]AcousticConfusion 375ポイント376ポイント  (152子コメント)

Quite often I'll have a legitimate excuse to not be able to attend plans with a friend or for why I have to talk to my professor and I'll brainstorm "how can I get out of this one and make it believable?" And then sometimes I realize I can just tell the truth. No idea why I lie so much but it's usually about small things so I can stay home alone from everyone.

[–]BitchesQuoteMarilyn 102ポイント103ポイント  (32子コメント)

When I moved to England from the US, I was amazed that their response to being asked to meet friends somewhere is often, "I can't be asked/bothered"

I was like, you just say that? Yes, yes they do.

"Nigel, you want to go to the pub? Molly and Sharon from work are joining"

"Nah mate, I can't be bothered. I've got some catching up to do around the house."

End of conversation

[–]bishop5 57ポイント58ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not being bothered is a valid excuse for everything apart from funerals, weddings and the birth of your child.

Edit: probably also mean "can't be arsed" not "asked".

[–]wakawuu 35ポイント36ポイント  (11子コメント)

Oh man, I dated an American once who brought that up when our relationship eventually imploded. Apparently it had pissed him off through the entire relationship and he only brought it up after dumping me. I still don't understand what the problem is... "I can't be bothered" is as good a reason as any to not want to do something. I've learned to tell Americans that "I don't feel like it". This for some reason goes down better...

[–]Kittypie75 75ポイント76ポイント  (8子コメント)

It comes off as quite rude to American ears. Instead when invited somewhere, an American would just apologetically say "I'm sorry, have to clean the house." or just "Can't make it, I have some things to do after work."

"Can't be bothered" sounds like the person asking you is a bother. Like, you have better things to do specifically because you don't like the person.

[–]wakawuu 11ポイント12ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yeah, it took me a while to get used to the very polite attitudes in the US - especially in the south. I'm a very friendly person, but there's a lot of things I would say that would unintentionally rub Americans the wrong way.

Although on the other hand, Americans never say "sorry" when they brush past you in a grocery store. They all go "excuse me" in a very curt way, and for a while that rubbed me the wrong way haha. Maybe I worked customer service in London too long, but any time I hear "excuse me" I'm expecting an argument.

[–]panda-erz 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

When I was travelling with an English girl (I'm Canadian) I thought it meant it was the absolute last thing you'd want to do at the moment. Like you'd rather spend your time volunteering at a blind knitting workshop for an entire week than come walk down the street with me for a case of beer. Turns out it just means, nah.

[–]Fieryfight 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

"I don't feel like" it goes down better because it doesn't sound rude, when an American hears bothered or any form of bother it is interpreted as being some form of annoyed. So to say "I can't be bothered" Americans interpret as something to the extent of "No, you're/it's annoying".

[–]NeedleAndSpoon 20ポイント21ポイント  (4子コメント)

Nigel, Molly and Sharon. Yep, confirmed living in the UK. When's Keith coming around?

[–]goforce5 101ポイント102ポイント  (99子コメント)

Yeah, basically. I've got a lot of friends who constantly want me to do something. Sometimes I've just gotta take a few days off and do my own shit.

[–]SessionsMagic 51ポイント52ポイント  (67子コメント)

Say that to them?

"No thanks. I need some time to myself"

Works every time.

[–]BillFuckingMurray57 138ポイント139ポイント  (54子コメント)

But then they respond with "Don't be a bitch". And now you're trapped. Now you're putting on pants and sitting in a fucking cab going to play pool at some dive bar at 11pm.

That was my weekend.

[–]iFlynn 33ポイント34ポイント  (8子コメント)

Word. When people feel that comfortable violating boundaries I don't give a shit about being forthright with them.

[–]S04Mock 21ポイント22ポイント  (10子コメント)

Or they knock on your window for a straight hour and you have to go because nothing can save you anymore.

[–]levilee207 41ポイント42ポイント  (16子コメント)

This so much. Sometimes I just need days to recharge. Just chilling out and playing vidya alone.

[–]Exception1228 39ポイント40ポイント  (2子コメント)

I quit my part time job yesterday simply because I don't need the money anymore and I want to free up my weekends. For some reason I felt the need to tell my boss I was quitting because I was moving...

[–]CaptFunnyBusiness 25ポイント26ポイント  (2子コメント)

Keep doing it, one day it might save your ass when called upon.

[–]poops_in_public 24ポイント25ポイント  (11子コメント)

Somehow people always know when I'm lieing about that though..

[–]Lostmyacctwicenow 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

i was watching tv and the phone was just out of reach and i didn't want to lean over.

[–]InvaderChin 2236ポイント2237ポイント  (150子コメント)

I hate these filmed-from-a-distance LeTS GeT F---ucking REAL! youtube "shows".

[–]TamarinFisher 668ポイント669ポイント  (94子コメント)

They're nice when they backfire though.

[–]Chewy12 987ポイント988ポイント  (82子コメント)

Do they really ever backfire though? She wanted people to see this, otherwise she wouldn't have uploaded it. She's playing you like a damn fiddle.

[–]RegularLunchBox 350ポイント351ポイント  (26子コメント)

And the fiddle is the DEVILS instrument, Shaun!

[–]mysistersacretin 140ポイント141ポイント  (15子コメント)

Oh come on Gus, don't be exactly half of an 11 pound black forest ham.

[–]klawehtgod 84ポイント85ポイント  (7子コメント)

Come on Gus, don't be the only black lead on a major television network.

[–]mloofburrow 6ポイント7ポイント  (6子コメント)

I named my puppy Gus after Gus from Psych. His full name is Burton Guster.

[–]--zach-- 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

You know that's right.

[–]davetronred 41ポイント42ポイント  (11子コメント)

I'm playing through MGS5 right now, and I couldn't help hearing you say that in Kaz Miller's voice.

[–]PinkieBen 24ポイント25ポイント  (5子コメント)

It's the only way to hear that line for me anymore.

[–]u-vii 17ポイント18ポイント  (3子コメント)

Such a lust for revenge.... WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!?!?!?!?!?!?

[–]Haplo781 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

🎶I give my luuuust🎶
🎶Not for revenge🎶
🎶But for whoooooooooo🎶🎶Snake Eater🎶

[–]ndjs22 43ポイント44ポイント  (10子コメント)

She would be if I had gone to her YouTube channel or whatever social media route she uses.

Instead somebody made a gif, so she gets zero revenue from any of the people who just watched this from this post.

[–]Oak987 5383ポイント5384ポイント  (440子コメント)

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

Chris Rock

[–]prema_donna 3292ポイント3293ポイント  (239子コメント)

This is true. To quote a famous philosopher,

"And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his"

[–]SpartanRage117 1786ポイント1787ポイント  (154子コメント)

Well at least she's legal now.

[–]marineturndlegofiend 1159ポイント1160ポイント  (104子コメント)

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT..

[–]FoxyGrampa 419ポイント420ポイント  (64子コメント)

OKAY NOW LADIES

[–]warchitect 318ポイント319ポイント  (59子コメント)

YEAH?

[–]davetronred 737ポイント738ポイント  (50子コメント)

FUCK YOUR DAD, APPARENTLY

[–]oldie101 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's not what he meant when he said you can now call me daddy.

[–]SupremeLeaderSnoke 10ポイント11ポイント  (3子コメント)

NOW WE GON BREAK THIS THING DOWN IN JUST A FEW SECONDS!

[–]NJS1 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

I WANT YOU ON YOUR BADDEST BEHAVIOR

[–]blue_bomber508 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

NOW WHATS COOLER, THAN BEIN COOL

[–]hayyeh 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

IF YOU KNOW YOU BAAAAD

[–]Zip0h3ight 62ポイント63ポイント  (4子コメント)

"Wait wait wait. You're telling me she's legal, and we're not related?" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]Haplo781 46ポイント47ポイント  (2子コメント)

"Giggity!"

I'm now realizing this needs to be a Family Guy episode.

Old fling shows up at Quagmire's door claiming he's the father of her daughter. Tries to get him to take care of them, meanwhile he's trying to keep his pervy tendencies in check around "his" hot daughter.

Then he finds out she's not his, and nails her.

End with a flash-forward to 20 years later, and the daughter shows up at his door with a hot daughter.

[–]sendmeyourdicks 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get her pregnant. Thatll show the new grandma

[–]Foundwanting_datass 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you could stomach fucking the person you thought was your daughter for 18 years immediately after you found out she isn't, that would be the best revenge on the mother.

[–]techni88 136ポイント137ポイント  (21子コメント)

Are you implying she's some kind of ... gold digger?

[–]sheldoneousk 34ポイント35ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's a 30/10 quote right there.

[–]dbx99 7ポイント8ポイント  (17子コメント)

shit, you can tell him at age 2, he's still legally on the hook for 16 more years.

[–]Virus64 963ポイント964ポイント  (55子コメント)

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man lie is, "I was at Pedro's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

Carlos Mencia

[–]GritznGravy23 196ポイント197ポイント  (2子コメント)

C'mon man do you know what it's like, being a comedian but not being funny? I just take jokes and repackage them in a Mexican accent maanng.

[–]ElLechero 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Once when I was a teenager someone called my car a joke, the next day I saw Carlos Mencia outside with a bent coat hanger and filed-down ford key trying to steal it. TRUE STORY.

[–]Kinmar 54ポイント55ポイント  (1子コメント)

The woman knows you weren't at Kevin's house because she was at Kevin's house.

[–]CommaHorror 317ポイント318ポイント  (38子コメント)

Chris Rocks early to mid parts of his, career are as funny as, they get.

[–]marky30 278ポイント279ポイント  (8子コメント)

"You got a weave, your hair ain't that long. You got makeup on, yo face don't look like that. You got a push-up bra, ya titties ain't that big! Everything about you is a lie, and you expect me to tell the truth!? Fuck you!!""

[–]ApexBarber 58ポイント59ポイント  (2子コメント)

Men fuck shit up. Women are fucked up!

  • Louie CK

[–]salmon10 45ポイント46ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Nobody wants to see Women Gone Wild. When Girls go Wild they take off their clothes, when Women go wild they kill men and drown kids in bathtubs!"

[–]marineturndlegofiend 77ポイント78ポイント  (4子コメント)

Now I'm not sayin he should've kill her...but I understand.

[–]Ex_Why_ 28ポイント29ポイント  (3子コメント)

There's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. Just don't do it!

[–]Buster_Hazelwood 557ポイント558ポイント  (20子コメント)

Sweet Dee's at it again!

[–]userx9 382ポイント383ポイント  (8子コメント)

Why you so stoopit?

[–]tall_and_thin_ 210ポイント211ポイント  (3子コメント)

Martina Martinez! Deez white boys always dance so stoopid.

[–]YaBoyLilArnold 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! Dis white man has his hands all over my beautiful brown baawwdaayyy!

[–]fuckthepatriots 153ポイント154ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'M SAWREE I'M JUS PLAYENNN

[–]StoneGoldX 36ポイント37ポイント  (0子コメント)

Which is really what this video is missing, her getting blasted in the face with a volleyball.

[–]-cordyceps 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

When u in da club an u b dancin... Y u look so STUPID!?

I'm jus playin!

[–]sorites 41ポイント42ポイント  (0子コメント)

Without sound, I totally heard it in the Martina Martinez voice.

[–]itsgotcharacter 520ポイント521ポイント  (48子コメント)

If men ALWAYS lie, why would she ask a man why they lie? Wouldn't he, in her opinion, just lie to her?

[–]someguy945 261ポイント262ポイント  (30子コメント)

[–]DatDominican 44ポイント45ポイント  (21子コメント)

Easy, just ask "which one of you stabs people?"

[–]someguy945 27ポイント28ポイント  (8子コメント)

2 problems:

A) I assume that the stabby guy is just a normal dude, meaning he lies or tells the truth as he sees fit. So I'm not sure if this accomplishes much.

B) The alt-text you get from hovering over the comic reveals that really, nothing is going to work here.

[–]MaievSekashi 31ポイント32ポイント  (7子コメント)

Problem C: Stabby-man says "Me" and stabs you.

[–]someguy945 18ポイント19ポイント  (4子コメント)

But that wasn't a tricky question!

Granted, the guy never said he ONLY stabs people who ask tricky questions.

[–]gdeadfan 25ポイント26ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's like how whenever I ask my magic 8 ball if it's opposite day, it's like "No" and I'm like

[–]Deepfriedlogic 238ポイント239ポイント  (75子コメント)

I don't lie, I exaggerate.

[–]JohnnyDarkside 176ポイント177ポイント  (48子コメント)

My wife exaggerates the shit out of so much. Now my oldest is following along. Last weekend he was saying something and was exaggerating something, and she corrected him saying something like "it was only a couple". I just dead pan stared at her and said "thank's for the clarification, pot."

[–]NOLAWinosaur 338ポイント339ポイント  (42子コメント)

I know this is totally not related, but did you know that the whole "pot calling the kettle black" saying comes from the fact that kettles are traditionally used tableside and are polished to a mirror shine. Pots are not. In this case, the kettle is reflecting the pot's own blackness upon itself. So the saying isn't really that both the pot and the kettle are black, but really that the pot is seeing its own blackness in the kettle.

I mean, probably billions of people know this, but it was a revelation for me personally.

[–]Lonelobo 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't think this is actually true -- the saying is over 400 years old and in some English-speaking countries runs: the pot calling the kettle black-arsed. I think the meaning is the conventional one.

[–]cummerou1 21ポイント22ポイント  (2子コメント)

I lie because saying "i can´t go to your cousins brothers sons birthday because im busy" sounds a lot better than "i actually don´t wanna spend my saturday on that, i have had a really rough week so im gonna spend my saturday at home drinking beer, playing videogames and jerking off to recharge my batteries.

[–]blinky64 253ポイント254ポイント  (25子コメント)

"Men fall in love with looks so that is why girls wear make up.

Girls fall in love with words so that is why men tell lies."

--some chinese cartoon that I can't be arsed to look up.

[–]lostintransactions 263ポイント264ポイント  (36子コメント)

I would have just said "get away from me creep".

[–]texasrudeboy 258ポイント259ポイント  (11子コメント)

Then post on Reddit why you cannot walk down the street with women harassing you.

[–]GlennBecksChalkboard 63ポイント64ポイント  (14子コメント)

I'd have done what I usually do when people talk to me. Make a confused face and just walk away.

[–]dalr3th1n 28ポイント29ポイント  (1子コメント)

Vigorously avoid eye contact and keep going as though I didn't notice.

[–]Oricle10110 18ポイント19ポイント  (6子コメント)

I always respond with "No Thanks", no matter what the original question was

[–]buckwheatinaheadlock 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

"get the fuck away from me weirdo, what the hell are you doing here? You don't belong here."

[–]mrshatnertoyou 621ポイント622ポイント  (117子コメント)

The biggest lie is that there are pedestrians walking around Burbank.

[–]goal2004 69ポイント70ポイント  (4子コメント)

This looks like that one area in Burbank where all those restaurants are between the AMC theater and the Ikea. Plenty of foot traffic there pretty much all the time, especially now that it's below 90 degrees out.

[–]bungocheese 77ポイント78ポイント  (16子コメント)

I was there literally yesterday and the downtown area was packed...

[–]chlomyster 30ポイント31ポイント  (0子コメント)

Downtown Burbank always has pedestrians.

[–]thorface 16ポイント17ポイント  (4子コメント)

Hey.. "downtown" Burbank is consistently packed with pedestrians. So is Magnolia blvd near Porto's!

[–]headless_bourgeoisie 12ポイント13ポイント  (1子コメント)

What are you taking about? There's a ton of foot traffic in Burbank.

[–]thatsmyaibo 5ポイント6ポイント  (4子コメント)

I work for Disney in Burbank and the place has more foot traffic than most of LA...

[–]kayjay25 903ポイント904ポイント  (65子コメント)

My ex girlfriend would lie more than anyone I've ever met. Though, it was usually on her back for a train of thirty guys.

[–]WesternCanadaKing 72ポイント73ポイント  (9子コメント)

Like, in a row?

[–]HothMonster 107ポイント108ポイント  (5子コメント)

Try not to blow anyone on your way to the parking lot.

[–]CapnCanfield 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

I believe the line is "Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot"

cue guy leaning against wall to start following

"Hey! Get back here!"

[–]wellnowheythere 99ポイント100ポイント  (19子コメント)

I hate what our culture has become sometimes. So many blanket statements that start with, "All women [fill in the blank.]" Or "All men [fill in the blank.]"

People are coming from a place of hurt when they say stuff like this. People are flawed and complicated, but that doesn't mean ALL people will hurt you the way someone else did.

[–]BigMucker 134ポイント135ポイント  (28子コメント)

Men lie.

Women lie.

Bad Parenting.

[–]dorrisx 178ポイント179ポイント  (17子コメント)

This guy isn't lying by saying "not all of them, women lie too" - so her rebuttal is invalid.

By saying "guys always lie" and "guys lie more", this actually comes across more like a lie, as neither statement is true.

[–]Pants4All 261ポイント262ポイント  (10子コメント)

It comes across as immature and indicative of a woman who has made poor choices concerning the men in her life, and projects her own experiences onto all other women.

[–]Ramsayreek 33ポイント34ポイント  (2子コメント)

And if she really believed this, then isn't it a waste of time asking guys this, since she's going on the assumption his answer is probably going to be a ... lie?

[–]Whiskey_Sours 152ポイント153ポイント  (32子コメント)

I'll quote something that I've seen posted in the make up community/troll community before.

"i don’t see why im being blamed for a man stupid enough to think i have gold eyelids"

[–]ImReallyQuiteGangsta 594ポイント595ポイント  (313子コメント)

I don't think makeup is a "lie." But, if somebody is going to confront strangers on the street with ridiculous questions, ridiculous responses should be expected.

[–]trashforbrains1 8ポイント9ポイント  (2子コメント)

What's with people trying to one up each other by pointing fingers and claiming other people are worse. A lot of people lie, some big some small.

[–]CodyHasPowers 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

My momma raised me to ALWAYS tell the truth....now she tells me that I'm too honest. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MOM!?!?!

[–]ironoctopus 31ポイント32ポイント  (13子コメント)

As usual, Shakespeare had this covered 400 years ago:

Hamlet: I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another: you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and nick-name God's creatures, and make your wantonness your ignorance. Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath made me mad.

[–]UserNameNotSure 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

X-Post from your 19 year old cousin's Facebook.