I have been a long time lurker on this sub and this is my first post. I draw inspiration from the men who follow their own path and develop their own skills, this sub is a model of how I wish to live my life. However some days I feel the pressure to succeed externally, because if i do not maintain a very high GPA at my university my scholarship that pays half of my tuition will be taken away from me and I might not be able to go back to college unless i take out a loan. I can't expect any financial aid from my two parents one is so deep in debt its not even funny (my mom) the other, he makes less money and he is also in debt. I'm not smart, clever, or gifted so I compensate by studying really hard. and it seems to be working because i have passed every class with a B or higher. I don't know if I can do it again this semester though. additionally, I don't know if I can do it again four more times until I graduate. my classes are beginning to build on each other, requiring me to remember 600 pages of material that I studied 12 months ago ( meaning my stupid brain has to go back through those 600 pages and rebuild those neuron connections) If I fail to muster up the will power to focus on those 600 pages, then as a consequence I will damage my gpa, resulting in me losing my scholarship. I will have to seek money through loans and a part time job (something my parents tell me I should not do under any circumstances, I guess they learned their lesson really good) why am i telling you all of this? well because I have been alone (but not lonely) for the majority of my life and thus I have been deprived of the wisdom of other humans. I live with two other family members in a nice home ( that we can't afford anymore ) mom and my younger brother ( I have a father, we are close, but.... i don't want to give too many personal details I am paranoid someone might dox me or something and I am still incompetent at my chosen profession) I have one childhood friend that I rarely see because He lives in a city 2 hours away and too far for me to bother to hang out with him, a friend from High school we send emails to each other occasionally but we never really hung out much, even in high school.

TL DR so there is the long winded explanation of why I posted this, MGTOW has been a source of inspiration for me. I am hoping I can benefit from the wisdom of actual humans. Because God is not talking to me for some reason and sitting in silent contemplation has not yet answered the question "why fucking bother?/what do we do now?"

P.S. Sorry that this post is terrible in punctuation and grammar. I just don't want to spend another hour sorting out the sentences deciding if i should rearrange them or add logical punctuations