Donald Trump’s health crisis

Now, I’m not one to spread conspiracy theories, but I’ve come to notice that Donald Trump appears to lack the mental and physical stamina to become President of the United States of America. His campaign is very low energy – which, as anyone who knows Trump’s views on climate change, is totally unnecessary – recently had to cancel his events in Nevada, Oregon and Colorado. Is it pillows for the Donald?

This is no conspiracy theory. During the Vietnam War, Trump managed to dodge the draft as he had heel spurs on his feet. More recently, he has been followed around all the time by Dr. Ben Carson (who called Mr. Trump “elderly” and insisted he release his medical records), and during his first 60-second interview with running mate Mike Pence, he had to sit on a chair throughout. SAD! WEAK!

Don’t believe me? Just go online and search for “Donald Trump illness”. That’s what the Trump campaign said was good for Clinton’s health conspiracies, despite Trump’s pledge to ask Bill Gates to close the Internet for good. (Clinton may also want to shut down the Internet, according to Trump fanboy Alex Jones, but those are a totally unconnected series of tubes). So just Google it. Really smart people are Googling things these days, and you know, some people, some important political guys in Britain are saying we should use Google instead of Obamacare. I don’t know folks, I’m not a politician, but it sounds like a good idea.

So you go to Google, and you do the Googling. Nothing coming up? Then maybe Google has been working with the Trumps, as it has been with the Clintons and left wing extremists? At least, that’s what Julian Assange has been saying, and we all know he has no skin in this game. Google never lies to you when it agrees with American True Patriots – but when it disagrees with them, then it’s a hotbed of communist pro-Obama propaganda. This is what people are telling me. The media in the is country are so dishonest, not like the media over in Russia who are saying some very nice things about Trump.

Now, I’m not one to speculate or promote absurd conspiracy theories about American presidential candidates. I certainly wouldn’t claim that anyone born in the US show me their birth certificate to prove they’re am American citizen, then not do so much as to release my tax returns – which may or may not show donations to the National Man-Boy Love Association – unlike Donald Trump, who incidentally is running on the most homophobic GOP platform, ever. Again, I’m not saying this is true. This is just what people I talk to have been telling me.

But some people, some very smart people have told me that this video on the Internet – which, after all, is where I get all my information – shows irrefutable proof of Trump gasping for air, unable to breathe. Is this of some form of seizure, epilepsy or maybe dysphasia? (I told you I know the best words!) I don’t know, folks, I’m not a doctor. But that’s what I think, as a non-medical professional. His own doctor has said in an infallible note for the Trump campaign that he tested positive for every medical ailment possible, so nothing can be put past him, folks.

I mean, it’s clear that he’s suffering from some form of brain injury. Some very smart people at the Washington Post – I mean, usually they’re the most dishonest people I’ve ever met (and I may or may not have met Vladimir Putin!) – but some people at the Washington Post are saying that Trump may have brain damage. I don’t know, but that’s what they’re telling me. I mean, why else would he be wearing an irritable, venomous caterpillar as a wig if he didn’t want people to find out about his scars from brain surgery? It’s sad, really. So sad, so pathetic, so utterly disloyal.

And his dad – who lied to his tenants about his German heritage in order to please his politically correct Jewish friends – also had Alzheimer’s. Some very smart people on the Internet are saying Donald Trump has Alzheimer’s, and what am I supposed to tell them? Very smart people are asking me very smart questions, and I don’t know the answer.

As a child, Trump has always had difficulty concentrating. He watches TV news because it’s more digestible, and lacked the basic mental and physical stamina to write his own book, the Art of the Deal. Does he have ADHD? Folks, I say we open those medical records and find out.

And by the way, what’s with that orange face? Who’d vote for a president with a face like that? I don’t wanna talk about it. But, you know, some historians are telling me: “Hey, you, what’s with Donald Trump’s face? It looks like he’s suffered from some TNT poisoning, like those experienced by the munitionettes in the First World War. Has Trump been manufacturing bombs to be used by Paul Manafort against the Ukrainians? Why else do you think he had to leave the campaign?” Again folks, I’m not saying any of this is true. In fact, I have no idea what any of that means, but this is what people have been telling me. Experienced, military-historical people are telling me this.

And what’s with the constantly pained expression he always has? That, combined with his squeamishness with people going to the toilet makes me believe that Donald Trump may be suffering from constipation. I mean, that’s what some people are saying online, so I don’t know. But questions need to be answered. Until Trump releases medical records showing that he does not have an enlarged prostate, then we can never be sure, folks. After all, he has tested positive for everything.

Where is the lamestream media in all of this? They haven’t even acknowledged this scandal exists, let alone use their biased, spinning propaganda machine to debunk these claims, like they did with Trump! Why won’t any “alternative news” outlet carry this story, like they are with the Hillary health scandal? Wake up, America, and find out who really controls your internet tubes!