Of their primary relationship that is... we all stay for a number of reasons. Mine have been financial mostly. I've been unhappy for, oh, 4 years out of our 8 together. He is so good to me, maybe hadn't been the best help around the house but he spoils the crap out of me. So I thought maybe it was just a bump in the road. Or maybe just after 8 years the spark is gone and I wouldn't feel in love or giddy after 8 years with anyone. Maybe that's just how it is?

Then this summer was kind of a life changing experience. First I got a very good raise at work, so my thoughts about leaving were becoming even more frequent. Then not even 2 weeks later I fell into an affair. I wasn't seeking one, it literally came out of nowhere. And I became even more unhappy at home because I started feeling like I was missing out on dating and the excitement and passion etc etc. (Plus there is a very hot new guy at work and I'm pretty sure he is single which just makes me long for singledom even more)

So in the past few weeks, I've had multiple conversations with my SO about me not being happy. Definitely not the first time it's been brought up but he saw how serious I was this time. And he's changed. He's been the partner I wanted all along but after years of living the same way I just don't care. The love seems to be gone. I love him as if I loved a family member. I care about him. But romantically, I feel nothing. We aren't married. Don't have kids. So what's stopping me?

I still feel like I would struggle so much to be out on my own. I have 2 very large dogs. They are my babies and I would take them if I left. What kind of apartment is going to allow 2 giant dogs and not cost a fortune? Not many around me. Plus feeding them, and the vet... A plus is that I do have a friend who agreed to be my room mate when I take the leap.

He bought me a car. He makes the payments on the loan and pays the insurance. That's a few hundred a month I would have to pay. But then subtract the cable bill which I pay for us, I likely would just not bother with that since I hardly watch TV. I pay our cell phone bill. Cut that in half and it's not bad. But now I'm also paying out of pocket for school...which also makes it hard because going to school full time and working full time is extremely stressful.

I just feel so trapped. I did write out what I make in a month and what I would likely be spending if I moved out and got an apartment with the average rent around me. I think I'll still have some money at the end of the month but I'm afraid I'm missing all the little things that add up. I think I can do it but I'm afraid. I guess I'm venting here because I'm sure some people can relate to feeling stuck. Maybe I can get some tips to help make the transition a little easier. I'm also starting back up at school in a couple weeks so moving out and all that in the middle of classes and working full time is just scary to me.... I don't know what to do.

Probably the wrong sub for this but he sounds good to you and he's trying. It seems like you are the one who isn't. Try counseling?

Be kind to him and be honest about your feelings with yourself and him. You don't have children involved and you are still young. Give you and him the chance for happy fulfilling relationships.

I have to say, I really, really, really struggle with women who use men to support them. How would your SO feel if he read this post. You need to figure out how to stand on your own two feet. Yes, it is stressful to work and go to school full time, I will give you that, but you know what, many of us have done that, without using a man.

Someday you may look back on this behavior and realize how unkind it was to use another human for your personal gain.

Are there other housing options? That will be your largest expense on a monthly basis. Can you survive without the car? How is public transportation where you live? I know it will be hard, but continuing this way isn't fair to either of you. The longer this continues, the more it will hurt to end it as you both become more invested in a failed relationship.

It doesn't matter what you do. You sound like such a great person - how can you lose?