Now that I've entered my 30s, it's fair to say the majority of people I grew up with are married by now. Although on average Americans are getting married later in life than we used to, it's still generally accepted that at one point or another, we're all supposed to get married.
However, despite our preconceptions, plenty of Americans simply don't think that way any longer. Whereas in 1976, only 37.6 percent of the population over the age of 16 was unmarried, in 2014 that number had grown to 50.2 percent. Sure, some of those people may be divorced or widowed, but that certainly doesn't fully explain such a large increase.
More and more people now willingly decide to remain single. And people aren't any worse off as a result. Don't believe me? Here are some of my reasons.
Marriage doesn't come with any guarantees.
Unfortunately, very little research has been done primarily on single people. Usually, single people are only used in studies as a way of comparing their experiences with those of married people. Since we often don't accept or expect people to stay single forever, we tend to focus research on what we consider the norm—that is, getting married; and, if that doesn't work, getting remarried.
Dr. Bella DePaulo, a scientist at the University of California, combed through 814 studies trying to get an accurate reading of the health status of individuals who had never married and found some telling information.
Married people get access to over 1,000 federal benefits and protections that single people do not. Many of these are financial, and on top of that, there are societal advantages to living the married life. It's supposed to help communities thrive by snatching up unmarried men and reducing their risk of developing substance abuse problems or committing crimes.
But while one poll found that 61 percent of respondents aged 65 and older thought that society is better off if people make marriage and having children a priority, only 29 percent and 35 percent of people aged 18–24 and 25–34 agree, respectively. While many of us grew up being told about the core values of family and marriage, the world is simply moving away from this sort of thinking.
Single people are slightly more self-sufficient and self-determined than married people, while married people are more socially integrated and receive more family support. But, overall, the differences are quite small. Most categories of comparison showed a negligible difference.
The truth is happiness must come from within. People find that in many different ways. An unhappy marriage certainly won't be better than a fulfilling single life, and staying single when you desperately want a partner will bring down the quality of your life. Those ideas sound like common sense, of course, but the problem is if we keep seeing one lifestyle as "normal" and another as "abnormal," we may push friends and loved ones into decisions that aren't right for them and could end up being detrimental to their health.
An unhealthy marriage can cause health problems.
Plenty of people make the decision to get married without any sort of outside pressure or childhood hang-ups. They're essentially doing it for what they consider to be the right reasons. I got married because we were in love, and it was the logical next step. Did I feel any outside pressure? Yeah, I think so, but it was still our decision in the end. Now, three years later, I think we've both grown together and are more well-rounded people than we were before being married.
If we had married the wrong people instead or had married a few years earlier (when neither of us was ready yet), would we still have benefited from marriage the same way? I doubt it. That's the problem with rushing into marriage too soon or reaching a certain age and thinking: "I'm so old!" I have to get married before it's too late!" Those marriages aren't doomed to fail, but even if they last, will they definitely improve your quality of life or allow you to grow as a person? They might and they might not. If you're happy being single and staying single, you shouldn't change that unless you want to.
Find your own way.
Unhappy marriages are common, but despite what most of us have heard over and over again, divorce rates are not over 50 percent. They're not getting higher every year, either. That's just one of the many misconceptions we have to keep in mind when considering making such a huge life decision. An unhappy union can increase stress and make us more likely to remain sedentary. It can also lead to poor sleep and eating habits, all of which can cause health problems that can culminate in a premature death.
In the end, no one can tell you what all the right decisions are for your personal life. We all have to take risks, cross our fingers and hope for the best. The important thing is to make those decisions ourselves, without any undue pressure. After all, we're the ones who will ultimately reap the rewards or suffer the consequences—not the outside world.
Jay McKenzie loves soccer, history and feeling great. He's on a quest to eat better and exercise more, and he wants to share his experiences along the way. You can email him at jaymckenzie86@gmail.com with comments or questions. The opinions expressed in this column belong solely to the author, not Nooga.com or its employees.