“Celebration” – Kool & The Gang

“Not even the thousands and thousands of Muslims I saw singing this while the World Trade Center came tumbling down can ruin my love of this song.”

 

“Ain’t no God in Mexico” - Waylon Jennings

“CNN reported I liked this song because of its title. Lies! I like the melody and lyrics and color of the musician’s skin.”

 

“A Lapdance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying” - The Bloodhound Gang

“When I first heard this song, I sued Bloodhound Gang for invasion of privacy. We settled out of court after I produced transcripts of my wedding speeches, which included this line, verbatim.”

 

“Only Women Bleed” - Alice Cooper

“Some people, I’m not saying this, but some people have told me that this great, super, song is about girl reporters with shows on Fox News between 9 and 10pm, 8pm mountain time.”

 

“Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American)” - Toby Keith

“My foreign policy – which, by the way, is the best foreign policy – can be summed up with Toby’s lyrics: “You’ll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A. / ‘Cos we’ll put a boot in your ass / It’s the American way. (My domestic policy can be found in Warren Zevon’s “Lawyers, Guns and Money”).”

 

“Wonderwall” - Oasis

 

“Don’t Judge Me” - Chris Brown

“Heard CB also dealt with unfair judges. Sad!”

 

“Cat’s Cradle” – Harry Chapin

“Never heard it, but my kids say it’s great.”

 

“YMCA” – Village People

“I entered the Republic National Convention to Queen’s ‘We Are The Champions’. This was the song I originally wanted to come out with.”

 

“Back in the USSR” - Beatles

“Not for the reason people think. It’s because I really respect Putin.”

 

“Getting’ Jiggy Wit It” – Will Smith

“Usually don’t care for hardcore black music, but this one I can definitely get down to.”

 

“Don’t Let ‘Em Take Your Gun” - Grand Funk Railroad

“Hilary put ‘I Shot the Sheriff’ on her list. Sad!”

 

“Operator” – Jim Croce

“Got me through some tough break ups.”

 

“Under African Skies” – Paul Simon

“Also the answer to the Jeopardy question ‘Where was Obama born?’”

 

“If I Had 1,000,000 Dollars” - Bare Naked Ladies

“Heard this song after I accidentally bought front-row tickets to the show for me and my sons. Had a few too many Cristals, and wound up doing all the things mentioned in the lyrics. Monkeys are overrated. Elephant Man’s bones are under-rated.”

 

“Deportee” – Woody Guthrie

“Goodbye to my Juan, goodbye Rosalita/Adios mis amigos, Jesus y Maria”. Woody got it. Hope to make this our national anthem.”

 

“Heroes” - David Bowie

“I heard, from very knowledgeable source, that McCain can’t relate to this title and his favorite Thin White Duke song is ‘China Girl.’”

 

“Foxy Lady” - Jimi Hendrix

“Dishonest media never mentioned how your future president, to make things right with Megyn Kelley, sent her this song and a box of tampons. Mench!”

 

“Fuck You Like An Animal” – Nine Inch Nails

“#1 song to make love/close deals to.”

 

“White Wedding” – Billy Idol

“The best, the greatest, kind of wedding, Christmas, trash, and tiger.”

 

“Skyscraper” – Demi Lovato

“My favorite song written about Trump Tower(s). This is how you do it, not like losers Tower of Power who I have an ongoing lawsuit against for unlicensed use of nickname I use for Trump Tower and ‘Trump Tower’ (that’s for you, Melania and Ivana and Marla and Kara and Roise and Jackie and Carla and Omarosa and all the Miss USA winners and most of the Miss USA losers.”

 

“A Man Needs a Maid” - Neil Young

“You won’t hear about in the liberal media, but I let all the housekeepers of Trump properties listen to this song on repeat, and even had Jennifer Lopez (hot!) translate it into Mexican for them.”

 

“Butterfly Kisses” – Bob Carlisle

“Going to have to deport Bob Carlisle for making me cry like a baby each time I hear his song.”

 

“Barney & Friends Theme Song” – Barney & Friends

“Didn’t care for Barney or his friends – don’t believe in dinosaurs or PBS – but when I heard the CIA used this to torture prisoners, it shot to the top of my list like 1,000 volts through an Islamic terrorist.”

 

“Mr. Big Stuff” – Jean Knight

“Ms. Knight wrote this song about me when I was 25. And I’ve only kept growing.”

 

“Tomorrow Belongs To Me” – Cabaret

“Dishonest media will probably read into me loving this Aryan Supremacy anthem from Cabaret. So let’s be clear: the reason it makes me want to stand up and salute is because, in pictures of me as a child, I closely resemble the blond-haired, blue-eyed, orange-tinted, angel-voiced child singing this Aryan Supremacy anthem.”

 

“Don’t Speak” – No Doubt

“Me and Khizr Khan like this song for very different reasons, you tell me why.”