DONNIE: Good evening, folks. you're great. You're the best, the very best audience. Truly, I mean it. So. (beat) Hillary Clinton, folks. Is she crooked? I think we should shoot her in the tits.

(Long beat. Someone in the audience coughs.)

DONNIE: I mean, she's not as bad as the Mexicans. Those people!--if you can call them people, amirite?--they come over here to rape and murder. We need a huge furnace. And we need to burn them alive. Ai yi yi, folks, amirite?

(Longer pause. Sounds of ice clinking. Fingers drum on tables)

DONNIE: But what can you expect? You got Harambe, our president over there, probably a Muslim, probably--I've heard some very smart people say he's a Muslim--and he's got no CLUE folks, just no CLUE how to run a country and his wife is ugly and she looks like a man.

(Long pause. Someone in the audience yells "you suck!" and "Get off the stage." Donnie blinks into the bright stage lights...)

DONNIE: HEY! I don't hear any laughter! These are good jokes, folks. Very, very funny. We got all the best jokes, don't we, folks? I had some little Jew write them for me...

(Beat. Someone yells "fuck you!")

DONNIE: OK. OK. You know what? Open mic night is rigged. I tell you folks, it's CROOKED open mic night here.

DONNIE LEAVES THE STAGE. LIGHTS FADE.