I am at a bit of a loss. A little background story might help in gaining some perspective of the situation.
I am a happily married woman who has been with her husband Scott for almost eight years. We have been married for two of those eight. My friends and husband joke that I am a mild Leslie Knope with how I go out and do things for friends and try to include people. I make home made gift baskets and stuff like that I know it probably sounds dorky.
We have a mutual friend Chris who my husband has known long before me. Chris is the kind of guy who has never had a long term relationship that lasted more than a year. He has had many girlfriends and one night stands. I don't judge his character because of this. In fact it never comes up unless he brings it up in a half joking half embarrassing manner "God I can't believe I've slept with so many women, sooo many" type of thing.
Chris is also the type of guy who thinks that you have to be an asshole in order to successfully get with a woman. He also jokes around that he is into "crazies". These are things that neither I nor my husband have ever engaged him on. He has always brought up these things on his own. Most of the time when we do have conversations it has always been me, Scott, and Chris until recently.
I don't really give my phone number out, instead I opt to contact people on social media. Chris got my number from my husband to ask about how to fix his computer. He texted me asking for help and I happily gave him pointers on what to do and that was it.
Over the course of a few weeks Chris began to contact me more and he began to confide in me about his problems which I don't have any issue with. I like to be there for friends if they need a shoulder to cry on or vent. He talked about his depression and how his doctor prescribed him different anti-depressants that haven't helped that much. He talked about his dislike of his appearance, how he is lonely, and miserable at his job.
I gave him some advice about helping with the depression since I had issues with it in the past. I let him know that the company my husband was working for was hiring so he could apply for it (both have the same education and experience) although he may work in a different area. I also told him that he might be pursuing the wrong type of women and that he should expand his dating pool to see if it helped.
These conversations occurred over the course of a few weeks and I maintained a friendly relationship with Chris like I always had. To me nothing had changed and I sent him few funny videos or links on social media (something I do with all of my friends).
A few days passed from our last conversation and it was lunch time and I went to a mom and pop coffee shop that I go to every day for grub. I walked in and got in line and ordered, as I made my way to the checkout register I noticed Chris and another friend Dan sitting near the backdoor eating. This is the first time I had seen them there. (It's a tiny shop with a few tables and chairs on the inside and the outside has more tables and chairs. You don't miss people when you go in) I gave them a smile and a wave and paid for my food. I would have to walk past them in order to leave so I stopped at their table to ask how they were.
Chris didn't respond, his elbows down on the table, his face pretty much buried in his panini and Dan made a curt response with a "Hi and fine" which left me a little confused. Chris can be a moody person so I assumed they were having a bad day and I left it at that.
The next day I returned to the coffee shop and Chris and Dan were there again at the same spot. I completed my transaction and said hi to them again. I was treated with icey cold shoulders and silence and I felt embarrassed and left. A few hours later I sent Chris a text asking if everything was OK and he responded:
"It creeps me out how obsessed you are with me. You need to get over the fact I don't want to have sex with you. Spend time with Scott instead of texting me."
I was floored by this response. I asked him "What the hell are you talking about?" and didn't receive an answer. His response left me at a loss. How could he assume such a thing? I went over our text conversations and social media interactions and 80/20 he would contact me first. A handful of times I would shoot him a "how are you doing?" or "check out this funny blah blah" especially after he confided in me about his problems but were still few and far between.
I felt mortified that he would think that and wondered if he told our mutual friends. I immediately let my husband know what was going on and showed him everything. He was at a loss too but thought that maybe Chris was just being an idiot and would pull his head out of his ass eventually.
It hurt a lot. I questioned what I did wrong but I didn't treat him more or less differently than anyone else I am friends with. Everyone in our group of friends knows how devoted my husband and I are to each other. There have been friends who joked about being envious about how happy were are together. Of course I told them everything takes work and we also aren't the type of people who complain about our marital problems to others. We work it out between the two of us. Airing our dirty laundry just isn't a thing we do.
I don't know, I feel like I am questioning anything I do now. I am also worried about going to my usual lunch place in case Dan and Chris are there again. Chris accused me of being obsessed with him which is insane. It just sucks.
What should I do? Did I do something wrong to warrant this?
tl;dr: A mutual friend of my husband and I reached out and began contacting me. He confided in me about his problems and I gave him a shoulder and an ear to cry on. He started showing up at my daily lunch haunt with a friend and began treating me in a rude manner in front of people. When I asked what was wrong he accused me of being obsessed with him. I haven't treated him any differently from other friends and he was the one who got my number from my husband and 80/20 contacted me to talk. When I did contact him it was seldom and "how are you" "check out this funny link". What did I do wrong? What should I do?