My life has been kinda fucked. I got laid early on, twice by the same girl, but the first time was a catastrophe and the second time I was wasted and don't remember feeling much of anythingIt's been over 10 years since then to today, the day I finally left the planet dry spell.

I had a schizophrenic break, so thinking I was jesus for a few years did not allow me to get into anyone's pants, and then I had a problem with erectile dysfunction due to too much porn watching and rewiring my sexuality, you know, what the NoFappers are up to...

Long story short, I got laid by my prototypical fantasy, the hot fit young blonde, and it feels like the first time, for real. She was great, it was great, but the part I looked forward to the most was walking away and saying to myself "YOU GOT FUCKING LAID. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!!"

I had some kind of evolved oneitis, the pussy on a massive pedestal, and I knew it through and through. I. just. wanted. to. fuck. someone. The whole schizo episode, the impotence, wrecked my confidence so hard, and it got to the point where even if I had a clear shot at a girl, I had been rejected and seen such nasty behaviour and attitudes, I just didn't give a fuck, at all. I wouldn't even bother anymore, I just became the most stoic person towards women, not even bothering to joke around or play any kind of games, communication was direct and concise because then I couldn't get into any trouble. That was that. So there I was not giving a fuck about women, wanting so bad in my head to go laid, and knowing 100% full well it was in my head, for about 13 years straight.

That is FUCKED. SO fucked. Something l I really wanted out of life up until today is to just know that I know what fucking someone I want to fuck is like. It's like an imaginary mental temple of worshipping sex and female sexuality just disappeared, and now I can move on and explore new, real places. It's crazy because I'm 28 now, but this is an incredible weight to be lifted off of me. I feel fucking great.