Ok, you don't like the Captain/First Mate option. After reading the comments, I understand why.

I get the impression that you get defensive with your husband. You are trying to maintain control. Only, this need to maintain control undermines him and he finds it highly disrespectful. Pick one thing that you know you do that he doesn't like. For example, there was something about how he handles the children. Don't undermine him when he parents. You might not like the decision he makes, but it doesn't necessarily make it wrong. Maybe your way would truly be better, because you have the experience to know better. But, still don't undermine him (most especially in front of the children). Something unpleasant might come from this, you might be late to be somewhere, your children might fight with him, you might get embarrassed in public. Who knows, but at the end of the day, none of these things are bad in comparison to divorce. For you, for your husband and for your children.

Your desire for control is a big reason for your struggle. What is astonishing about the C/FM dynamic is how much MORE control one feels when this dynamic falls more into place. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but all of those balls you've got juggling up in the air that you are so desperately trying to keep up there, they become fewer and you become a master juggler of the ones you still have. Then when someone throws another ball into the mix, you are so under control, that it does little to nothing to mess you up.

As to making the major decisions together, I hear what you are saying, but when it comes to deciding on a house, paint color and all of those other things, there is only one choice, and one person gets there way and one person does not. Both people give input, but at the end of the day, one decision is made by one person hopefully taking everything into consideration from the other person. Basically one person gets their way. If your husband reads MRP, he likely feels disrespected in this process. We're not saying you lay down and give nothing. We're saying, listen to him. He's not a woman and he will listen, talk, respond and react far differently than a woman and he wants you to respect that from him. I would go as far to say as he needs this from you. It is foreign to you so try not to listen to your gut reaction to what we are telling you. Try to understand what we are saying in precise terms, not what you gut wants to tell us we mean.

Having said all of this, you are listening to us. You are not getting so defensive, telling us off and running away. You are getting defensive and you are still trying. This in itself is impressive and tells me that you can do this. It won't be easy, but it can work for you and it can work in ways that you never expected to be possible. Try to remain open to it. This is your marriage and it is worth the work, effort and loss of pride that will happen. What replaces this pride is a calm that I can't describe.

Give it a chance.