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submitted by shortguy4life
I'm a very short guy. I'm 5'2. My wife is taller than me, but still short at 5'4. I have found the love of my life and we have been married for 5 years. I just found out that she has been purposefully delaying us having kids because she doesn't want them to be short. She didn't phrase it like that, but instead she told me "she doesn't want them to go through the struggles I did."
My mom is 5'3 and my dad was 5'4. I struggled, being short. I had friends, but romantically was very lonely all throughout highschool and college. I met my wife at age 20, with my first romantic encounter.
We always discussed having kids, and she was never hesitant. I really thought she wanted to have my kids. I'm hurt and I'm embarrassed. I never thought my own wife is embarrassed of me. Now I'm scared my height is more of an issue than has been addressed.
She doesn't want to have my children. She would rather adopt or go to a sperm bank. She basically wants anyone's kid but mine. I've tried to reason with her, reminding her that any of the kids could be short.
I've had severe depression over my height for years. My wife was the one person that helped me through it, and helped me remember I can still be loved. And now I do not feel loved.
Maybe I'm just feeling emotional, but I'm rethinking my marriage.
*tl;dr, my wife does not want my kids because I'm short. *
all 122 comments
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[–]inkypinkyblinkyclyde 89 points90 points91 points  (0 children)
She should have told you this before you were married.
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[–]PeriwinklePunk 129 points130 points131 points  (20 children)
Have you considered she may want out of the marriage and using this an excuse/rationalization?
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[–]shortguy4life[S] 43 points44 points45 points  (18 children)
I have considered this. I have asked her for her honesty, and she says it is because of my height. I don't really know what to believe.
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[–]CuriosityKat9 37 points38 points39 points  (9 children)
It's worth a shot if she's really that eugenic; Height is determined mostly by generics. The more different equally short people are in genetics though, the taller their children. So an Asian and a Puerto Rican would have taller children than two Puerto Ricans. Nutrition also matters a lot.
My general advice: make her explain why. My guess is since you both see being short as negative, she won't change her mind unless you both fully address that insecurity. Suggest couples counseling to sort it out, with the condition that she must be honest about expectations. If this was really her reason then she lied to you for a while, and that deserves a very honest apology. Not having kids is a fairly major twist to do to a partner for such a shallow reason.
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[–]scarletsparkz 13 points14 points15 points  (1 child)
My ex was a foot taller than both his tiny parents (they were white, if that even matters). Possibly nutrition? This definitely can occur though.
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[–]Buddhamama42 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
Protein in the diet makes a HUGE difference - it directly influences the length of the femur.
One of the things you see a lot of here in Australia is Asian families (Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese) where Gandma and Grandpa are tiny - 5 foot or under; Mum and Dad are both 5"5'; and the kids are all pushing six foot (with broad Aussie twangs). That's all nutrition....
My husband is 6"5' and his Dad was 5"6' - but his Dad was born in Iraq and lived through severe rationing as a child.
When they called out the slums of Glascow during the consciption for WW1, the army officers were amazed at how tiny the men were - well under 5 foot (as well as horrified at the broad array of diseases they presented). Again - a hundred years and good nutrition have completely changed that.
TlDr: You're right - nutrition has a LOT to do with it.
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[–]Aidenbuvia 26 points27 points28 points  (2 children)
The more different equally short people are in genetics though, the taller their children.
Can you back this up with a source?
Signed,
An Asian/Puerto-Rican person just as short as her full-Puerto-Rican relatives
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[–]CuriosityKat9 -2 points-1 points0 points  (1 child)
I read a study on it that was pretty well documented. I'm sure you can google it. There were also news articles talking about the study, so you can read those if you don't want to slog through the actual study. It increases the probability of being taller, it isn't a guarantee. I just thought it was interesting :).
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[–]mysisteristrash 7 points8 points9 points  (0 children)
My SO is 6"4, everyone else (including siblings & parents) in his family is below 5"10.
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[–]abaway 4 points5 points6 points  (2 children)
My dad is about 5'6" and my mom is about 5'2". I'm 6'0" and have three brothers that are all 5'11"-6'
You're not guaranteed to have short children.
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[–]LackadaisicalFruit 1 point2 points3 points  (1 child)
I have tall parents and two tall siblings; I'm 5'5 in shoes. Definitely there are no guarantees with height.
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[–]MrLinderman 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Agreed. My dad was 6 feet, my mom 5'1 and I'm smack in the middle at 5'6. Genetics play a huge role obviously, but we don't know enough about the specific genes to really accurately predict height of children at all.
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[–]Silent_Ogion 8 points9 points10 points  (7 children)
One, she is cruel and heartless for this issue and it does sound like she is trying to get you to divorce her instead of the other way around, and two, that's not always how genetics work. My grandparents were the same height as you and your wife. All of their children (all seven of their children, including the girls)? Over six feet tall, and my father is seven feet tall.
Genetics does play a part, as do other factors. But, if she really does have her heart set on having someone else's child, I say let her. After you leave her like she wants.
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[–]nzgs 6 points7 points8 points  (2 children)
It's not cruel it's human nature. Everyone needs to find a reason to feel like a victim these days, everything has to be offensive from some angle, but the reality is that we are animals looking to secure the best genes for our children and height has massive ramifications for the prospects of a child in all sorts of ways.
It's just a shame she didn't elucidate this opinion before they were married since she must have considered it.
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[–]capsulet 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
We're not just animals though. We've evolved and no longer live in a world where we need people to pick berries off trees or fight lions. This shit is fucked up, and it's absolutely cruel to marry someone and pull this shit on them.
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[–]daquo0 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
but the reality is that we are animals looking to secure the best genes for our children and height has massive ramifications for the prospects of a child in all sorts of ways.
Sure. But she should have said before she married the guy.
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[–]Benocrates -2 points-1 points0 points  (3 children)
I don't think it's as cruel and heartless as people are making it out to be. Yah, it's going to hurt, but if her perception is that the genetic likelihood is a short child it's understandable that she is hesitant about having the child. It's like if she thought they had a predisposition for an inherited disease. Many people make the choice not to have children for that reason. It's not cruel and heartless. It's the opposite.
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[–]Giant_Sucking_Sound 9 points10 points11 points  (2 children)
What is this I don't even
Only in the minds of the terminally insecure and the habitually victimized is motherfucking height a disease. It is NOT the opposite of cruel and heartless; it's the fucking definition.
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[–]Benocrates 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
I didn't say short height is a disease. I said it's a disadvantage and it clearly is. OP talks about that disadvantage in his post.
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[–]traici 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I understand what you are saying. OP himself said he felt severely depressed because of his height. Perhaps his wife has even seen how it affected him and doesn't want her children to go through the same thing? I'm a short person (a touch over 5 foot, so even shorter than OP) and it bugs the hell out of me. I was so relieved when my older children outgrw me and I knew things wouldn't be as bad for them in that regard at least.
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[–]TIAT323 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner! Of course she's not going to tell you she actually wants out. She's using this excuse because she knows it's a dealbreaker and then you'll have to end it, not her.
Your height has nothing to do with it. Trust me she will have thought about your kids long before you go married. She's 5ft 4, what troubles? I'm 5ft 3 and I don't think my height has ever been an issue beyond reaching the top shelf and being at armpit level with most people.
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[–]jmomcc 270 points271 points272 points  (13 children)
That is incredibly insensitive of her. She could have thought this and just said she would have preferred to adopt for other reasons.
Has anything changed lately? This seems like blatant marriage sabotage to bring up your husband's greatest insecurity as a reason not to have kids.
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[–]shortguy4life[S] 51 points52 points53 points  (10 children)
We had been better than ever, before this. But I thought we had been trying to have kids. We were both so happy about it, and then she just says this to me today.
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[–]jmomcc 39 points40 points41 points  (5 children)
Did you tell her how it makes you feel? Is she kind of a blunt person?
If she told you that she loves you but she doesn't want to have kids that could be short.. would that be a dealbreaker to you? That seems like the best case scenario right now.
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[–]shortguy4life[S] 59 points60 points61 points  (4 children)
She is honest, and blunt. So am I. I can usually handle it. We make comments on each other's heights all the time, but now I can see it wasn't really a joke?
And yes, it would be a dealbreaker. Unless there is a legitimate health reason she can't have kids, I want her to have mine.
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[–]jmomcc 69 points70 points71 points  (0 children)
Well then, you need to have a conversation and tell her that this is a dealbreaker. Then follow through.
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[–]Thatonecatyouknow 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Counseling and Attorneys. Sorry bro
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[–]nzgs -1 points0 points1 point  (1 child)
You could just have kids and give them growth hormone therapy if their growth seems slow. She seemingly just wants her children to be normal height, rather than having an issue with your as a father, so this would be a simple solution.
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[–]helm 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
As I understand it, this is an option.
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[–]BullMarketOnParade comment score below threshold-10 points-9 points-8 points  (0 children)
OP delusional. Run for the hills
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[–]YuDodisRNGesus comment score below threshold-22 points-21 points-20 points  (2 children)
Hey OP, I'm very sorry about your situation but I think modern medicine can help. I have only read about this on a couple of occasions, so I don't know the correct names, but there are shots (that may be some sort of growth hormone) that your physician can administer to your children as they go through puberty. This shot will allow them to grow more in height, and I'm sure all results vary. If I could give you any more information I would, but unfortunately this is all I know.
Although I may have suggested an option for growth, I'd like to reassure you that height is variable for all people, and I am sorry people have given you and your wife a hard time about it. It's very shallow that people will judge others based on features such as height, when in reality a person is worth their weight in salt by many factors, ranging from their personality to their ideologies. It's sounds like you have found a woman you love, so I am assuming that other aspects of your life are going well too. I truly hope that you and your wife can get past the small inconvenience she expressed and live a wonderful and happy life.
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[–]exhaustedinor 17 points18 points19 points  (1 child)
Growth hormone is not used for this. It's for people with disorders that cause growth hormone deficiency (Turners etc). It is not administered to help people attain height beyond their genetic potential (at least among reputable physicians) and would be dangerous to use for that purpose.
Source: pediatrician
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[–]StitchWort 11 points12 points13 points  (0 children)
Thank you! As a shortarse I get rather pissy when people treat being at the short end of the height bell curve as if it were a disease.
Back when I was a kid there was talk of growth hormones (I don't quite understand why but my pediatrician was always ridiculously concerned about my small size) and, thankfully, my mother (also a short woman unsurprisingly) refused any suggestion of it. I understand that people in my generation given growth hormones from cattle have since developed cJD. So that's nice.
Edited to add - I think my doc thought it was Russell silver syndrome but that now seems unlikely.
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[–]Guenther110 18 points19 points20 points  (0 children)
She could have thought this and just said she would have preferred to adopt
How about not lying to him in the first place? How about telling him before they marry, or not marrying someone with whom she doesn't want biological children?
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[–]Unimatrix_Zero_ 137 points138 points139 points  (7 children)
My husband is 5'2". I'm 5'4". My husband cannot produce sperm. I knew that going into our relationship, but it was always one of those things that I never thought seriously about. We decided when we were ready for children we would look into donors or adoption. Other avenues.
Now that we have been married for a bit and are closer to buying a house, I have been thinking more seriously about the steps we need to take to start a family. It hit me that our child will never have his smile, a huge reason I fell in love with him. Won't have his laugh, his weird little ears, his gait. Our baby won't look like my husband, and it never really occurred to me. The realization has been heartbreaking, and I would do anything to be able to have a child with this man.
It pisses me off that your wife has that ability and is taking it for granted. Essentially telling you you're defective (you aren't). She isn't focusing on any of the things that she loves about you that you can pass on to your children. Maybe you can help her realize that, yeah you've had it hard being shorter, but you'll show your kids that it's nothing to be ashamed of so it's not that difficult for them. The only reason that your height is an issue right now is because she is making it one. Does she realize she's focusing on the one (in her opinion) 'negative' trait you could possibly pass down rather than all of the great ones that made her fall for you in the first place?
Or maybe you can tell her that you don't want to have kids with her either, lest they become judgmental superficial shitbags. Whatever works.
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[–]DRUNKEN_BARTENDER 89 points90 points91 points  (0 children)
My father adopted me when I was three. I have his gait, his personality, and his laugh. Your children will still have that with their father. Apparently my dad and I even have the same drunk face.
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[–]petitoignon 64 points65 points66 points  (0 children)
I am very adopted ( me black, parents white) and I'm so much like my dad it's almost comical. From personality, to how we approach interpersonal communications and critical thought. Our shared love of practicality and host of other things. As others have said your future children can absolutely pick up traits from your husband, biological or not. 🙏🏾
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[–]salineDerringer 54 points55 points56 points  (0 children)
They might have his laugh. They'll definitely have some of his mannerisms.
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[–]Joonagi 11 points12 points13 points  (0 children)
As an adoptee myself, I have gained my adoptee fathers smile, behavior and body language. Just as if, I was a biological child.
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[–]icebergmama 9 points10 points11 points  (0 children)
My kids are adopted and everyone falls all over themselves telling me and my ex how much they look like one or the other of us! Mannerisms count for a lot I guess.
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[–]nevagonnachange 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Awesome fucking post!!!
Edited to say: "judgmental superficial shitbags" BUWHAHAHAHAHA!!! SPOT ON!
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[–]wide_eyed_otter 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Everyone tells me that my adopted daughter looks, sounds and acts like me. I don't get the looks part, because I'm white with dark hair and she's mixed with blonde hair, but hey.
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[–]thomooo 20 points21 points22 points  (0 children)
You could tell her that while it waa hard for you, you did find love and happiness. Although this situation might make you rethink having met the perfect partner.
If she wants a sperm donor (of a tall guy) you can turn it around on her. Tell her you want a tall woman to be pregnant of you, see how she feels about that.
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[–]jamethielbane 56 points57 points58 points  (13 children)
I would rethink my marriage too, if this was happening to me.
IF a partner had a genetic disease that was going to cause suffering and cause any child's life to be short, impaired and full of pain, I would bring up adoption/a donor. If that wasn't going to fly for them, then I would bring up genotyping any potential embryos to ensure diseases weren't going to be passed on. Mind you, I'm talking ACTUAL diseases here, like haemophilia or huntington's chorea. Not developmental issues like blindness/deafness.
But you're just short. I'm 5'5" (and a half!) and I've dated guys who were 5'2"-5'3". So long as they don't object to me wearing high heels (which really puts my tits level with their face, which honestly is a win/win for everyone,) we're golden.
It sounds like your wife has issues around height. I would suggest that she work through them, either with a professional or by herself, or that you find a wife who doesn't mind your height.
Edit: Typo
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[–]sillynutsy 4 points5 points6 points  (4 children)
Gotta say as s haemophiliac being blind would be a hell of a lot more difficult. I just can't play lacrosse or get a tattoo not really a life full of 'pain and suffering' as you put it.
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[–]jamethielbane 2 points3 points4 points  (3 children)
I was honestly more thinking of the cost. If you live in America, treatment costs a bundle and I wouldn't want to put that kind of burden on my kids.
I had an ex who was a haemophiliac and he hated it, but I guess it's different for you.
My best friend in primary school was blind and other than the fact that braille books are bulky, it didn't seem to affect him much.
Hey, question for you. If your parents had the opportunity to screen embryos for the gene so that you wouldn't have been born with haemophilia, would theoretical-you have wanted them to take it?
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[–]sillynutsy 1 point2 points3 points  (2 children)
I'm from Ireland so it's very different. I literally have one doctors visit a year and they check if I'm anaemic (like 90% of women are) and that's it. Honestly can't answer that question but I know if I had a kid with haemophilia I'd be fine with it cause I know how it really isn't that big of a deal. Considering how there's a high chance of w person developing chronic depression, having autism etc, which may not physically affect you but impact on your life daily it doesn't seem like a sacrifice.
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[–]Buddhamama42 2 points3 points4 points  (1 child)
Plus of course the glorious statisitc that most people with severe disabilities get them from accidents, rather than being born with them.
Its all a bit of a crap shoot, really :) I didn't get my babies screedned for Downs because I wouldn't have aborted them anyway - and they all turned out to have autism !
Which, as it turns out, runs in the family. Now I know what to look for, I can see a strong streak of it in my father's side of the family - but being British and upper middle class, it was seen as "eccentricity" - rather than the "developmental neurological disorder" it was diagnosed as here in Australia....
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[–]sillynutsy 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
I think since I'm not from the states the idea of stopping yourself having children due to the cost in case something is wrong is so upsetting to me. Human life should not have a cost. And I also have friends with autism some of the kindest people I know just a tad eccentric as you say!
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              [–]SoyBeanExplosion 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
              Can you please stop being a fucking creep, thanks
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              [–]turquoiseten 24 points25 points26 points  (0 children)
              I wonder if this isn't some sort of fear of pregnancy and the unknown that is manifesting itself?
              Before we had kids, we were really concerned that our child would be ugly. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but there are some pretty unfortunate facial characteristics in our families. We also do not feel very attractive.
              When he was born, like the moment he was born, we were surprised that he was actually good looking. We had ourselves all psyched up to be disappointed or support him in this "challenges."
              I am sure this will piss some people off but I am sharing it as it was a pretty large concern for us at one point, but I think a lot of it was just nervousness about having children. The prospect of giving birth can be terrifying especially if you have heard horror stories about it all your life as many women have (even at work, etc.)
              I will also say, one thing you could counter to her is that with support and awareness of the challenges your child could face, you can help them face them.
              I had some childhood issues that my son also has but his life is infinitely better than mine was due to the parenting he gets.
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              [–]Total_Dick_Move 16 points17 points18 points  (0 children)
              I'm so sorry. I can relate. My husband is 5'2 and I'm just slightly taller. He and his ex wife had 2 children. I suspect part of the reason they got divorced is because she became resentful for the influence of his genetics on the kids. She apparently once told him she hated him for it. Demanding your wife have your child makes sense, but it can also have a terrible backlash. I think you need to ask why, if height is important for her unborn children, did she marry the shortest guy in the room? (I mean that with love.) You deserve to have the family that you have always wanted without someone you love making you feel inadequate. Your partner should be building you up, not tearing you down and reinforcing your biggest self-doubts.
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              [–]Lunette17 57 points58 points59 points  (4 children)
              Okay, I feel like I'm missing something here. I've read through the replies to this thread, and it seems like everyone - including you - genuinely believes that your wife is shallow enough to not want to have kids with you because of your height.
              But that is NOT what your wife said. Your wife said she doesn't want your kids to go through the struggles you've gone through. Call me crazy, but if I was your wife, I would be EXTREMELY concerned about your history of severe depression, social isolation, and what honestly seems to be a MASSIVE inferiority complex. You hated YOURSELF because you were short, so much that your wife had to help you remember you're worthy of being loved. I don't honestly believe your wife cares AT ALL about you being short (if she did, why would she marry you?), but she DOES care about your obsession with your height and your inability to accept it as something that, at it's core, is really no big deal.
              Put another way, I think it's more likely your wife believes that you would project your own insecurities onto your children and contribute to them having the same problems you've had. I think she's terrified of that. I think you need to realize that your issues with your height are still present and obvious, and I think you should be seeing a therapist if you honestly believe your life has been "less than" because of your height.
              It may also benefit your marriage if you and your wife start couples therapy to get to the bottom of this issue and to learn how to communicate better.
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              [–]213471118 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
              There needs to be more attention to this line of thinking. The wife was even the one to "help him" through all of this. So she's experienced the problem firsthand.
              What she's proposing is in terrible taste, yes, but I think this needs to be higher.
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              [–]franichan 19 points20 points21 points  (1 child)
              THANK YOU! I was starting to feel like I was the only one thinking this!! I'm not saying she's not to blame at all - she should have phrased her concerns very differently and it sounds like she's not the best at communicating.
              Please, OP, go to couples counseling and try and figure out what the next step will be.
              You mention you were depressed for YEARS because of your height and your wife helped you through a lot. If I were her, I wouldn't want my children to go through years of depression - that's heartbreaking, especially as a parent!
              Also, OP, I hope you don't feel like I'm attacking you, it's just that everyone in this thread is shitting on your wife and calling her a shallow and horrible human being, so I wanted to add a different perspective.
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              [–]ethr45 13 points14 points15 points  (0 children)
              Oh my gosh I can't believe I had to scroll down so far for this.
              They are BOTH so incredibly insecure about height, especially OP. When my partner and I were discussing having children I was genuinely upset about the amount of mental health issues in his family.
              Talking about genetics, and whatever you pass onto your children, is a completely normal conversation to have. I don't see any conversation here. What I see is a woman who doesn't want a short child, likely for the torment she and her husband faced about it (and probably still face!!!!!) but she was too afraid to bring it up knowing this would be his reaction.
              OP you need to actually TALK with your wife. All this talk of deal breakers is fucking ridiculous. Her concern is a completely valid one. Just as it would be if she had some severe genetic issue and you would worry if it passed onto your child and it would affect his/her life negatively. Talk to a therapist or a doctor with your wife. Don't even start getting pissy with her. Can't believe it.
              You know all that shit you said about not having a partner and having a hard time for a while? Guess what? Your short kid is gonna feel the same. You want that? No! And she doesn't either! It doesn't mean you can't have kids it just means this is something that should be talked about!
              I think you need a therapist of your own to address your insecurities so you can help raise a child without projecting any lingering emotions onto him/her.
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              [–]cocococa 14 points15 points16 points  (0 children)
              This needs to be MUCH nearer the top.
              I understand OP's immediate reaction to hearing this seeing as it has only been a few hours but a little self reflection here is necessary.
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              [–]ZombieBoobies 11 points12 points13 points  (1 child)
              So, get a donor egg of a really tall woman and use your sperm. Bet she wouldn't like that.
              Just keep being honest, and make sure there's no low blows during conversations but this is absolutely something you need to communicate and resolve.
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              [–]Nateorade 9 points10 points11 points  (0 children)
              Seems like a situation that going to marriage counseling for would really help. Get to the root of this issue- why does your wife care if your kids are short? You both figured out how to become adults and find a marriage partner and everything else. Something is going on here, and counseling might help dig it up.
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              [–]StitchWort 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
              This is very odd. I wonder if someone close to her has said something cruel or insensitive on the subject? I'm 5' and my husband 5'2 and we're childfree but before that had really become a certain decision some of our friends would laugh about our potential kids being munchkins, or hobbits. Now, for us, that was actually funny and we went along with the joke but I can imagine if someone were a bit sensitive on the subject joking like that might actually hurt them. Is there someone in your circle who might make a joke like that?
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              [–]MrsValentine 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
              Maybe witnessing your severe depression about your height put her off. I understand you're hurt but I don't think this is about you and how loved you feel. It's about your future children -- your wife obviously wants to protect them from living with severe depression like you did, which is exactly what she told you.
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              [–]zebrasandgiraffes 7 points8 points9 points  (1 child)
              Ahhh, I'm going to give a different answer than everyone here. I fully expect this will be downvoted but I think what I have to say is important.
              I think you are taking this way too personally. I will use the example of myself. I have a very severe anxiety disorder and I have suffered a lot with it. I don't know how much of it came from genetics and how much from my environment, but I do know that many people in my family have a variety of mental illnesses. Also even if you try your best to provide a good environment, you can't account for every accident or random happening and the child could still have something traumatizing happing, triggering major mental illness in them where it wouldn't in others.
              So I would understand if someone was afraid to have my children because they didn't want the children to inherit my anxiety disorder and suffer. I MYSELF am really really scared about having children for that reason. I would love to have a family but I don't want any children to suffer the way I have suffered.
              I have been directly rejected for my anxiety disorder PLENTY of times and dumped because of it.
              However, if someone didn't want to have my children because of it, I wouldn't see it as a rejection of me whatsoever. If the person really loved me a lot, and really sympathized with the pain I have been through, then it makes total sense. If we had a child together, they would likely love the child even more than they loved me. It would be horrible to see that child in pain.
              To me your situation is the same. You said that your short height caused you great pain. It sounds like your wife really loves you and it upsets her that you were in pain. It sounds like she does not want your future children to be in pain. To me it sounds like she is coming from a place of love rather than a place of rejection.
              One potential thing I think you could try is to really delve into the time in your life when you were in pain due to your height. And talk about things that really would have helped and would have enabled you to avoid the pain. If you both could get to a place where you can see that you could have avoided the pain of your younger years, if circumstances or actions in your life had been different, then I think it might help your wife be less worried. A few things that spring to mind are if you had been involved in gymnastics, or horse competitions, which are both areas where short men dominate, and they are usually way more full of girls. Maybe you and your wife could watch the men's gymnastics Olympics in Rio together, which will be full of men your height and shorter who could not have dominated their sport without being that way.
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              [–]ethr45 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
              Wonderful answer. Should be closer to the top.
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              [–]thricefriedchip 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
              How insulting! I checked the ages & length of marriage - got married too young for excitement of wedding, now she is thinking about what she wants out of a father & you ain't it. I don't think this person really loves you deeply, probably looks at husband/kids as things to have, not actual people with feelings.
              I would watch that movie with Ricky Gervais & Ben Affleck's wife (not a fan of her but was good in this role) - she plays a woman who doesn't want to make babies with Ricky because they will be 'chubby & snub-nosed' like him !
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              [–]myfemmebot 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
              Just for the sake of knowing the options, depending on your country, it might have become a regular thing lately to give growth hormones to children who are among the lowest percentiles in height. YMMV
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              [–]mimolak 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
              Gosh, to say that is so incredibly hurtful. She blamed it on something you cannot change, and she knows very well you struggled to accept it in the past. I think you are right to rethink the marriage, why would you stay with someone who will hurt you like that and for no reason.
              I agree with other posters that she either used it as an excuse (e.g. she has a crush on a taller guy who will suddenly come into picture as potential sperm donor should you agree with that route), or she has bad insecurities herself, or both. Again, pretty bloody bad on her part.
              I'm sorry OP, you don't deserve any of this and I know for a fact that there are people out there who will love you for who you are independent of your height.
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              [–]thatviolingirl 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
              I am so sorry, what a terrible thing to say to your husband and what a terrible way to phrase it. For all the struggles you've been through that she supposedly wants to spare a child, you managed to meet the woman you married at 20, so you've clearly got more game than either of you give due credit for. There's no reason a short kid couldn't have similar game. It's pretty clear to this internet stranger that something else must be going on, but you definitely deserve to feel loved in your marriage. :(
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              [–]aseo244 5 points6 points7 points  (1 child)
              This isn't fair of her, but she's thinking of the possible kid. You were very sensitive about your height growing up. With your combined gene pool, if you have a male child, then he's definitely going to have issues too.
              Edit: She probably still loves you, she just doesn't want to put a kid out there knowing they're going to have issues already just entering the world. I'm sorry for how she phrased it and timing, but I don't think she minds your height herself. But poor self-image is a terrible thing and she knows that through you and maybe even herself.
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              [–]nevagonnachange 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              So, then what is the fix?.... He already said he wants his own children and not someone else's..... To me this is the same as one child free partner and one not.... It's an impasse and a perfectly reasonable deal breaker. On top of that she knew his height when she married him and she KNEW this would crush him. She is a terrible person and I would be done. OP should thank his lucky stars that they didn't accidentally have a kid..... she would have resented OP for the rest of his life.... Run for the Hills OP!!
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              [–]arahzel 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
              You should tell your wife that my brother and I are both taller than our parents!
              Height is a genetics crapshoot. The end.
              I was pretty sure that my older daughter would be tall, but at 11 she's very petite and her younger sister (7) is on track to be much taller than her.
              I'm sorry. As much as it's depressing for you, have you ever talked about her own frustrations of being short? She may have been so supportive of your worries that she didn't get a chance to express her own dealings with being short. The fact that she is more interest in a sperm donor due to height sets of my radar that she probably needs some therapy to deal with her own issues.
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              [–]belowthepovertyline 2 points3 points4 points  (4 children)
              I'm not even going to play nice her e:
              Your wife is a terrible fucking human.
              She knew how tall you are, or aren't, we'll in advance of your marriage. Fuck her for this coming into the light of day now. Get a divorce asap, and live your life with someone who isn't suffering from Disney Princess delusions.
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              [–]nevagonnachange 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
              I agree.... I wrote this in a reply above but it fits better here:
              "He already said he wants his own children and not someone else's..... To me this is the same as one child free partner and one not.... It's an impasse and a perfectly reasonable deal breaker. On top of that she knew his height when she married him and she KNEW this would crush him. She is a terrible person and I would be done. OP should thank his lucky stars that they didn't accidentally have a kid..... she would have resented OP for the rest of his life.... Run for the Hills OP!!"
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              [–]104511 comment score below threshold-6 points-5 points-4 points  (2 children)
              I don't think she's a bad person. She's worried her sons will have a hard life if they are extremely short. In my opinion that trumps his hurt feelings.
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              [–]belowthepovertyline 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
              She knew how tall op is when she married him.
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              [–]Felix_Holt -4 points-3 points-2 points  (0 children)
              Didn't he say they got married after 6 months? That's not really enough time to fully get to know a person, especially about something so personal like his self-described depression, isolation, and feeling unworthy of love due to his height. I feel sorry for this guy and the wife should have gone about this differently, but I can understand the wife not wanting her kids to go through the troubles of being short after seeing how her husband suffered.
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              [–]luala 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
              Why do you assume it's your height? you've referenced depression - a mental illness - perhaps those are the genes she doesn't want to pass on.
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              [–]vonadler 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Height is partly genetics, but also a lot about excercise and the amount of protein and fat you get at certain ages in childhood. The Dutch are among the talles in the world, not because of genetics but because of culture - kids are fed cheese as snacks rather than bread or candy.
              Do some research and show your wife that even if you are both short, you can have tall children.
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              [–]onedayumay2016 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              my parents are both short and im 6'1 and all my siblings are tall too....
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              [–]VashettheAdem 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              I think you're right to reconsider your marriage. Very, very rarely is the first person you're romantic with the right fit for you and even if you've been together this long there's probably a much better fit for you elsewhere. Now that this cat is out of the bag, if you end up having kids you'll spend your whole life feeling that you forced her, or she will, and if you don't then you'll regret not leaving her ass now.
              This is a deal breaker, man. It's something you should have known before you got married. The whole adoption thing is emasculating at best and it makes it sound like your wife is totally in charge of your relationship. Maybe I'm misreading things but I'd say get the hell out or you'll end up miserable, raising kids that aren't even yours.
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              [–]blackrat47 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              She doesn't want the kids to "go through your struggles". I'm pretty sure that the love of your life wanting to have someone else's kids could be the biggest height-related struggle of your life.
              So she's forcing you to "go through your struggles".
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              [–]chaclon 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              "I've thought very carefully about what you said, wife, and I agree. I've decided the best course of action is for me to impregnate a tall woman that we hire as a surrogate, and then raise the child ourselves. That should be the perfect solution, right honey?"
              Her reaction should tell you enough.
              Side note: I'm 5'5 and I'm married to a 5'6. There are plenty of women out there who don't care about that, the comments section here should tell you that enough. I nor anyone else in my family has ever been insecure about our heights and I personally have never been turned down by a woman because I'm short (that I know of!). It's not something you have to be insecure of any more than your skin color or anything else about you that you can't change. It might not be some women's preference though, and that's OK too. I could go on and on (and OP, PM me if you want to talk more about this) but being short does not have to be a sticking point for you, and regardless of what your awful immature wife is saying, you have nothing to be insecure about. You will have NO trouble finding a woman who would love you how you are and love to bear tiny little children that will grow up to be tiny little adults and, if you can get your shit together, won't ever have to be insecure or struggle because they're short. Because despite your experiences and your wife's horrible words, it does not have to be a struggle.
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              [–]LimpsMcGee 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              I have a question for you...
              Assuming you did have children and your male children grew up to be 5'2" as well... How would you help them feel secure and confident in spite of the inevitable struggles they will face with dating and career advancement due to their height? How comfortable are you watching them go through school in the digital age where shoolyard cruelty can follow them everywhere? Are you comfortable watching the person you love most in the world suffer the way you have? Do you have wisdom as an adult that would help them that you didn't have when you were young?
              It's easy to jump on your wife for being shallow, but if you struggle with any of these questions it may help you see things from her perspective.
              Please understand I am NOT saying that people who are several deviations outside the physical norm should not have children. I just want you to see what her thought processes might be before you throw in the towel on your relationship.
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              [–]Thatonecatyouknow 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Hypothetically, if OP were to say to his wife, he doesn't want to give her kids because she's flat chested and doesn't want their potential daughter to have that struggle, how would OPs wife feel about that? Personally, I think it's the same thing. What a terrible and disrespectful thing to say.
              All I can say is sorry OP.
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              [–]g-dragon 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              why did she even marry you then??
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              [–]FluffyMcKittenHeads 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Man, I feel for you and that must have been tough to hear but at the end of the day I wouldn't want to have kids with someone I had to TALK into it. Children are hard enough to raise without constantly being reminded of not being good enough for your partner. I wouldn't be able to move on from this. There are girls out there who would be all about you and your genes, you should find one.
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              [–]rifrif 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              this would be a very big deal breaker for me.
              id feel scammed into a marriage with someone who knew i wanted kids.
              u should do couples therapy. me, i'm cutthroat and would walk. but you love her and deserve to try everything first.
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              [–]Pola_Xray 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              wtf? did she think you'd grow a foot after you got married??? how the hell did she think you would react to this? I am flummoxed.
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              [–]bumblebeatrice 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              I can't imagine not wanting to date someone of their height to begin with, so reading that someone doesn't want to have their (supposed) love of their life's children because of their height is just....baffling. "I love you but not enough to bear your children because you're not tall enough". I mean she couches in terms like "oh I don't want them to struggle like you do" but first of all it's not even a guarantee that any of your kids are going to be short and even if it were hopefully having loving and supporting parents to reinforce their self-esteem and understand that people who care so much about height are fucking losers and you don't want to be dating them anyway would undermine any feelings of inferiority.
              But really, I mean...I don't even think I have advice for this. Counseling? I guess? Or try to convey how much that hurts you not only because of the short thing, but that she is your wife, and to say that she doesn't want to bear your children because she finds your attributes lacking is soulcrushing, maybe she somehow doesn't realize that?
              What if you told her that you want kids with blonde hair and green eyes and since she (theoretically, if she does, pick a different color and imagine this is about that) doesn't have them, you want to go with a surrogate's eggs to up the chances that they have those features instead? That her features aren't pretty enough for you to want them passed on to your children?
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              [–]Stamps_dot_com 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Tell her you'll just have to put a baby in someone else. I'm serious, I'd dump someone if they said something like this to me.
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              [–]Dr9eyes 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              My mother is 5ft and my father 5.6ft. I'm 5.10 and my brother 6.2. I actually consider this irrelevant though because she sounds like a vicious fucker and you deserve better than that. I'm in a relationship and am totally committed and love my partner, but if she said anything like this to me I wouldn't think twice about walking out of that door and letting her know what a hurtful piece she is because at the end of the day I matter, and so do you.
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              [–]bushidocowboy -3 points-2 points-1 points  (0 children)
              I mean, is this any different than someone saying they don't want your kids because of your skin color?
              Its not. Its offensive. And its something she knew before she married you.
              This reeks of resentment and hostility down the road. Rethink this marriage.
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              [–]shemakesmecry -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
              She sounds like an asshole.
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              [–]sowellfan comment score below threshold-12 points-11 points-10 points  (0 children)
              Sounds like you had lots of problems because of your height, that made it really tough for you. Have you figured out a way to make things easier for your children, especially male children, if they turn out to be just as short?
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              [–]human_trampoline -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
              That's nuts. It's unbelievable that she a) thinks this way (I mean, seriously, what a dumb thing to make such a big deal about) and b) thought you'd be ok with this?
              Did she act surprised at your reaction? Or was she expecting you to argue back?
              I just can't see bringing this up 5 years in.
              As others have, my suspicion is that she does not want kids or is having second thoughts about kids in general so she is looking for an "out" that you could never agree to so that it would be "your decision" not to have kids.
              But honestly, that's only slightly less insane than the stated reason because why not just say you don't want kids rather than implying your spouse's gametes are trash?
              Your genes are fine and if she doesn't want them, I'm sure someone else will. Not to be flippant, because I don't doubt this is very painful.
              You have every reason to find this an upheaval to your marriage. This was not even close to the understanding you were given about the reason she wanted to be married to you. Usually being in love means you see the person as more than the sum of their parts and know their fine qualities outweigh everything else. It's terribly hurtful to say you'd rather gamble on a stranger who sells his semen than the person you are supposed to be in love with.
              I guess you'll have to talk it out to get to the bottom of it all, but you are entirely validated for having hurt feelings and marriage doubt about this.
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              [–]gauchecamo comment score below threshold-15 points-14 points-13 points  (0 children)
              "she doesn't want them to go through the struggles I did."
              that is diplomatic
              I've tried to reason with her, reminding her that any of the kids could be short.
              I mean if she goes to a sperm bank and chooses a 6'4" Dutchman she's probably not going to have that problem
              her reasons are reasonable but hurtful. you have to decide if it's a dealbreaker
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              [–]MayDayBayBay -1 points0 points1 point  (1 child)
              Have you explained that genetics aren't a straight line? I can go through tons of personal experiences as to why this is true, but what great about your situation is that it's 2016. If you both are at an end pass, go to a genetic genealogist or something similar! For a fee, they can break down the likely hood of making a child that's short by percentage and talk options. Talk to her about it and also share how you feel. The pain can turn into resentment even after the issue is fixed.
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              [–]Aggressivecleaning -1 points0 points1 point  (2 children)
              I'd be rethinking my marriage too. I have Grave's, celiac and adhd. Those are actual reasons to consider if the risk is worth the child. Your height? NOT A DAMN REASON! Lots of people are shorter than average, this is not a handicap! Would balding be a good enough reason for her to seek out a sperm donation?? The fuck?! You guys would be pretty average height in Norway, and I'm sure many other countries. Where the hell do you live that being 5'2" made you an outcast? Masai country?
              Really sorry man. What bullshit.
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              [–]Benocrates -1 points0 points1 point  (1 child)
              OP actually discussed how being short was a real detrimental factor in his life. His first romantic encounter was in his 20s because of his insecurity about his height. Being a short man in our society is a real kick in the balls.
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              [–]Aggressivecleaning 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Let me just quote you there "because of his insecurity about his height".
              Because of his insecurity. Not because his height is a handicap, but because the way it is perceived can hold him back. That sucks, but it is NOT a handicap the way being blind or sick is! It just isn't.
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              [–]pngbk -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
              FFS I married a short Singapore woman and I'm short. (both under 5'4") and we are both from short stock. Our son who is 14 is now 5'6" and still growing and will most likely hit the average of 5'9" for his nationality. Nutrition for him has had a massive impact.
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              [–]Junglerman -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
              I'm 5'10 and 20 and didn't have any romantic things yet soo yeah height doesn't really help me.
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              [–]Hellfire_Dark_Fire comment score below threshold-14 points-13 points-12 points  (3 children)
              So, I have a congenital heart defect. It killed my grandmother. It will probably kill my mother. It might kill me. Additionally, I have terrible allergies and horrendous eyesight. I lost big in the genetic lottery. I have long ago made peace with the fact that, when I have children with my partner, they would not be mine. I mean, why would I ever want to pass any of that to them? They deserve any head start I can give them.
              So bear with me, but I look at this from a eugenics point of view. I am doing my small part to make the human species better in aggregate by making sure I am the end of my fucked up line.
              Now, I get it if this feels like a rejection of you. If it feels like a total slap across the face from your wife. I think she really should have come about this from a more sensitive angle. And that is totally something that needs discussing.
              But is it really that bad to want to give your future child(ren) the best chance in the world? They would be no less your children if you adopted or used a sperm donor.
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              [–]Babbit_B 13 points14 points15 points  (0 children)
              You understand, I assume, that being short isn't life-threatening. It doesn't reduce your quality of life. Hell, it isn't even irritating unless someone with a mouth bigger than their brain decides to have an opinion on it. He's 5'2'', not dooming his children to a dreadful illness. Sort yourself out.
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              [–]Hugh_Wotmate 1 point2 points3 points  (1 child)
              Genetic risk of cancer here. I feel this so hard
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              [–]Hellfire_Dark_Fire 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
              Oof, my heart goes with you. I survived the worst of mine hopefully, and I hope you will never have to yours.
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              [–]justhewayouare -2 points-1 points0 points  (0 children)
              It's time for some counseling. What she's done is terribly cruel she's basically saying "I loved you enough to say I do but not enough to actually follow through on my vows." What kind of a person does this? She's despicable.
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              [–]69petra comment score below threshold-7 points-6 points-5 points  (0 children)
              Has anything changed lately? Else, it is a stupid reason for not having kids. Keep an eye on her. Go through her things including her cell phone and Facebook page etc. She has abandoned her vows. There is an implied understanding that couple would have children after marriage; unless there is prior understanding.
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              [–][deleted]  (1 child)
              [removed]
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                [–]shortguy4life[S] 21 points22 points23 points  (0 children)
                Looking at your posts, I'm just going to ignore your opinion.
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