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[NY] Ex-Girlfriend is threatening to press charges against me because I "manipulated" her into getting an abortion. (self.legaladvice)

filerman が 投稿

My ex-girlfriend ended up getting pregnant and I was not nearly prepared to be a father. I knew that belligerence would only hurt the situation so I knew that false sincerity and acting like I supported her were my best options.

I tried my hardest to convince her to abort, and said that I loved her and that we could even end having two kids down the road if she wanted. I told her that the two of us were just starting our lives together and couldn't take on the financial responsibility of a child (this isn't true, I'm the beneficiary of a trust fund, but I told her my parents were dead). I told her that if she got an abortion now, we'd be able to plan our futures together so that everything went perfectly.

She agreed to this, and ended up deciding to get an abortion. I thanked the gods for my luck, and took her to the clinic, dropped her off at her house, then cut all contact with her and said that we were finished.

She started texting me non-stop and left twenty voicemessages on my phone. She said that I was an asshole, and that she was going to press charges for my "heartless" actions.

I was just planning on blowing her off, but now I'm concerned. Can she really press charges for this? Did I do anything illegal? Am I going to need a criminal attorney?

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[–]Cypher_BlueQuality Contributor 30ポイント31ポイント  (0子コメント)

She cannot "press charges" against anyone for anything.

She can report the incident to the police, who may or may not take a report. They may or may not present the case to the prosecutor's office who may or may not issue charges.

The prosecutor is the only one who can "press charges."

That's unlikely because I see no criminal act here on your part.

She could also sue you- if she does, then file a response and attend the required court dates.

[–]NapalmenatorQuality Contributor 156ポイント157ポイント  (112子コメント)

Well, you are an asshole but no she cannot charge you with a crime. Not illegal to be an asshole.

[–]filerman[S] -145ポイント-144ポイント  (111子コメント)

I know that my actions appear to be those of an asshole, but please understand my perspective. I'm a 23 year old kid, just out of college and I routinely work over 80 hours a week. A child would be extremely damaging to me, and I simply am not prepared.

I have an extremely promising future and I have plans to go to grad school for my MBA after a year. I simply cannot afford to have a child of mine running around, especially with a woman who I am not wed to.

This was my only available course of action that looked out for my best interests. I had no intentions of being an asshole, I really didn't, I'm actually a really good guy all things considered. If she had carried her pregnancy, I would have paid child support and fought for visitation.

[–]grasshoppa1Quality Contributor 121ポイント122ポイント  (12子コメント)

I'm a 23 year old kid

No, you're a 23 year old adult who has been an adult for five fucking years now.

コメントをもっと表示する (2 返事)

    [–]pcopley 72ポイント73ポイント  (2子コメント)

    If it makes you feel any better you sound exactly like everyone I've ever met who has an MBA.

    I mean that in the most negative way possible.

    [–]filerman[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (1子コメント)

    What are you even implying with this comment?

    [–]pcopley 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

    You have no real life experience, care only about yourself, and you're an insufferable asshole.

    [–]retroverted_uterus 158ポイント159ポイント  (7子コメント)

    Perspective or not, you're an asshole. Take responsibility for your own sexual health and use condoms.

    [–]AdversarialAdvice 76ポイント77ポイント  (31子コメント)

    that looked out for my best interests.

    Only being concerned about your best interests and saying/doing anything to protect them is pretty much the exact definition of an asshole.

    That said, I'm pretty sure the Tom Leykis "Hail Mary" approach that you executed isn't illegal, just scummy.

    [–]pppppatrick 53ポイント54ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I had no intentions of being an asshole, I really didn't

    Lol

    [–]UnpopularWordPedant 33ポイント34ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm actually a really good guy

    Guys like you are the reason nobody believes guys who say this.

    [–]NapalmenatorQuality Contributor 50ポイント51ポイント  (21子コメント)

    Stop putting your penis in vaginas if you don't want babies. You equally are responsible for making the baby with this person you are not married to.

    Promising future will be fucked if you continue to be a very stupid asshole.

    [–]InvadedByMoops 4ポイント5ポイント  (7子コメント)

    So then why the fuck did you break her heart after the abortion? That was absolutely not necessary.

    [–]filerman[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (6子コメント)

    Because, if she ended up getting pregnant again, then I'd be bound to allow her to keep her child. The relationship was no longer necessary, therefor I terminated it.

    [–]InvadedByMoops 6ポイント7ポイント  (5子コメント)

    You know you could just get a vasectomy. Freeze some sperm, you can afford it you spoiled brat. You can get literally anyone pregnant, she's not special in that regard.

    You could have at least stuck around for a couple weeks (no sex) to make sure she's okay before breaking it off. Or are you not capable of caring about someone unless they're actively fucking you?

    [–]filerman[S] -5ポイント-4ポイント  (4子コメント)

    I'm not her psychological caretaker. If she needs someone to watch out for her mental state she should go talk to a psychiatrist.

    [–]InvadedByMoops 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Interesting how you feel that way, when elsewhere you called a woman a monster for not aborting her child when the father didn't want it. So it's okay for you to ruin someone elses life, but not for them to ruin yours?

    [–]Maquiavelico 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Bingo! He's the only thing that matters in his world.

    [–]RittlessWonder 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Hence I suggest that this man is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As tempting as it is to lay hate upon on, it is best to ignore him and just insist that he seeks treatment.

    [–]MurphyMurphyMurphy 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

    Just out of curiousity, what, in your opinion, would someone have to do to earn the title "asshole"? Just one or two examples if you can spare the time.

    Also, since you don't see yourself as an asshole for doing all this, have you or will you tell close friends and family everything you have told all of us here?

    [–]filerman[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Someone would have to initiate violence against another person, unprompted, to earn the title asshole. It is called the non aggression principle.

    [–]MurphyMurphyMurphy 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Right.

    So what about my second question? Shouldn't all of your close friends and family be proud of your intelligent preservation of your self interest? I'm sure Mom and Dad can't wait to brag to all of their friends about the great man they raised.

    (Your lack of empathy is startling, and if you've maintained sincerity throughout this thread, it's worth talking to a professional about your experience and how you feel about it. You can afford it. Please consider it.)

    [–]Maquiavelico 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I hope you find many "assholes" who want to beat the shit out of you throughout what's left of your miserable life.

    [–]catsandicecream 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Why did you dump her?

    [–]azurareythesecond 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    While it's true that a child is a terrible idea in this situation and you have a right to look out for your own interests, the methods you used to do so caused undue harm. You even admit that you lied to and manipulated her, and then you left her completely alone. No matter what, that is unduly cruel, and I can't blame her for looking into her options.

    [–]bunker_man 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I had no intentions of being an asshole, I really didn't

    What am I even reading? You can't legitimately believe this.

    [–]RittlessWonder 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    They do not 'appear' to be those of an asshole, they are of an asshole, because you are one. It is that simple. It's not a legal distinction, it is a personal insult, and the fact that others are dishing it onto you so readily is self-fulfilling about how said label applies.

    You can choose to reflect on why you have been deemed so, and make adjustments in the future, or you can disregard the opinions of people you don't know or care about. Both are more realistic options than trying to 'prove them wrong' somehow by replying to them, saying they are not true, because that is refusing to accept the reality of the situation by holding some other thing up as a counterpoint - that's not how life works.

    [–]TRexCantHearYou 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    This was my only available course of action that looked out for my best interests. I had no intentions of being an asshole, I really didn't, I'm actually a really good guy all things considered

    No. You had other options - you could have told her that her decision is her own but that YOU aren't ready for a baby and that you would get emancipation from the baby so you wouldn't have to bear any responsibility for it. If you wanted to be a good guy you could have told her that you would support her through an abortion if she wanted one. Instead you deliberately lied to her to manipulate her into doing what you wanted. You denied her the opportunity to make an informed decision taking into account the outcomes. If you didn't want the responsibility of a kid, you could have taken that choice for yourself without fucking her over about it by lieing to her.

    [–][削除されました]  (12子コメント)

    [removed]

      [–]Sysiphuslove 21ポイント22ポイント  (10子コメント)

      Guys, if you're wondering why it's so hard to get women to sleep with you, here's Exhibit B.

      OP is Exhibit A

      [–]thepatmanQuality Contributor[M] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

      Off Topic

      • Posts or submissions that are not primarily asking or discussing legal questions are removed.

      If you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

      [–]Biondina 66ポイント67ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Jesus Christ. Do the world a favor and don't ever procreate, even when you decide you can.

      [–]oxandcart 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis. Omg.

      [–]_silentheartsong 38ポイント39ポイント  (49子コメント)

      You're an asshole. Unfortunately, a legally clear asshole.

      [–]swalsh411Quality Contributor 86ポイント87ポイント  (60子コメント)

      The Council Of Supreme Assholes just called, they want you to be their new Chairman. But you didn't break any laws trust fund boy.

      [–]ContextOfAbuse 30ポイント31ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Wait, they fired Zapopa?!

      [–]swalsh411Quality Contributor 26ポイント27ポイント  (0子コメント)

      He was just the secretary. Never trusted with a leadership position.

      [–]Eeech 47ポイント48ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Dude, your writing style looks like you took a shit after eating a thesaurus. You're not impressing anyone.

      [–]IxamxUnicron 20ポイント21ポイント  (2子コメント)

      Dear lord did you at least PAY for the poor girls abortion?

      [–]TypingWithoutPants 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Oh bless your heart that you think he even considered it, let alone did it.

      [–]yankeecandle1 15ポイント16ポイント  (5子コメント)

      Wow. This guy sounds exactly like my ex. Exactly. Except I refused to get the abortion.

      [–]RittlessWonder -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Good for you. Seriously. On standing up for your choice, and for dropping the toxic ex.

      [–]RinHato 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Thread title is misleading. It should read:

      "My ex-girlfriend is threatening to press charges against me because I emotionally abused and manipulated her for my own gain"

      [–]mtws25 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

      A

      S

      S

      H

      O

      L

      E

      [–]cyanocobalamin 11ポイント12ポイント  (5子コメント)

      I don't think you have any legal worries.

      Karma might be another issue.

      In the future, honesty is the best policy.

      I think if you simply told your ex you didn't want children, period, you would have ended up in the same spot, her feelings still hurt, but you would not have hurt her nearly as much as you did with bullshitting her about a future before dumping her.

      I think you could benefit a lot by volunteering to help people in need.

      You might consider sending an honest apology to your ex. When the legal stuff goes away, send her the other half of the abortion fee, and make a charitable donation in her name.

      Good Luck.

      [–]Krystalraev 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

      This might be the only saving grace this guy could have, but he won't do it. Self sacrifice isn't in his nature.

      I hope you have kids though. The world needs more of this rhetoric.

      [–]filerman[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I will not fall on a sword because she has some hurt feelings. If "self-sacrifice" means letting someone kill me on a cross like I'm Jesus fucking Christ himself, then you can count me out.

      [–]filerman[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (2子コメント)

      I actually donate to the global fund for women, Michael J. Fox Foundation, and the ACLU.

      [–]cyanocobalamin 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

      That is good, but that is for you.

      Your challenge is to start thinking of other people and for their own sake.

      Do the things I suggested, it will be a start.

      [–]Shadow_Jedi 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

      /r/jesuschristreddit

      [–]icebergmama 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

      You lied to her to ensure that she would go through with a traumatic surgery and make a decision that could have lifelong effects on her mental and emotional wellbeing. Did you even TRY just asking her if she would have an abortion, or consider putting up the child for adoption?

      I hope she finds this post and connects the dots and is somehow able to sue you for breach of promise. It won't undo any negative effects the abortion may have had on her, but it would feel like justice.

      [–]BetteRouge 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

      You manipulated her, and then dumped her. In another thread you tell a woman who had a baby (without the penis holder's approval) that you hope she falls down some stairs. Not only are you an asshole, you're a sociopath. You don't deserve any advice. You're a TERRIBLE person. A person you'd cross the road to avoid. You should be ashamed of yourself, but you're proud of your cruel ingenuity. I wish you nothing but bad luck and misfortune.

      [–]RittlessWonder 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I submit that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a better fit for his flavour of asshole. Sociopaths tend not to worry about explaining the things they take pride in to complete strangers, nor do they feel the need to defend themselves from the comments of others while paradoxically attempting to treat the entire discourse as below them. Classic hallmarks. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568

      [–]weedXeat 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Nah OP. No crime committed. You're good. Legally at least. Not sure about morally/ethically.

      [–]breathewater -1ポイント0ポイント  (1子コメント)

      You're a total fucking cunt, dude. Contemplate suicide.

      [–]SSapplejack 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

      what in the actual fuck is wrong with you.