Deep Operations Part 3: Not One Shitpost Back

Yup. It’s that time again

Chapter 10: Literal Operation Werewolf

I’m just going to summarize this one quickly, because it seems to just be pipelaying, with very little suspense and even the action is boring. Kasha runs across some Grimeskin outriders. He kills one in a hit and run after listening to them complain about not getting booty. He meets back up with his pal Reince and a third wolf, and they resolve to fight a guerilla war against the RussiansGrimeskins. And they’re literal werewolves.

MFW

Chapter 11: Blissfully Unaware He’s the Baddy

Hans realizes he isn’t an Aryan Ubermensch, and gives up chasing the Bf109. The natives deliver helpful exposition about the dangers of the heat and following the plane deeper into the desert.

One of the prairie dogs offers to put Hans up for the night. He accepts. One of the boys tries to take his gun. Hans shows unNazi care for this untermensch’s wellbeing, and keeps it away from him.

“WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM?” the boy shouted.

CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

Hans is sat down for supper in the family house. No one’s name is given because the author is too lazy to bother with that. The kids start to ask Hans about war. DIS GONNA BE GUD

“Well, it’s terrible. Like a monster that consumes helpless men. You watch your friends get killed and die in your arms.”

You murder teenage boys and girls by the bushel because there is partisan activity in the next village. Oh wait, maybe he doesn’t feel bad about that part…

The kids just weren’t capable of understanding.

Hans was about to do what he swore he never would: Turn war experience into a consumable story. What else was there to do in this situation?

War is awful! Buy my furry erotica!

I’m getting mixed messages here…

What was the war like?

“Oh it’s so scary! We fight the bad Bolsheviks and there are so many of them!”

So bad we had to kill tens of millions of noncombatants! Can’t have those young boys and girls getting strong enough to hold a rifle now can we. That would be almost sporting.

“How many?!” One of the boys suddenly lit up.

“Very many! Sometimes there are waves of men as far as the eye can see!”

H U M A N W A V E S

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There were so many Bolsheviks that we ran out of bullets to kill them with!” He motioned to the wreath of machine gun cartridges around his neck.

Translation: We outran our supply lines cuz the enemy didn’t have the decency to lay down and die like good sports.

“Did you get away?” “Oh, yeah, we all got away!” That wasn’t true, but everyone liked a story where the good guys win.

MFW

But the girls asked about different things: Comrades, pets and girlfriends. They giggled when Hans said he had none of the latter.

Its cuz they have cooties amirite?

Hans gets drunk with the adult prairie dogs. Indeed, while in uniform, which I don’t think the Wehrmacht takes kindly to. The next day, Hans sets out in search of his bf in the Bf109 with a sack full of good given to him for free, presumably cuz of his aryanness.

Chapter 12: Not This Again.

We jump back to Asril. Her story line has thusfar been entirely superfluous. As I long for the sweet embrace of death, the author subjects me to another chapter of catgirl and her catty friends travelling the country side.

The crew dump their backstories on each other while the caravan continues Northwest at a grueling pace.

They reach a border checkpoint in the mountains. The caravan is stopped by the border guards, the land beyond having closed its borders.

Asril didn’t see how the violence started, but the angry shouts and sharp screams of adult males drowned out the children’s crying. Many in the desperate crowd were now charging the front and getting mercilessly cut down by whoever was guarding it.

Blut und Boden am I right?

What vexes me about Asril’s plotline is that it’s clear from the exposition that the author doesn’t seem to have a lot of sympathy for the dispossessed. When they’re herded into concentration camps or massacred by border guards, it’s treated with the same sort of meh attitude that swatting a mosquito would be.

Chapter 13: Hans Continues to Be a Shit Protagonist

This one is titled “Hans Solo.”

I bet he thinks he’s so clever.

“Hey. Human. Get up.”

Hans’ head was still pounding. How did he get here? He remembered being placed in a cart by the meerkats the other day while he was hung over, but remembered little else.

For a supposedly battle-hardened soldier, Hans ends up unconscious a lot.

Hans finds himself being awoken by some black canine furry.

“Your master has a strange sense of fashion…” He mused at Hans, then stepped out onto burnt orange sand.

Furry master race?

Hans ignores this, and continues his quest to find his bf in the Bf109. The canine tells him it flew low over a place called Deltia (real original). Hans asks if he is in Deltia. The canine informs him that this is Urkan, which is the first non-generic place name we’ve heard this entire story.

Urkan has a sort of Persian/Arab aesthetic. The natives are like hyenas and Hans doesn’t find the women attractive.

Hans finds a dockyard on the river, and he charts a raft. He asks again about the “black airship”, and is informed:

“You mean The Black Ship? You know, it flew over our city, exploded a purple light over us and then went screaming off over the ocean and to heaven itself.”

It bombed the town? Who would do that?

INDEED WHEN HAVE NAZIS EVER BOMBED DEFENSELESS CIVILIANS?

Hans learns of things happening in the North Continent (ORIGINAL PLACE DONUT STEEL), which we’re clued in is the same place as where Kasha’s story is going. Hans decides to leave the lands of the Anubian Jackals and head to the North Continent. In Deltia, he encounters another human.

Stepping in, his eyes adjusted to the light. Behind the desk he saw the flash of a green helmet with netting over it. Against his better judgment, Hans took a cautious step inside. It was another human. And in a light green uniform. The man’s eyes bugged out when he saw Hans.

IS IT GLORIOUS FREEDOM?

But Hans was faster on the draw, and before the surprised American could reach for anything, Hans’ Mauser was pointed right at the enemy’s face.

Of course, his Aryan reflexes assured this.

So there were other humans here, and obviously not just from the North Continent, either.

Thank you Hauptman Obvious

Chapter 14: Insanity Ahab Rides Again

The author continues to not know what chapters are for, and we pick up right where we left off.

“Hey, come on. There’s no war going on here. You—you don’t need to do this.” The American to Hans in perfect Deutsch.

“You speak German?” Hans asked.

“Uh… No. Do you speak English?”

“No.”

“Hmm… Interesting…”

Now I was fine with just ignoring how there was no language barrier in your secondary world fantasy, but now you gotta go tugging on my suspenders of disbelief. Really boychick, you need all the help you can get with this piece of shit.

Hans backed away slowly and made his way to the door. Deltia had plenty of other inns.

The American protested. “Wh-what… Where are you going? Come on, man. Don’t go! You’re the only person I’ve seen form home!”

Hans spent a second looking at the blue eyes under that netted helmet. “Do you mind if I search you?”

“No! Sure, go right ahead!” The American leaped up to his feet.

I’m guessing the American is going to turn out to be both a sniveling excuse for a soldier and a fucking wehraboo to boot.

Hans begins patting the American down. Alas, there will be no hawt man loving this chapter to go with the homoerotic aesthetic of Nazi propaganda.

“Been here long?” Hans tried to sound friendly.

“Four months.” He sighed. “I was just playing video games and ‘boom!’ Here I was.”

“Video games?”

MFW

This shit was dumb enough without acausal bullshit creeping in. The American is named James and he’s from the far off future of 2009. He hands Hans a ‘Rolling Rock’ beer, cuz apparently he came to this world stocked with cheap American brewskis.

James begins giving Hans the highlights real of the future, including spoilers Germany loses the war. But it’s okay cuz they have the best economy in Europe, and their foes have been laid low too.

Hans considered himself a National Socialist, even though he wasn’t in the party. He certainly believed that Bolshevism had to be destroyed. If the war was lost, then all that Hans and his Comrades fought for was a failure.

This is the future of your ideology Hans

Actually that’s too dignified.

It’s more like this

He sat back and thought about it for a moment. Could it have been true that they sacrificed millions of lives trying to kill Bolshevism, and failed, only for Bolshevism to fall apart anyway? If so, god sure had a sense of humor.

The Warp is beginning to overtake me.

This as sophisticated as this little shitbird’s politics. Just like you can’t blow up a social relationship, you can’t kill ideas as though they’re some building. By killing Bolshevism, of course he means killing Bolsheviks. And by Bolsheviks, well, I guess since those Slavs contracted Bolshevism, they all need to be put down like rabid dogs.

“And if those English in Rhodesia knew what was in store for them, I bet they’d have joined the not-sees and hit the damned reset button!”

MFW

All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Trotskylvania, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby-DickLen Gilbert. He piled upon the author’s White Pride the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his heart’s hot shell upon it.

Jesus Titty Fucking Christ, James is literally the author incarnate.

Hans continues chasing his bf in the Bf109, all the while musing that the future might not actually be so bad because James has a horrible grasp of history.