summary: Indian, 31, fell in love, married, walking off his marriage.

When you got no clear idea of life, you conveniently fall for the formula: Study-work hard- save for a home- impress women- settle in life.

This is a formula that is a convenience to the current (flawed) concept of living life. However illogical it may sound. This is like how nobody wants the current debt cycle to burst. The Gubmint has made us all partners in their crime by allowing the real estate and housing valuation to inflate. If you ask for some sanity, you get the threat of losing your savings wiped off by another recession. I'm digressing.

'I tried to keep her happy'

The above sentence has got no meaning. Happiness is a state of mind. You can't keep someone happy. You need a feel of contentedness with life, either partial or full to be happy, which i find, most women lacking. I was tired of taking leisure trips with her, when she, instead of relaxing, keeps swiping the facebook feed. Constantly updating me with what we should do in the next vacation. Europe tour. Infinity pool. bla bla. Women live the moment- my foot.

If you pick/get a girl from the conservative east and think mgrow/redpill is all a temporary haze, you only need to give it some time. The bluepill society/movies/soap operas/advertisements will infect that cunt and in no time, you get to enjoy the shorter end of the stick. ''i told you so''.

The problem with this apparently flawed approach of ''keep finding till you get the soul mate'' is, over time, depression and such mental illness creeps in. It's that feel of anguish over wasted years and lost opportunities. You refuse to give up- either it's the ego, or the 'all's well with blue pill'' belief that keeps u still registering in every new dating/match making site. This will make you lose the ennui for life. That's why the earlier you become the mgtow, more the merrier. Glad i didn't have kids in this marriage. I have lost a significant $$$ from my savings in this marriage but still it's better late than never.

The promises that blue pill made you are like those words in the sales pamphlet. 'modern luxury flat surrounded by gardens and cascades'. When you move in and sit back in that couch and think, you realize it is much ado about nothing. Oh yes the wife wouldn't let you sit there and think about it; it would be always getting the artful window curtain, bigger car or another trip. More expenses and you dragged into this capitalist mode, and when you work your ass of making money, later you are accused of 'you've changed a lot', or 'you don't love me anymore' or worse, 'i found love somewhere else'.

Bring kids into this and the soup thickens. You either think of financial burden and put up with it or find solace with convenient quotes like '' i see happiness through my child's eyes '' oh yeah.

No offense to those with kids, but there's no rule that you gotta burn to make someone happy.

Nobody can give you a better opinion, judgement, idea to solve your life's problems than the person whom you see in the mirror. He is the one whom you always talked to. Have a honest 1-1 with him.

It doesn't feel right. This is not the way to live. Thinking about it, this is not the perfect system. This blue pill society is something that is a sad excuse for a world that still uses religion to hold it's shit together.

I was blank and was apprehensive of living a single life for the rest of my life. This is where diary writing helps. You only need to read your history to understand why it all happened.

It's a lonely path. The charm in it is, it is undefined. It is like the moment when Cooper squeezed his heart to bid goodbye to his young Murph before taking off from earth(interstellar movie reference). Hope i fill it with pleasant memories and full of life.

Remember, choosing MGTOW is only a decision making phase of life. You need not keep justifying why you did it all the time. There used to be a rage and hatred against women in me, but now i simply don't care. It is a fucking huge world, with lots to learn. It's always a choice.

Best wishes to those who still have faith and think blue pill is the way forward. Your experiences are the reason why i am here.

ps: i just kept typing, please excuse the imperfections.