Seeking Advice: married to red pill

PaperStreetVilla · 13時間前

I've kept this one up. Yes, I know it's a question (and I'm usually all over it)

There's value here for you to glean, take advantage

For OP. Have you tried being pleasant company, being sexually available, not bad mouthing him in public, and encouraging him to be the captain of the ship (relationship?)

Also, forgave him.. what did you forgive him for? Why? If you could expand on your 'not perfect' that would be helpful too

NeoreactionSafe · 12時間前

Feminine Polarity

This is the answer.

He's my best friend.

This says a great deal.

You did not say:

"I look up to him as a source of stability and objectivity... he's my rock."

So what this tells us is you "had" a relationship that was essentially non-sexual.

You guys were "roommates".

What the husband wants is to tap into his Masculine Polarity and be the man... he wants to wear the pants in the relationship.

Which is why he is such a hard worker and the CEO of a major corporation. Oops! No, he isn't that at all you work and he plays "Mr Mom" at home.

The root cause is confused sexual identity.

He desires his manhood back.

You must decide to either give into him and possibly discover your feminine polarity that seems to be hidden because of Blue Pill brainwashing or risk losing him.

You are typical for women today... Androgynous in thought.

We hate Androgyny.

The answer again is to discover your feminine polarity, learn to submit to him. It might be too late as he is already disgusted with you, but you can try at least. Let him know you will do anything for him.

Play the female role.

This is your only hope.

stonepimpletilists · 13時間前

There it is.

EDIT: Lady, let me ask you a question, no one has ever gotten it right yet. If he was here, right now, talking here. What would he say about you? What would his reasons be for taking the pill? And why the need to upend his current life and worldview?

Here's the catch, you will have to describe you at your worst qualities in his eyes. No women has been able to do this yet, and I've asked plenty

RPthrowaway123 · 11時間前

When you say you'll do whatever it takes to make it work, have you tried fucking him hard and dirty like you probably used to 8 years ago? He didn't find the red pill because he was happy with his relationship and life - none of us did.

So something had to push him to seek us out. Was it a dead bedroom? Did you disrespect him? Stop sucking dick? Stop doing wife things like chores, cooking, ect? Were you disinterested, assuming he would always be there?

If he was straight up talking to you about divorce rape and shit then it's clearly something he's concerned about.

Those are just a few points off the top of my head. The bottom line is, no man finds TRP because he's an alpha with a perfect life and relationship already. So you have to be honest with yourself an consider what changed, and specifically what changed with you, that might have caused him to go looking for answers outside the beta-bullshit he's been fed from everyone else in his life which likely includes you as well. I hope you respond OP, I'm curious to hear your answers.

alphabeta49 · 12時間前

I don't want to lose my best friend.

Men don't want to be their wife's best friend. They want respect, deferment, a feminine counterpart, submissive loyalty, and awesome, desire-filled sex. How much of those things have you been giving him?

I'll be that you've got him in a beta box, and either he was put there or put himself there, and he's pissed. Read the link from stonepimpletilists. It explains everything wrong with your expectations.

Not to say he's doing everything right. If he reads *Married Red Pill, he should know that he's royally fucking things up by lingering in the anger phase. But that's not your job to fix. Fix yourself, become what men want, and if he doesn't want that, then so be it. But you don't give us anything to work with except that your feelings are hurt.

UrsusG · 12時間前

Skillful troll is skillful.

Congrats, you've elicited a response from a mod and many Endorsed Contributors.

On the off chance that you're for real:

Help me redpill.

Pardon my crassness, but we need to get the fundamentals out of the way: have you tried fucking him eagerly and not being a nag? This usually fixes 90% of marital problems.

zarathustra91 · 11時間前

Frequenting red pill sites does not make a man an alpha male. Like any information, it can be misinterpreted, or selectively read, to remove cognitive dissonance about toxic ideas or justify otherwise unacceptable instincts. Misogyny, xenophobia, and racism, are not alpha male behaviors. They are weak reactions to perceived threats.

People accuse others of the offenses they are most guilty of. If he's accusing you of plotting a divorce rape, he's thinking of divorcing you, and putting some serious thought into his strategy. Again, a weak reaction to a perceived threat.

Your husband is probably scared. If he woke up to TRP theory after you married, he's probably terrified that he's made irreversible decisions that will make him unhappy. If you bought an expensive car, and then found out about Uber, you might freak out that you'd made a dumb decision. Remind him of the value of owning his own car.

My advice: 1. Make sure he feels powerful. 2. Avoid non-pertinent SJW topics for a while. He may perceive your viewpoints as threats, although they actually have nothing to do with your relationship. 3. If he had any previous relationships that fell apart because of the other person, make sure you take his side.

Edit: I originally deleted number 4 because I thought it might be offensive. That was a disservice. 4. Sex and aggression are closely associated for men, as are sex and love. Let him wreck you. My gf is the strongest most empowered women I've ever met, and she's a great partner in life and my best friend. But then in bed she is my submissive bimbo and I tear her apart. She provides an outlet for my frustrations and fears of weakness, and I'm grateful to her for doing that for me. Distasteful as it may be, if you ignore that aspect of a man, it will manifest itself as aggression elsewhere.

e9579bd4 · 13時間前

See if you can get him to read/work through Athol Kay's stuff with you.

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8/

David Deida's work may be too abstract for him; but it might be helpful to one of you in dealing with male/female polarity issues.

henrykay · 13時間前

Okay. So you work while he watches the kid. You don't say anything about him working, so I'll assume he doesn't work.

It sounds like he's very heavily occupied with video games.

He suddenly decided to seek out TRP and drastically change his views to become hostile towards you.

You were never perfect but you always forgave and were always committed.

You write nothing about how the sex and intimacy was before or after the change.

These and other pieces of the puzzle don't fit together. There's so much missing here. People in exceedingly happy marriages (without getting into whether that's possible) don't wake up one day and start seeking out literature on how to become hostile towards their spouses. People in unhappy, unfulfilled, sexually frustrated marriages do.

Something is off here.

juliusstreicher · 13時間前

Wait...he stays at home, while YOU work? And, he tells YOU not to divorce rape HIM? LOL X 1000.

You don't need counselling, you need to boot his ass till he gets a job. Obviously, he's a man-child.

squidracer · 12時間前

Sex.. The correct answer is always sex.

And blow jobs

enjoytheloss2 · 12時間前

TRP takes a fuck ton of time to absorb and apply. Your man sought it out because he looked at himself, his wife, his life, and everything and needed a fucking change.

A big fucking change.

Maybe he needed a change because he's a piece of shit. Maybe it's because you're an oppressive harpy. I don't know.

I don't know how you guys treat each other. You could be a woman who is aware of exactly how she comes across, or you could be one of those women who thinks they're being nice when they are being complete cunts. I don't know. Maybe you don't appreciate his positive attributes.

He could be a little bitch who whines about how life is hard or he could be an introspective master of the house. I don't know. Maybe he doesn't appreciate your positive attributes.

Now that you know how little I know my (COMPLETELY FUCKING UNQUALIFIED AND PROBABLY WRONG) diagnosis is this: he's angry that he hasn't been the alpha master of the house all of these years and he envies men who have pulled it off - men who post in this sub. He also, to a degree, envies the men who don't get married and slay mad pussy while being happy (yours truly). He's taking the self-loathing for where he 'should' be out on you because he's not aware how easily that can happen. He has yet to become stoic and really put in the effort day to day to be a better man because he hasn't sorted out the wealth of information provided here, even though we would explicitly tell him to lift, focus on your goals, and lead your family with strength and grace.

He's probably gotten lazy about his body and his expectations for sex. He wants it daily but he doesn't bother to woo you and make it fun. He wants his kid to be more confident than he is but how do you be a leader when you feel like crap, etc. He's comparing himself to SOME of us and quite frankly he probably fails to measure up.

You probably have said verbatim some of the things we talk about here. Things that are not good. Things that create unneeded strife and chaos for reasons I won't go into. He's pissed that he let you say those things to him and never had a good response. He's pissed that his dad never told him some of these things. He's pissed that his dad never knew some of these things.

It's a hard fucking road and as we say here, TRP is a bitter pill to swallow. It takes over your mind as you adjust because your previous patterns of behavior fight for survival.

What needs to happen is this mother fucker needs to calm his ass down. Stoicism is very helpful for organizing one's thoughts. After those thoughts are organized he'll begin to lean on them to create new patterns of behavior - assuming he's able to. Some people are dumb/stubborn/illogical and will have great difficulties. Generally I hope he's not a shit head about it, for your sake. Aka domineering vs dominant.

What you need to do? Well the other responses are fine. Be a good girl. Try your best. Encourage the positive changes. [Oh honey you joined a gym, you're starting to look better already! -then suck his dick after he comes home-]. Spice it up. Buy handcuffs and tell him to do whatever to you. Don't boss him around, ever.

I don't know how he's going to define TRP in his mind and what it will eventually mean for you. Maybe show him this thread. Show him you want to try. Give him the info so he can allocate it, but don't demand to know his conclusions.

Don't cheat on him, if he's angry he might just lose his shit on you. Fair warning.

Coast2CoastAssBlast · 12時間前

The key questions here are as follows:

Why does the Redpill resonate with your husband? What exactly is making him feel emasculated?
Is your husband actually happy with life as it has been? Or have you been happy and assume he must be too? Think about the dynamic between a 1950s husband and wife prior to the women's liberation movement. He was happy, she was not. Except now the roles are reversed.
Your last line "Help me Redpill, I don't want to lose my best friend.". Does he have other friends? Do you? Does he want best friend or a wife?

I'd be curious to get an answer to these questions from you but if you don't want to say on here they are still worth thinking about.

You say you are a feminist so this analogy may help. Take the Redpill and it's effect on many men's mentality as seriously as you would the effect of feminism on the 1950s women's mentality.

exhaustedbutsmiling · 13時間前

----JUST POPPING IN REAL QUICK BECAUSE HOLY SHIT I GOT REPLIES.

By all means continue the discourse, I'm just letting you know I'll respond properly to each thing in a couple of hours.

f0ster5 · 13時間前

As u/stonepimpletilists said, first try and understand what reasons he had for coming here in the first place.

Of course I don't know his side of the story, but from yours it sounds like he's only half understood some of our ideologies. We are not misogynist, nor racist.

Reading the Red Pill learning to be outcome independent is NOT the same as becoming cold hearted to people that do kind things for you. If he was kind and appreciated things you did, then all of the sudden read the sub and started saying to your face he doesn't care and blows you off about everything, is making threats against you in fear of divorce, somethings definitely wrong and he needs to come back and re-read the sidebar.

Of course as I said this only knowing half the story, so maybe at risk of turning the sub into a Jerry Springer debate for a thread, you should get him here to read it himself and maybe even get him to give his side. Normally that would be annoying but I think you had some gall to come on to our sub that most women demonize for whatever reasons they have to ask help.

ImmortanBro · 12時間前

Fascinating.

The Red Pill at its heart is not a cure that fixes any one relationship. It's more like a set of philosophies and steps to ensure that a guy doesn't enter into disadvantageous relationships, and to maximize satisfaction within relationships.

That's why so much of the advice to guys is "improve yourself, guy/next her, guy/dump her, guy".

Its like poker----some hands are unwinnable, but a good poker player can maximize his wins over time, and come out on to overall.

So the theory goes that, in this case, guy should:

-Be the earner in the household

-be high value and mostly do high value things (less video games, more working out and growing as a person)

-Treat himself well, and treat his woman well as long as she is doing her duties as defined by nature/him

-NOT LET ON ABOUT TRP!!!!

doesn't seem like he's doing that stuff.

Wife, I don't think there's anything you can do, because you're not the first domino, he is.

You can cook and clean and blow him, but if he was doing this correctly you would be COMPELLED to cook and clean and blow him.

Instead you are talking about how butt hurt he is on message boards that he likely frequents.

This does not bode well for your future.

I honestly think you should go with your gut---fuck him when you want to, be nice when you want to.

If he's doing it right, you'll want to, if he ain't, you won't.

Doing it when you don't want to is bad feedback. He's not just not learning, he's learning the wrong lesson.

Basically, anything you do that's unnaturAl is delaying the inevitable. He has to master this for you both to be satisfied.

So if you're a dude and this applies to you--DUDE SHES TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!

You let her know about TRP, you appear sullen and angry, with a lot of free time and no money. THAT IS NOT TRP!!!!

Lift, get income, cut back on meaningless pastimes, and always have a demeanor of amused mastery.

YOUR GIRL WILL LOVE YOU BEST WHEN SHE FEELS SHES WITH A BADASS THAT COULD EASILY REPLACE HER. DONT BE MAD AT HER FOR THAT. BE BETTER, AND YOULL BOTH BE HAPPIER.

Beegsi_ · 13時間前

What's up with men who learn about the red pill and other manly sites only to allow their wives and girlfriends to find out what they are reading. Rule number 1 do not talk about the red pill and delete your fucking history. [edit spelling]

FatStig · 13時間前

We don't agree on these things anymore (maybe we never did?)

You never did, now he's just standing up to you instead of the happy wife happy life bullshit.

I'm glossing over some details for the sake of brevity

Mmmmkay....

(which is kind of funny given how much I've written)

Which just happen to just paint you as an angel.

I don't want to lose my ~~best friend~~ walking ATM and emotional tampon.

FTFY

Best case, you are being dread gamed. More likely he's decided you are bad for him. Unless you change to be a net benefit you're out unless he's a chump.

MattyAnon · 13時間前

He doesn't love me anymore. I've told him I'll do whatever it takes to make it work, make it better, but he has explicitly said he doesn't want me to.

Your relationship is over. Quit blaming TRP for this and start looking at what you have done and not done that might have been a contributing factor. ie quit the man-blaming when things don't go exactly as you want in life.

I've never planned to "divorce rape" him, or try to take sole custody of our child. I grew up in that life, I've seen what it does to people, and I never want that for our child.

Yeah, I notice you're not ruling it out though.

I'm willing to fight for him and our family. But I have no idea how to go about it.

Simple: be a good wife. That's what he wanted when he married you, so give him that.

Here's some clues to doing that:

Never nag
No whining
No drama
Do your share of things
Appreciate him
Be pleasant to be around
Great sex
Quit blaming him
Quit blaming TRP

eccentricrealist · 13時間前

Are there any details you're leaving out? I'm very glad you have a mindset of wanting to preserve the family and all, but if he's not working and is constantly paranoid, maybe he needs to get out more? Maybe you're not that pleasant when you're with him? Still, small details like hitting pokestops for him and all make me feel that you're taking care of more details, so I don't know. Being aware of the odds being against you shouldn't make you paranoid either, it's not a good way to live. Still, to make any concise judgement I think we need more details.

Equilibriun · 12時間前

Talk is cheap. You said some things. He pretty much said fuck what you say. His action is "I just don't give a fuck anymore" You can't figure out why. Stop talking about it. Show him you aren't shitty. Be not shitty. Even if he is. Cause believe me he's been not shitty to you when you have been intolerable.

The best part is, two weeks ago is when you wanted to change. Not before. When the plans you wanted became in danger. A house, which no guy needs. More kids no guy needs.

When's the last time you did something that made him want to love you

aznredpill · 13時間前

Hold your end of the deal. Sex, cook, raise your kids, be affectionate, and basically be the woman. If you do that, he will be the man.

talcobh · 13時間前

This is gonna be a tough one... obviously he has absorbed the toxic parts of TRP and lost sight of what it really was about, which is about bettering yourself (becoming a better man) and better understanding women. You seem like a great woman, and given his cynical point of view if you do confront him about it and put your foot down on what you expect from the relationship, it might just confirm his toxic beliefs about women and alienate him even more. Might I suggest you bring him to marriage counselling, so a professional could help him to come to his senses and realize the damage he is doing to his marriage/life? I don't think that any of us are qualified to deal with this kind of difficult/nuanced situation, in my opinion its better to contact a professional for this sort of thing. Best of luck!

JKossuth · 12時間前

Im sorry OP, I think your husband may have latched onto some of the less respectful aspects that sometimes appear in this subculture. Many who are new to the RED PILL culture have their eyes opened and aren't sure how to handle the new perspective. They arrived here because they felt betrayed by women or that the odds are stacked against them, or that they now have to make up for mistakes in their own past that have lead them to feeling lesser. They like to point the finger at women, but the truth is that they just haven't learned self control yet, or self-respect. Keeping your mouth shut won't help. If you like, PM me. I have a psychology background and this isn't my first rodeo. I can help you confront him if you need to even, call him out on his own shit if needed. I admire your resolve and your willingness to "do whatever it takes" to try and make things work. I might be in the minority here, but I think any man would be lucky to have a wife with that attitude... unless for some reason he has just realized/decided that he doesn't really love you.

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