Experienced dudes: Do you tell a plate you’re married?

redmountainpill · 21時間前

Here's my experience with a plate, from when I was fully blue pill. I'd never had sex with anyone beside my wife, I was jerking off to porn and sexting random girls everyday. I avoided my wife and newborn daughter because I hated myself and my life. I finally found a girl that I thought would be discreet. She was married, too, and just a dirty slut that couldn't get enough of my cock. So I thought, here's a girl who has a lot to lose if we get found out. She'll keep her mouth shut and legs open. Well, I got tired of her eventually and hated sneaking around and fucking her in the back of my truck. It was exhausting. Thrilling, but I wasn't sleeping, my work was suffering, and my body was falling apart.

I ended it with her and ghosted her. But I was still trolling dating apps looking for another hookup. One girl was never going to be enough because I didn't find happiness from within. Then, one day, the husband of my plate finds out. The bitch had a bunch of photos of my dick on her phone. And she tells everything. Even gives him my phone number. So he calls me up, threatens to tell my wife and people at my work. So I have to tell my wife myself. The last year and a half has been hell. I still may lose my daughter. That's why I'm here. And that's why I'd advise you, if you want significant time with your kids, to man the fuck up. The grass is greenest where you water it. If, after a year of applying MRP to your life your wife is still low-value, then by all means divorce her and spin plates.

The path you are on may seem attractive, but at best it is an escape from your life.

irateMD · 17時間前

It sounds like you're still pissed that your wife initiates like a woman instead of initiating like a man. It's a covert contract that will never be fulfilled with any woman outside the honeymoon phase or while high. You're getting that from this new chick, but she'll eventually resort to initiating by showing receptiveness most of the time, just like your wife.

It sounds like you're still trying to make up for missed opportunities, now that you know how to attract women. How many women will you have to fuck to erase your memory?

Both of these have the same thing in common - your need for validation from women. You're at dread level 8 but you're still at step 1.

After your first post, I mentioned in a PM to another user that I thought you might be an alt for Cad. Your attitude was so similar that I thought you might be Cad trying to emulate the writing style of /u/jacktenofhearts. After that first message, I said that it was only a matter of time before you announced how successful you were in plating women while remaining married.

Look at what happened to Mystery and Style, especially Mystery. That's what happens when you need validation of your desirability to women.

I don't care if you cheat or why. You'll do whatever you want anyway, but I think that other guys in a similar situation need to think about why they want to cheat. It ain't orgasm - you can get that with Palmela Handerson. Maybe you're looking for a high, like /u/ex_addict_bro, padding your ego, or trying to secretly punish your wife like some kind of covert contract punishment. Think about whether fucking around for those reasons makes you stronger or weaker as a man.

Maybe you're like Cad claimed to be and are staying married only because of child-rearing and monetary issues. If that's the case, then go nuts, as long as you're prepared for the possibility that any one of these plates can blow your shit up. When you're fucking around, you're always one herpes outbreak away from divorce.

Edit for the newbs:
OP is skipping levels of dread for this specific chick because she might touch his dick. It's a lack of abundance mentality. It may even be a touch of Oneitis, to put himself at financial and personal risk for this particular chick before he's ready. If he's not personally and financially prepared to walk out of the marriage today, then the entire plan is weak beta shit shrouded in red pill jargon.

Pinelero · 21時間前

LOL! topless making out not leading to sex- sounds like you're in high school!

No advice from me on how to be sneaky, but a smart woman has probably already did the social media search on you too.

MeatCurtainRod · 21時間前

I learned the hard way for this context: ALWAYS be truthful. ALWAYS be honest. This shows integrity, which is always a plus in the dating world.

Remember that girls will ALWAYS escape moral agency. So if shit goes down, you are 100% in the wrong. And I didn't even mention the fact that as a married person, you are also held up to a higher standard than single people.

alphabeta49 · 20時間前

Your story is strangely similar to mine. Two small kids, low n count, wife not employed significantly, ready to cheat. Except that I did cheat. A lot. And the wife found out. Because I wasn't ready to give up my family, my life was hell for a year until I manned up and owned my mistakes. Our relationship is significantly affected to this day because of my affairs.

Even u/theultmatecad, may he rest in peace, would have had his family destroyed if his wife had found out about his affairs. Now, his frame was likely strong enough that he would have weathered it just fine. But dude, you're not even close to being there. If this blows up, you'll crumble. Probably end up begging your wife to stay, or to at least allow you to see your kids. You'll backtrack, end up apologizing for cheating, and make it that much harder to be respected.

Don't do it. Figure out why you can't keep your dick in your pants, and go from there.

I didn't take the time to read your post history. How's the sex with the wife? That makes a big difference in my books.

And as to your question: polarizing is good. Even though you're lying to your wife, at least you won't be lying to your girlfriend.

Scurvemuch · 21時間前

Fear is the mind killer.

If you fear loosing you surely will - but you aren' there yet.

35 yo making out topless with a guy and no sex, and LMR??? Wha?

Oh and I assume you do not wear your wedding band ... why are you trying to get to Dead 11???

you ain't ready dude!

If you were ready, you would be here telling us about how you either chose to fuck her and did, or chose not to and didnt, and what you are doing instead.

ReddJive · 19時間前

In your OYS post you said this:

But I don’t really WANT to be married and I’m choosing to stay that way and knowing the painful-but-swift option exists but being too conservative to take it is why I feel trapped.

Seriously. What the fuck are you doing? Have an affair that's nothing to me, but are you just going through the motions here on MRP for some other reason?

Near as I can see you are taking risks you don't need to. On one hand you are eking out your existence until Christmas comes. Weak.

On the other hand you are taking a risk that could blow it all up. You had some good gains but because one of your buddy's has the life you want? You're going to go all in like this?

Build that life. Put more work in then following the instruction book like all your posts read. LIke I told you in OYS you are literally in limbo. And now I read this and it's like you are looking for experiences to perk you up. To make it exciting. That's what women do.

Either way you want out but aren't man enough to punch that D button. If you hate being married so much stop MRP and get out for fuck's sake.

For some reason you are all hot to get your dick wet with half a dozen chicks, and risk ruining your wife's and your kids life over it. Is that what a man does? In OYS you deny feeling trapped but that's exactly what you describe you are. Trapped. You don't want the life you have, but brother...you decided it. And now you are taking it out on your family.

So sure...we use Cad as an example of cheating and it's usually in the vein of he did it why not me? BUT he, and I am sure others here have very exact reasons as to why other then...why not?

Yet none of the reasons I have heard here are because they are bored. And that is exactly what I get from you. You are simply bored.

As /u/alphabeta49 said you aren't ready for this. In so many ways.

By the way there are adultery subs you can ask this question to.

UEMcGill · 19時間前

Tell her you're married from the get go. If she says "Nope" she self selects and moves on. If not, she is approves.

I don't care what you do to get your needs met. As long as you are improving you're ok. In fact I think every man should get a little strange to help him see clearly.

My only precaution is don't go putting this chick on a pedestal cause the sex is great, or the boobs are rocking, but mostly because she aint your wife. In the end they can all turn harpy. If she starts to get too clingy, go beta blue pill on her and tell her your feelings all the time. It'll sink the relationship faster than the titanic.

FireTempered · 20時間前

You ARE married. You want her to know you are married and w/children. It is stupid to play with a single woman and not have her know you are married. Married women are a better play.

Wear the wedding band. Women know, all the good ones are taken.

A 35 year old single guy comes with a lot of baggage that woman often does not. Same as a 35 year old single woman is way more problematic than a married one to you.

If you are looking to cheat you have a lot to learn.

PemBayliss · 19時間前

All I can tell you is this:

Whatever you decide to do, be it cheating or not cheating, you need to own it. Own it all the way. You need to be ready to accept all the consequences, good and bad.

Logistically, the married guys who cheat recommend cheating with married women who have as much, if not more, to lose as you do.

If you're not happy and drawing satisfaction and contentment from within, then you're not owning it. If you're hemming and hawing and not closing the deal with a woman, you're not owning it.

My sense from married men who cheat is they each fall into one of the following categories:

1) Wife isn't attracted and will never be attracted; she and husband have an "understanding".

2) Husband cheats on the sly for fun.

3) (Most common) Husband is a guy who never got enough sex even in his marriage. When he cheats he does so not just for the sex but also for the validation. He's still drawing his validation and affirmation from the fact that another woman finds him sexually attractive. This puts the cart before the horse. First he has to draw validation from within and allow sexual attraction to flow from that. What this third kind of man does is get a woman to have sex with him and then say "I am now validated and have worth as a human being".

That way isn't a key to long term success in a marriage or a relationship with a woman. This third way doesn't involve any growth, nor does it involve owning it.

alphabeta49 · 20時間前

Oh, and... seriously, tell the chick you're married. Many women are even more attracted to married men. Its much more taboo. Play that angle, if you're going to play at all.

Blackthorn8 · 20時間前

I don't have any advice to offer on this topic- but I am curious- the whole point is to get more sex right? (Yea, yea the PIC, music, etc.)

But I truly do not understand how you can get a woman to take her shirt off, to make out, and can't close. I mean- if you are going to cheat, doesn't it seem like you should pick someone whom you aren't going to have to convince to fuck you?

Isn't this just another version of a wife?

And not judging, but be honest, you've got some "new" relationship feelz going on.

You're right, you should do this. No way can anything go wrong in this situation. Just one more time- check this out:

"She is a moderate risk she could wreck my life. Despite that risk..."

Wtf kind of thought process is this? You don't even know how she fucks and you are willing to risk everything for a piece of ass? Which could be average? Please tell me you aren't a financial adviser. Your risk/reward scale is FUBAR.

I've changed my mind- here is my advice- go jerk off then come back and read your post. If it all still seems like a good idea, proceed as intended.

LadislawMichaelis · 22時間前

I have lots of problems with my wife, but in the course of my married life I have had several affairs of different lengths. Not so much in the last five years or so.

She sounds like a bad risk to me. Is she the choice cuz she's the first one you were able to get the top off of?

I never had an "expectation talk" I must say. But I never got involved with anyone who didn't know the deal upfront. Sex only. Mainly hotels and in the afternoon or right from the office.

Just reading this I see the train wreck coming. I think it was when I got to the "partner in crime" part. It should be just fucking or you'll fuck it up. Training wheels.

TheFamilyAlpha · 21時間前

So far just some topless making out

What?

Despite that risk, it is my intention to plate her because (my hamster says) her place is logistically convenient and we have some mutual interests (live music, dancing, fitness, and of course passionate sex).

Risk reward brother, just make sure you keep assessing. If the risk outweighs the reward, don't be afraid to pull the plug.

If she’s not OK with that, we’ll walk away and I won’t have any hard feelings

She may agree now, but chicks catch feelings man.

When dealing with plates, it's like interviewing for a job when you already have one.

Just be confident and let her know how it is. She'll either go for it or not, you walk away confident either way.

You are married, if you aren't satisfied, why not get divorced? Not for this chick but rather because there is no point to spending years of your life sneaking around, making it legit.

Is this info better left for her to discover on her own?

Negative

MgFeSi · 21時間前

So, in a nutshell. You're married and are planning on cheating/have cheated. You don't mention anything about your wife and your attempts to improve the marriage. And you're asking us or advice out whether or not you should be truthful to your plate.

"Guys, I'm a liar and want to know if any of you really experienced dudes can tell me whether or not to tell the truth while I'm lying."

How bout look up the word integrity.

But, but, but TRP is amoral.

15 months in and you still don't have a backbone. Here I was thinking "own your shit" meant actually owning it...

stonepimpletilists · 21時間前

U/adderallabuse may have some insight here.

I always say be upfront. But are you trying to plate her for when you ditch wife, just want some play, or what?

Depending, may change optimal strategy

RuleZeroDAD · 21時間前

Set the "Models" boundaries. Don't get oneitis for a fling.

The moment the risk even dampens your fun in the slightest, end it. If she presses you for knowledge, end it.

What is your goal? OI? Validation? Be careful. You need to have a divorce strategy in place first. Plates are a lofty RP goal more easily attainable because the risk is so much lower for single men. Marriage, as you know, places you in a different risk category.

Be overt in your desire and boundaries. Any violation is zero-tolerance, because you are a ripe divorce rape candidate (SAHM and young kids). Worst case scenario, you knock up the plate and wife collects kids, cash and prizes.

spexer · 11時間前

Wear your ring - always

When you are out hitting on girls , and one notices and asks if you are married, give her a devilish grin and say:

"That's right, so you better not fall hopelessly in love with me. I am only good for amazing naughty sex."

If you are going to be a bad boy, then be a bad boy.

deadsandsushi · 21時間前

If she's 35 and hasn't had kids yet, she doesn't want kids. How do I know? You said she is in fantastic shape and accomplished. She could have gotten marriage and kids if she wanted (i.e. she isn't desperate). She has chosen to not have kids, so your fear of baby rabies seems nil (or wishful thinking--that she'd want your baby?).

I know a lot of 35 year old women with great jobs and who are into lifting/diet and have great physiques, who chose not to have kids.

ETA: You're also a weak sauce with scarcity mentality because you know you can't get high quality being a married man at your current state. Not to mention you can barely tolerate your own kids from your past posts, so maybe having another person you are interacting without outside your family isn't the best scenario for you.

IASGame · 20時間前

Seems like a bad idea to cheat with a women who has less to lose from revealing that she had sex to you to your wife.

That is why Cad cheated with women that were themselves married if I recall.

PurpleVeteran · 20時間前

If you're looking for a ONS to build a little abundance mentality, then having the talk isn't required -- have your fun and move on. But if you're actually looking to plate her, that implies an ongoing relationship. Even if she's completely DTF, there are so many more risks: she discovers the truth, that she catches feelings, maintaining contact on the sly, etc.

What is the point of the exercise? I see lots of downsides, and not much upside apart from the thrill and validation of getting your dick wet. If you're concerned at all that your wife will find out, then you shouldn't do it -- the risk isn't worth the cost. If the only part of your question is whether you'll scare off this girl, then you should still tell her and reduce the risk anyway.

For a practical post-mortem on this topic, I'd recommend reading this post by /u/Persaeus.

thecommontouch · 8時間前

I am only a lurker, but you sound like a girl. "Oh, she shares my interests, she understands me as a person, it's so easy to talk to her!" And the opposite for your wife.

Those are exactly a girl's rationalizations for fawning over a guy who clearly isn't that into her while trying to get rid of her BB boyfriend she's bored of.

Also, stop giving out so much personal info about where and when and what you do, or it'll be an outraged internet stranger blowing up our life instead of a resentful plate.

Aechzen · 5時間前

I take it that you don't wear a wedding ring, and don't talk about your children with this woman. Whereas a lot of the women I meet are married, and I know them because of my children.

Have any of you dudes with plates had this talk?

I didn't have to. She already knew me, and social media makes it damn obvious that I'm married with children. She made it clear that she was game for FWB, and so far, so good about her not blowing up my life. I'll leave out the details of my arrangement with my wife for now.

My relationship with plate was a slow burn, and maybe if I would have been more self aware when we first met, I could have been having sex with her sooner. I knew her probably six years first. During some of that time she had boyfriends (who were not me). And during some of that time I wasn't exactly happier, but I wasn't yet ready to give up on the idea of absolute fidelity with my wife.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 19時間前

Pick one relationship and drive that one, but if you choose to stay w/ your wife for the time being, you actually shouldn't be a lying, cheating prick. That is going to do you no favors in life.

Alpha_Rising · 14時間前

I think you'll find that trying to spin plates while married will be totally unworkable (best case) or shitstorm catastrophic (worst case). Better to be upfront with your wife and all involved about where you're at. Anything less than that and you'll inevitably end up getting the reputation of a douche.

screechhater · 12時間前

I'm exactly at the 1 month MRP / year of relationship threshold. I'm mentally prepared for divorce, but not financially or logistically. I have a plan to get my wife re-employed once my kids are into full-time school. I'm still watering the grass at home, but playing with that metaphor, there are some kinds of grass that I want to experience that just don't grow in the soil on my farm

You lack frame and essentially you are posting troll shit. Lay the pipe, or not and shut the fuck up about it and lay some more or not. It matters not what the fuck we do, but what you do. BTW...... I hope you don't plug into crazy and get an STD and take it home, or she enjoys breaking the news to your wife, because you will be fucked, and you don't have the frame to handle that either

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