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[–][deleted] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (97子コメント)

The whole pointing and laughing and snapping photos things could happen...My bf is this sort of asshole, he doesnt snap photos or laugh but he does make it obvious hes staring at an obese person or talking about them. But the whole thing with snatching someone's phone....i dont know...where I live....you dont do that sort of thing to strangers...they might shank you.

[–]concentrationcampyFauxpressed 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm raising my children to be the opposite of your fuckhead boyfriend. If they end up acting like him, I will have failed as a parent. Jesus tits.

[–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 1ポイント2ポイント  (94子コメント)

Why though?

[–][deleted] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (93子コメント)

Why would they shank you?

[–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 6ポイント7ポイント  (92子コメント)

My bf is this sort of asshole ... he does make it obvious hes staring at an obese person or talking about them

that bit

[–][削除されました]  (91子コメント)

[deleted]

    [–]AnnNonny-80lb for 10 yrs, on the journey for the last -30 6ポイント7ポイント  (9子コメント)

    So why are you staying with an asshole?

    [–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

    I'm curious about your flair, what motivated to keep going for the next/last 30lbs? and congrats on the -80!

    [–]AnnNonny-80lb for 10 yrs, on the journey for the last -30 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

    Thanks! It's just time to get the last annoying 30lbs off, ya know? Tired of being sort of successful. 80 lbs maintained IS successful, but I really want to get the last 30lbs off and see if I can maintain there. Plus I'm 50 freaking years old now, I'm not getting any younger, so it's time to just push on and finish the job. :)

    [–]matchy_blacksGold Medalist in the Hurple 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    25 left to go and I know that feel. It annoys me that it's there and oh. my. god. the cut I have to be on to get it off, but still. I think it will be worth it.

    [–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

    applause

    [–]AnnNonny-80lb for 10 yrs, on the journey for the last -30 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    bow Thanks xxx

    [–][deleted] -1ポイント0ポイント  (3子コメント)

    Because hes an asshole, true, but thats only a part of who he is. He is an extremely complex person. He has flaws, but hes a good person overall. He works really hard to keep this family [me, him and our cats] together. Really hard.

    [–]noestofus31/F/169cm. SW: 90kg. CW: 78kg. GW: 60kg. [スコア非表示]  (2子コメント)

    He does sound like a nutella sandwich with a bit of cat shit smeared on the crust TBF.

    [–][deleted] [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

    But you can just cut that cat shit bit off....ok...im sorry :[

    [–]noestofus31/F/169cm. SW: 90kg. CW: 78kg. GW: 60kg. [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

    I get people are complex. But complexity typically entails "becomes overwhelmed with lots of people in the room and needs time out", not "irredeemably poor behaviour".

    There is real harm in accepting not necessarily a complex person, but a person with fundamentally terrible values. They reflect back on you. They become your values. When people look at you as a couple, they see his terrible values mingling with yours.

    Like, this conversation is becoming like that great David Sedaris analogy with the airline hostess walking up the aisle, stopping at your seat and saying "for lunch today, we have a choice between chicken, and this platter of dog shit with broken glass in it".

    At the moment, you're doing the equivalent of asking how the chicken is cooked.

    [–]maybesaydieTypos bother you? Don't raed my comments. 9ポイント10ポイント  (63子コメント)

    Why are you with this guy? That's not how normal people behave, he seems like a real jerk.

    [–][deleted] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (62子コメント)

    He can be a jerk, but you are only seeing a fragment of who he is. He works really hard and hes...made a lot of mistakes but hes a good person, he has flaws like everyone else.

    [–]cetaceandodger 4ポイント5ポイント  (43子コメント)

    Pretty irredeemable quality there. Making fun of people for his own pleasure. On top of that, he does it in public with you even though you clearly don't like it. That's not respecting you, or being a good person.

    [–][deleted] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (42子コメント)

    I can pretty much handle any personality flaw, I really dont understand why people are always so upset that other people behave differently. People always wander why dont I leave or whatever. I always wonder why people are always breaking up...You got to take the good with the bad. You got to deal with some bad things to get the good. That's why were still together after 5 years.

    [–]cetaceandodger 6ポイント7ポイント  (18子コメント)

    there are certain things that are just unacceptable to most people.

    Being cruel is one of them.

    You got to deal with some bad things to get the good.

    At a point I feel like you just have to walk away from a toxic person.

    always so upset that other people behave differently

    understatement of the year. He's a mean person. It's not just "different", it's terrible what he's doing. The fact that you've asked him not to, and he still does means he's not just an asshole to others, he's completely disregarding your wishes and therefore an asshole to you too.

    [–]onestarmarcherTake it from me, little buddy. 5ポイント6ポイント  (15子コメント)

    You got to take the good with the bad.

    That mentality is like justifying domestic abuse.

    [–]glorifiedplumber83 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I really dont understand why people are always so upset that other people behave differently.

    It's not just different.... it's childish and a mean.

    What concerns me more is he doesn't stop even though you've asked him to.

    [–]maybesaydieTypos bother you? Don't raed my comments. 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    You've made a number of comments here about how poorly he treats people, including you. My concern is that you seem to be excusing this horrible behavior on his part.

    [–]UCgirlHurpled a 4.4k 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Oh, hey, look at that one-armed person struggle with their book bag! I'm going to stand here with my hands on my hips staring at them.

    This is what your boyfriend is doing. I don't often equate FA to other ill treated groups, but in this instance your boyfriend is doing the equivalent.

    [–]noestofus31/F/169cm. SW: 90kg. CW: 78kg. GW: 60kg. [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

    I thought that too, then I woke up at 30 with a terrible dude and my twenties gone.

    Don't be me, yo.

    [–]maybesaydieTypos bother you? Don't raed my comments. 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

    I get that you love him but he seriously needs to grow up if he's acting like a 13 year old around fat people.

    [–][deleted] -1ポイント0ポイント  (1子コメント)

    You guys are obviously older than me and expect differently than I do. Its not shocking to me because its what people do. People have made fun of me from since i was a child. Adults! My parents! Am i shocked when josh makes fun of other people? No...because its what people do. People always talk about other people, at all times. Everyone acting like this is some strange occurrence shocks me.

    [–]maybesaydieTypos bother you? Don't raed my comments. 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I don't think age has anything to do with the reaction this has gotten.

    [–]marcrich90 8ポイント9ポイント  (14子コメント)

    I honestly see mocking other people and getting some enjoyment out of making others humiliated as a giant red flag. This sort of behavior encompasses more than just one aspect of a persons life, it's a blatant disregard for basic human empathy and respect. You're right, everyone has flaws, but for the majority of us this would be a deal breaker flaw because it's just so out of wack with what's acceptable behavior.

    Askreddit asks a lot "what's a red flag for you" or "what immediately makes someone a douche" "what makes you lose respect for someone instantly"

    This is always one of the top answers.

    I have been on the receiving side of this, and this is why so many fat people feel like they're the victim, correct or not. It's degrading and humiliating.

    [–][deleted] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (13子コメント)

    He doesnt openly mock them so much as he is always staring. I dont think he realizes its as obvious as it is...

    He doesn't intentionally go around trying to make people fee bad, he just always has something to say to me if he sees someone or something he deems unacceptable. He just stares at people like hes at a zoo and says witty mean things to me out the corner of his mouth. I was taught not to stare, so it makes me uncomfortable.

    [–]maybesaydieTypos bother you? Don't raed my comments. 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Jesus fucking Christ, how is this not a huge issue for you?

    [–]onestarmarcherTake it from me, little buddy. 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

    This is fucked up. They're human beings, big or small, and they shouldn't be treated like dirt. How are you OK with him treating another human like dirt? It sounds like you need to figure out who you are as a person if you believe this type of behavior is even remotely acceptable. Anytime I have a shitty thought cross my mind, it's usually followed up with, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I'd feel guilty for even thinking it. From what you've said he's openly pointed and laughs at people. This is so not OK.

    [–]PeachyCarolMedical Shitlord 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

    You're accepting this as normal because you were judged while you were younger.

    It's not normal. It's not the way people of good character behave.

    I think you need to take some time to think about yourself and your self-worth now that you're no longer the size you used to be when people said and thought these things about you. Not only that, you need to embrace the reality that you've made a better you and you deserve better. Are you feeling that you need to accept a deep character flaw like this because you somehow still feel less deserving?

    This is pretty much a bigger deal than you think it is.

    [–]cetaceandodger 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

    He just stares at people like hes at a zoo and says witty mean things to me out the corner of his mouth.

    What the hell? And you're okay with that? I'd tell him to shut the fuck up.

    [–]marcrich90 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Hes always points them out [actually points] especially when they have fat kids.

    josh just stands there with his hands on his hips staring and shaking his head

    I asked him to please stop making it obvious he is staring at people and he still does it

    Pointing. Staring and shaking his head. These are things that openly mock someone. The fact that you've talked about it with him should be enough, and yet he continues.

    He's not respecting you, or others.

    witty mean things to me out the corner of his mouth.

    This is fucked up. He is enjoying making fun of others. Borderline sociopathic to enjoy that sort of thing.

    [–]segmentedcatI whip my flair back and forth 6ポイント7ポイント  (15子コメント)

    Why are you dating him tho?

    [–][deleted] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (14子コメント)

    We've been together 5 1/2 years. He has more flaws than I can count but the good in him outshines any of those. Hes a whole person you know...hes not just an asshole...that's just a piece of his puzzle.

    [–]noestofus31/F/169cm. SW: 90kg. CW: 78kg. GW: 60kg. [スコア非表示]  (4子コメント)

    I think googling the 'sunk cost fallacy' is a pretty important thing to do right now.

    [–][deleted] [スコア非表示]  (3子コメント)

    I understand.

    [–]noestofus31/F/169cm. SW: 90kg. CW: 78kg. GW: 60kg. [スコア非表示]  (2子コメント)

    You seem like a rad chick, and I get what it is to appreciate the nuance of individuals who you love and to try to make relationships work. I did that for twelve years - through low self-esteem, through my own social phobias at meeting new people, through a desperation to think that maybe one day, he wouldn't turn that same neckbeardy cruelty towards me.

    I would give anything to be able to go back to myself when we'd only been together five and a half years and break up with him.

    [–]Itsonlymebymyself -5ポイント-4ポイント  (8子コメント)

    I get you. Mine is an extremely impatient driver. He's offensive and can't stand idiot drivers, so he becomes an asshole driver. If someone cuts him off, he proceeds to then cut them off, while honking the horn and giving them the finger or some such other stupid thing. He embarrasses the crap out of me when he behaves this way, but I'm not going to throw away what we have just because he's an asshole sometimes.

    [–]Old_Ghosts 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    How about when his asshole road rage causes a bad accident, are you going to be just embarrassed then? For the sake of not killing himself, you, and others, he should really work on controlling that.

    [–]Itsonlymebymyself -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    He is and actually he's gotten a lot calmer since he's gotten older. He was way worse before we had kids, and he never behaves that way when they're in the car. But it's just because someone has some idiotic flaw, that doesn't mean the whole relationship is crap or that he's a horrible person. We've been together 16 years. There are far, far worse personality traits he could have.

    [–]cetaceandodger 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Being mad at people driving poorly is different from pointing and staring at an overweight child.

    [–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I mean, you see the difference between getting angry when someone cuts you off in traffic, and openly mocking another person who's done nothing to you, right?

    This kind of thing I could deal with, I'd find it annoying, but it's not bigoted and outwardly hateful. Pointing and staring and mocking an overweight child is not at all the same thing.

    [–][deleted] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Thank you for understanding! Its really nice to see. Everyone is telling me all these things...saying all these things. Josh is a jerk but he is sweet and caring and bought me clothes when i was homeless and didn't have any. He took care of me when i was too depressed to get out of bed. My whole life hes been there for me! Hes made mistakes but hes still a real person.

    [–]ILackCreativityToday 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Honestly, although I think your bf's behavior shows incredibly bad manners and disregard for your feelings (he can do what he wants on his own, but he should not behave in ways that make you uncomfortable when together), to me he is just openly showing what I tend to think. I see parents buying unhealthy foods for their overweight kids and you better believe that I am judging the living shit out of them. I just do it silently, behind a polite mask. I know I am not the only one posting in this sub who does the same.

    [–]aquaneerAre you a koala or some shit? 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'd have a serious talk with my husband if he behaved like that. If he gave me resistance it could be a deal breaker for me.

    I'll be honest, I would be REALLY annoyed with the mom who's letting her child become obese, it's a hot button of mine. You're setting your child up for failure and a lifetime of medical issues related to obesity.

    I still don't think it's okay to point and stare and mock people.