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This is his thinking face.
This is his thinking face.

Some really weird stuff out in media land the last few days: Suddenly, several people interviewing Donald Trump have actually taken the time to interrupt his stream-of-gibberish talking points and say, Hey, Donald? You are saying words, but they are not words that answer my question! Think you can give that answer another try, big guy? Not that they ever really got answers, but it was awfully nice to see them put in the effort. It’s an encouraging trend that started with last week’s Washington Post editorial board, which did its best to nail Trump’s jello to a tree. Rarely is the question asked: Is our reporters learning?

Take, for instance, the Very Serious Foreign Policy Interview Sunday in the New York Times. In the transcript of the interview, David Sanger and Maggie Haberman keep trying to corral Trump into a straight answer, although with little success. A good third of their questions are follow-ups; when they ask about Trump’s “plan” to get Saudi Arabia to get more involved in fighting ISIS, he instead goes off on a tangent about the price of oil and how Saudi Arabia isn’t paying America enough to defend them, and also he was totally right to “oppose” the invasion of Iraq (although of course he never actually said so at the time). But nothing about Saudi ground troops fighting ISIS. Sanger tries to herd Trump around to elaborating on whether he really meant that if the Saudis and United Arab Emirates don’t send troops into combat, the U.S. should stop buying their oil. And again, Trump is off on a non-sequi-tear:

There’s two answers to that. The answer is, probably yes, but I would also say this: We are not being reimbursed for our protection of many of the countries that you’ll be talking about, that, including Saudi Arabia. You know, Saudi Arabia, for a period of time, now the oil has gone down, but still the numbers are phenomenal, and the amount of money they have is phenomenal. But we protect countries, and take tremendous monetary hits on protecting countries. That would include Saudi Arabia, but it would include many other countries, as you know. We have, there’s a whole big list of them. We lose, everywhere. We lose monetarily, everywhere. And yet, without us, Saudi Arabia wouldn’t exist for very long. It would be, you know, a catastrophic failure without our protection…

Whatever the “second” part of that answer was, we have no idea, because by the end of the “answer,” several hundred words later, Trump was complaining about American debt to China. And he seemed perfectly fine with letting Saudi Arabia collapse, because what could possibly go wrong with that?

Similarly, when they ask about his brilliant idea to maybe pull out of NATO since the organization has outlived its usefulness and depends too much on American funding, Trump can’t merely answer the question; he informs us “I said something a few days ago and I was vastly criticized and I notice now this morning, people are saying Donald Trump is a genius. Because what I said — which of course is always nice to hear.” In reality, nobody’s calling him a genius. But damned if we don’t admire Haberman and Sanger for going all border collie on the Great Prevaricator, constantly nipping at him and trying to get him to please answer the questions they actually asked.

How To Interview Donald Trump
How To Interview Donald Trump

Even better, they call him on his bullshit: when he trots out his usual gripe that the Iran nuclear deal is terrible for America because Iran ordered Airbus planes from Europe instead of Buying American, Sanger politely points out Trump has no idea what he’s talking about:

SANGER: Our law prevents us from selling to them, sir.

TRUMP: Uh, excuse me?

SANGER: Our law prevents us from selling any planes or, we still have sanctions in the U.S. that would prevent the U.S. from being able to sell that equipment.

TRUMP: So, how stupid is that? We give them the money, and we now say, “Go buy Airbus instead of Boeing,” right? So how stupid is that?

Dammit, obviously John Kerry should have made Congress change a bunch of laws before negotiating the nuclear deal, that dummy. Similarly, when Trump claims Iran is North Korea’s “Number 1 trading partner” with “substantial power” over North Korea, Sanger again calls bullshit on him:

SANGER: Mr. Trump with all due respect, I think it’s China that’s the No. 1 trading partner with North Korea.

TRUMP: I’ve heard that certainly, but I’ve also heard from other sources that it’s Iran.

He hears things, you know. Many things.

In their article about the interview, Sanger and Haberman are perhaps too generous in summing up the workings of Donald Trump’s hair-filled cranial cavity:

Mr. Trump explained his thoughts in concrete and easily digestible terms, but they appeared to reflect little consideration for potential consequences.

To put it mildly. And also, it would appear inadvisable to allow Toonces the cat to drive the car.

The other Trump interview that got the Internet in a tizzy Monday was more straightforwardly confrontational, with Milwaukee radio host Charlie Sykes, a conservative AM chat-radio host Trump hadn’t bothered Googling. Sykes has been pushing Ted Cruz, although he didn’t mention until 13 minutes into the 17-minute interview that he’s a “#NeverTrump guy.” His sick sad devotion to Senator Punchyface notwithstanding, Sykes treated Trump to a clinic in How Interviewers Won’t Stand For Your Nonsense:

After a few pleasantries — like congratulations on his bangable daughter’s brand-new Jewish Easter baby — Sykes went straight to carving up some Trump Steaks:

“Well, welcome to Wisconsin,” Sykes began. “I know that you realize that here in Wisconsin we value things like civility, decency and actual conservative principles. So let’s possibly make some news.”

Ever the civilized gent, Sykes suggested it would be ever so sweet of Donald Trump if he would make peace with Ted Cruz and his ugly wife Heidi (who might be a hoor), and “start off your Wisconsin campaign by saying that wives should be off limits and that you apologize for mocking her looks.”

Trump wasn’t about to accept any responsibility, because of course it’s all Ted Cruz’s fault:

He totally knew about it, and they sent that out to the people of Salt Lake City, or the people of Utah, and it was, you know, with a very nasty statement on it … He knew totally about that. If he didn’t know about that it would be a whole different thing, but he totally knew about it. It was done by people that he knows very well.

“It” was a hot picture of his wife, because people hate looking at beautiful women.

melania

Sykes pointed out, correctly, that the ad was actually run by a pro-Cruz superPAC, and said it was not cool to respond with an unflattering picture of Heidi Cruz:

“Is this your standard, that if a supporter of another candidate, not the candidate himself, does something despicable, that it’s OK for you, personally, a candidate for president of the United States, to behave in that same way?” Sykes asked. “I mean, I expect that from a 12-year-old bully on the playground.”

Trump insisted he’d merely retweeted something someone else posted, so he is utterly blameless, and besides, “I didn’t even know it was necessarily a very bad picture of her versus Melania.” Sykes missed the opportunity to suggest Trump needs to have his eyes checked if he really didn’t notice the photo made Heidi Cruz look horrible.

trumptweet2

Moving right along, Sykes played a clip from that ad with women reading Trump’s own words about women, which Trump pretended to be surprised by, since no one’s even mentioned it to him at all. Sure, Trump explained, maybe he’s said some stuff, but that was back before he was running for president, so can you really hold him responsible for every little time he called a woman a fat pig? Sykes stayed on him, asking whether Trump thought that’s how parents should teach their sons to talk about women, and Trump squirted straight past the question again, saying “I thought this was actually a dead issue until I just spoke to you. I’d rather be talking about trade. I’d rather be talking about the things I’m best at.” Which apparently doesn’t include not saying horrible stuff about women.

And so on — called out on some completely inaccurate statements he’d made about Wisconsin’s economy under Scott Walker, Trump said it wasn’t his fault that he was wrong, since he’d gotten his information from Time magazine:

“If Time magazine’s wrong, then they should apologize,” Trump said. “Then I would certainly apologize for reading Time magazine.”

Poor Donald Trump! Why are people always throwing facts at him and saying he’s wrong when Time magazine was actually wrong? Since when are presidential candidates required to check facts? Where in the Constitution does it say presidents have to know stuff, huh?

The interview ended with Sykes trying one last time to get Trump to apologize for slurring Heidi Cruz, and with Trump again insisting, “He started it!” and asking when he’d get an apology from Cruz for something that other people actually did, because as everyone knows, Cruz started it, and did he mention that Cruz started it? Sykes got downright schoolmarmish at that point:

“We’re not on a playground,” Sykes said. “We’re running for president of the United States.”

“I agree with that 100 percent, and my views are not playground views,” Trump said. “My views are that our country is losing on every front.”

So neener-neener, mister radio man. We’re starting to like these crazy reporters with their insistence that Trump actually answer the questions they ask. Not that it’ll have any effect on his supporters; now Trump can have a nice big rally where he accuses those bullies in the media of constantly hounding him instead of letting him say whatever damn fool thing comes to mind.

[WaPo / NYT / NYT again / Politifact / WTMJ Radio / Politico]

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  • Nounverb911

    ..

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Truth is for the little people.

    • Nounverb911

      “Taxes too, also.”
      –Leona Helmsley

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Hey, us liberals don’t hold it against Obama that he has a smokin’ hot wife – why do these repubs hold it against the Donald?

  • Painter of Goats

    Donald Trump’s “thinking face” is remarkably similar to his “taking a crap” face.

  • Nounverb911

    “Mr Trump, if nominated, what will be your October surprise?”

  • Msgr_Moment

    Just sayin’…

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Mr. Trump explained his thoughts in concrete and easily digestible terms

    Would that be infant food or “pablum”?

    • kev

      it’s “pabulum”.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Seems to be about as up on geopolitics as the average breitfartian…

  • AngryBlakGuy

    Think you can give that answer another try, big guy?

    …”big guy”? Words never uttered by his 2 ex wives, Ivanka or Melania

    • Anarchy Pony

      Only sarcastically.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate, particularly in light of those short, vulgar fingers.

        • Pickwicknext

          All you need to do is phrase it the form a question and you’re golden!

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Who do we need to bribe to make this type of “journalism” a reality? I’m not typically into the “mean girl” approach to interview questions, but Drumpf totally deserves that treatment, since he dishes it on the regular.

          • Pickwicknext

            I learned it from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on a Daily Show segemnt a bajillion years ago

    • theCryptofishist

      Ex-wife is Ivana, current daughter is Ivanka.

  • Indiepalin

    After the Wisconsin primary, expect Ted Cruz to admit to screwing Sarah Isgur Flores.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    It makes sense that Iran is North Korea’s largest trading partner. After all, North Korea only shares a border with Iran, and South Korea.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Don’t forget their border with Mexico!

  • Lizzietish81

    I’m just waiting for the Bill Clinton version to surface

    • Pickwicknext

      The one where he speaks ratioanlly and thoughtfully for 30 minutes on one question and offers some potential solutions?

      • Lizzietish81

        But like…naked

        • Pickwicknext

          Stop reading my mind!

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Is it wrong to admit that I’d probably watch the hell outta that?

          • Pickwicknext

            Nope. But I told my mom I understood why Monica did it when I was 13

          • Lizzietish81

            My mom said the same thing “He’s a good looking charismatic man”

          • Pickwicknext

            My mom just worried about me.

          • DemmeFatale

            After meeting him, (and those intense blue eyes), my mom said, “I’d do him!”

          • Msgr_Moment

            “Sometimes a penis is just a penis.” — Freud.

  • Duke

    The Liberal Media needs to stop trying to be mean to Trump or trying to do their jobs.

    Let Trump be Trump and it ensures a Democrat in the White House and a Senate majority.

    Stop being stupid!

  • cmd

    Pretty sad it took this long for someone to even try. He’s been running over reporters and getting away with it for months and they just sit back and marvel about what a phenomenon he is.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Say, you know who else was uncomfortable taking questions from actual journalists?

    • Nounverb911

      Helen Keller?
      (What too soon?)

      • Msgr_Moment

        What?!!?

    • Lizzietish81

      Delenn

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, but that guy wasn’t an actual journalist. He was a hack for Clark.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          God, you guys are such geeks!

          • Nockular cavity

            I AM NOT AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT, HONEST!

        • Lizzietish81

          I was thinking of the first time when the reporter was like “where do you get off growing hair and trying to outreach a race you almost wiped out?”

      • guppy06

        Did she, too, get asked “What the fuck is that on your head?”

        • Lizzietish81

          In essence yes that’s what happened.

    • Painter of Goats

      Punxsutawney Phil?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Bill Belichick?

    • Pickwicknext

      Franco?

    • Iron Monkey

      Steve Carlton?

    • chicken thief

      Clark Kent?

    • SpideySenser

      Putin?

    • malsperanza

      Greta Garbo?

  • Nounverb911

    Q: “Mr Trump, when was the last time you actually answered a direct question?”

    A: “It’s Obama’s fault.”

    • cmd

      Of course all the klowns say that.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I want to see Trump try to “debate”* Hillary soooooo bad.

    * “debate” (n) – Trump says some rude jumbled mouth sounds and Hillary shuts him down.

    • eliamias

      I wandered into the comments on another site (so glad they’re not allowed here) and they were stating that all of these attacks on Trump was because liberals were terrified that Hillary would have to debate Trump and that the left is pulling out all of the stops to avoid his ‘awesomeness.’ It was awe-inspiringly brain-melting.

      • jmk

        A number of BernieBrahs have been posting stuff claiming that Hillary is “cowering” and begging Bernie not to be mean, and how she’s not tough enough to face Drumpf in the general.

        Talk about brain-meltingly stupid.

        • DemmeFatale

          Ha, ha, ha, (pauses for breath), ha, ha, ha!

      • DemmeFatale

        Ha, ha, ha!

    • beingreleased

      Too bad Smilin’ Joe won’t be the nominee.

      • DemmeFatale

        But on the bright side, we don’t get to see the GOP launch its oppo research on him.
        OHJB deserves a break from anything negative.

  • The time to grill Trump was a year ago. Now this will simply be taken as the liberal MSM ganging up to attack Trump to help Hilary and his support among the shrieking Cletuses will just go up even more.

    • Shrieking Cletuses is the name of my new rock band!

      • Last week it was Hinduphobic Blizzards! Wonkette is such a rich resource!

        • SterWonk

          There was an article about Hinduphobes last week?

          • SterWonk

            Oh, right, that douchebag. How did I forget about him?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Cuz it’s a gaint douchebag forest. The canopy is blocking the sunlight and the floor is covered in poisonous fungi….

          • SterWonk

            Right, but I was raised Hindu(-ish), and there’s not all that much Hinduphobia in the US news these days, so you’d think it’d stick in my brain.

          • Jonny On Maui

            We do tend to lump all the browns together regardless of hemisphere…

      • tehbaddr

        I thought is was a sex act for the lesbian ladies.

        • Smokahontas

          I think you mean the burlesque act, Shrieking Cletus and the Cunty Fuckers. They can really tear it up!

    • malsperanza

      A year ago no one would have paid attention.

      The Shrieking Cletuses alone cannot elect anyone. If Turnip continues to sound like an illiterate, pig-ignorant turnip who gets his policy info from Time magazine, he will not exactly sweep the GOP, a certain percentage of whom are rational human beings.

      He is still polling under 50% in every single state he wins (except one, I think).

  • Belasaurius

    some of his answers are approaching Sister Sarah’s word salad master level. Maybe Trump! should drink more before these interviews.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I read his comments and couldn’t help thinking of that Neil deGrasse Tyson quote. This is clearly a man who enjoys the company of aggressively stupid people who make himself feel smart. He sounds like a first-year poli sci major who didn’t do the assigned reading.

      His fans will love it, because they don’t know shit about shit, but he’s loud and aggressive so that must mean he’s winning!!!

      • SterWonk

        “… that Neil deGrasse Tyson quote.”

        Which one? NdGT has said a lot of quotable things.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          If you’re really successful at bullshitting, it means you’re not hanging around enough people smarter than you.

          • SterWonk

            Ah, yes. Thanks!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …is their any better reason to INCREASE the Estate Tax(Death Tax) than Donald Trump?!?! This orange, crusty, jizz stain would be selling used cars in backwater Alabama if it wasn’t for his father “gifting” him his wealth

    • Villago Delenda Est

      In the case of Drumpf, and his spawn, the Estate Tax should be 100%. Make these parasites work for a living.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I think even if it was, let’s say 70% he would have been legitimately broke by the mid 90’s.

  • Shibusa

    The Donald should sue Sykes (like he’s going to sue Rafael Cruz.) Then again, he has only won a handful of his many, terrific law suits: specifically, the four bankruptcy petitions.

  • Joe Beese

    By the end of the primaries, more than 10 million people will have cast votes for Donald Trump. Enough to comprise the 8th largest state in the country.

    • Pickwicknext

      And we can arrange for its seccession starting when?

      • Nounverb911

        As soon as Trump finishes building the wall around Texas.

        • Pickwicknext

          Why so mean to Tex….never mind. I just remembered everything

          • SterWonk

            Austin, Houston, (and probably Dallas and San Antonio) LIBEL!!!

            (Grew up in Houston.)

          • Logic of Color

            The one the Texicans are going to pay for?

    • Proud Liberal

      Man, there is a lot of stupid people out there!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        27% of the country is stupid AND crazy, and should not be allowed to vote on that basis.

        • SterWonk

          “27%” you say?

          Sounds like the Crazification Factor to me!

          John: Hey, Bush is now at 37% approval. I feel much less like Kevin McCarthy screaming in traffic. But I wonder what his base is —

          Tyrone: 27%.

          John: … you said that immmediately, and with some authority.

          Tyrone: Obama vs. Alan Keyes. Keyes was from out of state, so you can eliminate any established political base; both candidates were black, so you can factor out racism; and Keyes was plainly, obviously, completely crazy. Batshit crazy. Head-trauma crazy. But 27% of the population of Illinois voted for him. They put party identification, personal prejudice, whatever ahead of rational judgement. Hell, even like 5% of Democrats voted for him. That’s crazy behaviour. I think you have to assume a 27% Crazification Factor in any population.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Prezactly! That number keeps coming up again and again!

    • Smokahontas

      Just when I tough Tuesday couldn’t get worse, ya gotta go and bring math into it?!? Why do you hate concerted ignorance?!?!

    • mailman27

      Also the largest 8th grade in the country, too.

  • memzilla

    …Mr. Trump explained his thoughts in concrete and easily digestible terms..

    Erm, exsqueeze me, but unless your name is Augursmash von Crunchyguts, concrete is not easily digestible. You would be able to shit a brick, however.

    • theCryptofishist

      Thank you for “von” instead of “mc”. That’s overused, Mr. McOnTheMoney.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT: Sorry for the continuing drama, but my friend went over the line and started pulling the “you’re being hysterical because you swear while I use big words to talk down to you”. If there’s one thing that pushes me over the edge, it’s mansplaining. So I unfriended him. It’s not easy because I had a lot of respect for him and he’s managed to piss it all away in the space of a couple of hours.

    People applaud my snide passion but then act all surprised when they bring it upon themselves.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cZ-nAfSkW4

    • Pickwicknext

      Anonymous non-creepy internet hugs for you today!

      • Smokahontas

        I only have the creepy, anonymous Internet hugs left, but they do go on waaay too long, like uncomfortably long, so there’s that…

    • Msmlg1979

      Maybe he will apologize, and see things differently after he cools off. :(

      • Lizzietish81

        Maybe, maybe not. He’s part of the hippie camp community, who are dropping off rather quickly in my estimation. It isn’t the first time I pissed one of them off by sharing my thoughts.

        • Msmlg1979

          Don’t you love it when people consider themselves enlightened, but forget to include respect and consideration for other people’s ideas in their enlightenment?
          Hope y’all can work it out.

          • Toomush_Infer

            Hey! Hippies started down the path to enlightenment (unlike the other 95% of the country at the time)…it’s just that the part with the dark woods got a little creepy…

          • Msmlg1979

            I got no issue with hippies, mang. ;)

        • aureolaborealis

          My estimation of hippies has been steadily eroding since its high point in my childhood.

    • Nockular cavity

      “you swear while I use big words”

      This line of condescending bullshit pisses me off. Why would those be mutually exclusive? I don’t trust a motherfucker who can’t swear with alacrity.

      • jmk

        Some fuckwad is trying to shame me as unladylike on FB for calling him a fuckwad.

        These twits are hilarious.

    • lroom

      Had a friend like that. She was completely condescending and not worth my time.

    • guppy06

      Sorry for the continuing drama

      Continuing drama is the best kind!

    • LarryHoudini

      If you get in an argument with a woman and call her either hysterical or shrill, you’ve got no one but yourself to blame for the fallout.

      • Jonny On Maui

        “If you get in an argument with a woman”

        Apologize and shut up immediately – my dad

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Mark Twain says there are two ways to argue with women. He went on to say that neither work.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      ….

    • Amy!

      Perfect choice of tune.

    • DemmeFatale

      The hangover that condescending Bernie-splainers have, will be yooooge!

    • theCryptofishist

      Mansplaining is awful.

  • Blackest Noobs

    apparently you do not fuck with Cheesehead Conservatives.

    and whatever you do…DO NOT FUCK WITH THE CHEESE.

    • Pickwicknext

      But..it has all those nice holes…

      • Blackest Noobs

        well that’s ok to make sweet sweet love to the cheese.

        the Donald wouldn’t know how to do that, he would have to phone it in, like his interviews.

      • guppy06

        … and that’s where poutine comes from!

  • memzilla

    Funny how all of the Toonces videos eerily predicted the trajectory of Victoria Jackson’s career.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Apparently, The Donald plans to use the US military in a businesslike fashion: we’ll protect our allies, per treaty, only if they pay us to do so.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hey, what the hell’s national security for if it’s not profitable?

      • Nounverb911

        Didn’t Cheney say that first?

        • Pickwicknext

          Couldn’t hear him over the portable ventillator or the ticking of his robot heart

          • mailman27

            His voice was also muffled by the mountains of cash he was wallowing in.

        • data_ninja

          Privately ran prisons must have said it second then.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s the Marcus Licinius Crassus strategy!

      • theCryptofishist

        We don’t put out fires unless we can buy the country at a steep discount?

    • guppy06

      Wouldn’t it just be easier to encourage our Friends and Allies to contract F/K/A Blackwater for all their civilian-killing needs?

      • malsperanza

        It does seem short-sighted of the Republicans not to privatize the US military. After all, they’re all about privatizing prisons, schools, highways, the food supply, health care, social security, and our pensions. How’d they miss the big one?

        • Jonny On Maui

          The invention of explosives greatly reduced the military profit margin as the “pillaging of blown up crap” market fell apart.

  • duckshoe

    So mean to me, the media! So mean! Reporters weak! America losing!

    America losing its collective lunch…

  • wingr47

    Hey, Donald, shit fer brains, tRump. When you re-tweet you give YOUR approval of that tweet. It just as if YOU originated the tweet. This is one stupid man(?).

    • YoBunnyBunny

      This idiot doesn’t even know how to do plausible deniability… I can just imagine how that goes if he somehow becomes POTUS.

      • malsperanza

        He doesn’t care.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      No fair! Just cause I retweet some shit about what a slut Mrs. Cruz is does necessarily mean I agree.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sounds like Sykes is cruising for a bruising from some Trump supporters. Better stay away from the rallies.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Nice talk show you got there. Be a shame if something were to…. happen to it.”

  • wingr47

    He NEVER prepares….for anything and he proves it every time he opens his mouth but hey Jack, he “sounds strong” right?

  • azeyote

    Saudi Arabia is about as horrible as it gets – but we love them soooooooo much – we love all the tyrants till we don’t – we are an international joke

    • Pickwicknext

      But it’s not very funny

      • Nounverb911

        But this is:

        • say wha

          DOOOHHHH!!!

    • The Wanderer

      They may be sons of bitches, but they’re our sons of bitches.

      • guppy06

        Hillary Clinton is already putting out her foreign policy objectives?

    • say wha

      Well, at least they kiss us before they screw us…

    • guppy06

      Bernie Sanders: the one candidate that Saudi royalty would absolutely, positively refuse to touch, or even appear on camera with.

    • Ima Witstup

      Always seemed to me where one falls on the Royalty-Strongman-Dictator-Tyrant scale just depends on how and where you invest the profits of your country’s resource extraction.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    A lot of people are asking if Cruz’s wife is a whore. Why pick on Trump for merely pointing that out?

    • Rick Hill

      Flash forward two years: “I know these negotiations with Russia are tricky but is it my fault some people are asking questions about Mrs Putin and if she…”

  • Rick Hill

    What’s a poor republican to do…first we have the questions about cruz and his fidelity, causing him to lose support and now Turnip is starting to be revealed as all imitation felt, made in China hat and no cattle. Who do they turn to(Don’t even THINK about suggesting Kasich) now?

    • limberrat

      Gilmore!

      • Nounverb911

        Gary Gilmore?

      • SpideySenser

        Lorelai?

      • jmk

        FEEL THE GILMENTUM!!!!

    • SayItWithWookies

      I think Mittens hears the cry of the populace, yearning for a leader. And this time, he’ll win Ohio — numbers never lie.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Imitation felt would be a step up for The Donald.

  • Nounverb911

    Slightly OT, but definitely Trumpish:

    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/714834814214475777

    • Msgr_Moment

      Couldn’t happen to a more deserving twatwaffle.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      What part of the reporter did he allegedly grab?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Good.

    • The Wanderer
    • bookish

      Look at Corey’s persona. He has the jaw of a henchman.

  • limberrat

    Border Collie libelz!!!

    • NoGoodnik

      But, border collies are amazing. Mine used to heard our five cats! He would keep them pinned in the middle of the yard for a good ten to fifteen minutes before one could make a successful break for it and the whole thing would fall apart on him.

      • DemmeFatale

        Brilliant dogs!
        I used to live in England, where there were lots of corgis, (of course).
        The old cow herders were known for rounding up children at birthday parties(!) and backing them into a corner of the yard.
        I’m sure you can relate!

        • NoGoodnik

          I would love to see that! It would be the highlight of ma fille’s birthday party. Might even make it tolerable, too.

  • MrBlobfish

    “This is just another example of the dishonest New York Times trying to make a story out of nothing,” Trump wrote. “They should focus on the survival of their newspaper and not on dishonest and very bad reporting about me.”

    • SterWonk

      Is that his actual tweet, or are you just disturbingly good at imitating his tweeting style?

      • MrBlobfish

        Although I do a fair impersonation, that’s all him.

  • SK

    If Drumpf gets elected POTUS, in large part it will be because of a mainstream media that insists on giving him airtime and being deferential to his bigotry.

  • goonemeritus

    Maybe he is just waiting for the right question.

    • Pickwicknext

      I already know The Answer. Its 42

      • Logic of Color

        No, it’s “people aren’t wearing enough hats”

        • Pickwicknext

          Well, thr NYT, the paper of record keeps claiming that monocles will be making a comeback…

          • malsperanza

            I believe you mean the New Yorker’s political correspondent, Eustace Tilly.

        • beingreleased

          Is that true?

    • Lawk

      I’ll take “the bottom is falling out” for $800, Alex

    • guppy06

      “What the fuck is that on your head?”

  • SayItWithWookies

    If you can lay down enough bullshit while answering a question that the interviewer can’t remember what the hell he asked you in the first place, you win. As usual, The Donald isn’t concerned with providing clear answers — he’s concerned with winning the interview, and doing it in the old polite “oh, here’s the answer to your question, backed with facts and possibly some overarching conceptual approach to this type of problem” just doesn’t do that. Also, it focuses attention on the issue, and not on Donald Trump.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Your last sentence is absolutely key. It’s about narcissism, first and foremost, with The Donald.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Yeah, The Donald has never answered a question without mentioning how awesome and powerful he is, and how successful he’s been and how everyone thought he was crazy for saying that one thing a while back but now they all think he’s brilliant — even if the question is “is it raining out?”

        • beingreleased

          I’d like to point out that this comment I’m making now is really key to understanding the problem. All problems, in fact.

    • The Wanderer

      I refer to Dr. Harry Frankfurt’s published essay On Bullshit. Looks like Trump’s internalized it.

      • MarkM

        He’s full of it.

    • MarkM

      You have to give Drumpf props for mastering the political arts of obfuscation and the non-answer answer so quickly. Of course, he has had plenty of opportunity to use those skills on prospective creditors and investors in the course of his business career.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Oh hell — I used to watch The Apprentice, and this is the way he would talk all the time. There’s nothing in his current campaign that isn’t predicted by his behavior on that show — the narcissism, the appearance of leadership while handing off responsibility to everyone else, the lust for combat among his minions with no regard for actual achievement — it’s been in his character (such as it is) for his entire life.

        • MarkM

          Never watched “The Apprentice”-I was busy hitting my thumb with a hammer whenever it was on, seemed more enjoyable-but I can’t say I’m surprised. Drumpf is living proof of how far you can go with nothing but narcissism, megalomania, a complete disregard for the truth and a fat inheritance from your racist scumbag of a father.

          • urgelt

            I never watched, either. Too busy cruising through Fallout 3, looking at dead baby skeletons in ruined push carriages and ducking Super Mutants with rifles.

            And so Trump’s sudden impinging on my consciousness was brutal, like stumbling on a Behemoth wielding a fire hydrant as a club that he pulled up by its roots. Only with an orange hairpiece and fewer intelligible words.

        • Biff52

          I have successfully boycotted so-called “reality tv” with the one exception of “Last Comic Standing.” Therefore, I blame the 1988 writers strike in Hollywood for the rise of Drumpf.

        • jmk

          The offspring used to cause us to watch the Celebrity Apprentice – in hopes of an Ivanka sighting, I suspect – and it seemed absolutely obvious to me that Drumpf’s critiques were random, often focusing on something that was not even a factor in a team’s loss. He’d hammer at this random factor (aided by editing) until he could justify making it the reason he’d “fire” someone, and then the sycophants on either side of his hilariously taller chair would tell him how right he was. It was almost embarrassingly obvious.

          • urgelt

            You didn’t use birth control, and now you’re blaming your offspring for having to decipher the idiocy of Trump’s reality show?

            Man up, man. Take responsibility!

          • jmk

            Well, that escalated quickly!

      • malsperanza

        Apparently this is how he did conduct business. He is shunned by most banks because when they make loans to his projects he threatens to sue them when they try to get repaid. He also stiffs suppliers, staff, and the municipalities that have given him tax breaks in exchange for developments.

        This is vintage Turnip. Just ask the people of Scotland.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Forbes_%28farmer%29
        http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/trump-fails-to-create-promised-jobs-and-investment-in-scotland-locals-say-a6801466.html

  • Me not sure

    You can’t get blood out of a turnip.

    • Nounverb911

      Megyn Kelley would love to try….

      • Me not sure

        Must see teevee.

      • NoGoodnik

        I understand that she can get blood out of wherever, so if anyone can, she can.

        • urgelt

          Which is why she doesn’t need turnip blood. I wouldn’t expect her to bother with it.

  • Rick Hill

    I think it’s totally wrong to make these candidate judgements based on their wives. Aside from the fact there are so many other real reasons to disqualify them, you can’t fault Heidi. Being so close to evil for so long is going to rot your soul and destroy your mortal visage and Maybelline can’t do a thing to help.

    • Nounverb911

      “Being so close to evil for so long”
      Goldman Sachs?

      • Rick Hill

        Ewww. Double evil. She’s lucky she can comb her hair to hide that horn she’s growing.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Their poor daughters. They’re the actual victims in all this.

          • Rick Hill

            At this point, I think we are all victims

  • Bill Slider

    That photo of the fat ugly pig, but I digress.

  • Bill Slider

    The photo of the wife of Ted Cruz, it is perfectly obvious, she just saw her husband with his clothes off and the lights on.

  • The Wanderer

    I read the transcript of his interview with the WaPo editorial board. I needed to get my vodka out of the freezer. This asshole genuinely scares me more than Palin did in ’08.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Reporters need to realize that Mr. Trump is way ahead of them. He speaks from his head, his heart, but mostly from his butt. Did you know that his ass graduated from The Wharton School of Business?

    They ask a question and while his heart is forming the next thought his head will deliver, his posterior is already postulating his next answer. He’s like a magician pulling rabbits from a hat, only his rabbits are thoughts and his hat is his anus.

    This is why he will be the Republican nominee. “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”, especially if that one-eyed bastard does tricks.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      His eye wanders all over the place?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I like your analysis, Mr. Dead Cat.

    • NoGoodnik

      das braune Auge

    • urgelt

      Wait, what? Really?

      So *that’s* what that hairpiece covers.

  • Thaumaturgist

    How do you tell a Wisconsin wing nut that Time magazine was right and Scott Walker is a fraud?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This has to be a rhetorical question. It just has to be.

      • urgelt

        Not a rhetorical question, it’s a trick question.

        The trick is in the phrasing, which requires you to assume that you can tell a Wisconsin wingnut something, and he’ll listen.

        That’s pretty obviously untrue. Wisconsin wingnuts obtain their understanding from a higher source than your lips, which is to say, Scott Walker and the wingnut echo chamber. You’re outside of that, and so what you have to tell them is just noise. There is no ‘how do you tell them.’ They aren’t listening.

    • marxalot

      Loudly?

    • Jonny On Maui

      With votes.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Someone mentioned the other day that Don might be suffering from the same thing that his dad had.
    After reading this? I am beginning to consider that. This guy…is not right in the head, even a little. It is as if he can’t handle actual questions because he lacks the synapses to connect hearing with speech, except to repeat learned lines. This would explain much of why every time he answers something, he will repeat the same thing over and over, usually with a trigger word from the question itself. example: Somethingsomethingsomething IRAN. Iran? Terrible deal! Not a good deal at all. “Erm, was taking about the Iranian Soccer team, sir.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I’m beginning to think that, too.
      His elevator ain’t getting too far out of the basement.

      • theCryptofishist

        But it is a yooooge and classy elevator. Alas.

    • HanBarbara

      I think it’s possible we may see him become completely unhinged at some point before November. The debates with Hillary or Bernie are going to be very interesting.

  • fawkedifiknow

    A friend of mine said he thought Trump was just acting stupid, to appeal to, you know, stupid people. I told him that, if that’s the case, he deserves an Emmy and an Oscar, because he’s doing a truly epic job of it.

    • malsperanza

      A disturbing number of registered Dems who plan to vote for Trump are using this as their excuse.

  • guppy06

    Sykes pointed out, correctly, that the ad was actually run by a pro-Cruz superPAC

    Totally uncoordinated! It’s the new “plausible deniability!”

    Trump is an asshole but at least (in this instance) he’s not a weasel asshole.

    • urgelt

      It’s almost commendable that Trump doesn’t hide his stupid blustering insults behind some superpac. Next to Ted, he’s a breath of not-very-fresh air.

      Of course they’re both blithering idiots, but what do we expect when the electorate is idiotic and the media cheers idiocy on?

  • Proud Liberal

    “Trump’s favorite word, however, is “I.” His fourth-favorite word is “Trump.” Eight out of his 13 favorite words are one syllable, and the two syllable words are simple — “very,” “China,” and “money.” His only three-syllable favorite word is “Mexico.”

    http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2015/09/15/3701215/donald-trump-talks-funny-2/

  • MarkM

    “Mr. Trump explained his thoughts in concrete and easily digestible terms, but they appeared to reflect little consideration for potential consequences.”

    I think we all know what things that are “easily digestible” are destined to become.

  • dean

    gosh what a bunch of a**holes. You do realize you’re a**holes right. How’s that for PhD rhetoric Dr?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Well, it isn’t rhetoric, or PhD valued for his or her pleasure, so I say 1/10 and you only get the 1 point for the lil stars in asshole.

      • Tobias B. Santa

        Ah but the use of the little star is to really express and show us the puckering of the anus. Truly innovative.

        • r m reddicks

          Revelatory and self-referential, might I add.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A representative of the Drumpfenproletariat! A true miracle…he figured out how to both turn his computer on and connect it to the internet!

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        That’s impressive progress for a StormTrumper!
        I’ll bet dean used that fancy new AOL floppy disk that came in the mail, too!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He had to use the floppy drive, he broke the cup holder.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            He’s also worried about that Y2K thing. Probably blames Iran and their BFF North Korea for it!

          • r m reddicks

            Could still be hiding out in his or his parents basement. Probably the canned peaches are running low. So I’ll give “dean” the benefit of the doubt and figure his blood sugar’s a wittle wo wight now.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Thank you! We genuinely try!

      I’m blowing you a kiss, “dean”!

    • Msmlg1979

      The person who shows up in a thread to call everyone assholes thinks we’re assholes? Bwahahahahaaa!!!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Ooooh “assholes.” That’s what those “**” were for. Golly gee, that’s some mean-spirited swearing right there, it is. Crushing!

        • Msmlg1979

          Let’s hold each other, cry, and rock back and forth as the incredible pain courses through our hearts!

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I’m glad that we have fellow Wonkers to help us through our hurt.

      • cmd

        I have been thinking a lot lately about whether I would rather be known as a libtard or liberal swine.

        • Msmlg1979

          I like “Baby Killing Democrat”

          • cmd

            It is because I saw a reference to “liberal swine” the other day and it got me to thinking.

          • r m reddicks

            I didn’t think “Napoleon” was liberal at all.

          • Msmlg1979

            Embrace whatever feels good to you, I say. Or make up a new one. That could be fun.

          • cmd

            I could probably alternate days. Some days I feel more like part of a herd of liberal swine, and other days just a regular libtard.

          • beingreleased

            mmmm … democrat bacon

          • theCryptofishist

            Hm. And yet Chicago, the hog butcher of the nation, is known as democratic territory.
            I must ponder.

          • HanBarbara

            I like DemonRat. Evil is just so sexy.

          • Msmlg1979

            Don’t forget “Moon Bat”

    • Blank Ron

      <sighs> Ou sont les trolls d’antan?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Non parlo molto francese.

      • NoGoodnik

        Mais la flotte de peche?

        • r m reddicks

          We’ll hope not all banhammered.

          • NoGoodnik

            Just a little banhammered. You know. Just where it counts.

        • Querolous

          Quel que soit votre bateau bouées.

          • NoGoodnik

            Il flotte les trolls d’antan.

    • greyXstar

      You’re really not going to get very far calling us assholes. We pride ourselves on it!

    • jmk

      I’m…. uh… so… uhhhh…. crushed by your wit!!!

      • r m reddicks

        He almost drove me to tears. Of despair, anyway.

    • r m reddicks

      It’s okay to spell. Nobody here’s that shy. Perhaps you’re reserving the sacred “SS”?

    • Debbies are like snowflakes

      You get an “F” for that effort, young Mr. Dean

    • Jennaratrix

      You say assholes like that’s a bad thing…

    • urgelt

      Hell, if you’re going to troll, put some wit into it. Otherwise you’re just taking up space uselessly.

    • thenearesthippie

      I’m sure your rhetorical skills impressed everyone at Trump University.

  • The sheep picture is my new favorite.

    • DemmeFatale

      Really.
      Look at the intensity in the Border Collie’s eyes!
      Wicked smart!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It’s amazing how competent reporters can be when the RNC says it’s OK.

    • r m reddicks

      Bunch of those uppy things, there!

  • JustPixelz

    Asked by the NY Times about Chinese premier Xi Jinping, Trump gave a long answer about Mexico. He undoubtedly doesn’t know who Xi is.

    • r m reddicks

      He is whey good with Kurds. Like the Quds, the Kurds love him!

    • mailman27

      Xi, Xenor!

  • Callyson

    And yet, without us, Saudi Arabia wouldn’t exist for very long. It would be, you know, a catastrophic failure without our protection…

    LOL…the Chinese would jump at the chance to help the Saudis. Ditto for the Russians. The Donald really does not understand how foreign policy works FFS…

    • MarkM

      Drumpf would be a terrible chess player…the kind who jumps at the chance to take a bishop with his queen, without realizing he will then lose his queen and be checkmated in two.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Thinking ahead by one move is putting a terriffic, yoouge strain on him, all by itself. Two moves? Get out!

    • TheBidenator

      I don’t think Trump understands how much of anything works to be honest. Beneath all that bluster is just this empty void of nothingness….

      • marxalot

        He’s got an internal org chart:
        Me
        (who does the Telling)
        /
        Everyone else

  • chicken thief

    Maybe it’s just because I hate Ted Cruz with the heat of 1,000 suns, whereas I think The Donald is a clown who doesn’t believe half the shit he says, but I think Sykes is just as schmarmy as Cruz.

    To think that the PAC didn’t check with Team Cruz before running that ad defies credulity so for Cruz to now be playing the “he attacked my wife and daughters” card makes him even more cunt punchable. Which I did not think was possible.

    • Vincent Ricola

      This is my take too. Ted Cruz is as bad as the Donald for me in the “hot wife” contest. Same level of scumbaggery.

    • malsperanza

      Yes, but it’s a good thing when they eat each other with ketchup.

    • DemmeFatale

      I love a GOP circular firing squad!

      • NoGoodnik

        And if the secret service would play along…

        • r m reddicks

          Beat me to it in that subtle way of yers.

          • NoGoodnik

            I know. We were all thinking it, right?

      • r m reddicks

        Oh, please, goddy! Please let the goppers open carry to the convention!

  • Ergoetal

    Thanks to Trump, I’m starting to think that S. Palin might have made a pretty good president-in-waiting. Or president.

    • MarkM

      That’s just crazy talk…

  • Paperless Tiger

    We are not being reimbursed for our protection of many of the countries …

    Just when you thought imperialism was the worst, Trump wants to make it into a protection racket. What a goon.

    • MarkM

      “That’s a nice oilfield you ‘ave there sheikh…we wouldn’t want anything to ‘appen to it…”

      • malsperanza

        Pfft, that’s bush league.

        Nice little democracy you’ve got there, France. Shame if something were to happen to it.

        • marxalot

          Funny, that’s similar to how France got us into Viet Nam.
          Nice little Cold War you’re trying to start there. Would be too bad if loss of our colonial revenue made it so we couldn’t be on your side.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Well, we did want DeGualle

          • malsperanza

            Although France didn’t really get us into anything. They bailed after Dien Bien Phu, and we jumped in with both hands, eager to be the next global imperial power. VN looked like a bargain.

    • TheBidenator

      Well he does hang out with a lot of mobsters….look, “Where you’d get all that oil, Donald? It fell off a truck!”

      • theCryptofishist

        Well, he can’t reanimate that mobster loving, power hungry, vengeful entertainer, Frank Sinatra and make him Secretary of the Department of Justice, but I”m sure there’s someone worse under a rock somewhere, and that Drumpf knows where it is and how to turn it over.

  • bookish

    Good article, Dok. Thanks.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    This chapter in US history will be called
    “Drumpf: Alleged Billionaire and Babbling Buffoon.”

    • chazmanr

      It is spelled b-a-b-o-o-n.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Huh. Until now, I never noticed how red Donald’s ass is.

        • DemmeFatale

          Not red yet.
          But, it will be.
          IT. WILL. BE!

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I think that’s my cue to get drunk and rewatch Empire Strikes Back for the umpteenth time.

  • malsperanza

    Don’t let the Pigeon drive the bus.

  • marxalot

    “What passes for his mind” should probably be the style sheet when talking about Drumpf

    • r m reddicks

      “What passes for his mind” has previously passed through other orifices.

  • CrankyLiberal

    Trump is really Quentin form Faulkner’s The Sound and The Fury.

    • NoGoodnik

      You win the commenter award for the Uncle Willie Faulkner reference!!!

    • snigsy

      Then who’s Benjy?

  • chimichanga

    He’s taken word salad to the smorgasbord level.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      We’re getting into Word Casserole territory, people!

    • r m reddicks

      No doubt this is why Palin’s been having all these family “problems” lately. Engineered by the STrumpf to avoid playing second fiddle to the STrumpette.

    • HanBarbara

      Like a common Palin

  • TheBidenator

    Terrible. Pathetic. Gibberish? Playground views? I’ll have you know I am clear, listen, I go to places and I speak to the people they ya know, it’s lyin’ Ted. He is a nasty guy and he has an ugly wife. Terrible people, nasty. When I go to do my speeches and talk about trade and how we’re losing to everyone my words are always very clear and look, we’re losing because of trade and China. Saudi Arabia has the oil but the oil isn’t worth what the oil was worth so why should we, we need to bomb the shit out ISIS and take the oil. Bomb the shit, take the oil. Beautiful. Makes perfect sense. Gibberish and playground views? You losers are haters.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      You have much to teach us.

    • HanBarbara

      I have the best words, the yugest, most classy words

  • Meccalopolis

    wont make a bit of difference to his sturmabteilung

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      That means that Lewandowski is this year’s Ernst Rohm.

      • r m reddicks

        You mean he got caught in bed with a young storm trooper, again? Is the Donald going to do some shooty things to him, you figure?

        • Nockular cavity

          Night of the Long, Classy FIngers

        • Biff52

          Stürmdrumpfen.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Most likely, yes to both.
          Although Rohm was important in the early years of the NSDAP.

          • r m reddicks

            Probably couldn’t have done it without him. But when the “establishment” holds out a carrot, etc, etc.

  • motocat

    I loved Toonces, even with that idiotic Victoria what’s-her-name.

    • cmd

      I would vote for Toonces.

      • urgelt

        I would vote for Steve Martin. Toonces is a lousy, no-good, terrible driver, and ask him if he cares. He doesn’t. Steve is just goofy with a heart of gold, which puts him far ahead of any of the blackhearted wingnuts and far ahead of corrupt Billary.

        As for Victoria, she was ding-batty before Sarah Palin made it fashionable. She’s a real trend-setter. But she’s not my pick. Some people, no matter how wonderfully eccentric, should not be allowed within two states of the nuclear codes. She’s one of them.

        • theCryptofishist

          I hear (from what I at the time considered a reliable source) that Martin is interested in very young women. Okay, 18 or over, but that was more than half his age then, and it’s a third or less now.
          But he did fund the surrealist room in the Los Angeles County Museum.
          Libety or Tranny, indeed.

  • Poly_Ester

    Doesn’t Donald see that privatizing the US Military would make it a cash cow and allow him to balance the US budget forever? Just think of it, a Seal Team raid would cost $x, sending in a company of Marines, $Y. Buying a sortie from the Air Force would be really expensive, hundreds of millions of dollars plus a non-refundable deposit on the aircraft.

  • akryan

    He’s starting to lose some of his mojo. He needs to get back out on the campaign trail and start bashing muslims and mexicans some more.

    • marxalot

      I think the tape’s wearing thin. Magnetic media only has so many plays, and it’s pretty obvious they’ve been leaving it wound heads-out.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Man, that analogy takes me back.

  • Blank Ron

    Hello, CNN? This is how you do your job. Just sayin.’

  • greyXstar

    So instead of being the world’s police, we should be the world’s mafia. Brilliance. YOOOGE classy, gold coated and marble tiled brilliance.

    • NoGoodnik

      The mafia makes money. Have you seen the pay of the average police officer?

      • r m reddicks

        You mean before the grift and the shakedown? The average U.S. World Police Patrolman doesn’t really do all that bad in comparison to the neighborhoods in which she/he works.

        • NoGoodnik

          You think small. You must be a libel.

          • r m reddicks

            Just a liability.

        • Biff52

          These days, all they have to do is rack up the overtime. No grift or shakedown required, other than that which is perpetrated upon the citizenry who pay their bloated salaries. 6 figures is commonplace.

    • AnOuthouse

      Its a bit more honest.

    • HanBarbara

      Nice country you have there….

      • greyXstar

        Would be a shame if – I mean not that I would say – because everyone knows I never start any trouble. I only ever defend myself. But there’s tremendous hatred. Tremendous hatred.

  • TheBidenator

    Lol, talk radio wingnuts all love Ted Cruz and the funny thing is Trump in most ways is less reprehensible than that reptile-fungal-man hybrid. I mean Trump says mean shit about women, right but then he goes and :gasp!: says Planned Parenthood does a lot of good things. Lyin’ Ted doesn’t care, he wants to defund and abolish PP. Trump says a lot of nutty, stupid things on foreign policy while Ted McBlobfish has a veritable rogues gallery of paranoic, psychotic, dominionist Christian shitsacks who consider this some sort of 10th crusade. I mean Trump is a horrible, orange old leather bag someone spilled custard on top of but let’s never lose sight of how just fucking abysmal Icehouse Ted really is….

    • NoGoodnik

      Drumpf is a “deal” maker because he is such a good “negotiator.” He just doesn’t have the ego or understanding of the complexity of the government and international affairs to deal with it all.

      Lyin’ Ted is zealot who thinks it is better to shut the government down instead of compromise on an issue. Lyin’ Ted is much worse.

      • HanBarbara

        So what DO you want on your sandwich?

        • NoGoodnik

          I’ll have the shit sandwich, thank you. In fact, make it a triple shit sandwich with extra smegma, please.

    • andyshelt

      Yeah, but let’s be honest. Choosing between Trump and Cruz is like deciding which type of shit you’d prefer to have on your shit sandwich.

      • bird law

        Trump is the morning-after-eating-at-an-Indian-restaurant-buffet shit. Cruz is just your standard, regular human feces. I can guarantee that this is the closest I will ever come to praising Ted Cruz.

  • NoGoodnik

    The problem for exposing Drumpf for the prevaricator and ill-informed stump that he is, is that the Republican party has spent the better part of the last forty years convincing people that the media and politicians cannot be trusted. No one will believe the media types confronting Drumpf’s BS. Thanks Obama!

  • Mary Sandoras

    It’s a day, therefore stupid must fall out of the Trumps facial orifice.

  • Biff52

    Hey Sanger and Haberman? Concrete is not easily digestible. Just sayin.

  • NoGoodnik

    In the end, Drumpf is just playing us all. He’s just building his brand. His name is his only asset. He licenses his name to appear on other people’s buildings. That’s all he has left. But, hey, it beats working, amirite?

    • WhyFelicia

      Nice non-work if you can get it.

  • jmk

    Not sure if anyone’s posted this yet… but a friend sent the link to me…
    http://occupydemocrats.com/2016/03/28/trumps-top-strategist-just-quit-wrote-brutal-open-letter-trump-voters/

  • Ffffffff!

    • eddi

      My Little Phony.

      • urgelt

        eddi, you just single-handedly gave Trump the furry vote.

        Unintended consequences are a bitch, aren’t they?

        • eddi

          Oops. May as well add fuel to the fire.

          • urgelt

            Hillary is doomed now.

      • Everhope

        Ponies may be all that stands between us and a Drumpf nuclear holocaust. I’d rather look up the backside of my old ponies than into the reptilian mug of the Drumpfster for the next 4 years.

  • dean

    dear friends I accidentally deleted all your a**hole replies without reading, could you please send them again thank you. Nice job Dr, your website with hot naked chicks and F*** Trump T shirts is a class act, attracts the kind of poster whose opinion I can learn from, and you sell advertising! Does anybody know if they sell computer disinfectant. Last time I let google news drag me into the gutter (ok it was fun)

    • beingreleased

      you seem nice.

      • r m reddicks

        Likes (or liked) to bomb and shoot poorer folks from the skies. So, yeah. Oh, and thinks “The Atlantic” is leftist and knows how to cheat “Disqus” profiles.

    • urgelt

      You fit right in. Stick around.

    • Amy!

      Bless your heart.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Our last SkyPilot quit. Something about peens in the ladies room. Said he was going home to NC, maybe GA.

      I think you’ve got a shot at the job. Keep the non-comments coming and the board will make a decision real soon…

    • WhyFelicia

      As a matter of fact, Wonkette sells computer disinfectant! You might not like the label, though.

    • HazooToo

      See you Sunday.

    • therblig

      ouch. we’ve certainly been told, haven’t we?

  • Lordpnut

    I love smell of napalm in the morning.

  • artem1s

    Yea! we have finally reached peak Drumpf! I’m predicting the MSM will finally get tired of his shitshow and finally stop interviewing him. I’M LOOKING AT YOU RACHEL!

  • urgelt

    I know this article is about interviewers asking semi-serious questions of a candidate, and all, but the only thing in this article that grabs my attention is the question:

    Which first lady would *you* prefer? A religious science-denying hater with lips that would scare Dracula, or a really good-looking naked lady?

    Take your time with it. I know it’s a tough question.

    It will get even harder when you’ll have to compare the really good-looking naked lady to Lyin’ Teflon Bill Clinton, the guy with the unending smirk who broke Glass-Steagall and gave us a really good Wall Street crash. Which first lady is your pick?

    Oh, sure, you’re all about the issues, and don’t have time for this silly nonsense, am I right? Sure I’m right. We have a real serious readership here. Forget I asked.

    But it’s my view that if we have to endure a Trump presidency, a really pretty naked lady by his side is just what we’ll need to cheer us up.

    • r m reddicks

      I suggest we get a semi-naked picture of Wild Bill Clinton on a fur rug and juxtapose it with Drumpf’s almost naked first lady nominee. We need a side-by-side so we can vote more properly.

      • ken_kukec

        “I did not have sex with that floor treatment, the fur rug …”

    • beingreleased

      Whose looking forward to the Malania vs. Bill cookie competition?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Yeah, baby. I tell you, those won’t be any ordinary cookies. Better go easy on ’em at first. Oh Don, have another.

      • r m reddicks

        Did Bill get his cookies, yet?

      • theCryptofishist

        Why did I think it would be pretty clever of Bill to seduce her and run off with her.
        Wasn’t thinking of Hilery, was I?

    • Lordpnut

      William Jefferson Clinton is a draft-dodgin’, dope-smokin’, lady-bonin’ Rhodes Scholar who successfully faced down a congressional lynch mob after getting a beej at work by obfuscating the meaning of the word “is”. Now that’s just good lawyerin’ there. Bill Clinton for SCOTUS.

      • urgelt

        Bill Clinton to replace Scalia?

        You really know how to make Republicans faint, don’t you?

        • eddi

          Faint, Hell! You would need to keep sharp objects away from them.

        • Lordpnut

          Also too, just think of the influence charmin’ Bill might have on the Ladies of the Bench.

  • Smokahontas

    Due to personal responsibility, I, too, apologize for reading Time magazine. I sincerely regret any dissatisfaction that error may have inadvertently caused.

  • Master Contrail Program

    It’s true that Trump Just Asks (some) Questions that should be asked, but rarely are. It’s a damn good thing his answers are all red meat and bluster. If he could just provide even the most cursory details of his plans, he’d be a lot more dangerous than he is.

    That’s why I’m still convinced this is some ultimate Skull & Bones, Bilderberg triple-dog-dare.

    • Smokahontas

      I’m holding out for the past year having been the most epic April Fools prank ever.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Either way, it will make history. We’re a fun bunch, here on Earth.

    • eddi

      We have been watching a cross-country ego trip.

    • ken_kukec

      What makes Trump dangerous isn’t his policy plans, but his potential access to the nuclear launch codes. What we fear is that Trump would scoop the “nuclear football” away from his military aide, tuck it under his arm and make a mad, OJ-style broken-field run into the executive residence, lock himself in one of the bedrooms, and start punching the keypad as though he were tweeting in response to the latest Ted Cruz outrage.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Nuclear Football Heisman Pose Trump.

        AKA The last meme anyone will ever see.

  • Mirful

    The only thing worse than Drumpf not answering questions is…
    Drumpf answering questions.

  • ken_kukec

    “… his stream-of-gibberish talking points …”

    Never let it be said that Trump isn’t a canny public speaker. His desultory “by the way” digressions come in clause, sentence, and handy, economy paragraph sizes. When Trump launches a sentence, there’s no telling (least of all by the Donald himself) if it will terminate in a period, a question mark, or an exclamation point. Hell, once launched, a Trump digression is as likely as not to land in another area code.

    • Everhope

      You’re assuming that the digression lands anywhere.

      • Calli Arcale

        Some of his digressions achieve escape velocity.

  • Ryan Denniston

    ““It” was a hot picture of his wife, because people hate looking at beautiful women.”

    It, yes it, pithily sums up the Don’s worldview when it comes to women. “Binders full of women,” man I thought Mittens had it nailed.

    • eddi

      Mitt had to keep it toned down.

      • ken_kukec

        Yeah, Mitt’s binders were for hire; Donald’s are for purchase.

  • theCryptofishist

    Actually, in that first picture, Melania looks groggy, possibly drug induced? (It would be irresponsible not to speculate.) And in the second, she looks pretty banal and fake.

    • ken_kukec

      Well, no wonder: the first picture was snapped right after she emerged from the shipping container in which her Bulgarians captors were smuggling recently purchased Eastern European catalogue brides.

      • therblig

        no styrofoam peanuts? wonder if there was bruising.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Those are just her versions of “Blue Steel” and “Magnum.”

  • Notreelyhelping

    I’m not saying we’ll repeal the Magna Carta, but we need to look into it. Bad, bad deal.

    • ken_kukec

      All part of Trump’s plan to repeal libel laws to make criticizing him illegal. You gotta admire the man’s willingness to re-examine first principles.

      • I’m not so sure he is re-examining first principles so much as ignoring all principles.

    • proudgrampa

      And the Hammurabi Code. Definitely needs to be looked into…

      • Notreelyhelping

        Too soft! Softies! Bad!

  • ken_kukec

    “… this morning, people are saying Donald Trump is a genius.”

    Don’t know about you, but I try to start every new day with that thought. Matter of fact, I’ve taken to using it as my mantra during morning meditations. I used to use something koan-like from the I Ching or Bhagavad Gita, but I’ve found lately that nothing so clears the mind and purifies the soul as the repetitive chanting of “Donald Trump is a genius.”

    • theCryptofishist

      All part of believing six impossible things before breakfast.

      • William_C_Diaz

        Now I want to go to Miliway’s…

        Have a great day!

        • MrCanoehead

          Actually an Alice In Wonderland reference first.

          • William_C_Diaz

            Yup, but that doesnt change the fact that the reference reminds me of good foodz and makes me hungry, lol.

            Have a great day!

      • Ulricii

        Instant breakfast: Believe in Donald. (Counts for six.)

    • 3FingerPete

      People are saying Donald Trump is a genius?

      What people?

      People!

      • Snobo

        Donald Trump

      • Ulricii

        People Airline has it written on the side of their planes.
        Oh yeah, they went bankrupt too.

    • John Smith

      Something from the Bhagavad Gita refers to a Trump presidency:

      “Now I am become destroyer of worlds”

  • Everhope

    Trump is a geeky adolescent who cries nyah, nyah, nyah whenever anyone hurts his itty bitty feelings. One can only imagine him in any crisis in the past bleating “fuck no. Russia needs to apologize, they started this. Where’s that damn football? Hey, bring me that thing….”

  • Mavenmaven

    We’ve all been forced to listen to GOP and teabagger nonsense fit so long that we have almost stopped noticing that it is all gibberish.

    • WhyFelicia

      I imagine the journalists generally tune it out and just wait until the hear the words (?) more or less wrapping up, and then they move on.

  • david drake

    trump is good at making word salad. no wonder sarah palin likes him.

  • JurisGal

    That headline! “Sad!” – hilarious!

  • Vegan and Tiara

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/03/
    Obama tells GOP “hey, you created that asshole!” Ha ha, oh, how Obama must watch the news every night and just laugh and laugh.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    OT: I’m being banned from seeing that SNL video because of my un-Americanness, but I would have thought that letting the cat drive was a better option than relying on Victoria Jackson.

  • John Smith

    “He hears things, you know. Many things.”

    Most of them originate from the voices in his head, and even they say “Big D, you are bull goose loony!”

  • TeeRaak

    You know, I’ve heard the Republican elites accuse Trump of trying to blow up the party and people want to pose for selfies with The Donald, too…

    But I suspect Trump’s explosive vest isn’t fake….

    https://media3.giphy.com/media/dMdhIhcjZGHfi/200w_d.gif

  • handyhippie65

    i haven’t heard one real answer from trump anywhere, about anything. it is scary. the more words he uses, the less he says.

  • Lu

    “Donald Trump Doesn’t Think Anything Is Fair.”

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Trump will launch Twitter tantrums against other countries to Make America Great Again.

  • Cismontane

    Not sure why journos care to get answers from these folks, when everything out of their mouths is a big fat lie. CNN’s long fact check of yesterday’s town hall once again found virtually everything any of them said to be false, except for one single thing Kasich said. Except for Kasich’s claim about a poll, nothing was true, partially true, or misleading. Everything was just outright false. Hehe.

  • TeeRaak

    Donald Trump Tears Up His GOP Loyalty Pledge

    Now there’s a man we can trust!

    His word is like Gold. Take it to the Bank!

    In a dark alley in Shanghai…
    http://cdn.meme.li/instances/300×300/56437936.jpg
    Want to buy some gems?

  • Sterculius

    Let’s not be foolish here. I think we can all agree that we are solidly Pro-Trump (as the Republican nominee to be crushed by a landslide, taking the rest of the party with him).

    I like how Trump stands his ground. He doesn’t cut and run. He is steadfast in the face of adversity, and would obviously make a great leader of the Republican party. In fact, he is nothing less than the second coming of Ronald Reagan, except for the obvious difference that he will never be president.

  • mardam422

    I hear things, too, The Donald. By the way, can I call you “The”? I hear things, too, The. For example, I’ve heard there is a way to lose weight without actually dieting. And, also, too, that Iceland isn’t really all that icy. Only parts of it are icy!! Is that true? I don’t know. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. People say things, and I hear them. Like just yesterday, The. Just yesterday I heard that you can put 16 oranges in a bottle of Tropicana Orange Juice. That seems wrong to me, but if people say it, then I owe it to them to hear it. Don’t you agree, The?

    • Jason M

      I checked. Tropicana says indeed, there are approximately 16 oranges per every 1.75 liters of their fine juice product. SAVOR THE ORANGENESS.

      • mardam422

        Who put those 8 great tomatoes in that little bitty can?

  • Not that it’ll have any effect on his supporters; now Trump can have a nice big rally where he accuses those bullies in the media of constantly hounding him instead of letting him say whatever damn fool thing comes to mind.

    And maybe if our society is lucky, those “bullies in the media” will do what they can to see those aren’t mere accusations.

  • motmelere

    Lord help me, this hurts so hard but I might have to support Tronald Fump for twenty seconds. A candidate should not be given a free pass just because an attack ad was paid for by an issues oriented PAC exercising there ‘free’ speach. I’m guessing that when Trans Rectal Ultra Sound Ted heard of the attack on Melania, the reaction landed between C. Montgomery Burns rasping “excellent” and Emperor Palpatine crooning “Good, good”. I’m fairly certain he didn’t point out how shitty it is to call a very cute Eurotrash golddigger a slut unworthy of the Whitehouse.

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