29
30

Wife(26f) cheated on me in my(31m) homeInfidelity (self.relationships)

inthedumps1234 が 投稿

I hoped I would never have to post here, but here I am. A friend who lives beside me told me last night he saw a man going into and out of my house while I worked and my wife was home alone or with our infant daughter. We have 2 kids, the baby and a 9 year old and I can't imagine my life without them. I honestly can't imagine it without her either, but I don't know if I can ever get back what I felt for her. She really has no good reason for what happened except we have drifted apart since the baby was born. She's 6 months. She's been cheating on me for at least 4 months. Hard to come back together when your sleeping with someone else.

My question is, has anyone else been in this situation and had it work out? I think I would love for that to happen, but I'm the type of person who can't forget things. I can forgive, but it keeps coming back to my mind. I won't stay together for the kids, but if I can figure out a way to love my wife again and get to keep the relationship with my kids, I would like that, I think. I'm obviously torn to bits at the moment, but looking for some advice/perspective. My world was turned upside down less than 24 hours ago, and I'm in a bad place right now.

Thanks

Tldr WIFE CHEATED ON ME. LOKING FOR A WAY FORWARD.

全 24 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]LackadaisicalFruit 40ポイント41ポイント  (3子コメント)

So right now, the only evidence of infidelity that you have is that a neighbor told you he saw a man go to your house while you were at work?

Am I missing something? I guess I just feel like there's a huge gap between the scenario described and the assumption that OP's wife is definitely having an affair.

How well do you know this neighbor? What might his or her motives be for telling you this? Can it be corroborated? Have you checked financial records and phone logs for discrepancies? Have you asked your wife? (If so... those would be relevant details to include in the OP)

Edit: Apparently I fail at reading, he says she's been cheating for 4 months, which... I guess is definitely true ?

[–]rrrents 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

And how does OP know it has been going on for four months?

[–]mason_sol 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm on board with you, regardless of the 4 months claim, that would still put the wife sexing another man 2 months after birthing a child, sounds unlikely.

OP appears to be going nuclear without enough information to justify doing so.

[–]rigidlikeabreadstick 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

She really has no good reason for what happened except we have drifted apart since the baby was born.

Looks like OP confronted her about it, but didn't elaborate at all.

[–]Buddhamama42 23ポイント24ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ok so slow down a bit. Has your wife confirmed that she's cheating on you ? Or are you just going on the say so of your next door neighbour ?

She's a brave lady to be meeting the sexual needs of two men, two months after giving birth.... It sounds REALLY unlikely to me.....

Establish that this is a fact, first. It might be your neighbour stirring up trouble.

[–]yousoycrazy 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

How do you know she cheated on you? Have you confronted your wife? What did she say?

[–]SodaIsUnhealthy 16ポイント17ポイント  (2子コメント)

I would suggest that the first you do is figure out how to protect yourself and your future as much as possible. Talk to some divorce attorneys to find one you're comfortable with and then figure out a plan.

If you haven't tested the baby for paternity, you probably should (you don't need to wait for the results of paternity testing before continuing on, but you should at least get the test done now in case your wife takes the baby and hides).

Make sure your wife can't leave you without the assets you need to take care of yourself (at the same time, make sure you don't leave her unable to care for herself/your children).

Once you're in a position where you've protected yourself as well as you can, you're going to have to confront her about the cheating.

Her responses as to why she's having an affair, how she reacts when she knows you know, and whether or not she'll stop are going to have a lot to do with whether or not your marriage can recover from it, and those things are unknowns right now.

Good luck.

[–]Junkmans1 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you haven't tested the baby for paternity, you probably should (you don't need to wait for the results of paternity testing before continuing on, but you should at least get the test done now in case your wife takes the baby and hides).

I've read that some of the do-it-yourself drugstore/internet tests are pretty reliable at a low cost and the major difference between those and expensive tests is the strict procedures and lab controls needed to use them as evidence in court. So if this is a concern then start out with one of these less expensive test kits.

[–]UnberZed -5ポイント-4ポイント  (0子コメント)

There is nothing to recover. This woman has complete contempt for her husband.

[–]crayonscooby 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

If all your news is from a friend who said he saw someone last night, how do you know it's been going on for four months--did you actually confront her?

I know cheaters, and virtually all of them are serial unless there were incredibly mitigating circumstances. I mean it could be post-partum depression I guess, but that doesn't excuse the behavior--rather, simply may explain it. Even if you want to end things with her, maybe go to couples counseling just so you guys can fully understand each other and communicate well, and perhaps results in a divorce that allows you to have at least equal custody of your children.

Reddit always says get evidence and lawyer up, so I guess do that too.

[–]enrichmentonly 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dude, TALK TO YOUR WIFE. You have no idea what's happening right now and I suspect you're vastly overreacting.

[–]EssexBlackSheep 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Is your wife even interested in saving the marriage? You make no comment on her response to your accusation. Is she truly remorseful or just sorry she got caught? What is she going to do to fix her problems to ensure she does not repeat it at a later time?

Take some time to think about whether the marriage is really worth saving after what she has done, and her response to your finding out.

[–]frodosbitch 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

So you're saying your wife started cheating 2 months after having a baby? And has been doing so for 4 months now?

That sounds possible, but very odd. Most women are pretty busy/tired in the first year or so. You may want to double check your facts before throwing a hand grenade into your marriage.

[–]Clorox43 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Infidelity takes years to work through. And even then, the betrayal can surface throughout the rest of your marriage. Given that this wasn't a one time thing and that she wasn't the one to confess, I think you need to see a lawyer and get a paternity test. Instead of investing time into fixing this, invest time into a relationship with someone who didn't completely betray you.

[–]DTfan82 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get some legal advice about your kids before you do anything, also get evidence of her cheating while the kids are at home this will not look well on her. Irresponsible parenting etc.

After you build your case and safeguard your kids confront her not before.

[–]palmtr335 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Look, she was 17 when she had a kid. I'm definitely not excusing her behaviour but I think she's grown up and is selfishly seeking her own identity without considering you-her husband. It's awful, but I think you either need to open your communication and go to counselling together to try and work it out or walk away. Good luck.

[–]azaleia 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

17 when she had a kid with a 22-year-old. Presumably younger when their relationship began. Not exactly a healthy start.

[–]U_D1971 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

My question is, has anyone else been in this situation and had it work out?

Sorry to say this, but in my experience no it doesn't work out. OP, look after yourself & your kids during this time. Make that a priority & split up. You will still be a father to your children, but your wife has moved on & maybe didn't know how to tell you.

PM me, I went through it 10 years ago.

[–]greyhoundLocker 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

the baby and a 9 year old

Wait... you were 21, and banging a 16-year-old girl?

[–]UnberZed -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your wife broke this marriage and there is nothing left to save. She does not love you and the love you had for her was misplaced. Focus all the energy you have on getting out of this marriage on the best terms you can. You should move out ASAP.

[–]MilkNZL -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

There isn't coming back from this, even if you tried the resentment you would feel would be to much. If she's done it now, she will only do it again, don't listen to her "pleases or forgiveness bullshit"

You really need to talk to a divorce lawyer.. and get finances and all that in check. Then hopefully the kids will stay join custody. Do everything by the books don't try to do anything without out thinking of the consequences.

[–]june606 -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sorry OP for landing in your most avoided forum. Be honest though - the fact that you have posted in this forum means you know it exists and to say you wished you never had to post here, suggests you had suspicions regarding you wife long before this post.

Your question of whether other people could forgive. Or whether other people could forget. Those are two distinct questions. I hope any advice offered to you is helpful