In anarcho-capitalism you guys don't even want to get rid of government, you just want to replace all of it's functions with privately controlled institutions.
Private institutions are voluntary, while government is not. If I could choose which police force I employ to protect my property, I'd choose the one that doesn't constantly extort people and harass minorities. And other police forces would be pressured to follow suit in order to compete. In a way, an AnCap society would be democratic in the sense that we'd vote with our wallets, and the problem of tyranny by the majority is avoided.
So you essentially trade government for landowners; who are then empowered to create/enforce/adjudicate laws however they like through private mercenaries/laws/courts.
Yes, because all of those things do serve their purpose. We're just against these things being initiated through force, which is what government, unlike private institutions, does.
And again, when these things aren't supported by a violent monopoly like government, these people will be pressured by competition and supply/demand forces to not piss off their consumers by abusing these things the way government is able to. Having a "no prostitution" policy makes sense in your restaurant, but if you own a motel, it's going to drive away business.
Haha, Hoppe even argues that people don't have the right to free speech on private property.
Ah, here's where I get to use an example of capitalism in action. Here on Reddit, censorship is rampant as fuck, and everyone is always complaining about content/comments being deleted for shady reasons. Well, Reddit has the right to censor on their own property; guess that means capitalism = nazi, right? Wrong. When censorship here began to cause an uproar, people began flocking to a site called Voat, which upholds a strict free speech policy. The people demanded a site that didn't piss them off with authoritarian censorship policy, and Voat filled that demand. If you don't want to be censored, go to some property where censorship is not upheld, it's that simple.
You're neofeudalists
Feudalism was a form of government, where the serfs were forced to farm, and the monarch was a violent monopoly. They had no choice in king (and no, democracy is not a choice, for the 49%), or lords, or knights, or even the choice to boycott. It was all forced on them, and as a result, the state did not (or at least rarely did) better its treatment of the people because there was no market incentive not to piss them off.
who have a penchant for respecting anti-democratic movements
Democracy is a form of government, is it not? I will admit an alarming amount of ancaps seem to spread it for Trump and Pinochet, but it's not like our endgame is to create a more perfect union. Democracy is mob rule, basically choosing to be lynched by an angry mob over executed by a king. At least there's the possibility that >50% of the mob realizes what they're doing is immoral and stops, but as far as liberty goes, I'd rather not be executed at all.
promoting monarchism
Yes, in our revolution we shall crown a man emperor of Ancapistan, and bow down to his highness' unquestionable rule.
You have no claim to the term anarchism.
The difference between AnCaps and AnComs is that AnCaps believe property can exist without government, while AnComs don't. Thing is though, that property rights can be enforced defensively, just like a person protecting themselves from murder. Leftist policy on the other hand, such as "contribute to my commune, hand over the means of production, don't ever offend someone who isn't a cis white straight male", that requires an entity to actively police society, seeking out violators and coercing them to obey.