Learn from my mistakes...dont just READ the principles in this thread, APPLY them.

RagingOrangutan · 1日前

An old mentor of mine told me that there are different kinds of mistakes. There's the mistakes that affect you for days, ones that affect you for weeks, months, and years. The mistakes you really want to avoid are the ones that last years.

This series of mistakes you've made will last months. It will take you several months of income and belt tightening to claw yourself out of this hole you're in, but as long as you don't keep making the same mistakes, a year from now you won't be too much worse off than if none of this had happened.

However, that does mean that your behavior has to change. One thing you can do right at this moment is stop drinking at the bar. Bar drinks are marked up a hundred percent or often more. You've already had more luxury than you can afford, and you need to cut back even on the things that seem minor and that you feel like you deserve.

Then you need to consider whether that beach side studio is really worth the cost. You didn't say how much it was, but it's worth considering whether avoiding a 5 or 10 minute walk is worth the hundreds or thousands of extra dollars per month that this is costing you. Looking at the cost over a year might make it sink in more.

And then you need to have a very frank conversion with your girlfriend. She is spending money that you have earned by pushing you towards these expensive choices. The key is not to blame her for this (because it's your fault that you were complicit in this), but to tell her that this is changing now. From this point forward you are not going to let her push you into decisions like that. You're not telling her to change her behavior, but rather informing her that your own behavior is changing and she should be prepared for that.

This will be hard and it will require discipline, but you will get out of this. You still have a job that pays you far above what almost all your peers are making, so you still have a lot of potential, and you came to an early realization that you made some missteps. Good luck.

Minemose · 1日前

FYI animals are expensive. I have rescued more than I care to admit, and I pay a fuck ton in vet bills every year plus even more in kennel costs when we travel. When these ones die that is it. I have done my share (and more) of rescuing and I am done. I want to travel and all that someday when the kids move out.

Sounds like you will be ok though, just some shock which you will survive plus a reminder about the EF.

Dobutamine · 1日前

Mate you dun goofed. It sounds like you are letting your girlfriend dictate a lot of shit to you which is causing lifestyle creep? Or are you just using her as an excuse to spunk money? How would she feel if you were fronting her and forcing her to blow lots of cash? Main tip, pull out your tip, don't wanna risk pregnancy with this one yet until you find out if she can be frugal.

BmoreInterested · 1日前

I've known far too many people that have gotten dogs on a whim, and have had to pay out thousands (or even tens of thousands) over the years. I know shelters are VERY eager to get dogs out the door, but some education about costs would go a long way for potential owners.

zhuwawagu · 1日前

Read your whole post. Good luck, dude.

ShadowHunter · 1日前

Some people read the entire encyclopedia and internalize nothing. Others, without reading a single word exhibit everything they did not read about.

Ahenian · 1日前

Sounds like your GF is affecting your decisions quite heavily.

I'd imagine you're paying quite a bit of extra for that beach proximity, considering apartment/rent is commonly the biggest expense even a few hundred bucks less per month adds up quick. If you hit that beach every day maybe it's alright but if it's only once every 2 weeks then you're basically paying for something you're not utilizing.

I also get a sense of urgency from your entire post (maybe the GF being impatient?). It takes 1-2 months to settle down in a new place, putting stuff in its place and buying all the little things which are missing. If the dog could have waited 2-3 months I'd imagine things would have been much more smooth.

Haste creates waste. It's no wonder things get out of hand if you're doing too many new things at the same time, chill, breathe, it's alright to give things time to sort themselves out.

hutacars · 1日前

Yikes. That's really all I have to say :/

Lifestyle inflation is a very real thing. Looks like you Weimar'd it right out the gate, which is unfortunate but not totally irreversible. You can undo a lot of the damage if you choose to, by returning/selling things off, and the things you choose not to will ultimately settle down to become "routine" expenses (is there truly such a thing?). Good luck man.

EDIT: Wait, you can't buy a used couch? Are you in an area with bed bugs or something? Even so, a new one doesn't have to cost $1500.

Also I've never paid money for a vacuum cleaner in my life, hehe. They're available all the time on Freecycle (where I got my couch, incidentally).

studentofsmith · 1日前

Thank you for sharing.

And you're right, it's like those people who say "I'll start investing once I have some money." With that attitude they never will.

Muffinzz · 1日前

Unexpected shit happens all the time that throws major spanners. I had a friend steal £500 from me, and one of my hedgehogs had a major operation last month from a congenital health defect which cost £300... fucking pissed because I had all my savings planned out but having a small pot of savings from starting FIRE can pull you through that, even if it is a major ballache spending your early cash pot.

A word of advice: if you're living in shared accomodation, never give your housemates money to pay the bill even if they're doing it via direct debit. Just call them yourselves and give them the money so you know it's been paid and your housemate hasn't taken your money and spent it on something else. Never making that fucking mistake again.

thematchesdecomposed · 1日前

I love our dog. We adopted him from the shelter as soon as we moved in...

It's funny that when discussing the realities of having pets and children, we always have to preface it with assuring everyone that we like them. Like, don't hate me because I realized something many don't openly discuss because they're afraid to be labeled a heartless human being, but this little shit is expensive AF. We don't have to preface the financial advice of owning an expensive car. "Now hear me out, my Corvette is amazing I love mine and I wouldn't trade her for anything, but maybe if I were to do it again I would've waited a few years until I got on my feet ya know?" Sorry, just an observation.

ZarinaShenanigans · 1日前

The first step is realizing your mistakes so it sounds like you're already part of the way there. You guys will get there, it's one thing to read about an idea and another to actually figure out how it applies to your personal situation.

FunkShway · 1日前

Damn yo. This is a heavy wake up call for me. Preciate you sharing.

nouns · 1日前

Don't fret! I wish I would have sorted out more sooner as well, but there's always time to change the way you live and manage your finances better. :-)

catastrophedude · 1日前

This is why the say "More money, more problems"

You fell into the same trap I used to. I would get all excited about something and buy a bunch of stuff I didn't really need. Now I finally figured out that I can wait to buy stuff until I actually need it and I waste a great deal less money now.

The hard part is realizing you have a problem. Now all you have to do is work it off and fix it. Pretty soon you'll be in the black and you can make your money start working for you.

quickadvic · 23時間前

It sounds like your girl and you are REALLY overvaluing your income honestly. 120k, while solid, is not deserving of these kind of frivolous spending. My vote, come clean, try to get out of the lease, sell anything you can roughly break even on and make it obvious to your girl what the reality of the situation is. If she sticks around great... Otherwise...

steveonomics · 21時間前

Get rid of your GF, the dog, and a bunch of your stuff. Why would you pay so much for a couch and TV?! Sublet that beach place out and move 2 miles inland.

Kpc2593 · 1日前

Nice post! What industry are you in if you don't mind me asking? I'm 23 and only earning 60k before taxes...

FiFever · 1日前

I went through literally the exact same thing, South Florida, beach condo, dog, all of it.

Good news is that you'll never forget this lesson.

calmante · 1日前

Oh, man... This isn't as terrible as it seems. You are very much OKAY. You're young, and a few months seems like it's a set-back, but it's not, in the grander sense. Breathe... you will be fine.

Be mindful of your present, and enjoy your surroundings. I'm sure your gf will turn things around soon, too.

Norua · 1日前

You'll be allright.

You obviously learned your lesson.

Oh, and stop listening to your GF's bullshit (sorry to be blunt but like you just realized, small bullshit conversations can lead to huge real life problems).

JillyPolla · 23時間前

If you don't mind my asking, what industry are you in that you can make $120K working from home at 24?

Would it be possible to work from a cheap location (that still has good transportation options since you're traveling for work)

CuseCents · 22時間前

Fronting travel expenses can be a hassle, but you are usually reimbursed prior to when the payment is due.

If you are heavily concerned, I would recommend you book everything you can before you leave the office (two months of hotel stays, plane/bus/train tickets, etc.) and immediately submit for reimbursement. They may have limits on how much they reimburse initially, but it's worth the effort to try.

Regarding all of the financial issues, you are forgetting the best thing about this story: you realized there's a problem.

All of us make decisions that are mistakes in hindsight. The critical aspect is learning, moving on and sharing the wisdom with others! At $120k+ a year, you can make some quick budgetary decisions and be out of the mess shortly and keep on chugging.

You got this.

FIby35 · 22時間前

First off: Which bar in Dallas? I love that town and hope to be moved back soon.

Secondly: The first thing I noticed when I started making six-figures was that I wasn't that much more rich than when I was making five-figures. After taxes and everything else, it ends up only being a couple hundred extra dollars per paycheck. I think the stigma of "making six figures" makes you believe you're a millionaire and richer than what you are and it's an easy trap to fall into, especially in a city like Dallas or South Florida. I'm lucky to have embraced the FIRE mindset just before hitting the six-figure mark, dropping my expenses drastically in order to pay off debt, and have been able to keep that modest lifestyle now that I'm debt-free and in wealth accumulation phase.

Third: You can fix this. You can sell all the furniture you bought, break your apartment lease, and restart. It's important to realize that you don't "deserve" anything in this life. You aren't a millionaire, you are a broke 22 year old with a decent salary for your age. Don't let your ego ruin your financial future and life.

Eli_Renfro · 21時間前

That was a very coherent drunk post. I'm pretty sure that anyone who can write that well while drunk will be able to dig their way out of this hole without too much of a problem. Good luck!

FootofGod · 19時間前

Good post, but my mind is consumed by your use of "could of" and "should of" in place of "could've" and "should've." It's tickling my brain funny!

gamesta400 · 1日前

Love this post!!

moosemc · 1日前

OK, so I still have my $1500 couch. Its nice and everybody loves it. And its 12 years old now. Good shit lasts. So you have a good couch and a good bed. You won't have to buy them again.

You are creating in infrastructure for long term savings. I don't focus on the home's inventory, its more on the monthly fees for stuff. And everybody buys new stuff to go with the new place.

Less than a year ago I bought a $700 Roomba, and I don't even have a job.

Stop worrying.

ShadowHunter · 1日前

small animals are not expensive. get a chinchilla!

seanmerron · 1日前

You know what's crazy? Every person that list their Age here is <30M.

cab354 · 22時間前

Sounds like you spent a lot of money of stuff you don't really care about. Next time you are thinking about buying new stuff, ask yourself if you really need/want it, or if you're just buying it because you can.

alltakendamned · 21時間前

Now you know about lifestyle creep.

So you'd think you'd learn something from it right? And yet, you're in a bar getting drunk, on your own. Go home, drink there, it's cheaper.

Scabon · 21時間前

I made somewhat similar mistakes for similar reasons when I was 23-24. In some ways they were worse because:

I was making half of what you are making in 2016 dollars
There were more housemates involved and the relationships were more complicated and, eventually, adversarial

Now for the good news. Within a year I got rid of all the relationships, entanglements, financial commitments, etc. At the time it was painful, but very much worth it in retrospect. The month I turned 25 my net worth was finally $0, a big improvement. I FIREd in my mid-40s.

phillyclaire · 21時間前

Thanks for this post. I'm sure it was hard to lay it all out like this.

I, too, read this sub all the time. I, too, have a hard time putting into practice what I've learned here. I save pretty well, I invest wisely, but I also spend way more money than I have to. I'm trying to give myself a long break from restaurant meals right now, after spending a shocking amount on eating out in the last few months.

I hope you can make the necessary changes to feel more comfortable with your decisions. There's good advice in the other comments so I won't repeat it, but I just wanted to say, thanks and good luck!

gnomeozurich · 20時間前

While it does look like you have been spending WAY more then necessary for the various items you are discussing, the main problem with those kinds of expenses is continuing turnover. "Oh, I'm bored with our expensive flatware, let's get another set", etc. Filling out a home with nice things ends, and if you decide to make it, it can end in a really nice place without spending a ton of money.

First thing, ask yourself (and your gf) this? Do you really need everything all at once? You lived as an adult without these things, why do you need them now? Just because you are in a nice house? Well they'd be nice things to add, sure, but do you need them? Why not keep what you had?

Now, I'm not one to live with crappy stuff, so if what I had was basically stuff old housemates had left or I stole from the university dining hall, etc. I'd want to buy things too. But the way I did it was to plan it out, and I waited until I had the money to buy anything that wasn't an actual necessity.

I also made a long list of things I wanted to have, and then I watched craigslist and estate sales and place like tjmaxx, overstock.com, etc. for good sales.

Here's an example: I love to cook, and I have a really nice set of all-clad cookware that I began to accumulate in the early-mid 90s. I could have walked into a high end kitchen store and gotten the full set of every possible pan and paid 6k+ first thing (like my aunt did, who was wealthy and the money wasn't an issue), or, there's what I actually did. I looked at the sets, and figured the pieces I would use often and really want (4qt saucepan, wok-like pan, 1.5qt saucepan and flat 2qt saucepan.) Everything else I would use less often and so I would make do with some lesser quality (but still decent) and 1/5 as expensive brand. I waited for each piece until I saw it somewhere on massive discount, checking marshalls and tjmaxx and the local kitchen store which would often put one item up for 50-70% off. Ultimately I paid around $40-60 per piece and had what I really wanted. Then 10 years later, my aunt moved into an apartment and I ended up with most of her set as well for free. The pans she kept were almost all the ones I had already bought!

Did the same thing with linens, flatware, most furniture, etc.

When I really needed something and there wasn't a reasonable buy available for the cool thing I really wanted, I'd look at my options at ikea/target/whatever to see if it was worth just getting that instead rather than ponying up retail price for the top-line item.

It's amazing how much less you can spend when you do this, and all you have to do is accept that you won't get every single thing you want RIGHT AWAY. If you accumulate your household items gradually over 3-5 years, you will not only pay as you go when you have the money instead of buying everything on credit and then praying that your high paying dream job pans out -- you will also probably pay 25-50% of what you would spend if you tried to buy it all at once to get THE SAME STUFF!

You can't do much about what you've already done, but the good thing is that this not a lifetime mistake. You are fortunate to have a high paying job that you basically like. As long as you keep that job and don't hate it, any kind of normal mistake like this is recoverable within a few months. Just start thinking in FIRE terms, they don't have to crazy frugal terms because HELLO, you make a lot of money. You may even be able to afford a nice apartment near the beach (although if we're not talking on or a few blocks to the beach, I don't know why I'd pay much more than for a place two miles away).

The key here is not to let yourself get suckered into continually upgrading or replacing stuff that is perfectly good. If you can do that, you will be fine, and this will be a small blip on the radar of your FIRE trip once a few years pass.

warm_n_toasty · 19時間前

Holy shit OP. I'm curious to know the point of this post. what are your plans now? seems like youre destined to keep making these mistakes unless you have a change of your core being.

TrashPanda4Prez · 18時間前

You're not that deep in a hole. It's just an apartment and some stuff in it. You didn't overbuy a 550k house or a 80k leased car. You can recover. Use your time there to shop for your next apartment.

govtcheeze · 17時間前

Yep my company decides to book me on travel for the next 2 months straight and guess who has to front the expenses to be reimbursed? Me.

Nope. I did the same thing when I was just starting out. Spent $6k on 2 months of non-stop travel. When I got back the company had closed and I never got a dime. I would be very, very careful here.

trentblase · 14時間前

So between the two of you, you had no furniture or household goods at all? Were you living with your parents previously?

2epic · 13時間前

Dude you really need to have an open conversation with your girlfriend. Share with her what your values and goals are and don't be afraid to say no. Ultimately your finances are your own as a result of your hard work and effort. Never let anyone take that away from you without your consent.

I was once in a relationship with a girl who wanted everything while giving nothing back in return. That's not an equal partnership. I allowed her to take advantage of me because I lacked the spine to stand my ground and be assertive. She was controlling and I gave her whatever she wanted. Now I'm divorced with a seven year old kid at age 28.

My point is, you have a right to say no if your gut tells you it's not the most prudent thing to do. I'm not saying your girlfriend is anything like my ex, but if she is please tread carefully. I only bring this up because you sound a bit bitter and frustrated with the whole situation.

Best of luck my friend.

Walnutbags · 7時間前

Murphy's law and Murphy was an optimist.

zeniuss · 6時間前

If only because of a personal situation that was damn similar to yours, albeit at a lower cost margin, here's my tested advice (take it or not): ditch the gf, ditch the beach house.

Why the gf? (Oh, I'm a ruthless bastard, but all the financial pain made me so) she's a spender, you aren't. It's gonna cause a lot of friction down the road. If you will try and get her to spend less, she will feel caged and resent you for it. If she continues spending, you will resent her for it. Your story doesn't clarify this, but I wonder, were the efforts to get this working equal? I don't mean budget wise (she clearly makes less). I mean stress wise, loan wise, sleepless nights wise, etc. Think on it for a couple of days. Preferably when alone.
Ditch the house if it's rented (didn't get if it is or not, sorry). Why? Did you actually want the beach house, or were you coerced into renting it? Yes, moving again implies some costs, but it will level out pretty fast. Do the math. And get the beach house again, when you two can support the expenditures EQUALLY. Unless you want all of the above resentment I just spoke about.

I know it's unsolicited advice, but damn, it's like reading my story.

In case you care, we did break up and it actually worked out superbly for both of us. I now have complete control over my finances.

notanotherredditid · 23時間前

Take a long hard look at your girlfriend's actions. Maybe she is looking to be a housewife?

RagingOrangutan · 22時間前

Dude, you're a SUCKER. You're a CHUMP. And I cannot sit idly by while you ruin your life without giving you the ass-whooping you deserve. So shut up and listen; it's for your own good!

I started to buy things NOW based off my POTENTIAL INCOME in the future.

You NEVER, EVER do that. You live off cash, period. You don't live off credit. If you don't have the money in hand to buy it, then you DON'T BUY IT. You need r/personalfinance instead of this sub.

my gf decided that she ONLY wanted to live near the beach

I'm sorry but this is fucking PATHETIC. Your GIRLFRIEND does not get to decide JACK SHIT! She's not your WIFE, and even then she would only have a 50% say in your expenses. A girl you're not even married to does not get to call the shots on how YOU spend YOUR hard-earned money, when she doesn't contribute hardly a damned thing to your budget! MAN UP and tell her who's the boss. Grow a pair and take responsibility for your money and how it's spent. Oh, and your girlfriend is NOT going to get another job. She knows she's snagged you as a provider and she's going to keep giving you just enough sex so you'll keep paying her bills. She's a free-loader and you need to dump that princess ASAP.

Couch? $1500 because we cant buy a used one (this one I actually agree with)..Bed? $1000 (love the bed but the one we had prior would of sufficed until we were ready)..Need a new TV right? Of course! $1200... plus TV stand and desk for my office...another $500.

No, actually, you DON'T need a stupid TV that wastes your finite time on this earth. At least buy a used one that doesn't cost so much. All that other furniture could be bought used or at least shop around for some good deals. Retail is for SUCKERS.

oh and another HUGE expense...PETS

Pets are completely unnecessary to your survival. You are flat broke and the last thing you need is an extra expense like a pet. I'm sick of all these yuppies walking around with their dogs 24/7, pooping on my yard, and fawning over each others' social media posts of their stupid pets that they "rescued" (actually you just got a free dog you cheap bastard!). Cut the fat out of your budget, put the dog up for adoption, and live a simple, minimalist life. If you do that, you'll be stacking cash at your high-paying job and you actually WILL be able to retire early like so many others on this sub.

Oh, and wear a condom, and make sure you see your girlfriend take her birth control every day. She WILL try to poke holes in your condoms to snare you into marriage, or even worse she will throw a false rape accusation at you and RUIN your life. You really need to be careful with these entitled western princesses. If you haven't been overseas yet, then you don't know what you're missing. Plenty of men have been ruined and you could be next, so do some research and protect your god damn neck.

End rant.

financialindependence

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