I'm not going to say anything that might spoil the latest season of Orange is the New Black. Instead, I'd like to say something that hopefully will help those who have finished it.

Which is... shit happens. I'm sorry, it does. This show is cold, this show is brutal, and it just doesn't end. It's like the writers sit there and ask each other, "All right, but how can we make this characters suffer even more?"

Shit happens, but it's all right. I don't mean "all right" in the sense that wrongs will be righted and justice will prevail, that's silly, this show is far too gritty and realistic for that. But what I do mean is that there is always going to be those good moments. Which, they certainly will only be for a moment, but what a moment it is. Genuine joy and happiness, made that much more sweeter by all the surrounding bitter pain.

It makes sense that it ended on such a painful note. Look at how wonderful the last season ended, everyone out on the lake having fun. Fun is over, but fun will return. It won't be easy, it won't be just, but it will be.

How 'bout that Warcraft movie, though? I did not know what to expect. But I'll say I may be biased in saying it's a good movie because I kind of sort of am a fan of the original games but I've never touched the MMORPG.

What I love is that it has Tolkien trappings. It's humans and elves and little dudes trying to fight against big green evil dudes with some magic to help save the day. But it has no Tolkien flavor. It's silly, big, dumb, beat 'em up, action packed typed jam that you would think would be suited for people who enjoyed 300.

Except I was pleasantly surprised by how intelligent it was. It wasn't intelligent in any poetic sense, there is no overarching commentary that you can apply to the real world, it didn't even have a verbose vocabulary. But the characters were smart.

I think we can all agree we're tired of movies where the characters are dropping idiot balls left and right. Where people do dumb things for dumb reasons. Where everything would be fine if we all just calmed down and talked things over. That was this movie. Warcraft? They should have called it Make Rational and Reasonable Decisionscraft. Obviously, it does go off the rails and everyone starts beating the crap out of each other. But it's also reaches a fevered pitch where that's a sound idea.

Also, orcs are pretty darn sexy. You look at an orc man and you see all that meat on meat with muscles on top of that. The orc women aren't much different, but that's fine by me.

The movie I'm not going to see is Tarzan. I admit, I really liked Disney's Tarzan. I liked it so much in fact that I decided to read the book. Turns out, Tarzan is nothing like that. I'll also admit that it was written very well. Like, if you're a writer and you want to know how to write impactful and engaging action sequences, most certainly read the book. But beyond that, well...

...my understanding of this new movie is they're trying to un-Columbus the story of Tarzan. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sort of like Robert Dahl's work. It's terribly racist and maybe we should stop re-telling such stories because painting the negro orange and calling them Oompa Loompas isn't going to make it any less racist.

Same with Tarzan. And what Tarzan did was way worse. He was a straight up serial killer. And not the dumb careless kind like in real life, no. He was the cold, calculating, devastating, and intelligent kind, like Hannibal Lecter. When Jane and her company find his parent's tree house, there is a note on the door stating, "This home of Tarzan, killer of blacks." Let's not kid ourselves, that's some racist shit. It doesn't get better. He does get over his serial killer phase, only to enslave a whole tribe of native Africans. Who, of course, are way too happy to be in bondage. I don't think Edgar Rice Boroughs had a clue how to write slaves.

So I have no idea how this new movie is going to "de-Columbus" this cluster fuck, and quite frankly I don't care.