At the crack of dawn,

Door to door we go,

Pulling the liberals from their beds,

Hundreds of thousands of them groggy and confused

We march them to the dried up lake.

---

"Where is your prince?" we ask.

But none of them flinches,

"We love the prince" they say,

"He is our great leader and we will never betray!"

"Very well" we reply, as we sharpen our pikes,

"Justice will be done, despite".

---

The lake bed bursting with liberals now,

The cloud of smug around them thick.

We raise our pikes and offer them one last out:

"Where is your prince? Tell us and live!"

But they cradle their iPhones and excrete more smug

As liberals will do.

---

It's time now, dear liberals,

We must cleanse this Earth of your rotten kind.

This cloud of smug will soon be vanquished,

And the free folk will rise from the ashes.

---

We approach each liberal,

Instructing them to lift their heads high,

Gently, we pierce their necks and withdraw our pikes,

Their screams fill the air like sweet birdsong in spring,

and the blood gushes from their wounds.

It tastes like bacon.

---

Quickly the lake fills,

Until we stand knee deep in liberal ooze.

We continue down the line,

Puncturing their supple white necks,

Liberal by liberal.

---

As the blood rises to our shoulders,

We're down to the last party,

"My name is Reagan and he is Herbert,"

"We'll give up the prince if you'll let us keep our lands and titles!"

---

Behind them cowers a pale young fellow,

A permanent scorn fixed to his brow.

"You fucking edgelords, look what you did!"

"You violent fucks, you edgy lunatics!"

---

We thank the two smuglords heartily and reach out to shake their hands,

But instead grab their heads and force them down,

Drowning them in the blood lake.

---

"Never trust an Edge Knight, kids!"

"No liberals can be allowed to live."

"Every one of you will bleed to death,"

"And the earth will be fed."

---

We pull the arrogant prince by his ear,

Dragging him to dry land.

"You'd better get your hands off me, edgelords,"

"Or I'll call the police, just you wait!"

---

"Little prince, tell us now,"

"Why do you love cops so?"

---

"My uncle is a cop, I'll have you know!"

"He's shot a hundred demented maniacs just like you low-borns."

"Unhand me now or I'll call him up,"

"And you'll be sorry, oh boy will you!"

---

"Apologies, young prince, but all liberals must die,"

"And since you're their beloved prince, an example must be made."

---

"I will not stand for this!"

"I am the crown prince of liberals!"

"I demand legal counsel and a jury of my peers,"

"Or you'll all be so very sorry!"

---

"There are no liberals left for you to rule,"

"No courts or counsellors or murdering cops."

"The revolution has come and the people are free,"

"It's time now, prince. Time to pay."

---

He continues to protest, which hurts our ears,

So we carve out his tongue and save it for a snack.

"How fortuitous, this will go nice with some beer!"

But then his beady eyes keep on bemoaning,

So we cut them out too and his nose while we're at it.

"These will make for a good stew!"

---

Pushing his head down into the dirt,

We press a pike in through his anus,

With a little force, it emerges from his mouth.

His garbled screams give us all boners.

---

"The prince is dead, the prince is dead!!"

"A prince kebab for all the proles to have!"

The whole planet erupts in song and orgy.

Humanity hath finally been freed from liberal bourgies,

And the brave Edge Knights that skewered the prince will be fondly remembered,

For serving up the finest liberal kebab the proles ever tasted.