Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have made headlines for all sorts of reasons during their relationship, but their latest stint on the cover of gossip magazines was for something that shouldn’t be all that shocking: their decision to marry. Why is it so gossip-worthy? For seven years, the pair had chosen to raise a family while unmarried. The personal relationships of rich and famous actors usually bear little resemblance to those of regular Americans, but in this case the couple’s lifestyle reflects a larger trend.
Only about half of Americans are married now, down from 72 percent in 1960, according to census data. The age at which one first gets married has risen by six years since 1960, and now only 20 percent of Americans get married before the age of 30. The number of new marriages each year is declining at a slow but steady rate. Put simply, if you are an unmarried adult today, you face a lower chance of ever getting married, a longer wait and higher divorce rates if you do get married. The Pew Research Center recently found that about 40 percent of unmarried adults believe that marriage is becoming obsolete.
While marriage is in decline, unmarried cohabitation is on the rise. Fifteen times the number of couples today live together outside of marriage than in 1960. Almost half of cohabiting households include children.
Why should we care about what may be a failing institution? Brad Wilcox, UVA sociology professor and director of the National Marriage Project, argues that the institution of marriage still symbolizes core values important to intimate relationships.
“Marriage conveys a sense of meaning, purpose, direction and stability that tends to benefit adults and especially children. People who get married have an expectation of sexual fidelity, and that fidelity tends to engender a sense of trust and security,” Wilcox says. “There is no kind of similar solemn ritual marking the beginning of cohabitation.”
Allison Pugh, also a UVA sociology professor, has a slightly different take on it. She says that it isn’t so much the institution of marriage that is important, but rather how well a family cares for children, regardless of its structure. Children need stability, nurturing and love, but both married and unmarried parents can provide those things, Pugh says.
Is America having a “marriage crisis?” Certainly, the institution of marriage is changing and it’s worth taking a look at why and where it might end up. It’s a question that a number of researchers at UVA are trying to answer by exploring the role of women in the workforce, emotional expectations for partnership and marriage’s benefits or costs to individuals and families.
Why has marriage declined?
The answer depends on whom you ask, but almost every expert points in part to the women’s liberation movement of the late 1960s and ’70s. As more women earned college degrees, entered the workforce and delayed motherhood, marriage became less necessary for their economic survival.
UVA psychology professor Robert Emery says that, in the past, people thought of marriage as “more of a businesslike relationship.” Women often received financial support from their husbands and women often provided household and child-rearing labor. Marriage rates fell and divorce rates rose when people started thinking less with their wallets and more with their hearts.
“The notion today is that marriage is about love and love is about personal fulfillment,” Emery says. Mutual personal fulfillment is a complex and evolving goal, and, without the extra glue of financial interdependence, people who no longer feel fulfilled may more easily leave a relationship.
Certainly, each marriage is different. A happy couple who married in 1960 would likely stay married, even without the reinforcement of economic disparity between men and women. But an unhappy couple married in 2000 would be more likely to divorce than an unhappy couple in 1960.
Marriage has changed because the relationship between the sexes has changed, but that’s not all. Amalia Miller, a UVA economics professor currently conducting research at the RAND Corp., has published a study linking the use of the birth control pill at a young age to women’s earnings in later years. She found that women who had access to the pill before the age of 21 in the 1960s not only had 8 percent higher wages than their counterparts later on in their careers, but also ended up marrying higher-earning men.
“[Access to the pill] narrowed the gender wage gap,” Miller says. “Part of it was that the women were able to become mothers later, but part of it was that they had more confidence and control over the timing of fertility.”
Miller’s research shows that women who have access to birth control are more likely to attend and graduate from college. They can plan their families and their careers. She found that women who delay motherhood by one year increase their earnings by 9 percent on average.
“The pill as a form of technology gave a lot more control to women in general,” Miller says. As the pill allowed women to both control when they became mothers and earn higher wages, the necessity for early marriage—or marriage at all—became less compelling.
The availability of birth control is not the only social change that has transformed marriage. Beginning in the 1970s, a more globalized economy began changing the American job market with outsourcing and layoffs. Gone are the days when one could spend his or her entire career at a single company. Greater job instability and a more mobile workforce have changed the way that we live. Pugh’s research, chronicled in her upcoming book, The Tumbleweed Society: Working and Caring in an Age of Insecurity, found that when either men or women experience insecurity at work, they tend to take it out on their partners at home.
“Low expectations for loyalty at work inoculate them from feeling betrayed at work. There’s no such protection for them at home, however,” Pugh says. “Instead, their high expectations—their sense that surely, at least here, we can fight off the culture of insecurity—led them to see and name betrayal, to feel outraged, to walk around wounded.” Wilcox’s work also shows that people who suffer from job and financial instability are least likely to marry and more likely to divorce.
The earliest indicator of society’s response to shifting ideas about marriage was a spike in the rate of divorce. Although the divorce rate has fallen since the 1980s, when it was at an all-time high, it is still twice as high as it was in 1960, currently hovering around 50 percent.
Emery says that from a psychological standpoint, the high divorce rate has partly caused the decline in marriages today. “It makes young people today less secure in the idea of committing to and being in a lasting marriage,” Emery says. “Much of the rise in cohabitation as an alternative to marriage is actually an alternative to divorce. If you never make a commitment, you are never going to divorce.”
Marriage diagnostics: College counts
For some sections of the population, there is no marriage crisis. If you are college educated, you are much more likely to be in a long-lasting, stable, happy marriage, and much less likely to divorce. Between the ’70s and the ’90s, the divorce rate among the college educated fell from 15 to 11 percent. In contrast, the divorce rate among those with only a high school education rose from 36 to 37 percent.
Wilcox sees evidence that marriage among the higher socio-economic classes is going strong, but about 70 percent of the country does not fall into that category. But is marriage the answer to the multitude of economic and societal problems that plague Americans in the lower socio-economic range? Is a more married America a better America?
In some cases, a drive to marry may cause more instability in the lives of children and parents. Pugh says that the way a family provides for children is more important than whether it is based upon a marriage. She puts particular emphasis on family transitions, when family structure changes with marriage, divorce or remarriage.
“Family transition is what matters, not family structure,” Pugh says. “If we get on the pro-marriage bandwagon, we send the wrong message, particularly to single mothers who are anxious about what has been termed ‘father need.’” Pugh refers to single mothers who may not choose the best marriage partners because they feel pressure to provide a father for their children at any cost. Households like the one she describes may go through several different marriages, which only decreases family stability.
Emery is in the midst of research that addresses this question: Does marriage make people happy or do happy people marry more than unhappy people? He is comparing the marriage experiences of identical twins. He uses twins to control for genetic variables that might contribute to unhappiness, so that he can study the environmental aspects of marriage and happiness.
Initial results suggest that marriage often does make people happy and happy people are more likely to marry. “We know that a particularly happy marriage is associated with all sorts of psychological benefits: you are less depressed, less anxious, less likely to be in trouble with the law, less likely to be engaged in drinking or drug use and you live longer,” says Emery. “We’re finding evidence that marriage is both a cause and an effect of happiness.”
This doesn’t necessarily mean that all people outside of marriages are less happy than people in marriages. Emery is quick to point out that some married people exhibit negative psychological outcomes. Single people often reap benefits from their status as well. But most scholars agree that there is something about marriage that benefits a large portion of the population.
The future of marriage
In countries in northern Europe, marriage rates are even lower and cohabitation rates are even higher than in the U.S. Sweden has one of the lowest rates of marriage in the world, and three times as many couples cohabit there as in America. There, cohabitation is quickly becoming the norm, as there are almost no government benefits favoring marriage and no taboos against unmarried cohabitation among religious or cultural institutions.
“We’re not exactly moving to Sweden’s model,” Pugh says, “but I do think we’re making up new ways to be together. Maybe the way we’re coming together has changed, but we still want to be together.”
It turns out that people do want to be together, despite the declining number of marriages. Of the 40 percent of people who agree that marriage is obsolete in the Pew Research Center study, half still want to wed.
“We’re seeing people innovate culturally in response to massive social changes, and some of those cultural innovations we should welcome. We should make the lives of young people easier and provide them with the support they need to be able to commit to each other for the long term, rather than have them invest all of their hopes in this institution that has not proven flexible enough to handle the demands of modern life,” Pugh says. “Maybe we’re asking too much of traditional forms of marriage to be able to absorb all these changes.”
What about cohabitation? Like marriage, cohabitation has changed in the last 50 years. These days, living together precedes more than half of all first marriages. The No. 1 reason couples say they live together is to learn more about their potential marriage partner.
Emery encourages his students to “go outside the notion of just romantic marriage and think about arranging their marriages.” He suggests that people consider not only how they feel, but also the logistical considerations of a long-term partnership. Does a potential partner have compatible values? Or the interpersonal skills to resolve conflict?
Wilcox says that there’s no reason to give up hope for good, healthy marriages, but that people should take it slow.
“[We are] focused so much on education and work. [We communicate those values in the] kinds of messages we’re giving to young adults,” Wilcox says. “Yet when we’re looking at what really predicts global happiness, it’s our core relationships with family and friends—including spouses—that tend to matter a lot more in our lives.”
Marriage has changed because America has changed. We can’t return to the model of marriage from the mid-20th century because we no longer live in the culture or the economy that created it. And some would argue that we wouldn’t want to return to it even if we could. Both men and women have greater choice than they did 50 years ago not only in regard to whom they marry, but also if they do and what kind of family they want to build. And, if the experts agree on one thing, it is that these choices are some of the most important we make for our own happiness.
Comments (22)
John on 06/02/2016
Career women have really Ruined many of us Good men and will Continue to do so Unfortunately.
JOLIEANGEL on 05/21/2016
it was enlighting. thanks for all contribution. the men say women of taday are materialistic
Douglas Mezyl on 05/19/2016
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TheTruth on 03/22/2016
Well the very hard part for us Good single men today is meeting a Good woman like the old days when the Good old fashioned women were around which it would’ve been a hell of a lot Easier than today.
Jay Patrick on 12/25/2015
I realized decades ago that I couldn’t go thru the marriage/divorce cycle—I wouldn’t do it! Explaining this to my parents was difficult: even using nice illustrations & charts from the internet as examples; they wouldn’t accept it.
I saw good people being punished because they got married and tried to start a family; while their spouse was rewarded for breaking their marriage vows and filing for divorce. Who wants to be a part of that??
When I heard that Family Court judges often dismissed/ignored prenuptial agreements, it dawned on me that the only way to protect everything I worked for was to not get married. I’m now hearing that even living together can be dangerous as different states define common law marriage by different criteria, and could be as costly as a full fledged divorce.
No Thank You!
Richard on 10/24/2015
I have been with my girlfriend for 12 years and she does not want to be married again and I respect that.
SeriouslyTellingTheTruth on 10/19/2015
What is very sad today that most marriages end in divorce which years ago much more marriages lasted for such a very long time since both men and women worked very hard together to keep their marriage going.
Charlene on 09/27/2015
Marriage is obsolete in America. With most women being self supporting they run the risk of financial ruin if their marriages don’t work out. Cohabiting is a far better option for both parties in this century. Family court will bleed you dry to divorce so it’s better not to get married.
Paul Jones on 09/13/2015
Let’s not even talk about the economic costs and expectations of marriages; because you’ll hear alot of people say that the wedding itself is more for “her” than “him”. Most guys would be content to just go before a justice of the peace or hold a small intimate ceremony with just close friends and/or family. Most women live for their idealic “dream” wedding. With shows like “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”, “The Bachelor”, and “Bridezilla”, the concept of marriage has pretty much gone from practicality to being a current joke within today’s societal standards. Between the cost of the ring, the gown, the catering, the wedding (to include the church and minister), and the honeymoon, you’re looking at anywhere between $30,000 - $100,000. Now for two people who are just starting out in life and have yet to fully establish their careers, this in itself is an economic burden.
Victoria on 09/06/2015
I am so happy to have my husband. I used to be an unhappy career woman, but I became a housewife, and I love to cook for my husband and I and make our house beautiful. I look forward to each night when he comes home from work, and I see the relief and relaxation he feels in being home with me. I know I’m not alone in women who like the old-fashioned way of marriage. I really hope some people out there reconsider, and more people get married. It’s the most meaningful and fulfilling step you’ll ever take.
turbopanzer on 08/09/2015
When it is all about me me me…..you get the conditions you have now. I stayed single and am glad I did. With the way things are and are expected to continue…..marriage is simply a waste of time, money and personal energy. Stay single and pursue your dreams…...you will be happier in the long run.
Andy on 08/08/2015
Marriage is dead. The culture now is me me me 24x7. Best thing is to acknowledge the new reality and align with the times. Lots of hookups, little intimacy or stability.
Amy (USA) on 08/05/2015
Our real marriage ended 24 hour’s after the I Do’s ! Sex and intimacy was the big hang up. We’ve been really on our own going what ever direction we go for 48 years. He never wanted sex or intimacy, he thinks sex is disgusting and intimacy is a waste of time. He wants be alone I can’t talk to him we live in two separate worlds. We never divorced which was stupid but now its to late any way. Horrible like for me and I’m sure he’s happy.
olivia dean on 07/15/2015
This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is Olivia Dean. and I base in London.My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with
Dennis Richardson on 05/31/2015
Though I am from the religious right, I think that romantic marriage must die. It is enslaving men. Do not sin and procreate outside of marriage let the population dwindle to nothing and see if true freedom is restored.
SeriouslyTalking on 05/28/2015
With much more women nowadays being very independent, selfish, and very spoiled is a very good reason why many of us men are single today, and just too many high maintenance women too which would be another good reason.
Aaron on 01/08/2014
I really wonder what would happen in a theoretical society in which women had unfettered access to money, resources, education, medical care and so on. How would they select their partners? How long would they stay with their partners? When and how many children would they have? What would relationships and families look like? We know that poor women are encouraged to use birth control, and will voluntarily stop having children when resources are constrained. What will happen to “Marriage” a MAN made institution. Birth control has given us the grey world that is expected to have a huge impact on societies almost world wide. There are societies that attempt to increase their population (Russia, for one) by paying women insubstantial subsidies and that these programs fail. Women in the US know that they are the “go to” parents when a couple separates. We have the world ruling institutions telling us we are unworthy and overpopulated. What is going to happen to human evolution long term? We know the huge X is very stable and that the Y is not. Really strange. I suspect that women will greatly improve the breeding stock of men over the long haul if they were left to their own devices.
TimotheusG on 05/13/2013
That might be all good and well for like minded religious folk who enter marriage with all of that theology in mind, but what about the rest of us? In some cases that I know religious people are partially to blame for placing pressure on non religious people to get married.
The high divorce rates sadden me but the decline in marriage is a promising trend for people who view this culture through my eyes. Hard working, non religious men who marry American women, get screwed by marriage. Prenups are a good start, but really, the end of marriage must come for us (the non religious). It is the only way to protect men from the wicked female witches of this culture who prey upon them. It is my mission to end marriage for the non religious.
So, to the religious, keep marriage to yourselves! Outside of your system, marriage is meaningless, useless, and too often detrimental!
Russ Delaney Col'92/SMD'96 on 09/06/2012
In agreement with Mike, marriage is a God designed entity meant to be permanent and meant to have purpose. Sadly, many today enter into marriage with no real sense of permanency. If things work out, great. If not, we will just go our separate ways. There are many reasons to stay married - love for one another, benefit of children, to uphold our vows. However, to quote my pastor, the ultimate reason is that marriage is a “reflection of God’s enduring, faithful, covenant keeping love for us - the people he is redeeming.” Marriage is what sustains our love. Many try to rely on their love sustaining their marriage, and that doesn’t always work out. Married couples are going to have difficulties. No one ever promised me that marriage would be easy or always blissful. In fact, my wife and I were counseled that marriage would take work.
I realize that my thoughts would not be understood and would likely me mocked by non-believers. However, marriage is defined in the Bible, no one can deny that. You may not believe the Bible, but it is there. Sadly, marriage is being redefined outside it’s Christian roots. Without God, there is no future for long lasting marriages.
mike barker on 07/19/2012
The article leaves out the Hebrew/Christian God, the effects of divorce on children, the reasons why God likes marriage and heterosexual marriage, the reasons why the healthy secular state has a self-interest in strong permanent marriages (and good reason to discourage non-marriage, cohabitation, divorce, and homosexual marriages), and the negative impact of no-fault divorce laws. The great University of Jefferson and the great academic minds in Charlottesville are distracted by progressive ideology and feminism, and miss the basic facts and truths of marriage taught in the conservative Christian home and Sunday School. It is really kinda funny, but also sad, to witness the lofty academic minds of UVA sniff out that something seems to be wrong with western marriage, but lack the core foundations of conservative Christianity to identify and articulate what that something is, and realize that serious corrections are needed.
Joe Rudmin on 07/19/2012
Marriage is defined, sanctioned, and nurtured primarily by religious institutions. It is a sacrament and a vocation. The decline in Marriage is actually a decline in religious practice and a decline in participation in religious institutions; a decline consistent with the flood of distracting technology and the decline in personal relationships. Over several generations, people will learn to avoid addiction to toys much as they learned over the centuries to avoid addiction to other types of drugs.
Carolyn Yohn on 07/18/2012
“ ‘The notion today is that marriage is about love and love is about personal fulfillment,’ Emery says.” What a highly charged idea! Marriage vows are all about what you promise to do for your partner, but post-wedding people take it to be all about *personal* fulfillment? Fascinating!
We’re more old-school in how we treat our marriage, so I don’t think I can stand as an example of the “new norm,” but this is a wonderful, comprehensive article. Well balanced. Great food for thought. Thanks!
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