With all this speak of DAO's and other scam coins, it is time to speak the truth. On Satoshi's Interstellar Comet, smart contracts are used all the time. Let's say you decide to beat your wife with a lead pipe and she was smart enough to code in a clause specifically saying "do not beat your wife with a lead pipe". Provided you beat her with a lead pipe and not a plastic bat (which was not coded into the contract), a trusted oracle will instantly and irreversibly transfer bitcoin from your account to hers. Unfortunately you do not have enough bitcoin in your wallet.

The developers of this marriage smart contract are good at their jobs and were experienced enough to foresee such such an exception occurring. They inserted a clause into the contract that says :

if (account <=0) { 
    print("no funds available. please settle in private courtroom");
    gosub 0;
}

You both sit down at your kitchen table and calmly go through the list of private courtroom reviews on the blockchain. You settle on AAAA Courtroom down on 85th street. This courtroom is owned by Judge Dave, a 28 year old entrepreneur who runs a brothel in his basement and is famous for his grapefruit flavored fentanyl e-cigs.

After a quick trip in your unregulated coal rollin' lifted pickup, you and your wife arrive at an old craftsman house that reminds you of a burlesque parlor--you have arrived at AAAA Courtroom As you walk into the building, a petite young woman offers to take your coat and asks if you want a drink. You ask for a double jack daniels and coke and your wife asks for a "Ultra-bomb", which is a cosmopolitan spiked with delicious I25-nBOME.

Judge Dave sits down at the bench and eyes both you and your wife. Four developers walk in and begin formally verifying the smart contract on a not so clean whiteboard off to the side of the room. This whiteboard has been used to formally verify hundreds of smart contracts over the years. While this goes on, Judge Dave puffs away at a grape flavored 4-Fluoromethcathinone e-cig and inspects lead pipe you used to beat your wife.

A few hours later, the developers nod at each other and the leader quietly brings a slip of paper over to Judge Dave containing the verdict. Judge Dave steadies his hand while the powerful stimulants he inhaled earlier kick in and gives his verdict. Your wife should not be awarded any funds. The smart contract programmers specified that the lead pipe must weigh at least 10 pounds and measure no less than 2 feet long. The lead pipe in the judge's hand was 9.8 pounds and a mere 23 inches long.

You begin to smile as your wife pleads with the judge. With tears in her eyes, she claims that before arriving, you chiseled away some of the pipe so it would fall under what was specified in the smart contract. The judge won't have any of it. Nowhere in the smart contract does it mention tampering with evidence and even though he can clearly see the chisel marks, she is shit out of luck.

"Sorry for your loss, Ma'am. Next time", says Judge Dave, "hire better programmers. Even my interns would have added couple of lines to cover that condition".

Once you are home, you write up a favorable review of Judge Dave on your laptop, hit "submit", settle back in your chair and take a quick bump of heroin. As the room goes fuzzy and warm, the chisel you used to modify the lead pipe falls out of your pocket and onto the floor. You stare at it for a good minute, smirk, and say out loud "just another wonderful day on Satoshi's Interstellar Comet".

As you can see, on Satoshi's Interstellar Comet, justice always prevails. No jack booted thugs or oppressive nanny state needed. Just keep buying and holding bitcoin and someday soon, you too will be able to partake in the galaxies free'est market ever.