Hello and welcome!

 

It's always good to see someone new stop on by in an effort to seek out self-improvement and betterment through our tried and true Bluepill methods!

 

Now, maybe you came here randomly, maybe you came out of curiosity after hearing one of your friends laud their improvements in their sex life or their career after applying Bluepill tactics, or maybe you just wandered on over after seeing everything that /r/theredpill has to offer and you just heard so much about us over there that you couldn't help but stop by! Whatever the case, we're glad to have you and we've put together this introductory post as a primer on core Bluepill theories and techniques. Hopefully this will be your springboard to happiness, financial success, social dominance and an existence spent mostly wading through a sea of top-quality pussy that just never seems to ebb!

 

Now, the very, very first thing you absolutely must understand about /r/thebluepill is that it is not... I repeat, it is not a place for satire. If there is one thing we absolutely do not do, it is take ideas that we consider regressive, anachronistic and generationally-outdated and poke fun at them.

 

If you read our sidebar (which I assume you have thoroughly read and fully internalized), you'll see that it says "/r/TheBluePill is a satire of /r/TheRedPill and the strategies discussed on that particular sub."

 

Do not let that fool you! We just put that there to scare away people who don't have the gumption or the pure strength of will to follow Bluepill teachings. Yes, yes, the entire sidebar might look like the sidebar of a satire subreddit but - your first instincts were correct - this is definitely a self-improvement subreddit with rigid guidelines for you to follow that we guarantee will ensure you success in every area of your life.

 

Let's just dive right in, shall we? If you follow the below steps, your future of Bluepill enlightenment is just around the bend!

 

Step One: Just Be Yourself!

Now, you might at first blush interpret "just be yourself" as a way of saying "don't pretend to be something you're not just to impress people." Of course, staying true to yourself and embracing your own unique qualities is truly a key component of living a healthy lifestyle and being a healthy human being, but this is not what we mean when we tell you to "just be yourself."

What we really mean is, "be the worst version of yourself you can be, never develop any new interests, don't pursue old interests, don't engage in positive change in your life and do nothing to better yourself physically, financially, spiritually or emotionally."

Decided you want to go to college? What? Don't do that! Instead, Just Be Yourself^TM !

You think that joining the gym might be fun and healthy? Why do you need that nonsense? Just lay around at home and, Just Be Yourself^TM !

Were you planning on showering today? Eating healthy? Going to work? Why do any of that? Trust me, instead, accomplish nothing with your life and... you guessed it, Just Be Yourself^TM !

Remember, when someone gives you the advice to "just be yourself," they don't mean "stay true to yourself and don't fake your way through life." What they secretly mean is, "never try to do anything positive in your life, ever."

And that's precisely what we teach here at the /r/thebluepill! Be the absolute laziest, most unlikable, unambitious version of yourself possible! The results will astound you!

 

Step Two: Do Not Eat Healthy!

If there's one thing that we know for sure here at The Bluepill, it's that eating right, exercising and staying active - either through sports, outdoor activities or a workout regimen - is one of the absolute worst things you can do to your body and to your life as a whole. If at any moment you think to yourself, "man, I should really get into shape," just remember Step One!

Different people have different dietary needs and restrictions, but there's nothing that says you can't throw caution to the wind and just go crazy on a large pizza once or twice a day! Seriously, just get really nasty with it! Napkins - as an aside - are an unnecessary expense, especially when you have t-shirts, socks or even a perfectly good face to wipe your fingers on!

 

Step Three: Never Lift!

Lifting weights is stupid. Seriously, as someone who has never lifted a single weight in his life, I can promise you that I'm happier for it. Of all the things that hard exercise can provide; endorphin release, improved self-image, a more positive outlook, better sleep, a longer lifespan and so on and so on and so on, absolutely none of that can compare to being incredibly weak, ineffectual and un-athletic.

I really can't stress this enough but: Never Lift!

Why would you want to improve even the simplest thing about yourself, like your baseline health? What are you, someone who cares about their health and aspirations?

That question, of course, leads me into the next Step, which is....

 

Step Four: Do Not Have Aspirations!

If you're still trying to better yourself in any way, shape or form, you really need to go back to Step One and internalize it.

Aspirations, assertiveness, motivations... these are the kinds of things that will just drag you down. You don't need them. Career goals, life goals, romantic goals, these are all very toxic and poisonous things. Why would you want to invest time and energy into accomplishing something that could ultimately be very rewarding? Why in god's name would you do that to yourself!

If you don't have a job, don't get one. If you do have a job, whatever it is, don't try to improve at it or find a better one.

In fact, quit.

Quit your job.

Quit it, now. Right now.

Being assertive and having goals never got anyone anywhere, and that is certainly not what The Bluepill is about. It might be a tough pill to swallow but if you want to lead a Bluepill lifestyle you're going to have to learn to choke a few things down.

 

Step Five: Be a Pushover!

There's nothing people love more than a spineless whelp who doesn't stick up for themselves! Women - of course - dig it, bosses can't get enough of it, your family and friends will be clamoring over one another for you to run a thankless errand, walk their vengeful dogs while the family is on vacation, take on extra work or just generally be a doormat... if their doormats have weathered through.

Being a pushover gets you pretty much everything you could possibly ever want, so why would you try anything different?

 

Step Six: Be Passive-Aggressive!

Let's say you're with a girl - however that happened, I don't know - but you're fooling around and out of nowhere she gets a stomach cramp and needs to stop. Frustrating, sure. You could say, "Oh no! I understand, can I get you something for your stomach?"

But why do that?

If she's denying you fooling-around-time, the correct response is to not get drawn into her phony oh-I-don't-feel-good frame. What you need to do is say, "Fine," and just leave the room without another word. That'll show her!

Or, better still, you could just ignore her and start texting other girls until she finally becomes so desperate for your validation that she begs to give you a blow job!

Total Alpha move, bro!

 

Whoa. Wait... actually that's a Redpill thing... scratch that.

 

This Bold-Text Indicates That This is the Conclusion

In conclusion, now that you have those first Five Steps you should be well on your way to living a life of miserable, unathletic pizza-bloat and doormattery!

And unlike most people who come here, you weren't fooled by that "satire" thing, were you? No, you saw right through that, and good on you!

The one thing we hate around here is satire. The one thing we love?

 

Pass me that pizza.