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Feeling conflicted about my virginity (self.TwoXChromosomes)

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[–]decolores9 -12ポイント-11ポイント  (40子コメント)

Society and the media would have you believe "everyone is doing it", but that is not accurate. Statistically, something in the range of 21% of people have sex before marriage, about 5% higher than 20 years ago - but most people are still not having sex outside of marriage.

It's obvious that you can only give away your virginity once. What if you one day meet the partner of your dreams, and not being a virgin is a "deal breaker" for them? Double standard or not, many people will still not marry someone who is not a virgin.

There is a huge difference between making love and having sex, and having sex tends to reduce the likelihood of having that special connection with a spouse that leads to making love. I cannot tell you how many of my therapy clients suffer deep, deep regret that they did not wait.

Another consideration is that you could get pregnant - birth control is not 100% effective. Are you prepared to raise a child? Are you prepared to force an unborn child to give their life for your choices?

Ultimately you have to make the decision, I'm just suggesting some things to think about carefully before making that decision.

[–]AceOfRhombus 26ポイント27ポイント  (23子コメント)

If the partner of your dreams doesn't like that you are a virgin and its a deal breaker to them, then they aren't the partner of your dreams. Your future spouse should accept you as you are, even if you aren't a virgin. Although some people do not want to marry someone who isn't a virgin, there are plently of people who would prefer to find out if they are sexually compatable before marriage (I have no sources, but thats just my opinion). As for how sex can decrease likelihood of having a special connection with their spouse, it reminds me about that Christian abstinence demonstration with the tape (the more times you use it, the less sticky and useful it gets...which I don't believe is true about sex). Also, keep in mind that many people on this site are sex-positive, so they will probably encourage you (OP) that its ok to have sex. Either way, choosing to remain a virgin or not is a personal choice and can be a good decision no matter what OP chooses :)

[–]wobblebase 15ポイント16ポイント  (4子コメント)

Where's that 21% coming from? That's a number that really needs a source.

Edit:

Per published data it's more like 95% in the US.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17236611

[–]orthostatic_htn 13ポイント14ポイント  (3子コメント)

Where are you getting your statistics? I'm seeing more like 95% of people having premarital sex...

Also: please cite your sources on "having sex tends to reduce the likelihood of having that special connection with a spouse that leads to making love."

[–]typhoidgrievous 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I seriously fucking hope you're not actually a therapist.

[–]castille360 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Even abstinence promoters only try to claim 3% of Americans wait until after marriage to have sex. And up to 20% of very religious people! You're off in a fantasy land.

[–]jojewels92 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

You're wrong. Here's a page with valid sources

Most people have sex before marriage. That is a fact. I'm not sure where you got your made up figures, "doctor".

[–]decolores9 [スコア非表示]  (3子コメント)

Most people have sex before marriage.

They actually don't. The Wiki is not a "valid" or reliable source.

Sorry the facts conflict with your opinion.

[–]jojewels92 [スコア非表示]  (2子コメント)

Wikipedia contains valid sources. Much more than a yoga blog, "doctor".

[–]decolores9 [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

Wikipedia contains valid sources.

If you believe that, no point in further discussion. Wiki is NOT a reliable source on ANYTHING. If you are not aware, anyone can post anything on a wiki page.

[–]jojewels92 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

If you actually looked you would see the information on that page has information from academic journals and other various sources. If you weren't aware anyone can write a yoga blog.