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TIL: The loudest monkeys have the smallest testicles (smh.com.au)

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[–]sadbot8 149ポイント150ポイント  (4子コメント)

Why does every TIL appear to have an ulterior motive?

[–]Im_Aerodactyl 56ポイント57ポイント  (0子コメント)

The comment section is usually more fun that way.

[–]tjuicet [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

You're just mad because you know how loud you are.

[–]Apescat [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

whatever do you mean?

Where there's smoke there's fire dude....

[–]beer_nuts 46ポイント47ポイント  (5子コメント)

This sounds like a Chinese proverb.

[–]NewClayburn 22ポイント23ポイント  (1子コメント)

I always make up fortunes when reading my fortune to people at Chinese restaurants. I said something like, "The wisest monkey dwells furthest from the river." to my grandma once, and she looked at me like her mind had been blown.

Edit: lol I just remembered her response. It was a long pause, and you could tell she was trying to make sense of what she thought was incredibly profound. And she says "Oh because of floods."

[–]anddrewwiles 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

If only all Chinese proverbs were like this.

[–]ildementis [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Baseball is incorrect; man with 4 balls cannot walk.

[–]ThisOpenFist [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Confucius say:

[–]toeofcamell 388ポイント389ポイント  (32子コメント)

They also usually have trucks with the biggest lift kit

[–]DecoyNumber7 35ポイント36ポイント  (0子コメント)

You gotta have more room in your Levi's to get that leg up and in.

[–]Manos_Of_Fate 14ポイント15ポイント  (8子コメント)

Also the biggest truck nutz.

[–]Mobidad [スコア非表示]  (5子コメント)

I've never understood those things. Testicles imply a male. So the truck is a dude. Now the driver of the truck, a dude, is getting all up inside another dude. That's gay, right?

[–]MeatyBalledSub [スコア非表示]  (3子コメント)

Not if their nuts don't touch.

[–]bundleofstix [スコア非表示]  (2子コメント)

Now I'm picturing a redneck gay man with his nuts touching truck nuts attached to a truck and it's a perplexing image.

[–]cwood1973 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Like this?

[–]MeatyBalledSub [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

It's perplexing because it don't happen!

C'mon Bruce! We're done with this thread!

honks Dixie

VROOOOOOOOOM

[–]magicmelon [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

nah its only gay if the truck was getting up inside the driver.

[–]I_Xertz_Tittynopes 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

For anyone unaware, these are a real thing.

[–]Manos_Of_Fate 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

I envy anyone who didn't already know that truck nutz were a real thing.

[–]PassivePandas 5ポイント6ポイント  (20子コメント)

Where i live literally every 5th vehicle I see is a truck with a lift kit. Do they not know what everyone thinks of them?

[–]crashthewalls 12ポイント13ポイント  (13子コメント)

1/10 people think they have a construction/hard labor job. 1/10 of those people are right.

[–]bolabpls 8ポイント9ポイント  (12子コメント)

Most of the lifts I see are cheap body lifts. No advantages with a body lift, just looks.

[–]chuckymcgee 3ポイント4ポイント  (5子コメント)

Nuh uh! What if I try to drive through several feet of water?? Huh??

[–]Obiejuancanoli 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

You dont need a truck for that.

[–]bolabpls 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

You're still going to suck all of the water into your intake and your stupid straight pipe exhaust

[–]chuckymcgee 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Depends how far off the ground it is and how high the water is.

[–]PassivePandas 2ポイント3ポイント  (4子コメント)

Exactly. Plus most construction/labor jobs supply company trucks with stock suspension.

[–]bolabpls 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

Stock suspension on a large pickup is usually more than sufficient for hauling materials!

[–]PassivePandas 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

You got it. My father actually does a lot of hauling with his truck. He has stock suspension, and has never had trouble moving anything. Lift kits are all for looks

[–]bolabpls 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Unless you're doing some serious off roading. I own a Toyota Land Cruiser, and even as killer as it is stock, I want to upgrade the suspension haha.

[–]PassivePandas [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Okay yeah very good point. Offroading is a different story! Daily driving with a 48" lift is extremely unnecessary.

[–]Broduski [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Tire clearance. Sometimes an extra inch or 2 can help a lot. I think body lifts are pretty dumb no matter what. But they do have a slight purpose.

[–]ShoalinStyle36 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

dude the sad part is where i live its coveted, like your a loser if you dont drive a lifted environment penetrator with life-size replicas of Bronze-clad wooly mammoth testicles. I'm like for fucks sake. they drive around with the most pretentious smug face on too....

[–]PassivePandas 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel you, more than you know. It's a lifestyle here. Something I'll never accept, or understand. I drove a siblings truck, and literally watched the arrow on the gas gauge move. Why would you want that? I'll stick to my turbocharged compact.

Edit: the testicles that hang off the back make me just want to drive into the nearest light post.

[–]Clant_Westwood [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

I have a lifted truck. I bought it that way but i like it and dont really give a shit what other people think. It comes in handy living in the mountains too.

Edit: i also work construction but having a lifted truck doesnt provide any benifits in that area..

Edit 2: and I ride a motorcycle so does my dick size flucuate depending on my mode of transportation? Food for thought...

[–]Broduski [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I don't really care what other people think. And I actually offroad. So....

[–]MACS5952 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Thats a funny way of spelling "Caprice Classic with 22"rims"

[–]thr33beggars 88ポイント89ポイント  (2子コメント)

That's why I am so quiet all the time, so people assume I have large testicles.

[–]pipsdontsqueak 24ポイント25ポイント  (3子コメント)

Apparently it may provide a competitive advantage for mating. The larger vocal cords come with an evolutionary trade off.

But researchers found that those monkeys with the biggest hyoid were also the least-equipped for sperm production, and vice versa. Not that this is necessarily a disadvantage: Charles Darwin suggested the plus-sized vocal organs of the species were sexually selected.

Males living in groups where they were the lone male tended to have smaller testicles and bigger hyoids, whereas those who were competing against other males in their group tended to have larger testicles.

"This is probably because the females in these species will mate with several males, and so the males have evolved to produce more sperm to increase their chances of fertilising an egg," explained Dunn.

[–]slidingslowly 54ポイント55ポイント  (7子コメント)

do you think this applies to humans?

[–]Phredex 60ポイント61ポイント  (15子コメント)

As evidenced daily in r/politics

[–]ThatsMyHoverboard 42ポイント43ポイント  (14子コメント)

Don't forget about /r/The_Donald

[–]bigshot937 42ポイント43ポイント  (6子コメント)

Actually, go ahead. Lets all forget /r/the_donald.

[–]rodonod 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

http://imgur.com/kjDIeyF

[–]Phredex 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

I dont frequent that one.

[–]Slobotic 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well it isn't a default sub yet.

edit: lol, I'm just kidding. Jeez

[–]mallius62 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

So he can fondle them with his little hands.

[–]emulovevolume [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

You do know that /r/TheDonald is a troll sub...run by Hillary supporters...right?

[–]Pzooks 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

Does that apply to diesel trucks and their owners?

[–]pzerr [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Ya Trump.

[–]markWAD 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

Makes sense. The animal that barks the loudest has the smallest balls. Looking at you Trump.

[–]raytrace75 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think this should be researched as a hypothesis in humans as well.

[–]Not_ur_buddy__GUY [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

and the largest pick up trucks.

[–]erokk88 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

[Insert political statement that has nothing to do with thread but that I just can't keep to myself]

[–]_ctrl_ [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

Better let everyone know how I feel about he US 2016 Presidential Election.

[–]erokk88 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

"hehe wait till they get a load of my witty Drumpf/$hillary/BernardSandals comment. Top comment here I come!"

[–]EvilPhd666 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

There is a Trump joke in there...

[–]pm_me_ur_screenshot 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

As a loud money I'm offended and reported your post

[–]kornerguy 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Explains Trump

[–]autotldr 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 75%. (I'm a bot)

According to a study published by the Current Biology journal, male howler monkeys with a louder and deeper roar are more likely to have tinier testicles.

Howler monkeys produce one of the loudest vocal calls of any terrestrial animal, owing to their highly-modified larynx and its large, cup-shaped bone called the hyoid.

Males living in groups where they were the lone male tended to have smaller testicles and bigger hyoids, whereas those who were competing against other males in their group tended to have larger testicles.

Extended Summary | FAQ | Theory | Feedback | Top keywords: monkey#1 male#2 hyoid#3 vocal#4 howler#5

[–]PyrosEnjoyPieHW2 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Lurkers have the biggest testicle and commenter have the smallest...aww shit

[–]Barondonvito 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Speak loudly and carry a small stick?

[–]princessdaisy91 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Proof that we used to be monkeys?

[–]Birdy1001 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

hahahahahaha, is that like the loudest cars?, the loudest motorcycles? hahahahah

[–]tindrummer99 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Monkeys driving brodozers......diesel brodozers....with subs....

[–]coldb_too [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

and drive the biggest trucks

[–]Szos[🍰] [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

In humans, its the ones with the smallest hands.

[–]Toirneach [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Mr. Trump, shhhhhhhhh.

[–]goodoldharold 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

Latvian Proverb Visskaļāk pērtiķi ir vismazākās sēkliniekos.

[–]10Miles [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

That must mean r/The_Donald has a collective testicular girth equaling that of a single chihuahua puppy testicle.

[–]lovedbyfew 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

So...Trump?

[–]ibcingu2 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Which conforms with male homo sapiens. The littler their appendage the bigger mouths they have.

[–]Mechdave 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

If applied to humans, would that include the diesel pick up trucks with exhaust stacks in the beds? The 'ol adage about compensation?

[–]SqBlkRndHole 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, but how big are their hands?

[–]SchuylerL 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think we just found Trump's new campaign slogan!

[–]peanut_monkey_90 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Something something Donald Trump

[–]PoliticalPoppycock 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This explains Donald Trump ;)

[–]KnowledgeisImpotence 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Please cross-post to /r/The_Donald

[–]kiwious 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do you have the balls to compete?

[–]whatsausername90 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds about right

[–]FoodandWhining 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You can probably just say primates. Sorry, YOU CAN PROBABLY JUST SAY PRIMATES!

[–]utu_ 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

interesting. I have big testicles and people would call me quiet.

I'm going to need to ask my loud friends if I can inspect their sacks to confirm this theory.

[–]bcclittlewill 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

hey just like people

[–]dhays2000 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

That goes for humans as well. Just kidding.

[–]Tszemix 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like an excellent proverb.

[–]aquaqmar 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Kevin worked reeeal hard to head the research on that one.

[–]BabeOfBlasphemy 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Reminds me of my Pa when he used to say: "real men don't have to fucking talk about it, they just do it".

[–]Infj-dude 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Huh, I guess we are closely related.

[–]oh_no_aliens 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just like in real life!

[–]nurev [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Watch the quiet ones.

[–]CaseyTwist [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Smh.com.au

Smh tbh fam

[–]bulkheads [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

No surprise there

[–]AeroRandy [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

THIS ISN'T TRUE AT ALL DAMN IT!!!

[–]Parrotheadnm [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Thought this was /r/nomoretrumpspam at first

[–]NovemberComingFire [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Speak softly but carry some huge nuts.

[–]NotVerySmarts [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

The size of a primates testicles is relative to the promiscuity of their women. The more sex the female has, the bigger the male's balls are. Gorillas have tiny dicks and balls because they don't have to compete to mate; the biggest male runs the show.

[–]chambertlo [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Just like in humans.

[–]clar1f1er [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Ain't that the fuckin truth

[–]reLyea [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I have huge balls and am obnoxiously loud. So I guess that disproves evolution. Checkmate atheists!

[–]princesspooball [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I read that as "The smallest monkey has the loudest testicles "

[–]Patrickpurple05 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Same

[–]Crono9987 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

lol so basically the same as people then

[–]CloseFistedNunSlap [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I'm a Christian and I came to say: this is the most compelling evidence to date supporting evolution theory.

[–]casemodsalt [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Monkeys is racist. They are humans, just like us. Skin color doesn't matter

[–]blacktownniggertown [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

The loudest humans have the smallest dicks.

[–]BigDingDingDan [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Sounds about right

[–]hulahoopsmafia 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

My family must think I have the biggest bollocks on the planet at the dinner table.

[–]ojee111 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I imagine that is high up in their thought processes.

"Could you pass the mustard please?" Julia said whilst trying not to visualise the gargantuan size of hulahoopsmafia's testicles for the hundredth time this meal.

[–]suugakusha 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's true for humans, too.

[–]Aiku 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This applies equally to humans

[–]Callmedory 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Is that analogous to motorcycles without mufflers and cars with radios booming, too?

[–]jonmcfluffy [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

motorcycles without mufflers

most wont ride a silent motorcycle because people will hit them more often. loud motorcycles give another way for distracted drivers to become aware that they are there and not hit them.

cars with radios booming have small nuts.

[–]fatlip1828 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Haha. Trump.

[–]CanisMaximus -2ポイント-1ポイント  (1子コメント)

This explains Republicans.

[–]MrAcurite -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wow, I never could've guessed what the comment section would look like. Not in a million years.

[–]PMMEYourTatasGirl [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

don't even bother reading the comments here, they are all terrible

[–]yowzah -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm sorry, were we discussing the Republican party?

[–]Wargala 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Duh, I see them on Reddit all the time.

[–]emulovevolume [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

And they drive Dodge RAM trucks

[–]TotesMessenger [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–]cockamaimey [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I thought this was a r/theDonald post for a second