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submitted by revolted_sibling
Some details altered, names faked, etc.
Backstory: I am the eldest of my dad's kids. My dad is a really great guy with a big heart, but he works himself too hard due to some insecurities he had growing up poor. My biological mother went crazy from PPD (we assume) after my sister's birth and is not in the picture (long and unrelated story). My dad has always had custody of us. My sister and I are full siblings. My dad remarried when I was 7 and my sister was 3. Then he had two kids with her, my half sister (who is now 14) and my half brother (who is now 12). Stepmom isn't a bad person, really, but she's kind of vapid. She manages some kind of marketing company tied to hair and nail salons, and my dad currently works some decent paying IT job.
When I was 13, dad lost his job. He was working for a startup which did really well at first, then not-so-well, and then went bankrupt. He had a coworker we'll call Billy, or Uncle Billy as we came to know him. Billy was a partner who lost everything in the bankruptcy. He was girlfriends with some crazy psycho bitch, and had one kid by her named Alex. When he lost all this money, the psychobitch threw him out, and sued for alimony. After a lot of court drama, the psychobitch finally decided she didn't like Alex anymore just around the time they had all kind of proven physical and mental abuse, and Uncle Billy got custody of him. Alex is now 12. From when I was 13 until 2 years ago, Uncle Billy was living with us and helping out until get won the court case, got some of his assets back, got a job, and his life in order.
Uncle Billy was the nicest guy you could imagine. Him and dad get along really well. Stepmom tolerated him, but never seemed resentful because Uncle Billy earned his keep. From the moment he moved in, he kept the house clean and in good repair. He drove us kids around for what we needed done, cooked half the meals, and generally acted as a great supporting member of the household. I certainly liked him, since he was really fun. He had all kinds of connections with amusement venues, and we'd get in for free sometimes, get a behind-the-scenes tour, and everything a kid could want. He played catch with us, arranged days at the local parks, you name it. And since dad was always working (he got two jobs right away and worked 12 hours a day for years) and tired (he also slept a lot due to some heart meds he had to take), Uncle Billy was like a father to us. When Alex was still with pychobitch, Uncle Billy got some custody with Alex, and so Alex became like a very close cousin. He's in most of our family photos, and always went on vacations with us. Alex is a good kid.
When I was 18, I moved out. There was a lot of drama there I won't go into, but I'd still call Uncle Billy from time to time to get life advice. I would still visit my childhood home a few times a month, usually for the free meals. About two years ago, as I said, Uncle Billy moved out. But he still came over on Sundays to hang out. Over the last two years, something seemed off about my sister and him. She developed into the blond surfer girl type, and was kind of embarrassingly under dressed most of the time: short shorts or men's boxers, thin half-shirts, jeweled belly button. She matured fast, and seemed to be VERY close to Uncle Billy. At first, I wrote it off as some kind of jealousy on my part, but it just bugged me. She'd lean on him, play with his hair, hold his hand... like a girlfriend. Uncle Billy didn't seem to notice, really. He was treating her like always, but he never protested the treatment, either. My sister was always a little odd; she's had a drinking problem as a teenager, and had some close calls with the police and such, but was never jailed. Uncle Billy was always there to help get her back on her feet, it seemed, and the only member of the "family" that she would listen to. Uncle Billy convinced her not to drop out of high school.
My sister graduated high school a few weeks ago, and turned 18 right after. I had always assumed that she was going to go into cosmetology, because she went to a trade school since 16, but instead she moved in with Uncle Billy. This seemed VERY odd to me. I brought this up, but dad was "well, he can afford to get her on her feet." Stepmom was "you moved out of the house after high school, why can't she?" They implied I was being sexist. Okay, sure.
Well, my sister called me from a party saying she was too drunk to drive home, and Uncle Billy was working late. So I picked her up, but she seemed really out of it. I feared someone had given her roofies, but I think that she was just really drunk. So I took her back to my place to keep an eye on her, since my roommate was out for two weeks. While she was on the couch, my sister confessed to me that she had been sleeping with Uncle Billy since she was FOURTEEN! It started when I moved out and she seduced him to get liquor. I felt sick. I reacted really badly, and I forget what all I shouted at her, but she kept insisting it was okay. He was her first, he was a gentle lover, etc etc... like, he didn't think for a second there was anything wrong with it. No self-respecting 31-year-old should ever sleep with a 14-year-old! I don't care HOW mature she was, of how she didn't think it was a big deal... god, I was so ANGRY.
So I called Stepmom, and she knew! She fucking knew! She didn't think it was a big deal either! WHAT THE FUCK??? But she told me if I told dad, it would kill him. "He wouldn't understand," she said. FUCK I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! I threatened to call the police on Uncle Billy, but Stepmom said then he'd lose custody of Alex and Alex would be sent back to psychobitch. Did I want to do that? Did I? Ruin a good thing?? Apparently she knew early on, and had been helping cover up any evidence. And I was already moved out of the house, so I was mostly oblivious. I thought she had a cruch, not SEX. Jesus Fucking Christ!!!
AAAAAUGHHH!!! I feel so sick, so betrayed, and so fucking angry! And dad has NO IDEA!!
After my sister left, I went to a dark place. I don't want to go into it, but at one point, I went to Uncle Billy's house and confronted him. That didn't go well, and he said he'd call the cops if I didn't calm down. So I just left like a fucking pussy. I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but I also didn't want to go to jail.
So I don't know what the fuck to do. I have been told if I get the police involved:
  • My sister is 18, so it's legal now!
  • There's no evidence of past sexytimes. My sister, Stepmom, and Uncle Billy all said they will deny it to save everyone, and I'm being unreasonable.
  • My sister has said "I am the one who seduced him. It's not his fault. I don't feel violated. I am fine with everything as it is. We love each other." UGH!!
  • Stepmom and Uncle Billy tried to give me some bullshit about ancient times when a woman in 14 was in her prime and given away to be married. WHAT THE FUCK, it's 2016, not 1016!!!
  • If my dad found out, he'd feel betrayed, and it might kill him with his heart and everything
  • Alex would probably end up going back to psychobitch.
  • "What about [my half sister, who is now 14]??" Stepmom: "Oh, she's fat, and not his type." Really??? REALLY??
It's been a few days, and I am positively STEWING. I know I can't even think straight, so I stayed the hell away, and I won't do anything until I have calmed down. I spent a lot of time crying and shouting into a pillow. I must have rewritten this 10 times to keep from getting off on a tangent.
Am I being unreasonable? What would you do?
tl;dr: Should I somehow just act like nothings wrong that my sister is getting booty calls from a former pedophile roomate?
all 31 comments
[–]Becauseimoldenough 48 points49 points50 points  (0 children)
What about [my half sister, who is now 14]??"
There's the money line. This is going to be a shitstorm, but if Uncle Billy and that band of perverts repeat history with her, you might always believe you could have done something to stop it. I do think you'll need to tell your dad and report the abuse. With so many people willing to lie and deny, Idk what will or won't stick, but you'll need to tell. Ask what can be done to protect this 14-year old girl now, things to watch for and things to talk to her about. The police should be able to put you in touch with some experts.
ETA: What u/Shouldic4 said. Evidence.
[–]Speckofdust83 196 points197 points198 points  (8 children)
Tell dad, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks.
Ruin this guy. He's a pedophile, and the fact that his victim is 18 now doesn't excuse that because he's been abusing her for the last 4 years.
She seduced him? Give me a break, she was 14! What self-respecting 31 year old gives in to a 14 year old?
Forget it, go scorched earth. I'd say call the cops anyway and implicate stepmom while you're at it, since she enabled the child abuse. They have to investigate and they'll have left SOME evidence somewhere.
[–]rachanaj 69 points70 points71 points  (0 children)
Straight up sexual assault. 14 year olds cannot consent to sex with a 31 year old. It's called power differential. 14 years at the most should be experimenting in safe ways with peers not men twice their age. That man is a predator straight up.
[–]macenutmeg 14 points15 points16 points  (0 children)
He should see what he can get them to admit to on recordings or text messages first.
[–]appleflaxen 8 points9 points10 points  (0 children)
exactly. and before op goes to chips, record conversation with sister where he discloses the plan. she will reply with"but i will lie and say it just started" and then boom, you have it on record.
[–]ReadySteady_GO 11 points12 points13 points  (1 child)
Text messages and pictures. She's a stupid girl and he's a stupid man. You know there is plenty to be found. Don't give them the heads up to delete though. Strike quickly and quietly
[–]Buttbuns 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
If you could refrain from calling a victim of rape/abuse a "stupid girl" that would be great. And he's not a "stupid man" he's a fucking pedophile rapist.
Language matters
[–]AliafromDune 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
And how is he to prove that abuse as I'm sure the sis knows not to tell cops she's been doing it with him since she was 14?
[–]fb39ca4 30 points31 points32 points  (2 children)
One of those posts where the title makes it seem a lot less serious than what actually happened.
[–]geopotsie 11 points12 points13 points  (1 child)
Honestly, me too. I thought she hooked up with him when she turned 18 and I was like, well while that's creepy they're both consenting adults and you can't really do anything.
But holy shit. What if he's abused other children apart from OP's sister? What if he's abusing Alex and that's why his ex was 'crazy'? What if he was abusive to his ex too??
[–]fb39ca4 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
The post would probably get more attention if it was titled "My [22M] sister [18F] has been hooking up with my our former roommate [35M] for four years and no one but me has a problem with this."
[–]MissTheWire 30 points31 points32 points  (1 child)
Oh, she's fat, and not his type."
If the sister started gaining weight within the past few years, that might be directly related to this.-- it could be that she knew about the abuse or that stepdad had already started grooming/assaulting her. When you can do so calmly, you should talk to that sister. Take her out away from the family on a social pretext and see how she's doing. She needs to know there is someone she can reach out to if those predators turn to her.
FYI, your post might get removed because some of the language you used could be construed as "gendered slurs."
So did I get downvoted for pointing out that OP could protect his other sister or for pointing out that the post's might violate the rules? I used one of those words as a verb and got threatened with banning. Jeez.
[–]sugr_magnolia 39 points40 points41 points  (1 child)
CALL. THE. POLICE. RIGHT. NOW.
So I don't know what the fuck to do. I have been told if I get the police involved:
  • My sister is 18, so it's legal now!
  • There's no evidence of past sexytimes. My sister, Stepmom, and Uncle Billy all said they will deny it to save everyone, and I'm being unreasonable.
What is up with your stepmother? Besides the fact that she's a raging asshole? Seriously, she has betrayed your dad's trust when it comes to the wellbeing of one of his CHILDREN. Sis can deny it all she wants, so can Uncle Pervert. But an investigation will show that she has been living with him for years, and something tells me this won't be Uncle Pervert's first run in with the law re: diddling kids.
  • My sister has said "I am the one who seduced him. It's not his fault. I don't feel violated. I am fine with everything as it is. We love each other." UGH!!
It was statutory rape. There's a reason we, as a country, take that choice away from minors. The reason is pieces of shit like your "uncle."
  • Stepmom and Uncle Billy tried to give me some bullshit about ancient times when a woman in 14 was in her prime and given away to be married. WHAT THE FUCK, it's 2016, not 1016!!!
You've already got this one covered, but seriously ... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR STEPMOM???
  • If my dad found out, he'd feel betrayed, and it might kill him with his heart and everything
I'm pretty sure he'd rather die in a rage killing incident involving your piece of shit stepmom and uncle than die without trying to help your sister.
  • Alex would probably end up going back to psychobitch.
Would that really be SO bad, given the circumstances?
  • "What about [my half sister, who is now 14]??" Stepmom: "Oh, she's fat, and not his type." Really??? REALLY??
Yup, he'll rape her, too.
Am I being unreasonable? What would you do?
I'll reiterate: CALL. THE COPS. NOW.
[–]cindel 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Not to mention that sexual abuse can be one of the psychological causes of obesity, could be he's already abusing her.
[–]Shouldic4 9 points10 points11 points  (0 children)
try and message your sister and get her to explain to you why she did it though the messages. Do you use facebook ? maybe use something like that and ask how long the step mom has known about this and why she approves. Just act like you want to understand.
That'll give you proof you need to make a case. Than you can take actions.
[–]djasonpenney 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
Do not let him get away with this. If he would do this to your sister, he could do it again.
The district attorney's office is made up of real people. Even if they can't get evidence for a conviction (which sounds likely), if anything ever pops up in the future, they will be MUCH more suspicious if there is an unrelated allegation of similar behavior.
You owe this to some other little girl you may never even meet. Do it.
[–]due11 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
The title of your post is deceptive...
But seriously TELL YOUR DAD NOW! You're step mom is a evil bitch who doesn't care about your dads kids..
[–]hi_im_eros 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
Tell your dad Call the police Get your sister therapy
[–]WinPoe 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
Tell dad and report pedodude
[–]crazyalterego 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
call the fucking police
[–]ncinlaws 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
OMG I am fuming with you
[–]MailBlade 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
HOLY SHIT!! Fucking hell man, this is sick beyond belief.
A 31 year old having sex with a 14 year old. Billy is a sick man. A very sick man. Unfortunately now you have no evidence against him. He has been and still is grooming her for himself. He is already controlling her with liquor. Things will only escalate.
There is no way they can have a healthy relationship going forward. Her judgement is clouded. You have to find some way to make her see how wrong and fucked up this is.
She must go to therapy. Tell your father as well.
Godspeed
[–]tired_of_2_standards 0 points1 point2 points  (2 children)
I'm down with everyone who is fuming about this.
However I want to be clear that we are all on the same page that 31-14 is the issue here and we would all be just as pissed if it were a 14 year old boy and a 31 year old woman.
[–]saffiedarling 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Uh yes? I'm looking at your user name and feel like you're trying to use an awful and painful post to bait someone into saying something that will further some kind of agenda and I gotta say - it's pretty gross.
[–]illinoiscentralst 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Talk to your dad. That's what I'd do in your shoes. Breathe, calm down, and talk to any sane adults that still care. Don't confront anyone. Retreat, pretend to be defeated, plan your next steps carefully. If your dad refuses to see the gravity of the situation, consult a lawyer re: further steps, how to protect your other sister, etc.
You must tell your dad. You think it'd kill him? He'd feel betrayed? Well imagine he finds out a couple years later. He'll feel even more betrayed because EVERYONE has kept it from him, even you. Your stepmom and Billy have no leg to stand on, because if they truly believed that "prime, given away to be married" stuff, they wouldn't have kept it from your dad. But they know it's bullshit, that's why they want to keep it under wraps.
Blow the fucking whistle. The truth will set y'all free.
[–]SangEntar 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
OP, I work in Child Safeguarding. I can inform you that social services would be greatly interested in hearing about this situation. They would investigate fully, but if everyone is keeping mum, they might not be able to prove anything. I know that in the UK, we would dig, dig, dig. Not sure about authorities elsewhere.
[–]MediumBlueish 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
I can't believe your father wouldn't have suspected. He may not have sufficient influence over the situation anyway as your sister and stepmother and the pedophile are so invested in keeping it this way. Telling the authorities seems to be the only way to effect some kind of change. EVERYTHING IS WRONG with this situation. You're not crazy.
[–]floppybeef 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Jesus Christ stop saying "sexytimes"
[–]bbeastieboy -1 points0 points1 point  (1 child)
I work in a pretty seedy place, with a few people who were very sexually frustrated as kids. One woman in particular lost her virginity at 13 by forcing herself on a teacher, who she then blackmailed into doing it again. I can kind of imagine the logic of the situation, you're a grown man in a position of authority and someone in your care is being very sexually aggressive. Due to the subject matter, it will seem impossible to survive the situation, as even if you handle it appropriately, it would be your word against your scorned, would-be seducer. Because of the way you described your stepmom as initially tolerating Billy staying in your home, and that she was probably keen enough to notice that your sister had a crush on him or at least that she's covering for them. She seduced him to get booze, did he give her booze to seduce her? Sounds weird as fuck but these things happen, and they've had 4 years of rationalizing this behavior to skewer their perspective, though it still doesn't mean it's not awful. You need to tell your dad
[–]cindel 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I work in a pretty seedy place, with a few people who were very sexually frustrated as kids.
The solution to helping them is not to fuck them.
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