Joan Rivers would absolutely joke about anything and that is NOT a joke she would have told because it was NOT a joke. And she used humor to make people more aware of issues, and as a way to get through difficult things, not as a pure expression of cruelty. He doesn't get to invoke joke-telling in this case. He just doesn't. When literally every single person but him doesn't even perceive it to be a joke in the first place (and this among a group of majority traditionally non-PC joke tellers/getters known as LGbTQ). PLUS he knows from his husband's reminders (if that is even true) that this is an ongoing issue, then STFU in the first place, and tell the joke to yourself in the shower (which even that would hurt your karma).