Fucking humble yourselves and listen to me, you plebs. E3 isn't over yet, but Microsoft and Sony finished their presentations, meaning that it's objectively over. Now let me show you the opinions that you are to gargle until that opinion becomes unpopular.

Nazi Party EA

• Titanfall 2 is literally shit. Just generic boring sci-fi FPS crap with no redeeming capabilities.

• Battlefield 1 is GAME OF THE YEAR. Not even out yet, but it OBJECTIVELY is a better game than Infinite Warfare. It is beautiful. Le Weedman played it and he liked it. It is ONLY GOOD BECAUSE IT IT WORLD WAR I. EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WW1 WAS CRIBBED FROM A WIKIPEDIA PAGE I JUST OPENED IN ANOTHER TAB THAT I COPIED FROM SO I COULD LOOK LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT FUCK COD.

• [uj] Fuck EA Sports. [uj]

Bethesda

• Quake Champions is literally gonna be Overwatch with gore. Overwatch is good, and gore is for mature gamers, so I need some help on how to jerk about this.

• Skyrim remaster? Lemme tell you about this underrated Skyrim alternative: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher_3:_Wild_Hunt

• Doom DLC? More like they can go to hell. Also, Polygon sucks. Isn't that still a relevant joke?

Microsoft - Why need Project Scorpio when you can just buy a rig? Make a rig. Freaking console peasants. Nothing compares to a PC.

• Gwent is not at all a cash-grab. Nope nope nope, it's fun. CD Projekt Red can literally do nothing wrong. The only crime they've ever committed is that they need to make their season passes $80.00 so everything can just be balanced out.

Ubisoft

• DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER DON'T PRE-ORDER

• stops to take a breath

• PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE PRE-RENDERED FOOTAGE

• replenishes health and mana

• THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH THE DIVISION IS TRASH

Sony

• God of War is literally a waterted down version of The Witcher 3.

• Days Gone? More like The Last of Us: Not as Sad.

• Horizon: Zero Dawn? The main character does not have a tight ass or massive breasts, so no. Besides, why would I ever play as a woman in a video game?

• Kojima's game is incredible and I don't even know what the hell it's about.

• I liked the footage until the Call of Duty logo showed up. Then I shat my pants. I...i..i...I liked Call of Duty. What's wrong with me? I think I'm sick. I can't like it. It looks so cool. But I'm not allowed to like it. I have to pre-face every positive comment about this game with a "I know it's CoD, but..." statement so that they know I'm not a pleb. I think this game looks really cool. I need help.

[uj] Well that was a lot of jerking. Overall, great shows. And I can't wait for Infinite Warfare. I knew they would drop something hot, and they did. [uj]

Being excited for a game makes you a stupid person.