Teaser: I took my wife on a date to my favorite HB hunting grounds.

Background:

Over the last six months or so as part of Dread Levels 6-7, I’ve developed some consistent and tight catch-and-release game that allows me to approach, get IOI, build attraction, and number-close with women younger, hotter, and far more energetic than my wife. The result of this is some pretty solid abundance mentality on my part. I have been running similar (but obviously not identical) game on my wife and my expectations of her have been stated but not necessarily demonstrated (I desire feminine appearance and passionate behavior). However, I haven’t seen much positive response or any mate guarding from her. She throws zero shit-tests about my activities.

This leads me to hypothesize that she:

• Isn’t hamstering about what I might be up to when I go out alone

• Isn’t aware that she has competition

• Doesn’t have a concrete example of my preferences to emulate

• May not recognize my actions around her as “game”

• DGAF that I might be able to pull pussy other than hers

• DGAF that I’m out building an exciting social life on my own

My date idea will expose my wife to the first three of those items.

Inception

I’ve been waiting passively for the progression to DL 8 to happen naturally because it’s pretty well ubiquitous opinion that actively hitting on women in front of the wife is DLV, while having women hit on you in front of the wife is pinnacle DHV. In all the outings I take my family on, I’ve only gotten checked out by other women, never actually “hit on”. However, when I go (by myself) to a local country bar to hear live music and dance, without exception, I get approached and hit on by attractive women. /u/il-est-ressuscite turned me on to the idiom “If the mountain will not come to Mohamed, then Mohamed must go to the mountain.” This was half of the inception of my idea for the subject outing of this report.

The other half of the idea came when /u/purpleveteran reminded me of something I did very early in my MAP / RP journey (almost exactly a year ago):

Let me quote you to you:

I only texted and said “We’re leaving at 6, wear a dress.” She did, and her voice was quivering when we drove up to the valet at one of the swankier places in town. What happened to that man? Have you given her a reason to be feminine?

To which I responded:

That guy pulled the same stunt a few times last year and stopped doing it when it triggered a possible Main Event over the fact that he was "controlling" by not telling her the dinner destination. My wife's words and actions when expressing anxiety over that kind of situation were congruent so I quit trying to force the issue. That said, I see your point and I'm going to try it again.

Suddenly, I saw an opportunity for a date which could drop a stone on a whole flock of birds.

My objectives for this outing are to:

• show my wife what happens at the places I go without her.

• show my wife who’s been getting my time and attention, what they look like, and how they act.

• give my wife an opportunity to clean up, dress up, and have a variety of feelz.

• have fun doing the shit I would do even if my wife weren’t there with me.

The Plan

Note: I’m writing this before the outing in case I need to go back afterward and trace any bitterness I might feel to a covert contract I’ve made.

• I’m going to tell my wife I’m taking her on a date but not where or what. I’ll do this a few days in advance so she has some time to hamster about it and have some feelz.
• We’ll go to dinner / drinks at a place I want to try but have never been.
• After dinner, we’ll walk down the street to my favorite country bar where a band I want to see (but haven’t yet) will be playing later. My wife knows I go here frequently but she’s never been inside.
• We’ll participate in the free dance lesson (something I usually do with whatever target of opportunity I encounter at the bar). My wife and I took dancing lessons before our wedding, nearly 10 years ago, but since then, we’ve only danced together briefly, usually at other people’s weddings or awkward company holiday parties. TBH, I don’t think she knows I can dance so taking the lesson with her will remove that uncertainty. She’ll be anxious as fuck and I’ll be cool as a cucumber.
• Now that we both know how to dance, we’ll dance to the band I want to hear. (and here’s a potential covert contracts)
• When we take a break, she WILL get asked to dance by some other dude, Guaranteed. Switching partners is expected. Everyone in this place is running game and he’ll try to run some on her.
• When she dances with another partner, so will I, and I’ll have fun. The dudes in this place who can dance spend their time dancing. That’s just how it is. In fact, I’ll probably get approached once I’m “available”.
• She’ll see the way the other girls present themselves, especially the ones who are having fun. Or she’ll be self-focused and she won’t see it. Doesn’t matter; at that point, I’ve done my job by exposing her to the example.
• I will NOT initiate sex at the end of the night for three reasons; I want to continue the trend that date night <> pressure for sex, I’m trying to gauge my wife’s reaction, and I want her hamster to spin about why I didn’t. I can see already that this is a covert contract…

Execution

Thursday, I came home from work, kicked open the door with a grin, wrestled with my kids for a few minutes, then pointed to my wife and said “Book a sitter for Sunday night; I’m taking you on a date.” She said “Ehhh... Or we could wait for a few weeks until my mom’s in town.” [shit test] “Nope, Sunday. 6 to 11” I said with a smile, then I started unloading the dishwasher. A few minutes later she asked “Where are you taking me?” “Somewhere awesome to do something awesome!” “Ugh! You know I hate when you do this!” (I do know that.) [shit test] I ignored her snark and she dropped it then jumped online to book the sitter.

Later that night, I initiated some sex with kino and kissing. She’s distracted and throwing a lot of LMR. She starts shit testing again with some good ol’ [broken record] of “What are we doing? Where are we going?” It was playful, so I eventually answered “Somewhere awesome. You’ll need your boots and tight jeans.” [stating my expectation] She started prying for details: “Will there be a band there?” “Definitely.” “(sigh) You know I don’t like live music like you do.” [shit test] “Well I’m excited to see this band.” “Will I have to dance?” [comfort test] (she’s guessed where we’re going) I answered “No, if you want to be the only one NOT twerking!” [A&A]

I kept escalating the kino and she started to get irritated that I wasn’t caving and giving her some answers. She tried to shut down the sexytimes by acting pouty, but she never said “no”, so I kept it up. Finally, she said “Jeez. You must really want sex” and pulled off her panties. We fucked, it was mediocre, not quite starfish, but definitely minimal effort from her. Afterward I said “You can’t fool me, you wanted it too.” She said “Yeah, I’ll take it.” Then I went to bed. One of these days, I’m going to pull out and walk away, but not tonight.

Saturday and Sunday, no mention of the date, although on Sunday, my wife spent a large portion of the afternoon cleaning the house for the babysitter. She managed her time poorly and had to rush through her shower and prep activities. NBD, she still looked pretty hot when she emerged and I told her so (Looked her down and up then said “Whoa! I like your jeans”), drawing attention to a specific fashion choice she’d made instead of an inherent physical trait.

Dinner and Drinks

Sunday Evening, the sitter showed up and we got the kids all situated then headed out. On the drive to the restaurant, she asked once (playfully) where we were going, I smirked, said nothing, and she dropped it. As we rolled up to the neighborhood, she guessed “We’re going to the (dance bar).” I said “Hell yeah we are- they have $5 wing baskets!” [A&A] She made a face but knew I was joking. I parked around the corner and we walked to the real dinner restaurant, a very hip place full of stylishly dressed 20/30’s, most of them in groups, but a few obviously on dates. Wife was much happier about this place than eating fried shit in a bar. We were seated in a booth and I sat on the same side as her. She asked “What are you doing?” I said “I’m sitting next to my date! Did you think was an interview?” [pressure flip] We perused the menu and picked out some craft cocktails to try. I stepped way out of my typical zone with my choice. When the waiter came, I showed some subtle dominance and ordered the drinks for both of us. During the meal, we did some people watching, guessing details about people we saw, but mostly talked about the food and our kids. One of the things I’ve been actively trying to break the habit of is talking about the kids when we’re alone, but I haven’t cracked that nut yet.

Dance Lesson

Our drinks and food were awesome and I had planned the timing perfectly so we walked right over to the bar just as the dance lesson was assembling. Unfortunately for my plan, the crowd was atypically older that night and besides two other couples our age, we were the youngest by 15 years. My wife made a face when she saw what was happening but there really was no other option than to participate. She was definitely a little anxious / excited and after about five minutes, she was into it. She kept trying to direct me around, I didn’t deviate, and the instructor caught onto that immediately, calling her out on it (No, the gentleman leads!). It took my wife most of the hour-long lesson to get out of that mode and I don’t think she really ever figured out that I kind of knew what I was doing. I was smiley, friendly, and joking with the other folks and it was really a lot of fun. The whole lesson focused on the “Cowboy Cha-Cha”, which is something I’ve actually wanted to learn for a while but never taken the lesson. Well, now we were basically proficient.

Going Live

The lesson wrapped up and as the band was doing their final setup, my wife and I sat down and chatted with one of the other young couples. It was fun and nice to be able to do that in a relaxed mood without the kids of either couple competing for attention (which happens on most of our other joint social outings). Other wife gave me a couple laughing-arm-grabs, but not so much that I would have called it flirty. The band started and the dance we had just learned was not the right one for the tune; we needed to two-step. Luckily, I know how to do that. I pulled my wife out to the floor, quickly explained the basic steps, and off we went. She was super nervous (I’m sure because she didn’t think I knew what to do either). Not my concern, I enjoyed pulling the bold move. We danced like that for a few songs, then the band played a cha-cha and everyone from the lesson came back out. We were a little awkward for the first couple moves, but then settled in. My wife was laughing and smiling, but I could tell she was still feeling self-conscious. Whenever I dance with random women, I smirk and hold eye-contact. I did this with my wife too. She kept blushing and looking away. Any time we moved spots in the bar, I guided her around with my hand on her lower back.

About 30 minutes after the band started, the younger crowd started trickling in, but being Sunday, it was still pretty sparse. I casually commented to my wife that I was surprised that the crowd was as sparse and as old as it was and this was unusual. She agreed that it must be because it was Sunday. Only a few obviously single, attractive women in my typical target range were there and not a lot of unattached dudes either. Two of these girls were sitting at the bar and I could feel their eyes burning through my clothes. I caught both of them at least twice and they quickly smiled and looked away. I highly doubt that my wife noticed though. I was having lots of fun dancing with my wife and we ended up never taking a break, so I never swapped her out for anyone else. Maybe some other time…

After about an hour of dancing, my wife started to complain about her feet hurting (probably legitimate as she never wears pointy-toed shoes with heels). She powered through another 30 minutes but I could tell it was affecting her style. I’d only planned on about 30 more minutes after that anyway, so I told her “Let’s get out of here.” She grabbed my hand and led the way to the door. We walked back to the truck and headed for home. I missed the chance to escalate the sexual tension and make out like teenagers before we loaded up; I just didn’t even think about it until the moment had passed. On the drive, my wife told me she had a good time.

Bedtime

We got home, got the kid report and settled up with the sitter. My wife seemed pretty excited to tell her all about what we’d done on our date. We took care of the usual before-bedtime ritual then climbed into bed (her before me). As I intended, I didn’t make any obvious initiation for sex. We kissed a little and my wife didn’t say her usual pre-emptive and emphatic “Good Night Sweetie!” [powertalk] to signal that she wasn’t interested in any advance I might be tempted to make. I suspected she’d be open to accepting my initiation, but unfortunately, she just lay there quietly and I want more investment than that. I kissed her one more time, said “that was a fun date!” then I went to sleep. The next morning, I saw she’d been wearing sexy underwear so I’m pretty sure she’d been expecting me to initiate some sex.

Conclusions and further thoughts

This outing accomplished my objectives in the following ways:

• My wife now knows that almost everyone who goes to that bar engages in partner-dancing.
• My wife has seen who else goes to that bar. I hope she can infer from the small sampling (and my casual comment) that the peak-night crowd is generally sexier…
• I gave my wife an opportunity to clean up, dress up, and have a variety of feelz. She definitely did all three.
• I had fun doing the shit I would do even if my wife weren’t there with me. I also enjoyed including her. In fact, I think that since I wasn’t at all focused on the acquisition and approach of targets of opportunity, I was able to be more immersed and present in the moment, and I enjoyed the interaction with my wife more than I would have with a random girl.
• I find it interesting that at no point did my wife ever inquire how the fuck I know how to dance in a way that she’s never learned with me. This is the hamster fuel I want her burning.
• I’ve demonstrated that fun things happen when she follows my lead. I need more repetitions of this.
• I was aware of the covert contracts I had beforehand and took the mental steps to be OI about the results and use them for learning opportunities.