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ImpositionEngaged friend dropped off the face of the planet, and I still have to be in his wedding. (self.MGTOW)

unterseeboote が 投稿

I agreed a year ago to be in my friend's wedding. That was when I saw him frequently, usually every week. Now that he's engaged he's literally busy every single day, and I've seen him about 3 times this year.

I just don't know how I'm going to participate in this wedding and waste $300 on a tuxedo for someone that doesn't have any time for friends any more. How can I keep a straight face in the fake wedding photos?

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[–]Greetings1 6ポイント7ポイント  (4子コメント)

I'm busy enough as it is. I don't need a bitch to make me even busier. I wouldn't waste your money on a tux for someone like this. Married people make all kinds of lists of things they want people to buy for them and soon they just see the guests as bodies in their wedding to make them feel good about their shittu life decision. They sometimes don't realize that people have other things to do. We're not just sitting around waiting for a wedding to attend. Tell your friend your concerns. If he or the gf dies not acknowledge them or change their ways you know what to do.

[–]unterseeboote[S] 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ok. It is quite irritating that I have to take part in a dog and pony show where I pretend to be happy that I've essentially lost a good friend of 10 years for no damn reason. Like can't someone get married AND still make time for other people that were once important? Apparently not this guy.

[–]User-31f64a4e 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

He is not unique in this "disappearing Romeo" act.

Of his own accord, he may wish to spend time with her; he may also wish to be doing other things by himself for her (those trips to the Home Depot, etc.)

She may also play a role in isolating him. This is very common. Women do it in all sorts of ways - questioning or disparaging associates, relentlessly scheduling activities, and even acting out with his friends so it is too embarrassing to bring her along.

[–]MGHOW_ATL 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

You don't have to do anything. He has a responsibility to maintain relationships as well. If you're important enough to be in his precious wedding, you are important enough to see once in a while.

If you don't want to do it, send him a note saying that your cousin is getting married the same weekend and you are his best man or something like that.

[–]nightshadez94 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'd tell him I'm not going to the wedding, changed my mind. Throughout the last two years I cold-heartedly declined over 12 weddings. Those guys were never heard from again.

[–]theeverywhereman 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've been through this multiple times. I flew recently to another state for a wedding. Ubers, flights, guest house etc for this guy's wedding? Why did I do it? Well in my mind I thought cool chance to get out of my city for a bit, see some old friends, have fun at the wedding.

Was I mistaken... I think the thing I enjoyed the most was that I got two smoke two Cubans.

Back to monk mode.

[–]hardtostarboard2016 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

just don't go. excuse yourself quietly.

[–]User-31f64a4e 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

There are a lot of "fuck him, don't go" responses here.

It's almost as though people want to punish the friend, for his pussy addiction. Is that likely to be a successful intervention? Do we just cut alcoholics and drug users out of our lives absent any transgression? Loosing touch is NOT a transgression; it's bad and shows decreased interest in the friendship, but it's not like he stole precious keepsakes and sold them for a fix.

So when I see punitive threads, I just think wow, how fierce some people are about protecting ego. That's the affront in not keeping touch: it shows you that you aren't that important to him at this time (not compared to her, anyway.) And that is apparently an affront to people's solopsistic egos.

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Consider that she may have been a big factor in his isolation; this is actually a hallmark of domestic abuse and she may be doing all sorts of things to alienate him from any possible support network. If that is the case, leaving him to his fate is not right.

Consider that he will probably (speaking in the statistical sense here) get divorced at some point. If you burn this bridge now, it will be harder to rebuild it later. If you go, there is a possibility he may reach out to you when this happens.

Finally, yes, $300 is a waste. If you are gainfully employed though, it's likely to be affordable (and possibly less than the hotel room and present and ancillary expenses anyway.)

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What we are talking about here is in some way analogous to the question of "How do I interact with a friend who joined a cult?" If you sever the connection, maybe it can't be rekindles later. But, they are in a cult. You can't really hang with them and talk about life, the universe and all that. All you can do is minimize any alienation coming from your side, wait, and hope they come to their senses.

You * might * be able to plant little subversive questions in your friend's mind. Statements won't work; questions are much better for subversion, because sometimes the hamster they trigger will knock the wheel off kilter, and then your friend will suddenly get it. Anyway, if you let slip a couple non-confrontational questions about women here and there, some good may come of it.

[–]unterseeboote[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Finally, yes, $300 is a waste. If you are gainfully employed though, it's likely to be affordable

While I can afford $300 with no problem, I can make better use of that money elsewhere for my own interests. I just don't understand why I need to rent something I already own?

[–]watevatreva 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

[shakes the lazy 8-ball] "Do nothing". Lazy 8-ball has spoken. Don't hire a tux, don't respond to their messages/calls, don't do anything! Your "friend" is no longer a friend and therefore none of your concern. :)