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My [38M] ex-wife [38F] intruded in my house and harassed me over my relationship with a [20F] girl, and is threatening to use it against me.Breakups (self.relationships)

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[–]DRHdez 704ポイント705ポイント  (128子コメント)

Change the locks, and use them. If she enters your house again call the cops.

Also, don't date women half your age.

[–]punfree 727ポイント728ポイント  (28子コメント)

Or at least start calling them women instead of girls.

[–]biomilkletters 379ポイント380ポイント  (22子コメント)

People like that specially call young women girls because it plays into some sort of pervy fantasy. Super duper telling that he called her a 20 year old girl. "Yeah I'm sleeping with someone who's so young I don't consider them adult enough to not refer to them as a child, but she's deffo adult enough for my peen".

[–]MOzarkite 235ポイント236ポイント  (3子コメント)

There seem to be a lot of posts lately, about the trials and tribulations of divorced men who all wound up with "girls" much younger than the woman they divorced...

[–]wombatzilla 127ポイント128ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's what I thought. Seeing him call her a girl in the title I was like "Oh this must be a non-romantic / non-sexual relationship.

Nope, he's just happy to be fucking someone he sees as a "girl"

[–]you_farted 45ポイント46ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, that made my skin crawl.

[–]EkiAku 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

Eh, I say boys instead of men. It really depends on the person.

[–]Tar-mairon 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

Holy shit the projection and pseudo-intellectualism in this sub...

[–]Drigr 190ポイント191ポイント  (13子コメント)

Just wanna say, it's kinds funny how when it's the older man posting we've got so many people defending it (and at the moment, all those comments are being upvoted too) but in any situation where it's the younger girl posting regardless of her issue, this same exactly sentiment (don't date people twice your age) is highly upvoted

[–]DRHdez 111ポイント112ポイント  (1子コメント)

Completely agree! I find that double standard horrible. I know some relationships with big age gaps do end up working but, an almost 40y very recently divorced guy dating a 20y woman doesn't seem right to me.

[–]ChrissyMoveOn 56ポイント57ポイント  (0子コメント)

They could easily just be sleeping with each other. I'm into older men and recognize that it wouldn't be the best idea to be in a relationship with someone 18 years older than me, but that doesn't mean I can't just have casual sex with them!

[–]oh_boisterous 39ポイント40ポイント  (1子コメント)

Maybe people should STFU and realize that consenting adults can date whomever they want?

I was in a very controlling relationship and the dude was only a couple years older than me. Dating old or dating young doesn't always equal abuse, and in this post it seems the 20 year old was more mature than the psycho 38 year old.

[–]ITworksGuys 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I do tell young people not to date twice their age (regardless of sex).

I don't care about old people dating half their age. They don't need the advice.

[–]MurasakiYugata 42ポイント43ポイント  (0子コメント)

She's not underage and it doesn't sound like there's any abuse going on. OP should date her if he wants to.

[–]jenthesilly 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

Also, don't date women half your age.

Thank you.

[–]Disaster532385 27ポイント28ポイント  (52子コメント)

Why not as long as she is not underage? Both are consenting adults.

[–]Incarnatum 194ポイント195ポイント  (1子コメント)

There's a difference between "legal" and "moral", and this one falls under it. A relationship between someone who's only been adult for 2 years with someone who's been an adult for 20 is so ridiculously unbalanced as to be nigh-impossible for the older partner not to steamroll all over the younger one.

You only grow and learn from making mistakes, and 20-year-olds are very, very prone to making mistakes. And that's okay, that's what they need to grow, they learn from it and collect experience. But a 40-year-old should know better - and would you, as a loving partner, want to watch your SO fail over and over again because they're making dumb mistakes? So the older partner steps in to correct and guide the younger one - which ends up stunting the younger one's growth, makes them reliant on their partner to make decisions and undermines their confidence. Even when started with the best of intentions, it can end up devolving into a creepy almost parent-child dynamic.

Even worse is if the 40-year-old actually is on the same maturity and decision-making level as the 20-year-old... because while the 20-year-old will grow up and mature, the older one will not.

And, of course, there is a not insubstantial amount of predators who seek out younger partners specifically because they want that unequal dynamic and a partner they can control.

This is why people side-eye these pairings.

That said, OP didn't actually say he's dating the 20-year-old, just that he slept with her. And since casual encounters lack that longterm emotionally destructive dynamic, one-night-stands with large age differences aren't creepy or wrong imo.

[–]quierotacobueno 47ポイント48ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would argue that at 20 you still aren't really emotionally an adult. I'm 23 and still don't feel like one...

[–]Drigr 57ポイント58ポイント  (4子コメント)

She doesn't even meet the 1/2+7 rule..

[–]Qweniden 37ポイント38ポイント  (39子コメント)

This sub is super unapprovingly of age differences.

[–]oliviathecf 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

To be fair to the sub, people aren't exactly posting about their good relationships with large age differences here.

[–]biomilkletters 150ポイント151ポイント  (13子コメント)

Yeah, for a reason. It's weird and predatory to go after someone half your age who is in a totally different place to you. It's a super red flag to me.

[–]Qweniden 42ポイント43ポイント  (0子コメント)

For one thing there is an enormous difference between casual dating and a serious relationship. One problem is that this sub makes no differentiation between the two. For another, at the end of the day what really matters is that two people are happy. Sometimes chemistry defies the odds and unlikely couples find each other despite of them.

That said, I don't think age differences are nothing. For one thing, pregnancy becomes increasingly dangerous to the children as parents age. The way they treated my wife's pregnancies when she was 34 vs 36 was startling. The risks of birth defects sky rocket at every age past 35. Even older fathers increase the risks of birth defects. Then there is also the issue of potentially having to take care of an elderly partner when you are still relatively young. These are two biological facts that need to be taken into account with any relationship where there are large age gaps.

Also, Id say there is always the risk that the older partner has some issues that are easily seen by their peers so they are kinda forced to date younger people who might not notice them. For this reason I think its fair to see an older person dating a younger person as a provisional yellow flag, but its presumptuous and overly deterministic to say its an automatic red flag.

I think part of what drives the distaste of age difference relationships is a bit of unfairness between the biology of men and women. Whether its a social construct or some sort of biological determinism, women are often seen as getting less attractive as they age yet men maintain their attraction at a better rate. This leads to many cases where older men will leave a relationship a woman his age and enter a new one with a younger woman. I know from talking to people that this is a fear of many woman and that its a real blow to many people when it happens. I totally get that. Its isn't fair and it would devastate me if it happened to me personally. But this sub shouldn't be a way to cathartically deal with our own issues but to help people while being objective as possible.

[–]AintNoSunshine55 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

So if it's predatory when a man dates a younger woman (dramatic much?) what do you call it when a young women specifically wants older men?.. Do you make up some excuse as to how she's damaged?

[–]biomilkletters 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

what do you call it when a young women specifically wants older men?

Can the men not think with their heads instead of their penises and say "hang on, this person it half my age, I don't want to be in a sexual relationship with a person who is young enough to be my child".

[–]LeafJizz 23ポイント24ポイント  (3子コメント)

Jeez you guys act like a 20 year old can't make a fucking decision for themselves. People like you baby the fuck out of your kids and wonder why they never grow up.

[–]heavenbeetle 33ポイント34ポイント  (1子コメント)

Believe it or not, I managed to grow up into a functioning adult without ever fucking a recent divorcee that was twice my age.

[–]Devil5Advocate 27ポイント28ポイント  (0子コメント)

And lots of other people grow up into functioning adults even having fucked older men/ women.

[–]biomilkletters -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like the words of a 40yo who wants to bang 20yo's and not be called gross or creepy.

[–]EkiAku 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh yeah, I've seen people get all high and mighty about the same age gap with my boyfriend and I. It's not even large. But no, no I'm predatory, clearly.

[–]oh_boisterous 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

Seriously. Sometimes it matters, like if an 18 year old is clearly being manipulated by her 35 year old boyfriend, but in this case it doesn't even matter. I wish OP hadn't even mentioned her age, I knew this community would glom on to it.

[–]jerseycowboy 31ポイント32ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP couldn't get in a humblebrag about his young piece of ass if he didn't mention her age, though.

[–]EarthboundCory 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not always though. I'm personally always against it because it's fucking creepy, but there's been a few instances in this subreddit where they approve of it, and then I get crazy downvoted for seeing the problems with it.

[–]poland626 -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're right I've been down voted hard. People are too fucking sensitive.

[–]CliveMcManus 19ポイント20ポイント  (4子コメント)

Ha yea this subreddit HATES it when divorced guys date much younger girls

[–]Hooty__McBoob 50ポイント51ポイント  (2子コメント)

Because it's really really gross?

[–]-BKRaiderAce- 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yea the whole projecting their own insecurities and all.