Don't let computers steal your job! Bludgeon your way to JOB SECURITY and BULGING BICEPS with an official ATOMIC ROBOT-BASHING STICK!
This project will only be funded if at least $10,000 is pledged by .
Computers don't take sick days, join unions, or need to defecate, and they absolutely love doing spreadsheets. Electronic thinking machines have already mastered chess, go, and the ancient art of telemarketing, and they're learning to drive cars. In fact, experts agree that within just five years computers will be capable of watching Netflix for six hours at a time, posting pictures of salads to social media, and even unpaid internships. It's just a matter of time before they come for your job too.
It doesn't have to be this way! Now YOU CAN STOP PROGRESS with one of our expertly designed, heirloom quality, sticks with nails in it! We'll show you how to keep your job! And while you're at it, you can turn that pitiful, skinny, bloodless, bag of bones you call a body into a rock-like torso and legs of oak that will make you the hero of the beach!
Hi there, I'm Aaron Schlechter--I don't believe we've met.
After being orphaned at the tender age of seven by a freak washing machine accident, I taught myself to use an abacus and embarked on a successful career in counting things. All too soon though, I found myself replaced by a three dollar solar-powered calculator. I wandered the streets, bereft of hope, competing with battle-hardened Furbys for scraps of food. One day, while hunting for rats I could kill for sustenance in the sewers deep beneath the city streets, I came upon a set of golden plates inscribed with the long-lost ancient Babylonian method of fashioning a stick with nails in it. Armed with this forgotten knowledge, I built a stick of my own and bashed my way out of obsolescence, growing from a weak, chicken-chested, spindle-armed wimp into powerful dynamo of strength with MIGHTY MUSCLES OF STEEL!
Now you can too!
Studies have shown that feelings of meaningless and despair are temporarily alleviated by buying stuff, and now, for the low, low price of $10.00, I can pass on to you 1 WEIRD ANCIENT BABYLONIAN TRICK TO GIVE YOU JOB SECURITY THAT HAS CORPORATIONS FURIOUS!
Retired and don't need a job? Cement your legacy by buying one of our bashing sticks for your children or grandchildren and give them the gift of a job and the lifetime of meaningless drudgery that comes with it! They will thank you!
Are you lacking in pep? Has existential angst left you feeling lonely, tired, and depressed? Using our stick with nails in it to destroy the smartphone you check every fifteen seconds may be the simple solution you've been looking for to spend more time with your friends and family and build up the PERSONALITY, VITALITY, and MAGNETISM you're so desperately in need of!
Barring the Earth getting hit by a comet, huge meteor or a geomagnetic solar storm that knocks out our electrical infrastructure (in which case you won't even need this book), I see only two risks that could delay getting the rewards offered in this Kickstarter to you in a timely fashion:
1. If my hands are both crushed by a heavy object it's going to take me a decent amount of time to learn to write and draw with my feet, which could hold up the delivery dates for this project.
2. Should I be drafted by a professional sports team I could see a good chunk of my time being taken up by kicking, throwing or hitting balls around which could delay things a bit.
Aside from those possibilities, I think you're covered and this project will go out on time.
Learn about accountability on KickstarterHave a question? If the info above doesn't help, you can ask the project creator directly.