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Need some perspective. (self.DeadBedrooms)

Selpeja が 投稿

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[–]ThrowRPWi -1ポイント0ポイント  (11子コメント)

I'm going to go against the grain here.

Men and women are different. Most men are not interested in long foreplays and, as women, we should not blame them, we should accept them as they are. Your man wants to fuck you - that's great! You should appreciate that and fuck him before someone else does.

You know he wants it almost every day so you should take your arousal into your own hands. It's not his responsibility to get you in the mood. You should be in the mood from just knowing your man wants to fuck you. But if you aren't you should not flaunt it in his face - do your best to conceal it. Masturbate before he approaches you for sex so that when he wants it you are good to go. Trust me your relationship will improve tremendously if you stop turning him down for sex.

[–]that_celibate_girlOn the way out the door 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

I don't disagree that this approach could work in a relationship where he gives a damn about her needs, but she has an anatomical condition that she has no control over and despite the prospect of physical pain she is already willing to give more to meet his needs. He's not appreciating the extra mile she's already willing to go. She would end up giving even more to a guy who isn't even willing to give a small amount of time to not hurt her. Sex isn't the real problem in this relationship, his lack of care for her is. Sex can't fix that.

[–]ThrowRPWi 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

She might be willing, but from the post I see that they are only having sex twice a week. Saying all the nice things about compromise surely makes her feel better but I doubt it helps her SO who is getting laid three times less often than he would like. I'm sure he'll get tired of that eventually and just move on to a woman with less issues. I'm just trying to help her salvage the relationship.

[–]Toodark2ReadHLM48 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

Most men are not interested in long foreplays

In my experience, most men are interested in practically anything that increases the odds of sex reoccurring sooner than later. But the women posters in here who, themselves, are being rejected by their spouses likely feel the same way.

/u/Selpeja doesn't appear to need him to get in the mood, per se. She's perfectly willing and able to be intimate but her physiological response takes time. That's perfectly fine and it was extraordinarily mature of her to communicate that to her boyfriend.

Suggesting that she conceal that fact is asking her to be dishonest about her own needs. She doesn't appear to be "flaunting it". She knows what a good, frequent sex life is like because she's had direct experience. Her boyfriend, it seems, would rather cause her pain than to take his time and enjoy her body for its own sake, with the added benefit of it making her 100% ready for a good sexual experience.

I'm starting to suspect that the "RP" in your zero day user name doesn't have OP's best interests at heart.

[–]ThrowRPWi -1ポイント0ポイント  (3子コメント)

Communication is important, sure but she is basically telling him he is not hot enough to make her jump his bones unless he puts in extra effort. I can not think of a single person who will find that attractive. I hope she did not tell him about the ex because otherwise I would be surprised he is still with her.

Her boyfriend is compromising too, from the post it is obvious that he is having sex 3 times less frequent than he would like. If it does not scream compromise I don't know what does.

[–]Toodark2ReadHLM48 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

she is basically telling him he is not hot enough to make her jump his bones

Not at all.

She has been completely clear on that matter and if he chooses to interpret it differently that's on him. Nobody advised her to discuss her ex with him but that information is key to her own enjoyment. She's told this boyfriend what he needs to know and he's choosing to ignore it. If he can't deal with a lousy 20 minutes or so of pleasuring her before he wants to jam it in then he's just a selfish ass. It would be no different if she asked him to refrain from a particular activity but he ignored her. He's showing that he doesn't actually care whether it's pleasurable for her.

Her boyfriend is compromising too

Nice try RPer. That's a consequence of his selfishness...not a compromise. 20 minutes a shot to bump it up to 5-ish times a week apparently is too much effort.

[–]Selpeja[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sorry for hijacking the thread but I really appreciate your responses to this guy (girl?).

Nice try RPer.

What's a RPer?

[–]Selpeja[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Seems like you misinterpreted my post. I AM happy that he is attracted to me and it does make me feel good. I do desire to have sex with him, but not as often as he does, largely due to my anatomical issues. His lack of desire to take things slow does not make the situation better.

Also I feel like I was not clear enough: masturbating would not help me. The moment he touches me I am going to tense up. I've always needed to relax into my sexual partner's touch. Also I don't believe in lying about it, sorry. People in a relationship should be honest with one another.

[–]ThrowRPWi 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You're not showing to him that you appreciate it plain and simple. If you did, you'd be fucking him twice a day without any complains. Anatomy is not really an excuse. Your other man had an SMV high enough to keep you sleeping with him despite the pain, and you clearly don't think your current boyfriend quite measures up. I'd next a girl like that in a heartbeat.