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DISCUSSIONSuccess Stories!!! (self.RedPillWives)

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[–]Sunhappy_DC 4ポイント5ポイント  (3子コメント)

I have a quick success story!

sips sparkling water

Ahem. So my bf and I were chillin while he was watching Rick and Morty and I got a call with really upsetting news. I asked my bf for a hug, which he gave me. He didn't want to dwell on this bad news, so he carried on with his evening and asked me to do the same. NOW! Pre-RPW, this would have pissed me the hell off. "OMG he doesn't care about me! Why won't he share my feelz!!!??!?!?!111" is what I would have assumed and dwell on for ages.

Now, as a year long member of RPW, I recognize the following and appreciate it:

  • He is his own person.
  • His feelings are not my feelings.
  • I am responsible for my own feelings.
  • Men and women express feelings differently.
  • Accept him for who is he is and what he is trying to do.
  • He helped me the best way he knew how.
  • He has strong emotional boundaries.
  • He encourages me to also have strong emotional boundaries BY EXAMPLE.
  • We still enjoyed each other's company.
  • Peace and harmony is always the goal.

I learned how to want and ask for things that mean a lot to me from RPW (just ask a few of the girls, I was a wreck this time last year) but I also know when to be mindful of my feelings and own the fact that their MY feelings. Laying my burdens on my bf....that's not his cross to bear. And I respect and appreciate him for maintaining that truth. It's a trait I admire and want to emulate as we continue getting to know each other and grow closer.

So thankers RPW! I think I made oodles of progress.

[–]rialuxe[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

I love this! It's amazing to see how a shift in mindset can cause a big difference in how we see things.

What's been the biggest surprise to you that pre-RPW sunhappy would be amazed by?

[–]Sunhappy_DC 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

holding myself accountable to address my own feeling and actions. Before, I would have complete meltdowns due to lack of boundaries and failure to be an emotional responsible adult.

The slightest shift in mood and I'd have to share it with anyone who I called a friend (rarely family, weirdly enough, because I thought they all lacked healthy boundaries! go figure :V ) and would drain all of my ugly feelz onto them to carry on my behalf. I thought this was a defining feature of caring about a person.

Anyway, I realize now that's not love, that's manipulation. "If you love me, you'll lurk in my emotional muck with me." That's not fair to burden someone with. You can't force people to understand or address your problems. We are the only participants in our lives. We're the only ones living it. So we have to learn how to stand on our own two feet and take care of ourselves.

I think once I really took that to heart, things have been easier to deal with (not that life is any less stressful). If I don't like how someone treats me, I cut them off. If a job is stressing me out, I decrease responsibilities, or find a new job. If I don't like where I live, I move. If I don't like how I look, I make steps to improve how I look. It seems simple but ultimately, it's being responsible for your life's outcomes!

This is something that many ladies here at RPW kind of ..... beat into me until I was bloody pulp of self-awareness haha! Tough love is still love. I keep these things in mind and I can see the fruit of my efforts in my new relationship, which has been very fun and rewarding thus far. I'm excited to see how my relationship and I continue to grow with this new outlook in mind.

[–]_wingnut_ 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Excellent