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CULTURENewly married women speaks common sense - gets destroyed in comments by people who 'know better'. (self.RedPillWives)

blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s が 投稿

Daily Mail Article - The REAL secret of a successful marriage? 'Stay hot' for your husband, make sure his friends all want you and wait on his every need, insists this newlywed woman

So today on the Daily Mail there is an article about a newlywed called Amanda Lauren who apparently took a vow to stay attractive for her husband.

It's all fairly standard common sense stuff such as 'While sex can't make a marriage, it can break it...You should want to have sex with your partner. And if my husband wasn't turned on by me, we couldn't have that essential intimacy. 'So while my vow to stay hot seems superficial, it really isn't.'

She seems like a pretty normal modern women, she is a writer and her husband has a job in the television industry. No one is chained barefoot to a sink here.

The current top comments on this article however are a prime example of what's going wrong with society and marriage today and why so many of us have to come here to discuss our marriages.

Top comment 2 "What should HE do to to keep HER?" upvoted 1770 times.

Well firstly the article says lots of considerate things he does for her. Secondly it's not his article, it's her article saying what she does for him. Why the automatic assumption that he doesn't do anything for her?

Top comment 4 "Wrong century dear" upvoted 1220 times.

Why? Why is it the wrong century? Because being a loving wife isn't something we should do in the 21st century anymore?

Top comment 5 "And, what about when he gets tired of having a doormat wife?" Upvoted 1000 times.

I imagine this man will soon get bored of having a wife who cares about what he thinks and tries to please him. How tiring that will be.

Seriously though there is nothing in the article that suggests she is going to be a doormat. She isn't doing anything she doesn't want to do.

In contrast all the sensible comments have been downvoted to oblivion. 'Smart women' for example was downvoted 90 times. 'This woman seems like a smart person. The husband seems like a lucky guy.' has been downvoted 200 times.

The article is so mundane in some ways and yet it has attracted so much ire. Why can't people be happy for others, why can't we be honest with ourselves about how marriage really works?

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[–]VintageVee27f, LTR 1yr - HLH 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

Well she's headed straight for an awesome marriage. Good on her. Sent this article to my SO !

They couldn't possibly have made more mention of that vacuum cleaner could they?! Like its the only reason she got married!

[–]eliza_schuylerEarly 20s, engaged, 3yrs 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

They couldn't possibly have made more mention of that vacuum cleaner could they?!

That's what I was thinking through the whole thing! Cause you know... robot vacuum cleaners are pretty cool but I sure wouldn't sell my soul for one. Almost makes you think she must have had an ulterior motive...

[–]blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I know, it's not like she asked for a dozen red roses and he bought her that instead.

[–]eliza_schuylerEarly 20s, engaged, 3yrs 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

This article is really interesting. I agree with what she is saying. I think it shows respect to your partner and your relationship to maintain your attractiveness. That said, that is just one aspect of being a good wife. It shouldn't necessarily be the highest of your priorities, depending on what is needed and wanted by your SO at any particular time during your relationship. (My SO would rather I was on time for a dinner date than that I had straightened hair, for example!) However, the author of the article wasn't claiming that being attractive is the be-all and end-all of a relationship. She just said it was super, super important, and did frame that in the context of ongoing intimacy. It's a single article- you can't judge her on what she didn't mention. Which brings me to the comments...

How sad to have people wishing a divorce on a young woman who just wants to be the best possible wife to her husband. Instead of adding constructive advice in the comments section, they tore apart the valid advice that she was giving. It's incredible how individualistic our society has become- a young wife cannot do a single thing for her own husband without being labelled a doormat.

Thanks for sharing this. A very thought-provoking read.

[–]blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

What's even worse is that those commentators would probably be the first people to tear her husband apart if he didn't do nice things for her or think about her needs, but she's is pilloried for thinking about him.

[–]jade_cat 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

There is only one type of those highly upvoted comments that I can somewhat agree with: a newlywed giving marriage advice doesn't have the same credibility as a woman married for 20 years would.

However, I still think her advice is spot on. She should definitely write another essay in 5 years about how her advice worked out for the best. Kind of like a long-term field report.

Also, there were lots of comments about the vacuum. The MailOnline article is very condescending and somewhat misleading about that:

She said that, in return for looking good, he is 'attentive' to her needs and buys her nice things, such as a $400 iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner

By putting the word attentive in single quotes and saying "buys her nice things", they are saying her husband isn't really attentive, and only wants to buy her happiness without any further thought and consideration, whereas in the original essay, the wife mentions that he buys her the vacuum because it is one of her specific wants/needs and that it will make her life much easier:

Everyone knows what they need to do to make their partner happy. If you're attentive to your partner's wants and needs, then they will be attentive to yours. Everyone has 24 hours a day, and while I personally can't vacuum and apply eyeliner at the same time, my husband understands why a $400 iRobot Roomba does more than just vacuum.

Also:

Why can't people be happy for others

[–]LittleknownfactsMid 20s /LTR/ 2 Years 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

The vacuum thing got me. She was probably just throwing out something that she's grateful for, showing appreciation for something her husband did, like a good woman should, and suddenly the writers try to spin it like that's the only reason she does what she does.

[–]blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah I agreed with that too, marriage advice from a newly wed should be taken with a pinch of salt. It would be great to see the longterm field report.

So many crabs, buckets and buckets of crabs!

[–]Sunhappy_DC 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

OMG. A WOMAN WANTS TO STAY ATTRACTIVE FOR HER HUSBAND!! HE'S HAPPY WITH THIS? RANDOMS ON THE INTERNET COMPLAIN??

News at 11

But seriously, I just can't with these idiots anymore. I think it's grossly offensive to suggest that because has ANY needs that he wants made to a relational priority that somehow he's the following:

  • Backwards
  • Abusive
  • Controlling
  • An Asshole

And his woman is the following:

  • A doormat
  • Weak
  • Stupid
  • Worthless

I'm just frankly sick of it. She married at a later age (33) but she knows what matters. She wants to keep her husband happy. I say good for you lady! Keep your manly hairy boo satisfied.

I am tired of the single lonely losers of the internet telling married women how to be proper spouses.

[–]aZombieKitten 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's always fascinating to me how people love to shit all over someone's parade. This woman is trying to talk about how she wants to make her marriage better than most, and people are trying to tell her that it's basically not okay because "reasons."

Which is likely a sign that others are jealous that she's figured out a key that they refuse to work with. It's childish of them to treat that like a bad thing that she shouldn't be doing just because it makes them feel bad under the guise of seemingly fake concern.

Any reasonable person would want to stay attractive for their partner, male or female. It seems like something that's fundamental to dating and marriage as it is. You probably did not date or want to marry this person if you found them incredibly unattractive. Why would you want to continue dating/being married to that same person if they were unattractive. By losing sex, you lose what makes a marriage into a marriage and not like forever-roommates. It's so painfully obvious that it's incredible to me that people can actively avoid thinking about it and even reject it.