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SolitudeHow do you deal with loneliness? (self.MGTOW)

reacon2016 が 投稿

I like the idea of MGTOW, as I did it myself for around 5 years before I'd even heard of the movement! I did it as I didn't want to ever put my happiness in the hands of a woman again, and I wanted to build an epic life for myself. I then entered into a relationship with a girl 2 years ago, who suffered from mental illness (depression & anxiety) and she dumped me. Now I'm 32, I have a city centre apartment and paid off the mortgage. I have set up a career in accountancy (working my way up from nothing). I'm financially secure (have around £15k in the bank 'for a rainy day').

My main problem is loneliness though. Part of me is craving a relationship and to have someone to come home to every night. Right now, my daily schedule is work, gym (alone) then coming home to an empty flat every night. I miss human and social interaction in the evenings. If my friends are busy at weekends (with their wives/gfs/families etc), I can literally spend Saturday's and Sunday's without talking to anyone! I find this element very difficult.

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[–]ElectricGhostD 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

You just learn to deal with it. If you have the resources and time, get a puppy.

[–]iambaldin 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you talk about general socialization, I actually prefer to be alone. I usually spend days inside, barely talking to neigbours (although when we do, it can take hours with some of them), and it is a blessing. Maybe it is the come of age (36) but I don't enjoy "cheap talk" so much.

If you talk about sex (and consider it as pounding a vagina with the dick until you ejaculate), the will is completely gone after a few minutes wanking and might take days to come back. Probably age again.

If you talk about general intimacy (without romantic bullshit), yep, I do miss it. The thing is, I don't think the drawbacks and risks makes it worth it. I've been missing it less and less.

In the end this can be very specific to each person, I guess.

[–]Isaiah4verse1Burning Bush 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get over the notion that female company is the only company.

You want the physicality and nothing more.

[–]Broncster33 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Cooking, Reading, Youtube, Walking, Riding my Motorcycle, Yoga, Gardening, and taking care of my Dog have all helped me cherish my beautiful solitude. Personally I enjoy and build upon the idea that I do not need the validation of anyone else's company to partake in my hobbies or be confident and content wherever I go. This self conditioning has actually lead to a lot of social interactions and bonding for me.

[–]gummy_mcnubbins 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

unless loneliness is a euphemism for horniness i would suggest friends and family. join a club.

[–]reacon2016[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

My family live in a different city. I moved away when I was 18 as the job scene in my hometown wasn't what I wanted.

[–]fruguy 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Go to a more interactive gym. I did and have made a few new friends. Or join some other club/group with a common interest.

[–]squidracer 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm the same way in the winter. I'll do short term relationships, go out and simply hangout places. You have money so it's not like you can't afford to go other places

[–]murph55 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think it was 20 years ago that i first heard this statement, "love is a trick nature plays on us to get us to reproduce!" My point is op, what your craving barely exists these days..and for those women who crave the same..feminism has told them we're all rapists etc. I decided to go do things that scared me..stuff I always wanted to try but hadn't yet! For example..lifting is just one physical activity that can benifits you. Try a martial art..one that has a focus on mental development as well as physical! You won't be lonely for long!

[–]thrownaway_MGTOW -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

How do you deal with loneliness?

In part by understanding that THIS:

Part of me is craving a relationship and to have someone to come home to every night.

Is really just a delusional fantasy, it rarely exists outside of fiction (and certainly NOT as an entirely "wartless" or "problem-free" ...and they lived happily ever after trope).

Seriously. Generally speaking, most married people really AREN'T "there for each other", and they AREN'T having "deeply fulfilling heart-to-heart intimate chats" with their spouses every night.

Oh, there's a BODY -- another PERSON -- who will probably be present when you get home every night, you might even still be sleeping next to each other in the same bed; and have a bunch of other things in common...

Including kids, the movie line from Before Sunset comes to mind: "I feel like I'm running a small nursery with someone I used to date." (BTW, as "romantic" as the Before Sunrise film was; and as "sappy" as the Before Sunset sequel ended up being; the third installment in the series {or movie "trilogy" at least so far}, Before Midnight more or less reveals that everything ISN'T "hunky dory" in said romantic-fantasy-wife/hubby land... and as much "comfort" as they may at times give each other when {in rare moments} they DO "connect"; there is a price to pay, and that price is the REST OF THE RELATIONSHIP, which is at times, vile, nasty, even vicious. -- IMO the whole series is well worth watching, because it both promotes {illustrates, demonstrates} the ultimate romantic-tropes... and yet also properly skewers them and reveals them as the hollow "fictions or 'games' of the mind" that they actually are.)

Listen... here's the reality. The kind of "deep/close connections" that you're seeking -- whether it is through male-female "intimate" relationships, and/or through close-knit friendships (i.e. some "brother" or "band of brothers" who you trust entirely and who "have your back" etc)...

Those things can and DO exist.

They just aren't common, and generally speaking they DON'T LAST. Life goes on. Both for you... and for them.

And in my experience, alas more's the pity -- what you eventually find out is that the times you THOUGHT you had really "connected" with someone else -- well, you may have, but it was invariably a lot more of a "shallow" connection than you thought at the time.

That's just life. You're born alone, you will -- essentially -- live your life alone; and eventually you will die alone as well.

The "connections" with others... are all "ships passing near each other" on their respective journeys across the ocean of their existence.

Don't OBSESS over them -- learn to be comfortable and content WITH and BY yourself -- and then you'll be able to ENJOY them when and as they occur.